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Repulse 111

Joined April 2012
3 followers

    Repulse's Stories (1)


    I'M GOING TO TRY THE BEST OF MY ABILITIES, TO  MAKE THIS STORY AS LONG AND EPIC AS I HUMANLY CAN. All though the Miltiverse Theory is quite popular among the Brony faction, I for one had made it that much more interesting for you to accommodate your selves with. (Hope you enjoy seriously I do, sorry for any grammar errors you might encounter. For the most part, I fixed it. and it makes sense.) Constructive Criticism is widely accepted whether it be aggressive or not, just spill the beans! okay.

    (Its a bit sloppy and unprofessional I'm very knowledgeable of that just......inexperianced is all) its gets better though.......

    *clears throat numerous times*

    Now let Me introduce My self....

    Hello, My Name is Hank but my Friends call me Henry. I would like to tell you a story of my experience, as it happens. It was During one of my Nightly Runs, I had happen to notice a glimmer of Light just around a Street Corner. due to my curiosity, I decided to check it out. Next thing i knew, i was sucked into some kind of Wormhole, or what had seem to been at least.  Any ways last thing I remember was a tainted pinpoint of purple light in an Alley not even five Feet in front of Me. And all a sudden I felt a jolt of Energy coursed through Me, I blacked out. Upon waking I found my self in the world of Equestria, well now...  

    First Published
    25th Apr 2012
    Last Modified
    27th Apr 2012

    Comments ( 10 )

    #1 · Chapter 1 · 56w, 3d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    not to bad for a first story :twilightsmile:

    #2 · Chapter 1 · 56w, 3d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    not bad... it is quite good btw..

    #3 · Chapter 1 · 56w, 3d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    One tip; The colorful letters do not help. I messed up the lines more frequently when reading the parts with purple and red letters.

    #4 · Chapter 1 · 56w, 3d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>498032 the plot is decent.. i am thinkin that i hope that it will become epic since i am also gatherin idea for my life story fic.. there is one currently at my account but i am jus the co author..

    #5 · Chapter 1 · 56w, 3d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    A few pointers,

    1: put about two spaces between conversations, see how I'm talking now?

    [And now I am? You need to do this so everypony knows a new pony is talking!]

    2: Like another said don't use the colored text, use it if somepony's voice is very VERY deep and/or evil.

    3: You get a like and fave! Nice work. :pinkiehappy:

    #6 · Chapter 1 · 56w, 3d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>500071 This shall be done, good luck.

    #7 · Chapter 1 · 56w, 2d ago · · ·
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    >>496811i may be novice. And sloppy in comparison to other authors,  but one thing is most certain and obvious. I pertain a level of awareness. :twistnerd:The next chapter is going to be better and more prastiged.  I still hope there are others who will scold me for any errors I retain in the next chapters. After all I'm an ammetuer such wording can not go un dedected! :pinkiesick:

    #8 · Chapter 2 · 56w, 4h ago · · ·
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    To you my friend I need to message you about some hints that could make this a bit more readable.

    #9 · Chapter 2 · 56w, 4h ago · · ·
    Reply 

    >>514734 go for it bro, i apprecate! :eeyup:

    #10 · Chapter 2 · 52w, 5d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Hey, now we can talk here too!  Awesome!:pinkiehappy:

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