Storm Walker, Dream Step, and Eclipse Touch have made their escape from Bridleton to Equestria. Why? That and more will be answered. Also be prepared for magic lessons and life lessons for both teachers and students.
This is my second go at the story, as is evident by the new title. I am trying for a revised version of the story, give input on how the changes are coming. As always, I don't have any problems with you using my OCs for your own projects and just give me a heads up they will be used.
Chapters (11)
5353383 I just posted the most recent chapter earlier today, I'm working on the next one now so it will still be a while before it's up. You should know my policy regarding the materials I provide now, so if you want to use anything from this story in a project go for it.
5409841 thanks, I'm working on the next chapter and errors are unavoidable with any piece (especially when the author is the only one proofreading, I'm better able to spot some of my errors because I type it all out in word document and spend a few days writing each chapter and as a result I am able to spot some errors while heading back to where I left off writing and just before I hit post when I copy and paste the document to the site). Glad hear you enjoyed it, feel free to offer suggestions and use any of my provided material in your works.
1: Any list of adjectives such as this should have commas separating the adjectives.
2: These are two different sentences. A comma is needed.
3: "Enter" needs to be capitalized, since it's the start of a piece of dialogue. This occurs throughout the chapter.
4: Parentheses are never needed in narrative writings, unless you're citing something.
5: Exposition dump! Why is Snow Feather saying something the Storm Walker would be aware about? This also happens a lot throughout the story.
6: Why is "Hours" capitalized? Is Hours referring to a person named Hour that walks by on a timely basis and is used to keep track of the time?
These are just a few errors I picked up on. Maybe a read through is necessary? Other than that, it's an interesting story. Just the few problems here and there. But it's alright. Everyone makes mistakes, and may not have time to fix them.
5544658 thanks for point them out, I'll get right on my corrections
5544658 I admit the info dumps are bit of problem here, but I honestly couldn't think of how to make them more subtle, they're there mostly for the convenience of the readers and in all honesty when I initially wrote it up I figured it was said regularly between them all to subtly express their distaste with the policies of their "home", you can feel free to pm me suggestions on how to make the info dumps less forces and more subtle.
5544658 thanks for the pointers, I just adjusted Snow's dialogue to be a bit more subtle and a bit less info dumpy. I like it better this way, I think this opens up a few new doors story-wise for me too.
5822903 In a bit, I've got it set up so that it's two chapters with Twilight and Eclipse then two with Luna and Dream. So after this coming chapter I'm working on it'll be back to Luna and Dream, just be patient a bit longer, sometimes chapters take longer than intended. That all said feel free to send any suggestions you have for later on in the story.
5825919 Yup, with one or two new quirks I thought would be good for her. Here's to hoping it turns out good.
5974543 So, what do you think of the quirks that I gave Luna for these last two chapters?
LOVE IT!!!
im hoping twilight goes to bridleton with discord to create lots and lots of chaos
7437041 The plan didn't have that sort of thing, but I did have a plan that could potentially give Discord some conflict.
7437607 all i really want is someone to kicks bridletons ass