I'm a pretty bad writer, imho, but I shall do my best to become at least a decent one.
Witness how the greatest villain of Equestria turns out to be it's only saviour.
I'LL READ IT LATER
OH MY GOSH, RAYNBOW!
I actually had a massive face when I saw it was you!
Wow, small world, huh.
Please excuse our little chat. We didn't meet for Celestia knows how much.
Okay, the story itself
I like it :3
My only thing is the colour coding stuff. You'd probably be better off just using italics, but hey that might just be me.
Overall, pretty good ^^
Good to know!
My only grievance is that Twilight and the others seem to accept Chrysalis's deal WAY too easily. I'd suggest putting in something about Twilight debating whether or not she thinks Chrysalis is serious. Otherwise, seems like a promising story
That part is connected to something strange happening at the end of Chapter 1...
I will write Chapter 2 tomorrow. Let's hope I won't forget it.
"greatest villain of Equestria"
What a joke.
A little too fast paced, and a little too quick on Twilight's part of accepting help from Chrysalis and agreeing to help her re-take the hive.
How does Twilight know that Chrysalis was in a coma? All Twilight should know is Chrysalis has been missing for 2 years. From Twilight's point of view, Chrysalis could have been on an extended vacation playing the slots in Los Pegasus.
BTW the whole 2 minute sleep thing way too Deus ex Machina. Also why didn't Chrysalis sleep? Did you copy this whole 2 minute sleep time thing from Star Trek's Borg?
THE PONIES WILL BURN IN AN ETERNAL PIT OF FIRE!
Twilight accepting it too fast: It's intentional, it plays part in the strange event at the end of Chapter 1 and at the start of Chapter 2.
Chrysalis not sleeping: Only worker changelings sleep, queens don't. Another reason is that she is no longer part of this Hive. And no, I didn't use any other sources. Only my brain here. *knocks on his head*
Twilight knowing it was a coma: Read first Twilight buck-up. (AKA "Twilight accepting it too fast")
This moves through WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY too fast Tassa. (I hope u dont mind me calling you that. Your name is too long)
Anywaaaaaaay, interesting prospect you have here. I'd make a comment on how everypony is too accepting of Chrysalis, but as you've stated before, you have a plan. I also like your use of colors and stuff for thoughts and time and other shiz. Faving this.
Stay frosty my delicious friends. Silver, out!
Chapter 2 is out!
Rushed, but an interesting story. I'd suggest a reworking of this... sort of like a take two on a first draft.
You have an idea here that's promising, but as is the story itself is to rough and forced.
Good ideas, but way too fast pace, and the hive mind, while a good idea, seemed strange, personality wise. More like a mentor than a group identitiy.