Hold On...

Ever since she was born, Scootaloo has been shunted to the side and ignored. Now that she's found some friends who don't judge her on her looks or abilities, she realizes just what that truly means. She's found the light in darkness, and she's found it within herself.

Written for One-shotober.

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Comments ( 11 )

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2006midnight

2006midnight #1 · Oct 2nd, 2014 · · ·

5086957 You're really good at picking quotes.

EquesTRON

EquesTRON #2 · Oct 2nd, 2014 · 1 · ·

About the only thing I could really criticize here is that Scoot's inner monologue seems much too introspective and mature for a 10-year-old filly; children don't normally think or talk like that... but I have a soft spot for the little orange tomboy, so I'll let it slide.

(Oh, like you didn't have me using a bunch of nerd words in your story too?)
(Okay, fair point... but only because you'd been hanging around Twilight so much by then, that all that "egghead stuff" kind of rubbed off on you.)
(Heyyyyy...)

One suggestion, though: When a character is monologuing, and their speech continues from one paragraph to the next, the convention is that you leave off the closing quote at the end of the first paragraph -- which you are doing correctly -- and to place a quote mark at the beginning of the next paragraph. Like so:

"Every single day of my short life, I’ve felt trapped by the hatred. Trapped inside the walls that I’d built around myself when everypony seemed to want me gone from this world. Those walls were the only constant element in my life besides all of the resentment bordering on pure loathing from those around me.
"But now, after so long left alone in the dark, something has changed. Now, I’m not really sure what to do with those walls, or how to react to having other ponies actually talk to me before judging me. Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle are special, and not just because they’re my only friends. For them to look past my physical shortcomings and see who I really am on the inside, signifies that they have true hearts of gold. Right now, they are the two most amazing ponies in all of Equestria even more so than the princesses."

Another way to do it would be to have her thinking it, instead of whispering it out loud, and placing her inner thoughts in italics, like so:

Ever since I was born, she thought to herself, I’ve been pushed away by my parents. They never wanted me. Even though they don’t dare say to my face, I know that that is the truth. With how little they interact with me, I’m not sure why they don’t just fess up, and let me know how worthless they think I am. For the most part I’m just left alone, and told what to do. I’ve always obeyed even when I wanted nothing more than to escape that endless cycle. But no matter how hard I tried, something always brought me back, and I never knew just what that something was. Now, however, I think I might be beginning to realize what kept driving me to stay and continue to wait.
All my life I’ve been bullied everywhere I go. A lot of the time ponies won’t even talk to me before deciding that I’m not worthy of their friendship. After all, I am a flightless pegasus, and I don’t have my cutie mark yet. No matter how nice I tried to be, I was always driven away from the other fillies and colts as well as my parents. I don’t dare call them family since they have not acted as such. Families are supposed to take care of each other and be there when somepony else needs them, not ignore somepony just because they weren’t meant to be in this world.

That way, you don't have to worry about placing quote marks, since the italics indicate inner dialogue (silent thoughts of the character in question) without needing quote marks to set them off.

2006midnight

2006midnight #3 · Oct 2nd, 2014 · · ·

5087316 I originally had them italicized but it failed moderation that way so I had to chane it. I will fix the quotes when I get to a computer though.

EquesTRON

EquesTRON #4 · Oct 2nd, 2014 · · ·

5087478
Really? That's kind of an odd thing for them to fail you for... Did you ask why they felt the use of italics was incorrect? Because italics as thoughts is a pretty common convention, even when the character is monologuing to themselves...

2006midnight

2006midnight #5 · Oct 2nd, 2014 · · ·

5088225 They just said that having most of the story in italics was compromising readability.

EquesTRON

EquesTRON #6 · Oct 2nd, 2014 · · ·

5088272
Seriously?

Considering some of the atrocious grammar, spelling, and hideously-malformed paragraph formatting they routinely allow to get past moderation, they've got a bit of nerve complaining about "readability"...