Jondor
Joined 21st Aug, 2012 ·
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This story thing, it's the pretty good!
The opening is fantastic. Your reaction to Celestia discovering the book caused me to choke up completely. The scene where Sunset gets her cutie mark is triple fantastic and is my headcanon until further notice. I may ask to appropriate it for one of my future works, but that's still a ways off.
Around the halfway point, however, we sort of just start fast-tracking. Sure, I've read Fall of Sunset and whatnot, but there's a lot of infodumping on how Celestia feels as opposed to showing me how she got to those feelings, or why she should be practically sobbing once that book started glowing. I really wish we'd gotten to see the torch Celestia still obviously carries for Sunset. It doesn't have to recount the comic, either -- one could have shown an old workshop, gathering dust, abandoned by Sunset but that Celestia refused to convert into something else. Or a scene or two during Celestia's flashback that shows Sunset Shimmer at her heartbreakingly worst. That kind of thing.
So yah! It's good for what it is, and has some golden moments but at the same time augh what might have been.
Write more, please.
5152799
Feel free to yoink that bit, I love inspiring other authors.
On the other point, I wish I had consulted you.
that is a fantastic idea and I may have to add that in as a fifth scene.
So, basically, this story is horrible. Celestia is worstpony, and you didn't have Spike in here anywhere. He has feelings for his mother/grandmother figure too, y'know, and it's horrible that Celestia doesn't think about him for even a single moment.
What.
The.
Fuck.
11/8, would downvote again, and you should feel bad.
5152900
Nuuuuuuu! You discovered my secret plan!
Yes. Just... yes.
5152904
Also, Celestia should have been masturbating while fantasizing about Sunset and her hands. I can't schlick to this.
Well, I'll just say, headcanon accepted.
I'm glad someone wrote a story about this. My impression from the movie was that Celestia just doesn't give a crap about Sunset (one strike and you're out), but this is a pleasant alternate perspective.
5153815
I thought it was pretty sad that Celestia didn't get any screentime at all in Rainbow Rocks because in the first movie, she did care about Sunset.
She kept the mirror in the throne room ever since Sunset left and that was the first thing she asked Twilight when she came back.
This story is a longer version of a scene I would have liked to have seen in the movie between Sunset writing in her book and Twilight getting the message.
Seriously. This was the one thing I found to be a WTF moment in rainbow rocks. When Celestia was giving books to Twilight she gives her the one book, the ONE BOOK, that she and her former student used to communicate with. I was like 'soooo, you don't care about sunset shimmer anymore?'
I was really disappointed in Celly there. Other than that, cool story! I like your version much better!
I loved the opening of the story. Very nice. Btw, where did you find your profile pic it's so cute
5153925
5153815
To be fair? Sunset was kind of in Lost Cause (tm) territory for years.
And before anyone tries: a sister engulfed and trapped by an evil spirit is a different thing from a student not related to you who decided to go rogue of her own accord. Sunset was bad all by herself despite Celestia's efforts to the contrary, and then peaced out.
No one's happier than me that they're giving her a Prodigal Daughter angle but seriously, anyone asking the "why dun Celly care about Sunset" question, google "Fall of Sunset Shimmer." Whatever "abandonment" Celestia might have committed towards Sunset, Sunset brought on herself.
EDIT: Now that I think about it, if one believes in the Chessmaster Celestia trope, it's easy to conclude that Celestia put the book in Twilight's "care" in hopes that a failed student would eventually learn from a successful one.
...sheesh, making me jump to the anti-defense of my third-favorite MLP character.
Curse you, Internet.
While you went overboard on the infodumping, I thought this story was pretty cute. Good stuff.
5153925 I think it's more the idea that Celestia knows Twilight has seen Sunset Shimmer, and doesn't know if Sunset has forgiven her yet. For all Celestia knows, Sunset could still hate her even after everything she's been through. It's incredibly hard to admit that you were wrong.
5153843
Me too. Celestia and Luna need more screen time in general. Instead of repeating "Sunset was evil and we totally crushed that loser in every way" jokes, they could have added some parallel storyline goodness (like your story), maybe Celestia checking in on her through the mirror. Something to help reinforce that the Princess is a caring mon- I mean diarch.
5154284
5154277
I would hope that Celestia would find it disturbing that this sort of thing keeps happening, despite her having thousands of years of experience being the nation's top diplomat and delegator of power (from which an unequaled understanding of pony psychology and political motives might be expected). In conflicts involving Celestia's wisdom vs. the narcissism of young fillies, the former should always win.
As for the comic, it does paint the young Sunset in monochromatic tones, but given the Luna/Big Mac
heresyepisode, can they really be taken as canon?Sorry - I tend to be overly critical of Celestia.
5155532
Ehhh, the "lol Sunset was evil" jokes were integral to her arc. Way I see it, hey were supposed to be grating.
The thing about Celestia's supposedly dubious "track record" is that that's only from our perspective. Turns out a few screw ups out of a few milllenia of rule actually is pretty good. She just keeps managing to mess up only when it affects her personal life the most (and by proxy, the world). Clearly the solution is for her to become a ruling hermit, caring for no one.
Gosh, I remember when I was this idealistic. Never let go of that. Don't be me.
My philosophy vis-a-vis the comic is "take the good/useful stuff, leave the rest to rot."
So for example, I take Fall of Sunset Shimmer 'cause it's a decently-written and useful origin story where we otherwise have none. I take Neigh Anything because it causes delicious brony tears. And EQG Babs stays in the dumpster. Forever.
5155604
LOL. Alright, I'll concede that one (but just that one!). The impishness of that age must not be underestimated
I love it. Nice little connecting scene, fits perfectly, very in character, very emotional.
Good story
I really enjoyed this. I've always liked Sunset Shimmer and I'm currently doing an article about her for Nightmare Night on my blog and this story fits in nicely with Rainbow Rocks.
I liked this story very much. The background you gave Sunset was great— it was believable, and fit very well. I really can't give any complaints about the story itself, only that there were a few places where the grammar/mechanics could have been fixed up a bit (the editor's eye can be a curse sometimes
). Nice job! 
Since the site unfortunately doesn't tell you anymore unless the shelves are public, I'll tell you I'm adding this to my Favorites shelf.
Very good story!
This was basically a story that needed to be written. Nice work!
I like it, and good accidental fan art.
I really hope at some point we get to see Sunset at least say hi to her old mentor.
Maybe you should do something about that. Eh? Eh?
Wonderful story. Thanks for writing it since I also share the idea that the book was there on purpose and your interpretation as to how was really nice to read
5154277
@Bookish
I just read http://www.fimfiction.net/story/224674/diary-of-the-fallen-star last night, and I'd highly recommend it, if you like the Celestia/Sunset dynamic that Jondor has going here.
Consider the following as all sort of spoiler-y, but the big parts are blacked out.
Regarding your take on Celestia, and Sunny having her lost-cause phase, I really like the way that the final chapter of the above handles Celestia's regrets looking back at her attempts to mold Sunset vs how it turned out with Twi, and how Sunny's youngest years in the first chapter set up well for her arc through the events of the comic and the movies.
In fact I think those chapters and this story here can exist alongside each other nicely, with the one exception being how Sunset got her cutie mark - (your version here is much more compelling and befitting I think). And another difference would be substituting the delivery method of the final closing letter with my art piece, given how Jondor has taken that on as 'canon' for this story - but the contents of the letter could conceivably be the same as in that linked "diary" story - which is the crux of what I was getting at the first paragraph above.
I would recommend capitalizing "diamond dog", since in this case you're referring to a nation (of sorts) as well as a species, and when Sunset is speaking to Celestia in the flashback, I would definitely capitalize "princess", as it's being used as a title and in place of Celestia's name.
That said, I liked it and thought it was a good story. It explains the presence of the book nicely without just being, "Hey, look what happened to end up in this shipment!"
i.imgur.com/6MrWqNZ.png
I noticed this story some time ago, but never got around to reading it out of fear that I would stuff it into the same, amorphous mass of other stories I wanted to read some time in the "near future" and forget about it entirely, so I left it up to chance to stumble upon it again. Very impressive!
Wow... This DEFINITELY should have been in the movie.
It did kinda bug me that the book just happened to be at the top of the pile when it was delivered but this really explained it in a bittersweet sort of way. Great job.
Great scene; I would've loved something like this in the actual film ('cause, y'know, crying in public is awesome,
)
s6.postimg.org/dd47s96ap/Pirate_Approved.jpg
I was truly hoping for something like this to happen in the movie. Truly, it is a shame that the writers of the movie failed to capture a moment that would have stood out if it was done well.
Great story my friend! Have a like and a favorite!
This story moves way too fast, I think it would've been better with a length around 3 times this one's.
Sunset affecting the sky as a filly?
Maybe when she's a teenager(I don't know what to call the pony equivalent of this, so just go with it) she could, but not that damn young.
Celestia grabbing the book, and she immediately starts crying? Come on, have some build up at least.
All I really have to say about this story.
I'm a bit confused: Was this during the scene of when Sunset and the other girls confronted the Dazzlings, and they needed help, so what you did was instead of writing to Twilight, you had Sunset writing to Princess Celestia? My assumption would be in this story that you are either going to have Celestia tell Twilight of the urgent need from the human world, or were you thinking of sending out Celestia herself? I know maybe it means nothing as you left your story in this one part, but I'm curious as to where you might have been going before you decided to leave it at that: Sunset writing to Celestia for help and Celestia either told Twilight of the situation or was Celestia going to go there?
10840045
Go back and watch Rainbow Rocks again. Sunset didn't write to Twilight. She wrote to Celestia. Because that was the purpose of the book and that was who she assumed still had the book.
Of course for plot convenience and probably time constraints, the book just happened to be in Twilight's possession at exactly the right time. As explained in the footnote many years ago, this story was an attempt to fill in that plot convenience with something meaningful instead.