Riptid3
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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5.5/10 in terms of a Fallout: Equestria story. It was slightly above average in terms of the author's compitency of writing, but it didn't captivate me and I don't really want to read any further than the first chapter.
Keep writing, this looks like it could be a really good story if you really give it your best shot.
Personally I like the fact that there's no great conspiracy behind April's leaving of her home...-town, I guess. No broken water chip, no raiders invading her
stablehome, she's no raider out for revenge or redemption (pick one, but in most stories they're the same), there's no secret audio file from before the war...She just wants to go on an adventure, It's original in its normality.
Although she could use a bit more justification for her actions, there certainly are other ways of getting into the wasteland without running away from home.
I'm not sure if scorpions are that fast with digging tunnels to attack their prey... but those are f
cking radioactive! Everything is possible (look at the incredible Hulk or Spiderman
)
But maybe you should remove those things.
This is supposed to be taken seriously as a story and not a parody
5147515 womansday.com/cm/womansday/images/z6/01-pickle-on-white-lgn.jpg
A pony with "heterosexual" as cutie mark, this story CAN'T be bad !
Gonna read this in my bed, with a tisane, because this story looks like the kind of story you must read like that
!
5164240
Trust me. This is going to be badass. And you'll need lots and lots of tissues.
5165965
Hell YEAH !
Wait a minute what do m- Oh... That...
5166648 well, she does have that cutiemark for a reason....
5167833
You earned a fav'
After the first chapter I was like "so the gun matters more than her?" It's okay being descriptive I guess, but characters, reasons and locations come before individual objects.
There's my two cents on that note.
Chapter 2... Before all else, there NEEDS to be an explanation of the 'pocket dimension' or at least its limits. Right now it almost seems like an escape mechanism if the need be. I'm asking if it can transport ponies as well as hold objects, because it seems a tad bit o.p. without added context y'know?
Aside from that, reccommend use of thesaurus and...needs more plot/reason.
P.S. Belette is awesome; love her already!
5189835 all will be explained in due time
Ah an update! Good so far. Haha! Mareschigan;
gotta say I havn't heard that one before. One thing though; I highly doubt you can put "consensual" and "rape" in the same phrase. I realize you're questioning this for the fact that April enjoyed it in the end. But the raider didn't ask for her consent so therefore constitutes as rape.
5224642 hence the question mark
This is just the beginning...
And I can't wait for the next one!
5226071 If you don't mind I can explain it to clear up any confusion...
5230506 it's quite alright
Not a bad chapter but you know that "désastreux" isn't a reel word right?
5231320 it's french is it not
Also, I like the Dragon Age 2 reference at the beginning.
I can't wait to see what Flemeth does in Dragon Age Inquisition.
5314141
He just types like that.
I looked up désastreux before I got to the author's note. A waste of about 5 seconds.
Not really sure why this has so many downvotes compared to upvotes.
Keeping writing, I look forward to what happens next.
RIP :(
