Some weird person who writes stories about ponies. You should probably just ignore him.
44w, 5dA Little Something for my 500 Subscribers 15 comments · 359 views
46w, 3dMST Links Ahoy! 20 comments · 394 views
47w, 5dTime to Put Riffing to Rest 84 comments · 1,506 views
49w, 21hI'm Back, Bitches! (My apologies for calling you all bitches.) 74 comments · 339 views
54w, 5dHiatus 50 comments · 129 views
70w, 22hBlog-Update-Stuff: Because SOMEBODY Reads Them, Right? (No, mom, you don't count.) 9 comments · 65 views
71w, 2dI Must Be Slowing Down in My Old Age 14 comments · 70 views
74w, 4dCollab Fun-Time 12 comments · 87 views
75w, 1dContext 13 comments · 103 views
77w, 1dGrinning from Ear to Ear 10 comments · 101 views
“Okay, don’t panic Twilight… this can still work…” Twilight begins to pace at the entrance, and you can hear the gears turning in her head. You start to worry as she begins to grind her teeth, a sound akin to a hacksaw scraping against a sheet of metal. “I just know I’m going to regret asking what happened, so let’s skip to the point; there needs to be somepony wearing each of these Elements.”
“Perhaps…” You receive a flash of insight. “I could find some replacements! Who says your friends are the only ones that can use the Elements?”
Twilight shakes her head. “No way is that going to work. I remember when Spike tried to replace Rainbow Dash. It didn’t end well.”
“Then what do we do?” you ask.
She lets out a long, tired sigh. “Work with what we have. Looking back, I suppose none of us were really trying the first time we tried to stop Discord. All my friends were ‘discorded’, per say, and I wasn’t much better, just wanting to get it over with. I mean, the Princesses managed to do it with just the two of them; maybe we can make it work with just two as well. There is one thing, however.”
Twilight taps on the force field, sending out a powerful ripple. “I’m still trapped in here. Somepony – or something- needs to take my place.” She looks straight at you.
Instinctively you back away. “You don’t mean…”
“Who else can we get on such short notice?”
“But… I thought you just said replacements won't work?”
You finally let out a frustrated sigh. “Fine. But if I get turned into a watermelon or something, I blame you.”
As you enter a clearing, the one pony you saved following right behind you, you see Discord resting on top of a throne constructed entirely from bones. It’d freak you out if it wasn’t for the fact that the bones are rubber chew toys.
“Ah, so Equestria’s latest hero is attempting to topple me from my throne.” Discord yawns, obviously threatened by your presence. “Would you mind taking a number? I’m busy relaxing right now. Relaxing is tremendously hard work.”
“Discord!” you cry, “We’re here to stop you!”
“Yes, I already knew that,” Discord impatiently replies. “And I’m horrified. Look at me; I’m shaking in my boots.” He yawns again. “Can we get this over with? I have a spa appointment. I don’t maintain this luxurious coat just by snapping my fingers you know. Oh wait…” He snaps his fingers, and is suddenly dressed in a tux and top hat, a monocle nestled next to his left eye. “I do!” He lets out an obnoxious laugh.
You get the impression that he isn’t taking you too seriously.
You turn to your sole companion. “Okay. Luna and Celestia were able to take down Discord. And there was just two of them. We should be fine!”
“Um… Weren’t they alicorns?”
“Well, yes, that’s true, but-”
“And didn’t they spend years forming a closer, sisterly bond?”
“Well, yeah but-”
“And do we know each other at all? I mean, I don’t even know your name.”
“Are we going to get started or what?!” Discord shouts. You can see his patience is wearing thin.
“Very well!” you shout heroically (though you aren’t feeling quite so heroic). “Prepare to feel my-”
“- Our wrath!”
You close your eyes, concentrating with all your might. Granted, your mind strays to thoughts of cake for a moment, but quickly you’re back on track.
You hear an odd sound, and open your eyes. Your companion has collapsed to the ground, exhausted. You feel fine, and are awake to see the fruits of your effort. A little wisp of magic is floating towards Discord, slowly. As it reaches him, he purses his lips and blows, causing the little bit of magic to dissipate.
You say, in the words of your wise Uncle Jarvis, “Crap.”
“Crap indeed.” Discord flies over to you. “A valiant effort, hero. As a matter of fact, I like you. You have great courage, attempting to take me on like that with only one other to accompany you. Courageous, but overall really, really stupid! But I’ll tell you what; I’m going to give you a place in my world. It’s a very important job.”
Perhaps this whole experience has been an opportunity in disguise! Maybe Discord’s going to give you a job as, say, executive chaos planner! Oh boy!
Discord gives you a wicked grin. “Congratulations! You are now responsible for taking care of the Ursa Major!” He hands you a small pooper scooper. “Have fun.”
Hopes shattered, you repeat your earlier statement; “Crap.”
“Yes. Quite a bit of it.” Discord gives a horrid laugh before disappearing.
Well… Guess you better get started.
Well, it could be worse. You could... Um... Uh... Hey, would you like to try again?