• Published 30th Sep 2014
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Tacos at Midnight - D4ftP0ny



Princess Luna sets out to vanquish a blight upon Equestria. Her weapon of choice? Delicious tacos.

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The Trials of Twilight

There are many tales of the night that are never told. Tales of unsung heroes, who battled evil in the shadows of the moon until they fell along with the dark forces they strove so hard to defeat, stand shoulder to shoulder with tales of lovers who, unable to display their undying affection for one another in the bright light of the day, had fled to the forgiving darkness of the night so that their love would never be discovered. There are tales of good and evil, of love and hate, of murder, charity, piety and the occasional stint of necromancy that never reach the ears of anypony save those caught in them, and oftentimes the stories and ponies alike simply vanish into the mysterious and often dangerous folds of the night.

Nopony knew this better than the Princess of the Night, the Mistress of Shadows herself- Princess Luna. The night was her domain, after all, and nothing happened within its silken blackness that she was not aware of. Even the dreams of her subjects were not outside of the glowing alicorn’s sphere of influence, and in fact much of the time since she had been brought back from the Moon had seen her efforts focused specifically on the dreams of her subjects. It had, of course, been a calculated move on her part; after all, what better way for the previously disgraced Princess of the Night to ingratiate herself to her subjects without the discomfort of going out and physically making contact with them? It was the perfect plan for the socially awkward Princess, and moreover it was a plan that Celestia supported wholeheartedly… especially after the horribly botched Nightmare Night incident.

Luna had leaped into her new task with the zeal that only she could possess, and in a short span of time her dream-walking had earned her the favor of many of her subjects; she had helped them conquer their fears, given them hope in hopeless situations and sometimes even improved their relationships with those closest to them, all by watching their innermost thoughts whirl by her in a maelstrom that only she could decode and understand. She had become what she had always desired- beloved, not feared; accepted, not outcast; and perhaps most important of all, she had again connected with the ponies that she ruled and come to love them as she once had.

But in doing so, she had discovered something that had stricken her to her very core.

It had taken her a long time to be able to read the fabric of dreams in a complete and comprehensive way, and it was no wonder: dreams were often confusing, fickle and irreparably biased towards whoever was having them. It made decoding them a seemingly impossible task, and perhaps it would have been… for anypony other than the Princess of the Night. In her zealous determination to help she had immersed herself in the dreams of other ponies almost more than she had allowed herself to walk the waking world, and through this constant immersion she had come to understand the subtle, changing language of the dreams… and in doing so she had noticed a horrible, glaring ailment that the majority of her subjects throughout Equestria were suffering from.

It was something she had not been looking for, but something that had shocked her to her core when she had discovered it. Distraught and uncertain as to what she should do, Luna had hurried to her sister for advice on how to remedy and rectify this situation, and true to form Celestia quickly gave her the best council possible as to how to combat the dark and sinister blight upon the ponies of Equestria.

So it was that with a heart full of determination and purpose Luna set out the very next week to ease the suffering of her subjects. It would be an arduous task, and would require no small amount of courage, willpower, and money… but thanks to the blank check that Celestia had given her to the Royal Treasury, Luna knew that she had plenty of all three things she would need.

And a cart. She would also need a cart.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The night weighed heavily on Ponyville, as if the very fabric of the starry sky were a blanket draped over the land instead of the wispy ethereal beyond everypony knew it to be. The streetlights in the town were all lit, their pools of light bringing the day-dwelling denizens some comfort against the terror of the night but even those havens seemed smaller than usual, as if the darkness were so thick that it was actually pushing the circles of light back as far as it could. Silence reigned in the fair village, and so absolute was its cloying presence that it felt as if even the loudest noise would simply be absorbed and vanish without a trace. It was the kind of night that simply felt wrong, as if any number of terrible and awful things could happen to a pony who ventured out into it.

It was the kind of night that Princess Luna lived for, and the perfect setting for the initiation of her plan.

In Ponyville’s town square, a single noise rose over the deathly silence that held it captive; a gentle, rhythmic squeaking sound that grew louder and louder in the darkness of the square until a shape emerged from the bountiful night. The shape was a formless blob at first, with only its movement and the metrical squeaking to differentiate it from the rest of the town, and after several agonizing seconds the shape slowly phased out of the miasma of shadows, shifting and coalescing from a different colored blotch on the fabric of the night to a square covered cart. It was small, compact, and made to easily have its enclosed body pushed or pulled along by a single pony on its four small wheels. A shimmering, moving fog embraced the cart as it moved into the town square, a bright white mist that clung to its metal surfaces as if it was the reason that the cart was moving in the first place… and for several long moments after the cart had appeared, it was easy to presume that the mist was indeed propelling the cart along the street.

Then, as if willed from the ethereal beyond and into Equestria by an outside force, a figure appeared behind the phantom cart, a figure that had both its hooves wrapped around the handle protruding from the back end of the metal square on wheels. The gloom of the night seemed to cloak the figure in its forgiving darkness, and as the cart continued on its ominous journey towards the center of the square the figure remained blissfully hidden from view. Slowly the cart squeaked forward, the measured creak of its one whiny wheel growing louder as it echoed off the façades of the buildings in downtown Ponyville, and as it advanced the figure behind it grew clearer and clearer, as if the proximity to the streetlights that decorated the center of the square were forcing the nebulous shape to take on a regular form. Closer and closer to the pool of light the cart pressed, onwards as if it were determined to make the light disappear forever…

…and as the cart pierced the circle of the streetlamp’s domain light glinted off of brilliantly shined metal, bright silver paint and deep blue paint that obviously had sparkles mixed into it. The paint was laid on the side in shapes that were cast into darkness even in the streetlight, but as the figure fell back to all four hooves it reached its front right hoof out and flicked a switch on the side of the cart.

There was a flicker of light along the sides of the cart, and after a moment several strings of lights ignited along the cart’s sides and illuminated not only the previously unseen shapes, but also the very purpose of the cart itself:

Tacos at Midnight, the cart proclaimed in bright, sparkly letters.

The words were surrounded by exquisitely painted blue waves and backed by a bright silver crescent moon, and as the figure who had been pushing the cart stepped into the light from the streetlamp she gave her handiwork a critical once-over before smiling happily.

“That ought to do nicely,” said Princess Luna to herself. “I’m certain that this beautiful design will bring in a great many customers!” She gave a satisfied nod before moving to the back of the cart yet again; her horn lit up with her midnight blue magic, and from the back of the cart levitated a small apron and a visor cap, both crafted with beautiful blue cloth that matched the Princess’ coat perfectly and trimmed with silver. The visor and apron both bore the emblem of her new endeavor proudly upon their bill and front: Luna’s white crescent moon with a taco nestled into its crook, a symbol she had crafted herself after many hours of exhaustive work. With a proud smile the Princess draped the apron over her head and made sure that its strap was settled on her neck and not her mane before pulling it down beneath her front legs, looping the strings up along her sides and tying them neatly behind her back with her magic. Then she settled the visor onto her head, working its band through her luminous mane and ensuring that it allowed her horn to protrude over its top while still sitting correctly upon her brow before turning and examining her reflection in one of the nearby store windows. She turned first to the left, then to the right as she looked herself over, and after a few moments she allowed herself a victorious smile.

“Most becoming,” she said under her breath. “But it’s missing something...” With an expert flick of her horn she withdrew a small black ribbon from the storage area within the cart and whisked it up to her mane; her magic engulfed her mane for a moment, pulling it all together at the back of her head before lassoing it with the ribbon into a perfectly pulled ponytail. Luna gave her reflection a coquettish smile as she tied the ribbon into a bow and allowed her magic to go dark. “There,” she said with nod. “As perfect as anypony could ever desire.” She bounced once on her hooves and, satisfied that her ponytail would bob merrily as she moved, turned back to her cart, her eyes bright.

“And now, for the main event!” Her magic lit up once again and danced across the doors on the top of the cart, the sparkling blue aura pulling back the metal sheets and allowing a rush of steam to burst into the moist night air… and with the steam came an incredible, mouth-watering scent that billowed out and filled Luna’s head as she inhaled eagerly. “Aaaaah, yes,” she muttered in satisfaction. “Everything is exactly as it should be…” Her smile grew excited once more. “…and now to wait.”

She knew it wouldn’t be long; it had taken almost a full week since she’d had the idea, but through ineffable diligence the Princess of the Moon had seeded every one of her dreaming subjects in Ponyville with the subconscious drive to seek out her solution to their problems… a solution that she alone could provide.

And so here she was in Ponyville’s town square with a cart full of tortillas, deep fried oats, beans, an assortment of cheeses and fresh vegetables, and the most exquisite sauce known to pony-kind with one mission in her loving, overzealous heart: free the denizens of Ponyville from their appalling lack of late-night snack food.

The Princess stood next to her cart proudly, her head held high as she waited with barely contained excitement for her very first customer. As the night that she would put her plan into action had approached she had increased the level of desire she’d used to influence the dreams of everypony in Ponyville, slowly but surely bringing their craving for salty, spicy, greasy and delicious snack foods up high enough that by her calculations the dreams they were having should be able to influence their daily lives and routines. She allowed herself a small, confident smile. And if there is one thing I know, it is influencing dreams! It had taken more of her power than she had anticipated to influence the many and varied nighttime imaginings that went on in the heads of every pony in the small town, and some of them had even tried resisting her in their own little ways, but eventually every single pony had succumbed to her superior sense of dream-sculpting. Come to think of it, some of them acted as if they did not want me to bend them to my will against their consent… Her muzzle scrunched as she considered the possibility that some of her subjects may not, in fact, have wanted to have their subconscious minds telepathically dissected and then rearranged as she saw fit, but just as quickly as the ridiculous thought had appeared it vanished into the night around her and her smile returned. Oh, don’t be silly, Luna! Who among these ponies would not be overjoyed to know that their Princess cares so deeply for them? She gave her head a small, humble shake. All in a night’s work for a ruling monarch, she thought with a happy sigh. And after all, Celestia had seemed fine with all of her methods when she had laid out her plan; Luna freely acknowledged that Celestia was better versed on the rights of ponies in modern Equestria than she was, and if her sister had been fine with her subliminal nocturnal conditionings, then what problems could there be?

The sky was cloudy and dark that night, so the moon could not be relied upon to help her tell what time it was, but Luna did not need the moon to know that it was half past one o’clock in the morning- she could feel the tides of the night moving around her, ebbing and flowing as her domain grew more powerful and the night gathered, and as they wove about her she innately knew how much time she had left before the break of day shattered her kingdom once more…

Plus she had a nifty watch that Celestia had given her, and since Ponyville lacked a large standing clock tower that would tell her what time it was she had opted to wear it this night. With a glance at its face, she noted with glee that she was totally right and turned back to face the night with a smile. Any moment now my grateful subjects will find me, seeking solace in their time of desperate need, she thought with glee. I cannot wait to see the looks of happiness on their faces…

True to form, Luna was right; from down one of the long, dark streets that connected town square to everywhere else in town there came a loud noise- the echoing clang! of a trash can being knocked over, followed by silence and the distant hooting of an owl. Luna’s eyes darted towards the sound as she bounced on her hooves in excitement. My first customer! I wonder which of my loving subjects has set out to have the honor of being the first to dine with their Princess…

Another loud noise floated down the street to Luna’s ears, and this time it was a louder, rougher ka-thunk! that sounded to the Princess as if somepony had knocked over a newspaper machine. She blinked, but her smile never wavered. Somepony must be very hungry indeed, to be knocking things over in their hurry to be here, she reflected as an owl hooted again in the distance, more urgently this time. Luna squinted into the darkness at the edges of the square as her ears twitched. That owl is closer now that it was moments ago, she realized. What is going on..? She strained her ears towards the street the noises had come from, her senses on alert for any sign of whatever was knocking things over, and she was not disappointed: through her keen alicorn senses she could hear the shuffling of uneven hoofsteps as they skittered closer and closer to her, hoofsteps that were accompanied by a growling, muttering sound that Luna could not decipher as any kind of language spoken by any of the races that inhabited Equestria.

Luna’s eyes narrowed and she slid her hooves apart into a combat stance as a wagon at the edge of the town square gave a mighty shudder and creaked on its wheels. Something is coming, the Princess thought ominously as the wagon shifted in place, then was dramatically flipped into the air as if it weighed nothing; the wooden vehicle twirled twice through the dark in a silent, almost poetic dance through the sky that a wagon had never been destined to experience. Luna watched it spin through the sky until finally it fell from grace, and the silence that had accompanied its flight was broken like a valuable antique as it smashed into the ground with enough force that it shattered the wagon’s body and sent the wheels careening off into the night. Luna gritted her teeth and spun to face the street that the wagon had come from, her lips peeling back in a snarl. Whatever is attacking Ponyville, the Princess of the Night will deal with this threat! She planted her hooves in determination as she lit up her horn with blazing magic. Nothing will harm this town while I am here!

As the crash of the wagon finally fell silent, Luna could again hear the shuffling, uneven steps as whatever had flipped the vehicle made its way into the town square… and as it moved into one of the outermost streetlights, Luna’s expression faded from one of grim determination to one of utter confusion.

“Twilight… Sparkle?” she muttered in disbelief, her magic dying away.

“Oh my GAWD, who keeps putting shtuff in my WAY?!” said the smaller alicorn loudly as she gestured broadly with her left hoof. “I mean- I- I mean for realsies, this is SO DUMB- I’m jus’ tryin’a get throooooouuuu…” Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Friendship and the leader of the Elements of Harmony, moved to brush her wayward mane out of her face with the hoof she had gestured with, and even doing that caused her to stagger on her hooves in a most unstable fashion. After a moment the alicorn looked disgusted and sighed angrily. “Oh sweet Celestria did I just say ‘for realsies’?! Tha! Tha! Tha’s it- no more drinkin’ with… Pinkin’ Pie.”

Princess Luna’s left eye squinted in disbelief even as her right eye widened in the same, and it was all she could do not to run to Twilight and try to exorcise her.

“Twilight Sparkle?” she asked incredulously. The purple alicorn across from her straightened rapidly, as if she hadn’t seen Luna there before she’d spoken- which, if Luna was correct about her assumption as to Twilight’s current state of mind, wasn’t too far from the truth- but as soon as Twilight DID see her, the other Princess’ expression lit up brighter than the lights on Luna’s cart.

“Oh mah gawd, Princess Luna!” Twilight shouted gleefully. “I was jus’ out lookin’ for yew!” The younger alicorn leaped forward, her hooves moving entirely out of tandem with one another as she proceeded to half run, half fall across the town square towards Luna. The Moon Princess winced as she watched her fellow Princess flail wildly, her wings doing their best to counterbalance the ridiculousness that was going on beneath them as her sister’s former protégé skidded, flapped and flopped her way in a strange zigzag pattern that eventually ended next to Luna, where she lost control of her entire body and flopped at the Moon Princess’ hooves in a heap.

“Twilight Sparkle, are you quite all right?” inquired Luna, her voice a mixture of concern and disappointment. To her surprise and dismay, Twilight sat up onto her rump and giggled loudly enough that it echoed off of the buildings around them.

“Of COURSE I am, Lulu!” she slurred. “I- I jus’ came to get TACOS.” Twilight laughed loudly again, and this time Luna’s muzzle scrunched as two very distinct scents wafted from her young friend: the sickly sweet scent of sticky sugary substances, and the acrid acidic aroma of alcohol. “Mmmmmy tummy is empty, y’see,” Twilight continued. Her face became a mask of determination as she gathered her hooves beneath her, her lips pressed together into a comically forceful line. “And… and if my tummy is empty I can’t STUDY, an’ tha’s what I needa do, Princess Lulu!” The Princess gave a grunt of exertion, and after a moment she rose onto her wobbly and unsteady legs yet again, her eyes bright and proud. “Ta-da!” she said, extending her wings happily.

Princess Luna’s teeth ground together. “Please do not call me Princess Lulu,” she muttered.

“Oh, hokay, Lu… LuLUNA!” Twilight giggled hard enough that she staggered to her left, then back to her right at least a full pony-length before she adjusted and wobbled back to stand in front of Luna once again, her face suddenly serious. “But sursly, Lulu- I needs tacos. You-you don’ understand what my night has BEEN like…”

“I would bet that I can guess,” Luna said sardonically, but Twilight plowed on as if she hadn’t heard Luna speak at all. Which is entirely possible…

“I was studyin’ mah friendship books in mah- mah new castle… you saw my castle, right Lulu?” Luna gave a slow nod so that Twilight would see it, and after blinking slowly at the blue alicorn Twilight’s face broke into a broad grin. “Oh GOOD! Oftherwise I’d hafta take you allllll the way ‘cross town t’ see it… ANYWHO, I was studyin’ in my new liberary an’- an’ DRINKIE PIE shows up… wiff-wiff like two big bottles a’ stuff.” Twilight’s muzzle scrunched up in disdain, and Luna took the opportunity to raise her hoof and try to stop Twilight’s tirade, but it was clear that Twilight had completely forgotten she was there. “An’, an’ I said ‘Go home, Pinkie Pie, I hasta study,’ but SHE!” She coughed and when she continued she tried her best to imitate her bouncy pink friend, but to Luna it sounded more like mockery. “But SHE SAID, ‘But Twerlert, ah gots dis new drinkin’ potion’, an’ I said, ‘I dun care, Pinkie Pie, go home!’ But do you think that Pinkie Pie cared that I said-that I said ‘Go home’?” Twilight gestured broadly with a hoof as she blew a raspberry. “OF COURSE NOT!” she shouted again, loud enough that Princess Luna winced.

“Twilight Sparkle, be quiet!” she hissed. “It is very late, after all, and many ponies are trying to sleep! So please, try to-,”

Twilight’s hoof shot out and physically stopped Luna’s words from getting any further, and when Luna tried to glare at her young friend she was surprised by the seriousness that burned in Twilight’s eyes. Twilight shook her head slowly, and when she spoke again her voice was a harsh whisper.

“But Drinkie Pie says- she says ‘But Twerlert, dez drinkin potions, they tastes like CANDY CORN!’ An’ I said, I said ‘You’re fulla shit, Pinkie Pie!’” Twilight’s hoof slowly lowered from Luna’s face, slowly enough that she pulled Luna’s bottom lip down in a most unladylike fashion and when she released it her lip snapped upwards and made a pop noise against her mouth. “But she wasn’ fulla shit, Prinssuss… it rully DID taste like can’y corn!” The younger alicorn sat back on her haunches again, her eyes wide as if she had view a religious miracle. “So- so I had like one or… or seven shots… bu’ THEN I said to Pinkie, I said ‘GO HOME, Pinkie Pie, I gotta study!’ BUT THEN SHE SAYS ‘But Twerlert, dis drinkin potion tastes like COTTON CANDY.’” Twilight pointed a hoof accusingly at Luna, and when she spoke again her voice was the barest whisper. “An’ I said ‘You’re fulla shit, Pinkie Pie!’ but she WASN’ FULLA SHIT, PRINCESS…”

Luna stared at Twilight, her mouth agape in disbelief. Who knew that Twilight Sparkle was such a lush?

The younger Princess gave her mane a toss, and it was only due to the fact that she was sitting firmly on her rump that she did not go toppling onto the ground. “An’ so I drank, like… a lot more shots, an’ then- an’ then I thought ‘You know wha’ would be GREAT, Twerlert? TACOS.’” She made a sweeping gesture with her hoof and grinned lopsidedly at Luna. “An’ here I is! For TACOS!” she proclaimed loudly as she threw her hooves wide, and if it hadn’t been for Princess Luna’s quick use of her magic Twilight would have toppled backwards onto the cold stone of the square. Luna sighed as she pulled her friend back upright, ensuring that she was stable before releasing Twilight from her magical grip.

“Twilight Sparkle,” she said in her most matronly tone. “I am appalled by this behavior, and quite frankly I am surprised at you. I’m not certain that I can let you walk home by yourself, much less condone giving you-,” Suddenly Twilight was on her hooves again, and her face was scrunched into the most indignant frown that Luna had ever seen- and that was saying something, considering that she grew up with Celestia.

“Don’ you judge me, Princess Lu-Luna,” the smaller alicorn barked. “I don’ wanna lesson, I jus’ wan’ TACOS! I NEED ‘em, an’ you HAVE ‘em!” Twilight’s magic burst to life, and after a moment a whole wave of bits poured over Luna’s small taco cart, enough that some of them spilled over onto the ground. “I have bits, YOU have TACOS- le’s make this happen!” Luna blinked at the glinting gold of the money, her mouth agape.

“But… Twilight, I’m not actually charging anything for these… I just wanted to-,”

“SHADDAP AN’ TAKE MY MONIES!!” Twilight demanded loudly, her eyes burning with chili powder fire. “TAKE MY MONIES AN’ GIMME TACOS, OR I’LL TELL ERRYPONY ‘BOUT DAT TIME I CAUGHT YOU STARIN’ AT CADENCE’S BUTT!!”

Princess Luna stared at Twilight for a moment longer before she turned and lit up her cart with her magic. The process of making tacos was quick and easy if you had magic, and in a matter of minutes Luna had made precisely fifty-three tacos, the amount that Twilight had paid for. Luna conjured a bag and tied it securely, ensuring that all of the tacos would be safe as she levitated the large pack and settled it gently on to Twilight’s back between her wings.

“There you are, Twilight,” she said quietly. “I hope you enjoy them.”

“Fank you, Princess Lulu,” Twilight slurred politely. “I am sure that I will… an’ I know that DRINKIE PIE will, too.” Without further ado Princess Twilight Sparkle turned and hurried off down the street, weaving and wobbling her way off into the shadows as she levitated a taco to her mouth and began to eat noisily. “Oh mah gawd, these are DELICIOUS!” she shouted at the night. “LUNA MAKES THE BEST TACOOOOOOOOOSSS!” The cry echoed into the night, and as Luna looked up to the moon she saw the unmistakable silhouette of Twilight’s pet owl leap off a nearby building and fly after his mistress.

Luna gave her head a shake as she turned her eyes back to the street Twilight had departed down, wincing mightily as another large crash resounded from that direction.

“This… is going to be a strange occupation,” she observed quietly as Twilight’s curses echoed off the buildings. But she knew inside that this would not deter her. If anything, her encounter with Twilight had validated her concerns…

…and she knew in her heart that wherever there was hunger for justice, she would be there. Wherever ponies desired freedom, she would be there…

…and wherever ponies longed for late-night snacks, there would always be Tacos at Midnight.

Author's Note:

This story was born out of a flippant comment that my 14 year old son made when we were talking about MLP and the variety of stories that I am writing/have written based on it. It was very, VERY late, and he, my 9 year old son and I were sitting around just having a good time, and out of nowhere he blurts "You should write a story called 'Tacos at Midnight'!" I simply arched an eyebrow at him and said, "I totally could, you know." And here it is!

I really hope you enjoy it, and this is intentionally left Incomplete because I will probably add chapters with the various other members of the Mane 6, denizens of Ponyville, etc. as the ideas come to me!