• Member Since 13th Oct, 2013
  • offline last seen 7 hours ago

JusSonic


Hey folks. JusSonic here, finally sending fics here. While I was worried about coming here for some time now, I decided to give this place a shot...as long as you be fair, 'kay?

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Short story. Fed up with the mocking and insults of being weak like his aunt, Blueblood decides to kill the one who is giving his "reputation" a bad name: Celestia. Will the Princess actually do the unthinkable?

Take place after "Rainbow Rocks Remake".

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 5 )

Your sentences are repetitive, and your grammar is awkward.

I suggest finding an editor.

I'm glad this turned out as a dream. I've always believed canon wise that prince blueblood & celestia have a good relationship and wish more people portrayed it positive. Jerk or not,if he was really that dark at heart she wouldn't of allowed him to the gala or even keep his title.

Bwaak #4 · Oct 12th, 2014 · · 1 ·

5128676 This guy is beyond saving, mate. He thinks he's already perfect and didn't need editors like we peasants do.

I'd just like to point out a few tense changes and odd word choices (that you still haven't changed since I last read this in October):

“Blueblood, you are to deceased this course of action, at once.” Celestia sternly scolds her nephew for this abnormal behavior.

*remove -de
*remove -d
*replace -s with -ed

Blueblood sternly stated with a harsh tone. “I’m fed up with the mocking and insults of being weak like you!” He stated what he was tired of, it has to stop.

*remove 'sternly'
*replace 'with' with 'in'
*remove 'He stated what he was tired of, it has to stop.' (That explanation is completely useless. Your dialogue has already conveyed the message to your readers.)

You write weird, guy. Really weird. Is English your first language?

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