Hmm. Too early to make a judgement, but it's looking good so far mate. Favourited to see where it goes...

A few grammatical errors, but nothing too big.

this has Potential

Aside from the minor mistakes even the best of us would over look as we are not perfect, I really think that this will be one of the many successful stories that I have viewed on here. I am interested to see where this goes and it would be great for this story to be finished within an allotted time. Why do I say that? Because on certain topics or stories, you want to make a great debut with it, and clearly this story is probably the one that will really get attention compared to your other stories.

To simplify, the story is great so far, you need to finish it sooner than you hoped, and watch for small errors. Good luck my dear Brony. Adieu~

Fantastic start.  As what the few above me said, there are quite a few grammar errors in most of the paragraphs, otherwise it's still eligible.  I'll be waiting diligently for the next chapter.

i like were this is going

Thanks everyone...I think i've fixed up most of the grammar errors

Just be aware also that I'm doing a double major so time isn't something i have a lot of...but I'll try and get around to the next few chapters ASAP (I'll try to aim at a minimum of one a week)

Other then that thanks for your inputs...feedback is always welcome

Freelancer

decent. Looking forward to further updates. only problems are grammar (your where you should have you're, for example).

I guess I should also admit I wrote chapter one in a period of two hours on fims writing tool in the middle of the night...from now on I'll be working in word during uni breaks so that should help clean up any grammar issues and let me get updates out faster

Still has the same amount of potential it had since the previous chapter. I look forward to the next update. Good luck my dear Brony/Pegasister.

Adieu~

Well, I'm relieved there isn't any Dragon pony shipping. Can you imagine a full size dragon and a pony doing it? It'd be like trying to shove a hotdog into a Cheerio. For that imagery, you are welcome.

Rarity fainted? I was expecting that :P

what no dragon shping shit D:

>>492769492769 more like just cuddling or crushing

i like were this is going still and cant wait fo thane to come back i like him the most!

I will be watching this, this is looking to be interesting.

Yes.

Fluttershy you ASSHAT!

ironic how the only emoticon I have to express my feelings on this is a Fluttershy, who I am now furious with.

Also, First.

Damn Fluttershy was PISSED XD

Another great chapter! Cant wait for the next!

she better have something to be pissed about OR SHE IS REALLY A ASSHAT

>>492769492769 It would almost be like the "Hot Skitty on Wailord Action" meme

Poor Titan...

good story

i wish mine was as good

Ok i definitely liked this new version of the 'event'. This confrontation with his brother seems much more dramatic and plausible than the cliche "I never want to see you again, I never liked you blah blah blah". So essentially the only, unvoiced because it wasn't that important , complaint I had before is now gone.

Now on to chapter 5.

towards ch5.

next week...chapter 7? don't forget 6

Oh lordy, someone's gonna' get it!

It has potential, but I really think you need to restructure your sentences.  There seems to be a lot of run on sentences, sentences that could be broken down into more manageable sentences, and even some sentences that could benefit from moving around a few commas.  I will bear with it for a while, but I do think you need a pre-reader or at least this: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1xemG7BLk2rvAmQCREIaj5wX2ubvmVt7WziEvh7xXV9g/edit#

Here's hoping you improve.  You have potential, and potential should never be wasted.

>>513037513037

my bad...chapter 6

I think Thane is gonna get beat up by Titan. Big time.

RD screwed up big time, I think.  Thane screwed up big time, maybe. Titan is done screwing around, most definitely

Thane, why you be acting creepy bro. Nuzzling mares in their sleep....

I can see it now, Pinkie throws a 'Welcome To Ponyville Dragon Party'

OH GODDESS WHY MUST I HAVE SUCH A VISUAL AND VIVID IMAGINATION?!?! I keep seeing dash x thane running thru my head

WHYYY?!?!?!

Wrong emote; should have been

I like this chapter. I like Dashie. I like dragons, but not as much as Dashie. I no longer have the urge to blow Thanes brains out at point-blank range with a nuke. Actually, I find myself agreeing with him to an extent, she is adorable but he might've been going a bit far with the nuzzling depending on what was running though his mind at the time.

Good work mate! I can't think of anything else to compliment this story!

I would think they are only friends.... cause how would any relationship more than that work out?

Outcome of everyone vs Storm interesting. Everyone we know of's gonna fight against him, but we don't know if he's bringing any backup or not, plus the fact that the dragons seem considerably nervous around him and, well, they're dragons.

How big is Storm anyway? May be a huge factor.

Enough of my rambling. I admit I had some doubts at the beginning of the story, glad to see they were 100% wrong. Good work mate.

"I broke two of my talons in a drunken argument with a tree because of it"...pffft-bahahahahaha oh that was funny. Really liking where this is going. Also darn...I was kind of liking the awkward Thane/Dash thing.

Drunk dragon vs. tree, tree wins

8 dragons vs. storm and how many dragons, must play the waiting game to find out... CURSE YOU WAITING GAME!!!!

It's OK if their only friends ....  .....   Friends who Share Their  saliva

feel my moustache powers

... *Points at Thane* THAT. DRAGON. IS. FREAKING. AWESOME.

Dragon Fight:

It's like a catfight, but the cats in question are 80 stories tall and equipped with fire, fangs, claws and wings.

Also, this was a totally lopsided battle: Titan had the magic of friendship on his side!

Good chapter one question why did they not just call Celestia for help?

>>555459555459

I'll admit i thought about it...but Celestia would have thrown the power balance in Titan's favour and it was 'predominatly' a dragon afair anyway. Also I didn't like the idea of introducing another major 'good' character this late on...sorry.  

When the other four dragons show up i think you used the wrong for in there its for not four.

Other than that i like.

Aside from some homonym errors that I noticed, well done.  Your speed did little to deteriorate the quality of the chapter.  Also, I agree with Shadow, Thane is the most awesome thing ever in the history of things that are awesome.

squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

thane is best dragon

Holy shit! Thane is a badass! Did he just invent the Sonic Thaneboom???

Overall a great chapter, though the fight with a couple of the other dragons couldve been extended, and I felt like Titan and Storm couldve gotten into a one on one. Though I guess thats a bit cliche. The only real complaint is that there are a few grammar errors. Other than that though were good! Thanks for another chapter to read! 9/10 for this chapter!

Woohoo! Sonic Flameboom! Thane = best dragon and ThaneDash is now my OTP!

YAY

also it called a companion story

Fluttershy is a badass for standing up to Storm.

I can't wait for the next story.

A Diamond Dog? Haven't seen many stories focusing on that species. Should be interesting.

To make sure I don't miss it, I'm gonna watch your channel.

Diamond dog? Thats cool its an uncommon character design but i think you could pull it off. Good luck and see you at the start of the new story.

Well, then i have another thing to be waiting for And a Diamond Dog as a main character is indeed very rare

>>566395566395

>>566574566574

>>567381567381

Personally I guess I like giving none-pony characters a chance to shine

>>570118570118 Thats very thoughtful of you

>>570118570118 how much longer till the compainon story comes out i got to read how thane and dash are doing

>>633543633543

hopefully tomorrow...I've spent the day doing two chapters of Ratchet:Liberator and finishing off first two chapters of Silver's story

A great story... But I'm a little disappointed that Celestia never made an appearance. She could have just showed up after the battle and at least recommended them for bringing peace between dragons and ponies or something like that... But then again that's my opinion. Good story still. Well worth the read.

This was a cool story, not the best I've ever read but definitely a worthwhile way to have spent the time it took reading it.

Liking the Rainbow/Thane pairing, I'm a little weird like that. (Though I draw the line at watermelons and kitchen sinks)

>>24079002407900

Thanks mate, addmittedly It was the first thing I ever wrote, so I understand that there are bumps about it.

The Thane/Dash thing was basically born out of me reacting to the readers comments (as a joke more then anything) but it seemed to go down well, so I stuck with it.

That was pretty good, I really enjoyed reading it. I'm a little bummed out that it was only 9 chapters long but that's okay, I don't mind.

All in all, 8.5/10