• Member Since 3rd Oct, 2014
  • offline last seen Oct 16th, 2016

LiveLife


All of my fandoms need me...

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The Windigos have returned to Equestria. Only the Crystal Empire has gone unaffected. Certain pegasi must make it to the Crystal Empire, and save Equestria. The weight of an entire nation lays squarely on their shoulders.

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 1 )
JLB

Okay, to be perfectly frank, it's written rather poorly. It's in DIRE need of an editor. Paragraphs last forever, syntax mistakes are present, it's just unpleasant to read. The stylistic decision to have the sisters talk in Shapespearian English is also... fifty-fifty. It's very hard to keep reading after the first few paragraphs if only for the poor presentation.

Worse yet, the way events progress... is just floppy. Things just happen. Celestia morphs into Nightmare!Celestia - oh gee, that's just her "bad side". The two rulers of the kingdom are yelling at each other - and it's all... pretty casual. It is not at all helped by how it is all part of a paragraph that GOES ON FOREVER.

Overall, I felt no desire to keep reading after the prologue. I can't speak for the story of the story, but it's written very suboptimally. I'd suggest an editor and drastic re-pacing, ESPECIALLY when paragraphs are concerned.

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