Rarity keeps a journal filled with the personal reflections of her life. In it, she writes on everything from how last night's date went to her most recent business ventures. It's more than her day to day diary though, it's who she is. This little black notebook is also where Rarity keeps her deepest fears written down. Under heavy stress for a current order she mistakenly leaves it out in the open. Twilight Sparkle, being unaware of the nature of this book and being unable to resist an open book, reads the first few paragraphs, giving her a glimpse into a side of Rarity she never knew was there.
-Now with a YouTube reading by CaptainBron3y
Chapters (1)
Mm... I can sympathize. Not just words, but actions and... well, things left unsaid. The things parents DON'T say or do can hurt just as much as the things they do...
eh. its a good story I guess
but the pacing needs some work
Quite lovely.
I really like that coverart.
This fic almost reminds me of my brother's day of crying. Where once a year he just spends hours weeping from the stress he's under. Actually this fic has just inspired me to write something, although it'll have to wait in the Que for me to get to it. When I do, do you mind if I link you as the inspiration for it?
5105428
An unfortunate truth
5108512
Of course not. Just send me a link when you do, I'd like to read it.
"Rarity? What's that part of your Journal where you wrote you were going to duct tape Spike to your bed room wall and tickle him with a feather till he pees him self?"
"What? A lady doesn't do things like that!"
"Awwwww COME ON!"
5108743
Thanks, and will do. I'll probably have it out within two to three weeks.
The idea of Rarity harboring these sorts of insecurities, not to mention how she acquired them, feels positively genuine. Nice work.
I do think the pacing could use some work though, as well as the character voices. Some phrases, like "I get that", just don't sound like Rarity.
One other thing: is it really necessary to use italics for the journal entry? Italics are harder to read and I'd think that a section break would make the perspective change clear enough.
Still, this was good. I'll look forward to more!
Absolutely beautiful.
short and sweet.
This story has moved me to emotions I have not felt for along time. In my opinion, I feel this story was written good. The pace was great. I really liked this story.
The first paragraph of this story is all so true.
5111350
I'll agree to the "character voices." It's definitely something I'm going to keep an eye on in the future. And I took the italics out, just for you
5114545
I'm glad I was able to do that for you.
Hm.
Going into Rarity's mind, or any of the mane six's minds, and exposing insecurities about themselves that their friends might not understand is a nice idea, one that I actually wrote my very first story on.
The beginning of this is done very well, but I do agree with a fellow commentator on the pacing issue. The entire problem seemingly is resolved in a blink of an eye, and truthfully the story felt more like a sketch of a truly larger idea. I don't know what your other story plans are, but I would definitely read an expansion of the idea you introduced here.
Overall the grammar was good, and the story read quite nicely. Nice work!
DJRD
Hmm, well, that was melancholic.
Who would have thought Rarity might be using cheerfulness to hide an ongoing low level depression? Good show.
As for the ending, it seems fine as it is, just some pacing issues in the story, as others have pointed out, and who doesn't have those?
And the psychiatrist, would that have been Dr. Wolf?