And Screwball Makes Three
To the spirit's great surprise, Pinkie was back within nine days this time. He had started to panic, in all honesty, but to his delight, not only did Pinkie come back, but a smaller mare was hopping behind her, beaming.
“Daddy!”
Hello there, my little monster!
Pinkie Pie bounced over to the statue, watching as the foal giggled and jumped onto the statue’s pedestal. “I convinced the Princess to let her visit! Sorry it took so long. She can’t visit by herself like I can, but I figured this was better than nothing, right?”
Screwball nodded happily and climbed up on her father, so she was between his horns, snuggled next to Bananas. “I’m living in a bakery now, Daddy- it smells like candy all the time, it’s great! Pinkie’s been taking care of me, back in Ponyville. Nopony there knows you’re my daddy, ‘cause Auntie Lulu says that would cause ‘widespread panic’ or something. She’s nice, and she says I can call her Auntie! Celestia says I can call her it too, but she doesn’t like it as much.”
Good old Lulu. Well, I can’t say I’m surprised about Celestia, but one out of two ain’t bad!
Screwball, however, was still talking, “Let’s see, what else... Oh, I started going to school! I’m kinda big for the class, but there are these three fillies I talk to. They let you out last time, remember? I thanked ‘em for it, but they didn’t smile or anything, they looked like they felt bad, which I don’t get. They’re really nice, though, and lotsa fun! You’d like ‘em- they get in a lot of trouble! Like me! I got in trouble yesterday, Daddy, ‘cause they were teaching us all about the history of Equestria and they got it all wrong! They said you had done some really evil things and I know you didn’t, you were just making the world better, so I was trying to set them straight, but the teacher got annoyed with me, and these two mean girls were laughing, and...”
She trailed off and frowned, looking at Pinkie. “Why isn’t Daddy talking back?”
Pinkie sighed. “He can’t, he can only talk to the Princesses... maybe he’ll write you a note before we leave, though, he’s done that before!”
The filly’s face screwed up. “But I’m a princess! If Daddy’s the king of chaos, aren’t I the princess?”
Of course you are.
Pinkie put a hoof to her chin. “Well, I’d think so, but I don’t think it was for all princesses, just Luna and Celestia.”
“That’s dumb.”
I couldn’t agree more.
Pinkie nodded. “Yeah- I mean, everyone should get to talk! I can’t imagine not talking!”
“And Daddy loves to talk! It’s gotta be really hard for him!” then Screwball giggled. “Sometimes he talks too much! Just goes on and on...”
“Oooh, I do that too! When I used to do that on the rock farm, Pa would give me peanut butter to glue my mouth shut! It was really tasty, though, so sometimes I used to talk a lot just so I could get some!”
“Daddy did that to me, too, ‘cept he used taffy!”
“Taffy!? No fair, that’s waaaaay better! Especially since Pa never realized that peanut butter’s like ten zillion times better with chocolate! He never even put in a single chip!”
Screwball’s eyes went wide and she shuddered, taking her beanie off as a sign of respect for all the spoonfuls of peanut butter who never found their chocolate soulmates. “A true travesty.”
Pinkie nodded solemnly, shedding a tear. “Finally, somepony who understands.”
Discord watched his daughter and the other pink mare bounce off each other, discussions ranging from candy to parties to school- he was finding simple school lessons interesting, Celestia help him...
Midway through the conversation, though, he started to feel a bit left out.
Hello? Weren’t you here to talk to me?
“... and everypony was screaming, and I didn’t get it at all!”
“Yeah, ponies are silly,” Pinkie snorted.
“But not in a good way,” Screwball pouted.
“Aw, well, I dunno about that! Ponies can be real fun when they wanna be! Like one time...”
Really, now. It was nice to see them getting along, but it was unfair of them not to even attempt to involve him in conversation.
So distracted was he in childish self-pity, that he almost missed his daughter’s next comment.
The key word was almost.
“I guess you’re right, Mommy!”
...
What. Discord’s “heart” nearly stopped and he looked at his spawn in something akin to horror.
To Pinkie Pie’s credit, she seemed more than just a bit off-put by this comment. “What?”
“What?” Screwball smiled, looking at her in interest.
“I- I’m not your mommy, you silly filly!”
Screwball cocked her head to the side. “You’re not?”
“No, of course not!” Pinkie said, still a bit confused, but cheerful as ever.
“But...” Discord could physically see the gears on his little girl’s head turning. “But you’re taking care of me!”
“Yeah, but-”
“And we both have pink coats!”
“I guess we do, but-”
“And your mane’s all curly like mine! I look even more like you then I look like Daddy!” she nodded, the logic solid in her mind.
Pinkie giggled. “You do, don’t you?”
Actually, now that he thought about it, his little terror did have quite a resemblance to Pinkie.
Strange. Although, he supposed, it makes sense that the ponyification of chaos is a mix between me and Pinkie. Who else could it be?
“But we’ve only known each other for a little more’n a week! A little soon to be calling me mommy, isn’t it?” she looked a bit nervous, but giggled all the same.
“But I only knew Daddy for two days! Or twenty three and a half- if you count how many times Daddy witched the moon and sun out. But if I called him Daddy after that long, why can’t I call you Mommy?”
Yes, but... but that was different! Pinkie, tell her it was different!
“Hmmm....” Pinkie put a hoof to her chin in contemplation- something she seemed to do quite a bit, now that he thought about it. Then she brightened. “I guess that makes sense!”
Celestia and Luna damn you, Pinkie Pie.
The propeller on Screwy’s hat buzzed, and she started to hover with excitement. “Really?!”
“Well, yeah! I mean, I’m not really your mommy, but...” she shrugged. “I’m super responsible! If I can take care of a pair of babies, I can take care of a filly!”
Pinkamena Diane Pie, what are you DOING?
“Yay!” Screwball hoof-pumped. “Did you hear that. Daddy?!”
... Yes, I heard. Had the two mares been able to hear him, they would have discovered that his response was hoarse and cracked, and more than a little confused.
“I mean, you already live in the bakery, so it shouldn’t be too hard to set everything up!”
Did- did I just witness an adoption?
“Oh, y’wanna change your last name to Pie? I’ll bet you could do that!”
Do I get a say in this?
“Yeah! Screwball Pie!” she giggled. “That sounds funny!”
Do I have to pay child support now?
“I like it though!” Pinkie giggled. “Oooh, I always wanted a foal! It seemed like so much fun. A lotta hard work, too, but I think I’m up to it.” she nodded, completely assured with herself.
Okay, Discord couldn’t handle this anymore. He started writing- mad, feverish scribbles. What was he saying? Oh, he didn’t know, and he didn’t care. Finally, he scratched out sentences that didn’t make sense, even to him, more unsavory words, paragraphs in long-dead languages and indecipherable codes, and a few doodles he didn’t even remember drawing.
All that remained was a simple- ARE. YOU. INSANE???
Screwball and Pinkie scanned the note, looked at each other, and both nodded.
“Yep!” Pinkie laughed.
Screwball nodded, grinning. “Ain’cha proud?”
In any case, he would be. Extremely proud- of both of them, actually. Any form of chaos, even a spur of the moment adoption, would normally fill him with happiness and amusement.
But this? Well... not so much.
Genuine concern filled him for both ponies. If anypony could take care of Screwball, it was Pinkie Pie, but...
He was pretty sure that not even Pinkie could deal with Screwball.
She was basically a toned down version of him, after all.
“Oh! I dunno if you can have your own room, there’s not a lotta extra room in the bakery, but we can split my room in half! You can decorate it however you want!”
“Can I have a hot-chocolate waterbed hammock and marshmallow pillows?”
Pinkie’s eyes widened.
Here it comes. He hoped Screwball would take her ideas being rejected well. From experience, he guessed that would happen quite a lot.
“Of course! I mean, only if I can have one too! Oooh, and what about lickable wallpaper!?”
Discord raised a brow. Well, what d’you know?
“And a disco ball lamp!”
“And trampoline floorboards!”
“And doorknobs made of Snozzberries!” they said together, before collapsing into a fit of giggles.
Discord smiled a bit, surprised. Although, he supposed he really shouldn’t be too shocked. Pinkie had a sweet tooth after all, and enough of a sense of fun that perhaps Screwball wouldn’t be too much of a handful.
Er, hoof-full.
The filly grinned, looking at the sky. “Look, the moon’s coming up!”
“Oh my gosh, already?” the pony looked at the moon, eyes wide. “We gotta go! I gotta get up early to start a batch of cupcakes, and you have school tomorrow! If I’m gonna take care of you, I better start off on the right hoof!”
The littler pony laughed, her eyes swirling. “I guess you’re right!” she looked back at her dad. “Bye, Daddy! We’ll be back soon!” She hopped off of her dad’s head, landing on Pinkie with a loud thump!
Pinkie wobbled back to her feet, beaming. “Yeah, see you Dissy!” She started to bounce away, no slower than usual despite the weight on her back. She was almost out of sight and earshot when suddenly-
“Maybe when Daddy’s free, you two can get married!”
Pinkie stopped mid-bounce, hanging in midair for a few seconds, before falling comically. She looked back at Discord, as if he had something to do with it.
Inside his statue, he was just as confused and flustered as she was, and gave her a little shrug and said, What? She’s your kid now, too, apparently.
Although she couldn’t hear him, she continued to stare at him, and he glared right back.
This is your fault, Pinkie. I blame your influence entirely.
She looked at him a bit longer, an expression on her face he couldn't decipher, then shrugged, a smile right back on her face. “Well, I dunno, Screwy! I guess we’d have to ask your daddy about that one!” and trotted off, not looking back once.
Once Discord had picked his jaw up off the floor, he blinked once. Twice. Then he curled up in his endless subconscious, puzzling over the strange, gooey feeling in his chest.
He had finally done it.
He had finally found the one pony in all of Equestria who made even less sense than he did.
And he had absolutely no idea how to feel about it.
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5050260 Already done!
Oh my gosh, I LOOOOVE Screwball here. If you look at my stories, you'll see that I like Screwball a lot, and I'm always looking for stories that don't portray her as an unsympathetic, overly dramatic and depressing mess of a character like a lot of stories seem to do. You'd think that Screwball being the spawn of chaos writing her as incredibly random and nuts would be a no-brainer right? You'd think that'd be common knowledge, right?
Surprisingly, it isn't.
Anyway, the way you wrote her here is perfect. Now I continue to wait for Discord to get out and for more DiscoPie to ensue. I'm normally a Fluttercord kinda guy, but I really like this.
And yeah, why the hay isn't there a Screwball tag?
5056994 Oh my gosh, thank you so much! I was literally reading Screwball: Chaos Strikes Back when I got the notification that you'd commented on my story, so you saying I write her well is beyond flattering, seeing as I'm enjoying your story so much!
And the fact that you don't even really ship Discopie makes me all the more flattered- it takes a lot for me to read a story about something I don't entirely ship, and that fact that you're looking forward to what happens next makes me really happy!
And not to worry- there'll be plenty of Screwball, too!
5057124 Glad to hear you like my work. Something tells me we can be very good friends.
5057150 I gotta agree. seems like we'll get along!
Hope to talk to you soon!
Hahaha, I loved this chapter! It was so much fun to read.
I love this story so much! Each chapter has something new and interesting to experience and it's an emotional ride every time.
You've got some real talent, man, and you're using it astonishingly well!
5058999 First off, I'm really happy that you like my story so much! It's really, really great to hear- especially on the Pinkie front. I love her so much, and I worry I don't always do her justice- glad to hear I was wrong!
Yeah, Discord does sound a bit too much like Pinkie, huh? I've been rewatching all his episodes to try and get a sense for his vocabulary, but I'm still falling a bit short- watching "Best of Q" seems like a great idea though, thanks!
5050260 Wow, thank you so much, that's great to hear! I dunno about "real talent," but that's nice of you to say!
5058305 Wow, that means a lot coming from you! I really love your stories, so this is a really great complement! Thank you so much!
5059063 Yeah, I thought about that while writing it, to be honest. I guess I was kinda counting on the fact that she'd be thinking it was Screwball, as the next chapter reveals she'd been hanging around the gardens, and she just wanted confirmation it was her. I always thought Celestia was a bit stubborn- when she has an idea, she sticks with it, until it's proven wrong. But, yeah, I see where you're coming from there.
My whole idea with the thank you is simply that Discord is already growing a bit softer, and to show he doesn't completely hate Celestia- he still remembers when they were kids and got along better, even if he won't admit it. But, yeah, that didn't really come across either, eh?
5059085 I feel like Discord doesn't think his chaos is evil in the slightest, but still realizes he's breaking many laws in doing it- so he really is a criminal, and he's fine with wearing that title, since he doesn't actually think he did anything wrong. It's just a testament to how much he annoys Celestia, to him (enough that laws would be put in place against it,) so he sort of wears his criminal status as a badge of honor, in a way.
But yeah, it was mostly for the Joker reference!
this chapter was HILARIOUS! i nearly spit out my coffee when screwball proposed that 'mommy' and 'daddy' get married! comedy gold! i only wish i could have just a little more description of pinkie's expressions, either when screwball first said it, or as pinkie looks back at discord. does she blush? is it the first time she's even thought of discord as a stallion (read: potential love interest)?
and yeah, it totally works with pinkie's character to want a filly of her own, after we see how she is with the cake's twins in canon. and especially if she's been taking care of screwball for a while now already. im also really loving the idea of screwball being a plot device for her and discord getting together eventually. gives them yet another point of commonality. its also interesting how you show pinkie starting to be a good parent and counteracting some of discord's more antisocial teachings without making discord look bad to his daughter...like here:
and its nice to think that screwball can now get the discipline and social acclimatizing that discord couldnt have provided for her even when he was free. and in overhearing pinkie's lessons on friendship and ethics to screwball, discord will learn too. :3
nitpick: screwball says the word 'travesty'. thats much more of a discord vocabulary word imo...and even if she'd picked it up from her father, i'd expect her to mangle it a bit; 'twavasty' or something. it just sounds odd coming out of a little filly who asks for a hot chocolate water bed and marshmallow pillows.
5059113
ahh, yes, with screwball in her mind it does make a bit more sense, although it wasnt terribly clear at the time. did you intend to put screwball in from the very beginning or did the idea develop more as you went?
5059113
i think him finally talking to celestia after so long being silent for their little visits already shows he's feeling a bit softer, and if you hold off on the 'thank you' in the early chapters you can break it out later as a sign of character development later.
5059166 A bit of both! I knew I wanted Screwball in it, but it took listening to "Daddy Discord" on repeat while writing chapter four to realize exactly where I could cram her in. But I'd known I wanted her lurking around the gardens, at the least, looking for her dad.
5059172 Hmmm... good point. I'll also admit, I wasn't really sure how to end the chapter, but that's something to keep in mind! Not sure how I'd change it now though... But yeah, I missed an opportunity there, huh? Ah, well. Hopefully I can show development in other ways.
Pinkie. Pie. Huff. Has. Pant. Killed me. Wheeze. With. Gasp. Laughter!
Me too! Me too! ANSWER ME, Damn it!
Wait... Wow. What a horrible child-hood Discord had. In my opinion.
Pffffffttt......
What the buck did i just read the end is near i tell you the end is near