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In a small town on the borders of Equestria, a little colt learns how to forge weapons from his father. But swords are not always friendly to the pony that wields them. As time goes by the colt must also confront the harsh lessons of the world outside the forge, and come face-to-face with the cost of protecting what he cares for.

Winner of the Ponychan March write-off!

First Published
22nd Apr 2012
Last Modified
22nd Apr 2012
#1 · 138w, 6d ago · · ·

Glorious. I see now why My Little Metro has been on hold as of late, and in all honestly I couldn't care less. You got yourself another masterpiece here. Although complete, you just built yourself an excellent background for a huge adventure story. I'd love to see it one day become that. Keep up the good work.

(eagerly awaits the next My Little Metro chapter)

#2 · 138w, 6d ago · · ·

This is really good. I thoroughly enjoyed it. I'm favoriting it, and I'm hoping there will be more to it.

#3 · 138w, 6d ago · · ·

great story:yay:

#4 · 138w, 5d ago · · ·

Thank you all. I'll definitely be working on Metro overtime now that this is out of the way.

#5 · 138w, 5d ago · · ·

I read this orginially as part of the PonyChan contest, it was my #1 pick out of the 19 and one I rated as 10 out of 10 on a review to that contest.  I was really happy to see it win.:pinkiehappy:

I have not seen your story "Metro." but I will check it out. I also hope you might continue this story line as well.:twilightsmile:

UPDATE MY POST!!!!!!!

:pinkiegasp::pinkiehappy::pinkiegasp::pinkiehappy::pinkiegasp::pinkiehappy:

I just found your "My Little Metro,"  I DID read the first few chapters of this last August but then lost track of it. I been trying to find it again for a while but couldn't remember the name, author, or enough specific details to locate it again. I tried reading some of the other post apocalypse MLP stories but found them too video-game like. This reminded me of a book (and Movie) called "City of Ember."  Did you read that?:twilightsmile:

#6 · 138w, 4d ago · · ·

>>483695

In fact I have not! But I'm glad you think Metro is a bit more "realistic." That's the actual feel I was going for; it wasn't just a "video game crossover." It was a story about ponies actually living a post-apocalyptic lifestyle against horrible monsters. In fact, I was going more for the feel of the book Metro 2033 than the video game. Of course, I had to make a few sacrifices here and there. It's about ponies and magic after all!

#7 · 137w, 6d ago · · ·

Holy shit, this is REAL good! :pinkiehappy: Sequel pretty please with extra sprinkles and a cherry on top??

#8 · 137w, 6d ago · · ·

Wow. This seriously deserves more attention. Excellent work!

#9 · 137w, 6d ago · · ·

I'm not a fan of post-apocalyptic stuff so I'm skipping on MLM, but I have to say that this one is great. Good job on this. I particularly liked the long bits about how a sword is a tool, and it's the being behind the sword that defines intent. A very important lesson not just for swords, but for any kind of power one holds, and one civilizations forget at their peril.

#10 · 137w, 6d ago · · ·

only one thing to say.... beautiful.

#11 · 137w, 6d ago · · ·

>>512641

Maybe! But I felt the story was pretty complete when I finished it, and anyway I'm working on my next winning write-off entry. :ajsmug:

>>512785

Thank you!

>>513073

That's too bad, MLM is gonna be my magnum opus of ponyfic, so to speak! But thank you for the comment, and I'm glad the message was so powerful and so clear.

>>513706

Only one thing to say in return... thanks!

#12 · 137w, 6d ago · · ·

Well, color me suitably impressed. And you're also the writer of My Little Metro? I loved that story!

This fanfic caught my eye mostly because some of its elements are somewhat similar to my own story. And I'll admit, I was jealous at first that you had so many comments so soon. But after reading it, well, I can safely say you've earned all of this attention and more.

You do fantastic work with words. Some of your paragraphs ran long, but there was nary a weak sentence or a passive word that caught my eye. The characters and the pacing were especially good, I might add. I only wish you hadn't skipped the fight scene with the Timber Wolf.

I'm assuming this was a oneshot? If there's more, I can't wait to see it. If there isn't, this still works as one hell of a solid short story.

#13 · 137w, 6d ago · · ·

Man, that's good. Epic fantasy, coming-of-age, and ponies. I like it!

#14 · 137w, 6d ago · · ·

Great story. References to Earth pony magic reminded me a lot of "Its a Dangerous business, Going Out your Door".

#15 · 137w, 6d ago · · ·

Never been a fan of Oc's cause they tend be over the top at times, but damn, this totally deserved the EqD feature. Bravo good gent.

#16 · 137w, 6d ago · · ·

Very nice tale you've put together here, it's no wonder you made it to EqD. Solid four stars from me, and I look forward to whatever you pen next!

#17 · 137w, 6d ago · · ·

Sweet heavenly mercies this is beautiful. Legitimately beautiful. Wow.

A poet sees poetry everywhere: I see it in how you use a sort of repeating, a refrain: another day, another sword, and the like. It was lyrical when it needed to be and simple when it needed to be. A wonderful read.

#18 · 137w, 5d ago · · ·

Oh wow, this is just fantastic! 5 stars and 2 thumbs up. :rainbowdetermined2:

#19 · 137w, 5d ago · · ·

>>514030

And let me tell you, your fanfic is quite a story in itself. I just started reading it and I'm glad I did! I certainly hope you don't give up, and get more attention. You deserve it. Also, I'm glad you enjoy Metro, it's my favorite story too.

I think skipping the fight with the wolf was necessary for that little sucker punch I threw in at the end... I didn't want to go into too much depth and lose the impact of the last section. And yes, I believe this is the only story Reveille will get... OR IS IT? :pinkiegasp:

>>514113

Three awesome things wrapped in one small package. I am glad to be of service. :trixieshiftright:

>>514590

Good! Super good! Because "It's A Dangerous Business" is probably my most favorite MLP fanfic ever! It inspired many others, I'm sure.

>>514800

OCs deserve more love than to just be engines for an author's personal wishes, I agree. I strive to make OCs... well, their own original characters! Thanks for the comment.

>>515666

Thanks a lot!

>>515760

I'm glad someone noticed the repetition. Thank you!

>>518072

If only you could give two thumbs up on FIMFic...

#20 · 137w, 5d ago · · ·

>>519800 Well, I did add it to my wall of awesome one-shots on my user page, this really is an excellent story.

#21 · 137w, 5d ago · · ·

>>519800

Oh wow, you actually went and read it? Thanks! You did kind of choose an awkward time, though - I'm a few hours away from updating the story by replacing all the chapters and adding an extra one toward the beginning as an in-betweener.

If you write any more stories about Reveille, I'll be keeping an eye out. In the meantime, My Little Metro has updated a ton of times since I last saw it... *cracks knuckles* Challenge Accepted.

#22 · 137w, 5d ago · · ·

>>519800 You're quite welcome! Keep at it!

#23 · 137w, 4d ago · · ·

This is excellent. Two thumbs up. Everything about carrying a sword and having to use one is directly applicable to any weapon.

Anytime someone I know talks about getting a firearm to carry I always try to talk to them about proper use of force and the responsibilities carrying entails. I always ask them to think about if they can really pull the trigger under the assumption that the other person will die. Males always tend to answer in the positive immediately, Ive found, but I ask them to really think about it. If they cant do it then it is more of a risk for them to have it.

I try to enforce that it cant be pulled out for any scuffle they may get into and indeed they should try to avoid, de-escalate, and/or exit situations that are getting bad. No macho testosterone fueled bullshit.

I also tell them that they own every bullet that comes out of the muzzle, and everything they hit they also own. Whether that be the intended target or possibly someone else down range.

Ive had coworkers mention I appear paranoid when Im walking through the parking lot. Well, not really. I try to be observant. A weapon is not a magic talisman that wards off the bad just by the fact that one has it. One must be aware of their surroundings.

Anyway I think I went off topic but oh well.

#24 · 137w, 3d ago · · ·

This is an absolutely magnificent tale!  The climactic scene facing the timberwolf was perfect; gripping and suspenseful.  There really was no need to show the battle at all.  As you mentioned, it would have detracted from the later scenes.  Sometimes more is said when certain things are left unspoken.  The absense of the scene kept the mood and pace of the rest of the story in line, smoothly and fluidly moving along to Reveille's maturation.

I also enjoyed the lessons from his father, but I must disagree that swords can only be used for harm!

*suddenly flashing signs appear all over the screen as Flim & Flam dash out*  ORDER NOW!!!  The new and improved, Super Sword 3,000!!  It can slice even the biggest wheels of cheese in a flash!  Use it as an opener for those annoying over-taped shipping boxes!  Trim even the thickest hedges with a single swing!  AND WAIT!!!  THERE'S MORE!!  Overgrown fetlocks?  Tangled mane?  Not a problem for the Super Sword 3,000!  Use it for laying tile!  Removing makeup!  Performing surgery!  No job's too big for the Super Sword 3,000!!

(Order yours now for the special low price of 3 easy payments of $199.95  Order right now and get the special Super Sword Sharpener (a rock) FREE!!)  :pinkiecrazy:

#25 · 137w, 1d ago · · ·

Wow. This was a really great little piece of story craft. The characterizations were three dimensional and dynamic, the plot was tight and coherent, and the description accurate and efficient. I really enjoyed this one, so thank you! Keep up the great work!

#26 · 137w, 1d ago · · ·

>>527987

I'm glad it was so thought provoking!

>>528886

I'm glad you agree. Less is more, as the saying goes.

Also: Flim Flam Brothers picking up defense contracts? We're doomed.

>>542220

Ah! A person whose stories I like likes my story! Yes, yes, everything is going as planned... thank you!

#27 · 137w, 21h ago · · ·

>>542360  Meh, the Flim Flam Brothers can't be much worse than what we've got here.

I'd be more worried about them getting into pharmaceuticals.  :fluttershbad:

#28 · 133w, 6d ago · · ·

Welp, it's official, you are now going into my Watch list.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer
#29 · 118w, 6d ago · · ·

Oh yes! You wrote this, and I was so stoked to know it was you! :D This fic is so fantastic!

#30 · 106w, 4d ago · · ·

omgwat. This cannot be the end. NO. There are so many adventures to tell of Reveille left... ;A; I really like the twist with how Opal and Reveille developed... didn't see that coming lawls XD I really liked how your characters talked in the story... they really seemed like kids... the dialogue felt very natural.

Gosh, I cannot believe this came from MLP:FiM. Oh please please continue this! :(

#31 · 106w, 1d ago · · ·

Very nice story. Keep up the good work.

#32 · 89w, 22h ago · · ·

Aww, such a sweet ending. Solid story and themes too!

#33 · 87w, 6d ago · · ·

Yes, so much yes! This was an absolutely fantastic story. I'd really love to see more of Reveille, though. You've done a lot of wonderful setup with him.

#34 · 86w, 5d ago · · ·

Damn...

#35 · 58w, 3d ago · · ·

I liked the setting and the premise, but this story has a few serious flaws that made it less than enjoyable for me.

Primo, Reveille as a character needs more balance. The way he is now, he more or less does everything right: he's good at his swordfighting lessons, does his homework right on time, doesn't let bullies provoke him into fighting. He seems to know everything about what a "real stallion" is supposed to be, and acts on it, too. No wonder his parents and teachers are so proud of him! In other words, he's dangerously close to being a Marty Stu, and that makes him annoying and barely relatable.

Secundo, the story doesn't have a lot of conflict. Sure, there's the conflict against the monsters from the forest, but what about conflict between characters? The only sources of that are Opal's bullying of Reveille, and Songbird's objections to Reveille going into the Guard. Both of those are touched on only briefly, and they hardly create any tension or drama. If you fleshed these conflicts out a bit more, the story would become a great deal more interesting.

Tertio, the relationship between Opal and Reveille could use a lot more development. Show us more of how and why they go from bully and victim to lovers. Right now, this is mostly skipped over: you cut to several years later, and oh look, they're a couple now. I found that a deeply unsatisfying resolution.

So, I'd suggest you work on those points a bit. I hope this helps you as a writer. :twilightsmile:

#36 · 28w, 1d ago · · ·

Wow, this was beautifully written. I really enjoy stories like this.

I wish I could upvote this twice! :ajsmug:

#37 · 25w, 1d ago · · ·

This is an excellent fic. Well written, well paced, engaging and heartfelt. A great coming of age story for Reveille, starting off as a flighty colt to a dependable guards pony. I think that there was enough of everything in this story, just the right amount.

Greenthumbed!

#38 · 13w, 4d ago · · ·

As someone with a tendency to ramble and worry over details being left out, I find the brevity of this story breathtaking.  There could be so much more, but the way you have written it invites the reader to add it themselves, rather than forcing them to see it one way. Instead, you hit a few striking notes that define a scene, a character, a twist, and proceed on.  

And yet, from time to time, you toss in a small detail, as if to remind us that you are not omitting things by accident but with a purpose-- the description of the sword handle was one such detail that jumped out at me.

I love the way you use work, physical work, as a way to build characters and show contrasts.  I love how you reveal a conflict that's spanned by a relationship.  I love how you portray the passing of traits from one generation to the next and how that's not a perfect process, but one that is sometimes subject to the forge and hammer of life.

And I especially love the way you dwell upon the concept of sacrifice, duty, and the touch of guilt that goes behind it, justified or not.  I've read through this a couple of times now, and it's just as good each time.

Thank you for taking such care in crafting this story-- this is the reason I pay attention to fanfiction, because once in a while a real gem will reach out and slap you in the face as you read.

I am so very, very glad I opened this story up

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