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loke44hardy 330

Joined January 2012
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    loke44hardy's Stories (3)

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    Thank you guys for not hating about my grammar, I wish you many years. Also comment on how you would feel in Twilight's situation. Static chaser will be added in the story. Message me if you want your pony added in this story. Give me a good description of him/her. Copy and paste this. Sorry the chapter is short.

    Coat:

    Eyes:

    Race(Unicorn,Pegasus,Earthpony):

    Sex:

    Mane:

    Age(18 and 35 years old):

    Role: Skyship crew(I pick the pilot) Battle wagon crew or ground troop.

    Weapons: Explosives, swords man, or archer.


    _________________________________________________________________________________________________

    Short Chapter

    Ponyville Public Library.

    It is time I thought to myself. Everypony is quiet. Why shouldn't they be? The two voices continued to argue in my head. There was a knock on the door. The royal guard is here. My mind continued unheard by the outside world.

    "Let's get...moving girls." Rainbow Dash's voice cracked as she lifted out of the chair she was resting in. "Now angel... Please please please...take care of my little a-a-animals."Fluttershy's voice stuttered with tears as she hugged her little bunny and walked towards the door. "Bye' Applebloom, you best take care of the farm and granny smith for me.." Applejack's manage to say as she started cry. Pinkie Pie wasn't in her usual happy state. She opened the door. "Ms. Sparkles and her acquaintances?" Asked the royal guard at the door. "Yes we are ready." As they walked out the door, ponies were around the library wishing them a safe return. Static, the green Pegasus they met a few years back, was already sitting in the wagon. Spike was heavily weeping along with the CMC. "G-g-g-g-good bye Twilight." Spike managed to muster in his state. Twilight ran to him in tears and started hugging him tightly. "Take care of the library for me spike." He never got to reply as Twilight teleported in the wagon with the rest of her friends. Big Macintosh climbed in with them.

    The wagon started moving and the ponies were waving goodbye. "I'm at war. Again." Sighed Static as he began to stare out the window. "What do you mean 'Again' dear?" Asked Rarity in concern. "Oh I never told you guys, I was in World War Equestria II 8 years ago when the gryphons invaded." He replied to her question. "I don't know about you guys but i'm going to get some rest before we get to the skyships." Added Rainbow Dash as she relaxed and laid back in her seat. "She is right, we shouldn't be stressing over this too much." Said Twilight.

    2 hours later.

    "Hey guys! I see the train!" Pinkie Pie shouts unexpectedly waking everypony up. Rainbow Dash looks out the window next her. "Woow, that thing looks COOOL!" She was right, the train was the special train for any Equestrian military troops, and they were riding it to the skyships. The wagon stopped at the entrance where many other ponies got off from different wagons from different locations. "Look, a snack stand cuz boy em eh hungray." Says Applejack as she runs off to the free food stand. "The train leaves at 3:00 and right now its 2:32 so don't stray to far." Says Twilight as she checks the time on the board thing. Few minutes later it was time to go and everypony was ready. As everypony boarded the train, something caught their sights. It was Twilight's brother Shining Armor stand next to another pony. "Shining!" Shouts Twilight as she runs towards her brother. "Oh hey Twilight, this my friend Dust Storm, he will help me command the army as we invade the Humans' planet." Greeted Shining to Twilight. "So you're the ponies I've been hearing so much about, nice to meet." Greeted Dust as he held his hoof out for a hoofshake. Twilight and her friends accepted his hoofshake kindly sat down in seats. The train started

    6 hours later.

    The skyships loomed in the distance as the ponies grew closer and closer to it. They were huge, standing 455 feet tall.

    "Well *Gulp* this is it." Said Rainbow Dash nervously as they got off the train. "Don't worry Dash, these things would blast through space at mach 30." Reassured Static sarcastically. A familiar pony they met ran up to them and greeted. Pinkie Pie, remembering her, bounces up and down excitedly. "Hey Vinyl nice to see you again!" Said Pinkie as she hugged her friend. "Nice to meet you too pie!" Said Vinyl as she returned the hug. They made it to the Skyship with minutes to spare. "Well I'll see you guys later, gotta fly this thing." Waved Vinyl as she left. "Well let's go guys." Said Rainbow as she walked towards the entrance. A Skyship takes mile away from the ponies and they watch it fly away. The ponies were situated to a locker room to change into their gear. A few minutes later they were ready. The Skyship suddenly lurched forward and upward and starts picking up speed.

    "We have a princess to save." Says Twilight as she stands on the dock of the ship facing forward. The Skyship began to leave to Atmosphere of their planet. "Come on Twilight, go get some rest." Says Fluttershy as she yawns and wipes her eyes. Twilight thought about this for a few seconds. "Thanks Fluttershy." She finally agreed.

    Comments ( 2 )

    #1 · 58w, 1d ago · · ·
    Reply 

    "Well *Gulp* this is it." Said Rainbow Dash

    Okay, for this line you do this, it is more professional

    "Well," Gulped Rainbow Dash, as she eyed the large skyships,"This is it!"

    Never use " * * "

    I can tell this story has really stolen my attention:pinkiegasp::pinkiehappy: I must admit, a lot of grammatical errors, and spelling.

    Say the actual time instead, not " 6 hours later" and if you don't want to do that, at least say "Six" and not "6". Again, more Professional.

    If you want, I can give you more detailed review, and i will be happy to :moustache:proofread:moustache: it for you!

    >>557219

    Edit: In Twighlights position? Not really scared, I mean look around you, you have all friends around, and you are a Unicorn so you can rip flesh from bone:yay:

    #2 · 58w, 9h ago · · ·
    Reply 

    Thanks

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