For many years there has been a mysterious creature living in the woods. Many rumors have spread about this creature. Some say its capable of killing anything it puts its mind on, even predators many times its size. A very strange creature that nopony had ever encountered face to face. That was, until now.
The story will tagged complete, since I don't have anything more to write. If I do get an idea for another chapter it will be published here.
Image not mine but from Aeflus, check him out he has really impresive art! No really, go check him out.
Brought to you with the help of these fine persons: Mountain Bell, FreedomFiend, Glocky and Scrambled Crackers who have helped me out with this story. Really, these guy's are awesome!
Chapters (2)
Whole lot of deleted comments for some reason... Anyway, I liked this story - wish there was more, but if you don't want to write more chapters, so be it.
I like the premise, where he's doing what ancient humans supposedly did, making himself alpha and endurance hunting, eating whatever he can find.
That and the whole 'he's been here for years and years' bit IS much more interesting than other HiE stories.
This intrigues me, and I humbly request for more.
Awesome work bro!
This is p good.
interesting take on hie stories
5202155 you know that it was posted today, right? So I still have hope
moar pls i like this history
The idea is very well presented, but you must try to avoid reapiting words and phrases, it gets annoying.
I have enjoyed this please continue.
5203261 You have no idea how many more there were before glocky came in too help. Also I have never wrote something this long in english. I live in a spanish country so i never get the chance to practice my english. Hopefully i will get better in future stories/chapters.
5202155 Comments were from glocky and I before I remembered I had this on Gdocs
Slight typo in your description there.
5203578 Fixed, Thanks for pointing that out.
love the concept! But towards the end when Apple Jack was calling for Applebloom.....i thought he couldn't understand the ponies, I think you need to indicate when it was from Apple bloom's perspective and not his. Other than that it was entertaining and I would love to see more!
Do to its hight, the fence
Due and Height
5203551 and i have a german friend who is... "worse" i suppose (the german anfd english language are quite similar) nay ways, besides those two errors, I like this story so please continue
I seek more of your pony words good sir.
I've read one where the human was there for a Millennium. (Or a few centuries, I forgot a few details.)
5204057 Really? What's the story called, I'd like to read it.
5204136. http://www.fimfiction.net/story/116956/the-magic-of-immortality
It's not updated in a long while, and the idea is interesting to say the least.
Edit: It's only mentioned once in a later chapter, not really a plot point.
5204146 Sweet, thanks for the link I will definitely read it when I get the chance.
5204000 Fixed. Thanks for catching that
You really need to work on not repeating yourself. You use many of the same words over and over in the same paragraph, and sometimes, in the same sentence. Also, you need to add apostrophes where appropriate, that was another big thing.
5204224 no problem, I notice junk like that a lot (Mostly in my own storys but... no one is perfect in their writing)
TOO MANY RUN-ON SENTENCES.
Just from the very first paragraph:
'It is going to be one of those days again,’ he thought to himself as he heard his stomach growl yet again. He had not eaten anything that day, the only thing that they managed to catch was a beaver, a rabbit and the pack was already fighting for who would have how much of each. Unlike them he decided to leave them to fight for the food they managed to get today, they all needed more than he did.
Corrected version:
'It is going to be one of those days again,’ he thought to himself as he heard his stomach growl yet again. He had not eaten anything that day. The only thing his pack had managed to catch was a beaver and a rabbit, and they were already fighting over who would have how much of each. He decided to let the pack fight over the food. They all needed it more than he did.
Do you see the differences?!
Must play Connors life theme from assassins creed 3, fits so well.
5204647 Yes I do
, I will go in to chek for errors later to see if i can catch any more.
I know you're probably going to answer in the coming chapters, but I feel the need to ask any way. Why does he fear/hate the ponies?
5205080 Lets just say that the first encounters here aren't as smooth as in other stories.
great story, looking for the next chapters.
5205060 Maybe it's just be love for run-on sentences, but I thought yours sounded better. That's not to say that yours was without fault, but the 'corrected' one just sounded realy clunky when it kept stopping and starting.
good story, just in need of some editing so far, lets hope you decide to continue it
gonna fav this for more.
so more chapters soon?
Cool story can't wait for more
Nice story. Can't wait for more.
5204647
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From what I can remember, there were a lot more in the beginning.
Persistence hunting… its the stuff of nightmares…
This is a great first chapter and I eagerly await the next one.
I like how our good human friend has used his natural advantages to survive. Taming the wolves (proving once again that dog is mans best friend), using endurance hunting to get to things, surprisingly, before the faster species do (I guess the old story of the rabbit and turtle racing has some actual context for us after all) and how his time spent as a savage hasn't dulled his conscience. I believe many of us would think that a person who spends all of his time as a savage would become, at heart, a savage.
Particularly, I liked the endurance hunting part quite a bit. Many people on this site champion the ponies as the undisputed champions in this area when humans are the ones who can keep going far longer than anyone else. So I give unto thee KUDOS!
I don't really have any criticisms of the chapter, but I do have a few questions.
Was the thing that drove him to hate ponies a contrived misunderstanding, or a genuinely horrible first impression? Maybe a mix of the two? I'd be careful about the first one if that's the case. Hindsight is twenty-twenty and many readers, upon reading that, may look at it in twenty-twenty and have their suspension in disbelief strained. If the latter, is there hope of the responsible parties being brought to justice? Has hope of such things been wiped away by the ever cruel tides of fate? If a mix, can the scars from these things ever be healed, or will our dear Hunter Gatherer nurse these wounds for the rest of his life?
I find his lack of attempts at creating a house or home from stones or even wood to be interesting. What did he use to do before he got swept to Equestria? Does he have any knowledge of construction or technology at all? Or was his schooling primarily in the (quite useless in this situation) arts? Or was it of the fantastically useful wilderness survival kind?
I look forward to the next update and the answers to these questions as they come naturally. :)
5206380 Taming wolves takes generations of selective breeding. It doesn't happen spontaneously. This is an egregious example of both plot convenience and lack of research.
Anyway, given this guy's whacko mental state about... pretty much everything... I suppose this is where that crazy murderer survivalist in Pennsylvania has REALLY been hiding!
He hates the ponies because they obey The Man, dude! They're part of the CONSPIRACY!! The wolves tell him so!
So this guy's been here for years and NEVER noticed that the ponies have settlements. Strike 1 for his IQ.
Yep, insane survivalist. No one else would think this way.
Great story, so far. I look forward to more.
5206450
Does it? Well, darn! I guess I'm guilty of that lack of research too. :)
The do not obey the man. They obey the mare. There is a distinct difference there.
5206450 Ah alondro how I enjoy your comments on this site, being on the feature box is one thing but having you comment on my story is truly special. And yes the wolves do tell him to hate them, they've got to keep his head straight to counteract the lies that the foxes tell him
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