Trouble at the Finish Line

by shortskirtsandexplosions

Rainbow's Turn

Applejack and Rainbow Dash waited patiently inside the Carousel Boutique... or at least as "patiently" as either of them could muster.

Applejack reclined with her back to the bottom of one of Rarity's dress stages. She chewed on a stalk of hay while dangling one lower leg over the other. She had the brim of her hat tilted forward, obscuring an expression of sweaty anticipation.

Meanwhile, Rainbow Dash paced and paced, picking up an artificial wind from all of her wing-flapping. She circled several ponyquins in dead silence. Every time she passed by Applejack, she'd steal the mare a glance.

Applejack would glance back.

Then, frowning doubly, both mares looked in opposite directions, pretending that the other pony did not exist.

This carried on for several minutes, until finally—

Fl-Flash!

Rainbow spun around, blinking wide. Applejack sat up and tilted her hat back, squinting.

Across the Boutique, an ivory pedestal rested with an open comic book. Its pages fluttered, brimming with an otherworldly light. Soon, the colored paper sheets began flipping at a maddening speed.

Applejack hopped up to her hooves while Rainbow Dash touched down. In rushing towards the pedestal, they inadvertently bumped into one another. This resulted in several breathy grunts and growls as they pushed, shoved, and kicked to get to the pedestal first.

It mattered little. Rarity leapt out of the book in a beam of light, materializing before the two mares could get to it. She stood up straight, teetering slightly, and rubbed her head through her horn. "Whew! Goodness, what a r-rush!"

"Well?!" Rainbow Dash flapped her wings and leaned over Applejack, smiling wide. She wrung her hooves together, virtually trembling. "What'd you think?! Huh? Huh?! Was it awesome or what?!"

"Settle down, sugarcube," Applejack grunted. "Yer like an aardvark at an ant convention! Just let the mare think and dun put none of yer biased ideas in her head!"

"Uh... Excuse me, Annoyingjack, but she's grading my commission first! I think we'll let her juggle my ideas to the fullest, thank you very much!"

"You think yer story's gonna win just 'cuz it got sampled first! Well, nuts to that!" Applejack frowned. "Granny Smith read somewhere that ponies tend to fancy the second pie they nibble durin' a taste contest!"

"We're grading enchanted comic books for Twilight Sparkle's birthday gift—NOT baked goods, ya sawdust snorter!"

"And, knowin' Rarity, she's gonna choose a down-to-earth drama over a gul-durn space opera any day! And so would Twilight!"

"Like Tartarus, she will! She used to be a unicorn! Unicorns like glowy sparkly space lights n'crap!"

"Says who?!"

"Says me!" Rainbow rolled her eyes. "And besides, who in their right mind thinks that Twilight would love a story full of wagon trails and tumbleweeds? Pffft... might as well give her the Equestrian Guide to Fuzzy Ear Lint!"

"Why you stuck-up, airheaded cloud varmint—"

"Blblblblbllblbbbb!"

"Girls... Girls!" Rarity growled, trotting over to her sofa and flopping down with a weary sigh. "Please, in my Boutique you will act like ladies. Especially when it comes to the matter of choosing the best gift for our dear Twilight."

"You can see how she'd totally dig that, huh?! Huh?!" Rainbow zipped over Rarity, grinning down at her reclined figure. "Huh? Huh? Huh?!?"

Applejack yanked Rainbow Dash back by her tail. "Mrmmmff—hold yer sky-horses, Rainbow Doofus! She done promised us that she would rate our stories in turn, and yers just got the luck of the draw. Now let her do her thang!"

"I will, once she friggin' starts talking!" Rainbow's voice cracked.

"And talk I shall, darlings." Rarity cleared her voice, fluffed her mane, and struck a dainty pose while smiling. "Rainbow Dash, the word 'awesome' would most certainly describe your story to a T."

"Darn straight!"

"It was undeniably thrilling, with several exotic locales that left me breathless, and that isn't even beginning to breach the sights and sounds of outer space itself!" Rarity smiled to herself. "Why, I never realized how exhilarating it is to pilot a... ahem... 'Galactic Glider' through the cosmos. If I considered it stimulating, then I'm absolutely certain that Twilight will find it to die for. Why, just the astronomical implications of the narrative's setting alone will set her imagination aflame with passion!"

"Hah!" Rainbow Dash spun towards Applejack, flinging a hoof at her. "Beat that, hayseed!" She did a little jig in mid-air, shaking her blue haunches. "Oomf! Httt! Yeah!"

Rarity cleared her voice and smiled. "However..."

"Hmmm..." Applejack smirked, leaning smugly against a ponyquin. "Dun be doin' yer victory hoedown just yet, darlin'."

Rainbow froze in mid-air, blinking. "'However...?'"

"Your writing style bled straight through the pages of the enchanted narrative," Rarity said. "And it's certainly unique to say the least."

"Unique?" Rainbow bit her lip, ears folded. "Is... is th-that b-bad?"

"It was ripe with onomatopoeia, which is putting it lightly. I can still hear my ears ringing from the copious amounts of explosions."

"But... b-but..." Rainbow gestured with both forelimbs. "They're explosions!"

"One can enjoy an action-centric space epic without the narrative constantly having to remind the audience about the 'action' part, darling.'" Rarity smiled. "Even still, while the tumultuous noise effects may have been a tad-bit excessive, such is the nature of a pulp yarn, and I found myself thoroughly enjoying the experience, even if it lacked a certain degree of... mmmm... delicate finesse."

"Heh!" Rainbow swiped her brow, smiling in relief. "Whew! You had me worried for a sec, Rare!" She planted her hooves on her hips and glared down at Applejack. "Told you that Twilight's gonna like my story better!"

"However..."

Rainbow spun towards Rarity again, legs curled and pupils shrunken. "H-however...?"

"I had a huge issue with the story's pacing..." Rarity fidgeted where she reclined on the couch, avoiding Rainbow's gaze. "It... uhm... was somewhat off-balance."

"What are you t-talking about?!" Rainbow cackled. "Did you have your eyes closed the whole time?! It's nothing but explosions, catch-phrases, and more explosions! From space opera beginning to space opera end!"

"Well, to an extent, I would agree with you. But about that ending."

"Yeah...?"

"... ... ..." Rarity winced. "Was there... truly a need for the lead antagonist to be defeated so easily?" She gulped. "And then to become suddenly so docile and... and... subordinate."

"Subordi—what now?" Applejack blinked.

"I dunno..." Rainbow Dash shrugged from where she hovered. "I figured it would add character depth."

"Character depth." Rarity blinked.

"Yeah! I mean, the villain is the adopted daughter of Goblin Emperor! She's been forced to do horribad stuff all her life! She's not really evil! She just... y'know... needs somepony in her life to set her straight!"

"By somepony you mean 'Space Prism.'"

"Yes'm."

"And by 'set her straight' you mean engage in a copious amount of romantic nuzzling?"

"Wait a tick." Applejack squinted up at the pegasus. "You wrote this?!"

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes and smirked Rarity's way. "Okay, so I decided to throw in a romantic subplot!"

"A romantic subplot?!" Rarity did a double-take. "At the very last second?!" She gestured blindly in the air. "Right as Space Prism and Twilight's character are at the threshold to the Maniacal Mare Moon?! About to destroy the supreme lair of the Galactic Goblins and bring justice to the entire universe?"

"Er... yeah! So?"

"So... it throws an enormous rusted wrench into the story's pace, darling!" Rarity counted off invisible fingers on the end of her hoof. "For one, there was never any foreshadowing that lead us to believe that there would even be a romantic subplot to begin with! For another, I was thoroughly enjoying the divine thrashing that we were giving the goblin minions! Third, why suddenly thrust an emotional theme into a story that—up until then—had been ninety-nine percent explosions?!"

"Simple!" Rainbow Dash yawned, digging a hoof into one ear. "For Twilight!"

"... ... ...For Twilight."

"Yuh huh. I mean, let's face it, she's way girlier than me. Besides." Rainbow folded her forelimbs with a proud smirk. "She's totally into all that abstract emotional friend-stuff."

"I-I do believe Space Prism and the antagonist were being more than 'friendly' right there at the end, Rainbow D-Dash," Rarity said with a nervous chuckle.

"But—I mean—what's to complain about?! We—I mean they totally blow up the Moon and flee with the Goblin's adopted daughter in the end!"

"I... I wouldn't know."

Rainbow Dash did a double-take. "You mean you didn't see it through to the end?!"

"I couldn't help it, darling!" Rarity exclaimed. "That jaggedly unexpected plot contrivance sapped all of the momentum from the narrative! It's as though the romantic theme came out of nowhere!"

"Heh..." Applejack smirked up at Rainbow. "Looks like y'all done sabotaged yerself, Stallion Lee!"

"Mrmmmfffnnngh..." Rainbow pouted, cheeks red.

"I'm curious." Rarity sat up on the edge of her couch. "Just what did the commission artist think of the sudden plot shift? Did he say anything in those last few panels?"

"Pffft. No. Not that it mattered." Rainbow shrugged. "Ever since you hoofed him all those bits, I'm willing to bet he'll sketch anything without batting an eye. Airships... Zombies... Cat-Sized Ponies... you name it!"

"Hmmm... yes... well..." Rarity lowered her head, gazing thoughtfully into the Boutique's tile floor as she chapped her chin. "Perhaps it'll do as Twilight's gift, provided she isn't too terribly vexxed about that unorthodox ending..."

"Ya dun have to sugarcoat it, Rarity," Applejack said. She smirked once more at Rainbow Dash. "Rainbow dun have no feelings to be hurt. She certainly has no gumption for writin', either," she added with a snicker.

"Why you...!" Rainbow bent down in mid-hover, scowling into the cowfilly's face. "How about I throw in a few more bits and we commission our artist to draw you being kicked in the cutie mark by a marching line of robot apples?!"

"Hah! Yer welcome to try, sassafras!" Applejack growled back. "Assumin' ya dun fill the whole book with one big long sound effect!"

"Grrrrrrr—!"

"Girls!" Rarity hissed. "Now, what have I told you?!"

Applejack and Rainbow Dash swiveled away from each other, pouting.

Calming herself with a long breath, Rarity spoke: "Now, I can plainly see that the two of you have the ardent desire to thoroughly throttle the other in a show of literary prowess! Why this is the case, I cannot be stabbed to understand. But need I remind you that we had an agreement here?!" Rarity pointed out the window. "In less than three days, it will be Twilight Sparkle's birthday! Her first birthday as Princess! We owe it to her to give the alicorn a supreme gift that she will never forget! Now, it was Pinkie Pie who thought up the 'enchanted comic book' idea, and it was Fluttershy who informed us that the artist here in Ponyville's Quills and Sofas actually does custom comic commissions by request! Now, my talents are solely exercised in design, decorations, and dress-making! Believe me! If I could pen together a story that would do Twilight Sparkle justice, I would! But, alas, this is why I brought you both to the table! Out of the whole lot of us, sans Twilight, you two have the most fervent imaginations, and between the both of your commissioned books I'm certain we can make a story that Twilight Sparkle will absolutely adore!"

"We know all this, Rarity," Applejack muttered.

"Yeah!" Rainbow winced. "But—"

"This is not a contest!" Rarity barked. "Can't you understand that?! We need to work together for a common goal or else we will run out of time!" She blinked at the two. After several seconds, Rarity slumped back, sighing with a forelimb crossed daintily over her head. "... ... ..." She blinked. "It is my fault in the first place for entertaining the idea that you both should hoof me separate stories to judge. It's... it just feels as though neither of you wanted to work together in the first place, and I-I simply wanted a compromise! For Twilight's sake!"

"We're awful sorry, Rarity," Applejack said, taking her hat off and hanging her golden head. "We know yer bein' mighty generous in yer patience, not to mention yer bit bag."

"Yeah..." Rainbow Dash fidgeted in mid-air. "All of this is coming out of your payment. I promise that we'll make a story that Twilight will cherish forever!"

"Darn tootin'." Applejack planted the hat back on her head. "And after you hop into my enchanted tale as Sandy Sparkles, you'll realize that my story's the one that will make the cut."

"Wait..." Rainbow blinked, then hissed down at the earth pony. "What do you mean your story?!"

"Well, mine sure ain't gonna mess around with no inside-out plot structure in the stars!" Applejack hollered back. "You had yer turn to flip, flop, n'fly, Rainbow! Now it's time Rarity judged a real whizz-banger of a tale!"

"We are not giving Twilight Sparkle some boring story full of sweat and apple bucking!"

"T'ain't what it's about at all!"

"Oh yeah?! Prove it!"

"That's what Rarity's gonna do, ya hare-brained idiot!"

"Silence, girls... SILENCE!" Rarity bellowed. She waved an angry hoof towards the door. "Out! Out! Leave now, and don't come back until tomorrow!"

"Leave?!" Both mares yelped at once, gawking at the unicorn.

"But... b-but..." Rainbow squeaked.

"You pr-promised that y'all was gonna hop into my book next!" Applejack stammered.

"And I will... first thing in the morning!" Rarity hissed, rubbing her horn. "Right now, I have a headache. Between Rainbow's explosions and your pitiful drawling..."

"Now hold on just a cotton-pickin' second! I do not drool!"

"She means your accent, Einstallion."

"Grrrrrrrrr-Rainbowwwwwww—!"

"Shoo! Shoo! Away with you both!" Rarity waved the two grumbling ponies on. "We'll continue this at sunrise." She called out after them. "I promise that my criticisms will be fair and balanced! Do you hear me, Applejack?"

The door slammed shut.

"Nnnngh..." Rarity sighed, lying on her back and gazing tiredly at the ceiling. "Luna help me... I-I should have just hired Colt in Gardez..."

Comments

[FloydienSlip]

This is a great concept.

[Ri2]

Wait…APPLEJACK has greater imagination than Pinkie Pie? I call shenanigans.

[Lunae Lumen]

5114909

Pinkie Pie almost drove Twilight mad once already. A visit to Pinkie Pie's imagination could not possibly end well.

[silverspawn]

kind of lazy at the exposition

[GullibleCynic]

I too am a fan of that colt in gardez

[Cinnamon Sketch]

PINKIE PIE NEEDS TO WRITE ONE. NOW. Although i'm not sure if she could make something that sensible... and OMG CUPCAKES MIGHT HAPPEN. That's probs why they didn't let her write one.

[Themaskedferret]

"Luna help me... I-I should have just hired Colt in Gardez..."

Beautiful.

[yamgoth]

Cat-Sized Ponies

Holy crap, yes. Yes! YES! All my yes!!! Are they Leotau? :3

5156940
Nah. Should've hired Michael Bray. Just watch him type anything and explosions automatically follow from his magic 'splosionboard.

B-B-B-BLAM!!!

Poink! Poink! P-POINK! KABLOOIE!!!!!!!

Pewpew!!! Pewpew!!! Tsw!!!

BBROOOOOOOOOOWWWRRRRR!!!!!!

And that was him simply typing, "hi c:"

[OmniFox]

Gah!