Refraction

by shortskirtsandexplosions

__________a____________

Lone Star's eyes opened, twitching. She inhaled. Exhaled. She gulped and glanced all around.

Ponies trotted back and forth across the streets of Canterlot. Rich ponies. Well-to-do ponies. Families. Couples. Foals. Guards on patrol.

Lone Star trembled slightly. She looked down at the table where she sat on the cafe patio. Every seat was empty but hers. A half-eaten muffin lay sideways on her plate. The rest of it didn't look very appealing—not even the crumbs.

The mare sighed, a very natural thing. To her right was a tall stack of books. She was halfway through reading them. Or perhaps she was behind. A gust of wind blew coldly between the Canterlot building fronts. Two strands of Lone Star's mane dangled loosely before her eyes. She used a pulse of magic to brush them back into place. Nopony noticed.

Lone Star spent the next hour and a half reading over the notes she had taken for her research assignment on sentient canine species in the lower Equestrian Highlands. Every fact taken about the creatures was based on pure conjecture and scientific speculation. The mare wondered if an expedition would ever be sent to speak with the dogs in their alleged habitat. Lone Star decided that she would be lucky just to read about it some day. She certainly wouldn't ever be going out to find out on her own.

The more she read over the notes, the harder it was for her to keep her eyes open. Lone Star had just written on the notecards two days ago, but it somehow felt as though she had read the very same words at least a hundred times before. Her mouth went dry from the bitter staleness of the moment, the ever-perpetual hush that rang in her ears. In a brief moment of lucidity, she realized that she had no inner voice to mentally read the notes with, for she had never spoken out loud long enough to memorize the sound.

When she slapped the books shut, it was a thunderous thing. Lone Star's heart rate increased for a few seconds, a delicious thing, but it soon subsided. She slid the tomes into her saddlebag, left a tip, and trotted away from the table. Before she was a block away, she paused and looked back at the cafe. A waitress came out and cleaned the patio table, her face deadpan. She didn't make eye contact with Lone Star—or with anypony. She finished her job, leaving the cafe spotless, sterile, like nopony was ever there.

Lone Star trotted on through the streets of Canterlot. She heard muttered gossip from huddled groups of mares, uproarious laughter from a group of college stallions trotting briskly in the opposite direction. Through the window to an antique store, she spotted a mother browsing a shelf of toys with her daughter. Through the next window, a gaggle of mares sat around a table, sipping on ice cream sundaes while they chatted over the day's events.

Lone Star lingered, chewing on the edge of her lip. She felt something in the depths of her stomach, an indefinable flutter. It was soon replaced with a startled gasp as she heard somepony calling out behind her. She spun around to see a mare galloping her way, smiling. Lone Star flinched at the last second, and it was with good timing. The mare zoomed past her and threw herself into the forelimbs of another pony. The two hugged each other, giggling and embracing each other before swiftly trotting into the nearby restaurant.

For the next twenty minutes, Lone Star didn't stop for any more distractions. She stared at the sidewalk, counting the cracks. When she reached roughly two hundred, she looked up, and there stood the steep steps to the Canterlot Public Library before her. Trotting up and through the entrance, Lone Star approached the book depository at the far end of the spacious, empty lobby. Her hoofsteps echoed all the way to the drop slot and all the way to the far end of the building. Nopony turned their heads. Everyone sat at their tables, reading various texts, their faces blander than the sheets of paper beneath their astute gaze.

For the next hour, Lone Star trotted the aisles and aisles of books. The archives were dead quiet, and its tall shelves divided the place like gravestones. Even if there was a pony browsing in the next immediate aisle, Lone Star couldn't see them through the forest of dusty tomes. Dutifully, the unicorn followed the index numbers to the research guide that she was looking for, and she grabbed it from a low shelf without any trouble.

While she was slipping it into her bag, she heard a shuffling sound from two aisles away. She turned her head and glanced across the interior. A young college mare was bouncing, struggling to reach up and grab a book from a high shelf. Not long after, a stallion trotted up, reaching up with his strong arm and hoofing the book to her. The mare grasped it, thanking him with a kindly nuzzle.

Lone Star blinked. For the briefest of moments, one of her lips curved upwards. Th-Thap! Her book slipped from her grasp. Wincing, she scrambled down to her knees and scooped it back up. With a nervous breath, she glanced back down the aisles.

The two ponies were gone. All was perfectly desolate.

A shudder ran through the mare's body. Lone Star hugged the book to her chest. It was cold to the touch, chillingly so. She only hugged it tighter, re-acquainting herself with the smell of dust and decay, the scent of ennui that trailed after every shadow, the same darkness that waited for her on the trot home.

With only a moment's hesitation, Lone Star stood up on wobbly legs. She shuffled the long way back to the massive library's front entrance. At the checkout, an old mare dispassionately stamped Lone Star's books with the quiet poise of an undertaker. In the cold light of a faded lamp, her wrinkled coat looked brighter than the young unicorn's. At last, she held the book out at hoof's length; she might as well have been offering it to thin air. Lone Star took the book with a polite nod. The librarian said nothing.

Lone Star's path home alternated between dismal darkness and a ghostly yellow haze. She stared down at the cobblestone street beneath her hooves while golden street lights intermittently illuminated her stroll. Her eyes darted between the fissures in the stone and the tiny tufts of grass that had managed to grow between the slabs. Life was strangely beautiful, in the places where it was quiet, where hidden things sprouted in gracefully undisturbed ugliness. Lone Star felt that she was the only pony capable of perceiving this. It was her only saving grace.

She rounded the last intersection with a slight chill. The steps leading up to her third story apartment weren't too steep, but she took her time anyways. From across the street, she heard cheery voices. She lingered, one hoof on the railing to the stairwell. With each ascending step, she got a better and better view of the second story balcony across the way. Four middle-aged ponies had gathered around a table, burning the chaff of their years with wine and poker. One made a joke and slapped another's shoulder. An aged stallion laughed while dealing, his baggy eyes like a squinting infant's in the moonlight. And then Lone Star saw nothing, for she had reached the floor her room was on.

Passing by several doors, she heard music, foals crying, and even an occasional argument rattling through the walls. They all summoned the same flutter just as equally. Lone Star's ears twitched, and soon all was silent, for she was at her door. Fumbling through the saddlebag, she produced her keys and undid the locks. The entrance opened with a familiar creak. She lingered in the frame, waiting for nothing, everything. Hooves echoed from the far end of the corridor. Lone Star glanced down. A mare reached out of her apartment to grab a newspaper, laughing at something somepony said, then returned just as swiftly to continue the muffled conversation inside. And just like that, the silence returned.

Lone Star's nostrils flared. At last she looked ahead and stepped forward, surrendering to the shadows. Inside, it smelled just like the Canterlot library. When Lone Star flipped on a light, it revealed full walls stacked up with books. Most of them were spilling off the shelves, piled so high on the floor that they were veritable pieces of furniture themselves. On her way to the kitchen, Lone Star had to step over three separate rows. Flipping on another light, she dropped her books onto the nearby table and went about preparing herself a light salad. It was a very dull task, and she took her time. There was nothing to wait for, nothing to delay. The cold water from the tap as she washed the lettuce felt piping hot compared to the chill of the place. Every hoofstep's echo died in an instant from how tight and constricting the walls were.

At last, Lone Star had made a bowl for herself. She didn't use any dressing; there wasn't much purpose in spicing anything. She placed the dish onto the table with a quiet clatter and slid a seat up. Opening her saddlebag, she pulled the first of many books out. The moment she opened it, her eyes tripped over the sight of a wrinkly red bookmark. For the life of her, she couldn't guess if she had somehow placed it there before. Had it been months? Years?"

Before she knew it, full minutes had ticked by. Lone Star glanced down at her bowl of delicious lettuce leaves, and they could just as well have been moth wings. Her stomach didn't make one gurgle. The emptiness was everywhere and everything. Soon, her gaze had drifted to the far walls of the living room, to the window drapes that hung in the dim purple sighs of dying starlight. The world was spinning on without her, somewhere beyond the veil, in the silver streaking cosmos where everything receded away from her. Always.

For a moment, Lone Star felt like she was choking. She opened her mouth and the resulting exhale made her wheeze. The mare trembled from her head to her hooves. Numbly, she watched as her legs slid out from beneath the chair, and she got up. She began trotting across awkwardly across the kitchen, to where—she wasn't sure. It wasn't until her legs gave out that she realized there was no destination, just as there was no beginning.

Lone Star collapsed to her haunches. She slid her back against the wall until she was curling her forelimbs to her chest. There, deflated, she wept, quietly and limply, into the shadows that knew no other sound. When the tears squeezed out from her eyes, she rubbed them across her cheeks. They were the warmest things she had felt all day. All week. All month.

There was no wailing, no sobbing, only the soft release of something that had nowhere to go. Thus, when the strange voice resonated throughout the apartment, it startled Lone Star with a heavy jolt.

"Twilight Sparkle..."

Sniffling, the unicorn peaked up past her forelimbs.

It stood in the corner, its body an enormous black shape against the tight walls of the apartment. A pair of eyes glimmered, piercing into Lone Star's mind.

"Are you happy... now, Twilight Sparkle?" Wings spread. A hollow breath.

Lone Star shivered. She clenched her eyes shut. Her head bowed to oblivion.

As the silence wore on, the eyes flickered. A fixed point of burning light appeared above the shadow's crown.

"... ... ...yes."

The light fizzled. The eyes narrowed.

Sniffling, Lone Star raised her head, and it was with frown. "Yes," she repeated, a venomous whisper. "Even n-now..." She gulped. Her teeth clenched. "Even with all of this... and even w-without..."

The figure stared at her in stern silence. Studying.

"I am happy." Lone Star stood up. She trembled—but this time with quaking ferocity. "And I am confident. Don't... d-do not confuse these tears for sorrow." She rubbed her muzzle dry, snarling. "I weep not for what I've never had, but for what I've not found yet. Like a foal misses her mother, or a lover coming home from the war..."

The eyes burned brighter. "Twilight—"

"This is not all I am!" the mare shrieked, hyperventilating. She kept her gaze resolutely on the shadow as she hollered, "Somewhere, there is a spark! I feel it! Just beyond the twinkling edge of day, it waits for me! It holds me close at night and in the morning..." She clenched her teeth, whimpering. "That spark will light up the world... my world." She gulped hard and slammed her hooves down. "You will not take that away from me! You cannot take away my hope! I'm meant to be more than this... to have more than this! We all are! We..."

At last, she heaved, and she collapsed to her knees once again. When she wept this time, it was through an angry scowl.

"We are h-harmony... and we are love." Lone Star clenched her head as she shut her eyes tight. "I don't know where you all are... I don't know where you've all been taken... but I know you are all real. And... I love you..." Her voice squeaked between sniffles. "With all that I am and all that I ever will be, I love you... and I trust that each and every one of you are there... waiting for me... as I will forever wait for you..." She covered her face and sobbed. "You f-fill me with such joy... how c-could I ever forget you... why would I ever...?"

The silence of the apartment remained shattered from the unicorn's persistent weeping. Not long after, a warm hoof caressed her mane, tilting her chin up.

"Thank you, Twilight. Somehow... I knew that you... and you alone would restore my hope."

Lone Star sniffled. She tilted her head up. "Your hope...?" Almost instantly, her shuddering breaths ceased. A pair of wide violet eyes blinked.

An identical pair of violet eyes gazed back. A majestic alicorn stood out of the shadows, her lavender coat shining immaculately in its own nebulous light. A purple mane billowed with a windless shimmer while her wings stretched wide, the feathery tips twinkling in an ethereal glow.

"I've lived for so many years in shadow," the alicorn said. "I had always assumed that chaos had triumphed. To think that my wisdom is so frail, to have surrendered to despair so easily..."

"I..." Lone Star rubbed her cheek, leaning foalishly into the alicorn's caress. "I'm afraid that I-I don't understand... why... wh-why have you—?"

"A harsh experiment, but an experiment nonetheless," the alicorn said, her eyes glowing once again. "And, in truth, science has never let me down. Nor have you."

"But... but when have we ever met before?"

"We will," she said. "Not long from now, when all hope is taken from us, as is the way of all things. And if you're not careful, our misery will make us one and the same. But not this time; that is my promise." A soft, lavender smile. "Thanks to you, I now know that the spark had never truly gone away, nor was it ever some foolish phantom to begin with. The spark is always with me. It's just that the light from it has been refracted over the centuries, making it hard for me to see all of the wonderful blessings it has permanently etched into my soul... making it hard for me to hold faith in them."

"The... c-centuries?" Lone Star murmured.

"Shhhhhh..." She rested a hoof against Lone Star's horn. "Be at peace. I will restore unto you what you've restored unto me." Tears laced those glowing eyes, their beads bending the magical light in every direction, filling the dreadful shadows with color for the first time in ages. "Harmony always comes around, Twilight Sparkle. All it takes is time."

Lone Star would have said something, but she was suddenly burning in a great brightness. She didn't gasp nor scream. The flame was cleansing, filling every pore and niche of her being. And by the time the flash of light had ended...

Comments

[Jake The Army Guy]

This chapter hurt. I realize that if I didn;t have Skype... I probably wouldn't talk to anyone all day.

[Apocryphal Frost]

...Really?

Luna did all of this just to...oh wow. I think I actually hate this version of Luna.

[psychomotorboat]

"Don't... d-dp not confuse these tears for sorrow." - little typo there

Really great stuff here skirts. I miss your sadness, it's the only kind that brings me close to tears.

[Aurora Dimmet]

5094218

Seriously? You STILL think this is Luna?

An identical pair of violet eyes gazed back. A majestic alicorn stood out of the shadows, her lavender coat shining immaculately in its own nebulous light. A purple mane billowed with a windless shimmer while her wings stretched wide, the feathery tips twinkling in an ethereal glow.

Does this look like Luna to you?

[Foals Errand]

5094218
You're kidding? You're kidding right it's OBVIOUS that the alicorn is Twilight Definitely NOT Luna.

[ConsciousHaze196]

This Is Masterpiece!!.. Those AUs... !..

[Captain Pudge Muffin]

Why?

Why you do this to Twilight? Why you do this to me, SS&E? *sniff*

...it's my birthday...

[MajesticPoniesEverywhere]

OOOOOOH. So it's not Luna. Okay. Cool story! Nice and mysterious, and I like the idea, how life or a certain event just keeps repeating itself, like that movie where the kid kept waking up every morning and his day was the same: he'd bike to school, almost be run over by a car, stuff would happen during the day, and every time it would change a little, but in that case because he figured out what was going on. I don't remember the name of that movie, though.

[FashionablyHospitable]

5094218 XD Missed a little there. Don't worry, happens to everyone.

[TheMiningDwarf]

5099593 Happy Birthday

[ShadowVR2]

_ _ _ _ a _ _ _ _ _...
-Spike [DELETED]
-Rarity [DELETED]
-Apple Jack [DELETED]
-Pinkie Pie [DELETED]
-Fluttershy [DELETED]
-Rainbow Dash [DELETED]

Subject/Status:
-Twilight Sparkle [???]

...
...
...
[UPDATE]

Subject/Status:
-Twilight Sparkle [HOPEFUL]

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DO YOU WISH TO RESET SCENARIO? Y/N

...

N

INSERT DIRECTIVE

...

Initiate Protocol [---

[Amm]

Oh wow. This chapter hits really close to home for me. That's rare.

[MidnightFMare]

5104181 time magic... is hard to start using, even harder to undo...
(Damn you sunbutt... why couldn't you just let me sleep? writing such boring reports every 18 years is boring...)
... I trhink I'll test her hope...
Protocol: Nightmare_Mode_Level_SX
Authorization_code_?
<...
<Chaos_Within_Harmony_Bitter_/_She_Wont_Know_What_Hit_Her>
Enter_?
<ENTER>
Authorization_complete
May_The_Fates_Have_Mercy_On_your_Soul
My_Lord...

[paintom_phan]

OH, IT'S A TWILIGHT DEALS WITH IMMORTALITY FIC. I have to say, this is a super creative way to go about it.

[Yami Vizzini]

The first half of this chapter really hit me hard.

Then

[Walabio]

¡Princess Twilight Sparkle!

[nerevars]

When I was first read this few years ago, I thought, "heh... thank God it's only a fiction."
But now, my life is exactly like Lone Star. Alone.