“Okay, don’t panic Twilight… this can still work…” Twilight begins to pace at the entrance, and you can hear the gears turning in her head. You start to worry as she begins to grind her teeth, a sound akin to a hacksaw scraping against a sheet of metal. “I just know I’m going to regret asking what happened, so let’s skip to the point; there needs to be somepony wearing each of these Elements.”
“Perhaps…” You receive a flash of insight. “I could find some replacements! Who says your friends are the only ones that can use the Elements?”
Twilight shakes her head. “No way is that going to work. I remember when Spike tried to replace Rainbow Dash. It didn’t end well.”
“Then what do we do?” you ask.
She lets out a long, tired sigh. “Work with what we have. Looking back, I suppose none of us were really trying the first time we tried to stop Discord. All my friends were ‘discorded’, per say, and I wasn’t much better, just wanting to get it over with. I mean, the Princesses managed to do it with just the two of them; maybe we can make it work with four. There is one thing, however.”
Twilight taps on the force field, sending out a powerful ripple. “I’m still trapped in here. Somepony – or something- needs to take my place.” She looks straight at you.
Instinctively you back away. “You don’t mean…”
“Who else can we get on such short notice?”
“But… I thought you just said replacements won't work?”
You finally let out a frustrated sigh. “Fine. But if I get turned into a watermelon or something, I blame you.”
As you enter a clearing, the other three following right behind you, you see Discord resting on top of a throne constructed entirely from bones. It’d freak you out if it wasn’t for the fact that the bones are rubber chew toys.
“Ah, so Equestria’s latest hero is attempting to topple me from my throne.” Discord yawns, obviously threatened by your presence. “Would you mind taking a number? I’m busy relaxing right now. Relaxing is tremendously hard work.”
“Discord!” you cry, “We’re here to stop you!”
“Yes, I already knew that,” Discord impatiently replies. “And I’m horrified. Look at me; I’m shaking in my boots.” He yawns again. “Can we get this over with? I have a spa appointment. I don’t maintain this luxurious coat just by snapping my fingers you know. Oh wait…” He snaps his fingers, and is suddenly dressed in a tux and top hat, a monocle nestled next to his left eye. “I do!” He lets out an obnoxious laugh.
You get the impression that he isn’t taking you too seriously.
“Okay, gather round.” The four of you form a huddle. “I know we don’t have everyone here, but-”
“Don’t you mean ‘everypony’?” one of your companions asks.
“Yeah, nobody cares,” you curtly reply. “Anyway, we’ve-”
“I’m pretty sure you mean ‘no pony’.”
“I’m also pretty sure that somebody needs to SHUT UP.”
“You mean some pony?”
“GAAARRGH!” You tear a clump of hair out of your head. “Let’s just beat this bastard!”
You all begin to concentrate. You wonder how annoyed Discord has to be about this. I mean, he has to stand there patiently while you all stand there, eyes screwed shut, trying to be all magical and what not. If you were Discord, you’re pretty sure you’d just start drop kicking all these ponies.
You hear a noise and open your eyes. A small beam is making its way towards Discord, who reflexively holds up a hand to defend himself. The beam hits, and you momentarily have to shield your eyes as the magic creates a bright flash. When you do manage to see again, you can see Discord looking very pissed. He holds up the hand he’d used to protect himself, and you can see that it’s petrified.
You turn to see your three companions have collapsed from exhaustion. “Come on!” you shout. “Everybody get up! We haven’t beaten him yet!”
“It’s… ‘everypony’…” one of them mumbles weakly.
You hear Discord walking up behind you, and you turn to face him. “You know, it stings every time,” he comments, “My blasted hand is going to feel numb for a week.” He softly knocks on your head with his petrified hand, and you watch as the stone covering cracks, then breaks into little pieces. He wiggles the fingers of his now free hand. “That’s more like it.” He leans on your head, and you struggle to support Discord’s girth. “You ever had your hand turned to stone? Kind of feels like you just dipped your hand in a bucket of ice water.”
“I… haven’t had the pleasure,” you grunt. You can’t help but think that Discord needs to lay off the Krispy Kremes.
“Honestly you need to try it.” You gasp in relief when the god stops leaning on you. Then you let out a cry of surprise when he sits on your head. “I remember when I was first turned to stone.”
“Oh… Really?” you say as you strain to hold up Discord’s weight.
“I was a much younger god…” he reflects. “I had such grand dreams… Plunge the world into chaos… Destroy all the laws of physics. Good times.”
“In… deed…” you manage to say, gritting your teeth from the effort.
“I like you. You’re a good listener.” Discord says. “As a matter of fact, I’m going to tell you my life story, all the thousands and thousands of years of it. I have a very good memory, you know. Let’s see, where to start? I was born on a rainy night, on the year…” He begins to relay to you every painstaking detail of his life, with not a single bit left out. You have a feeling your going to need to brace yourself for the long haul.
You never thought you’d live your life as a chair, but, hey, it could be worse.
Well, you can continue to listen to Discord's life story, or, would you like to try again?