Chapter 1: The Truth Be Told
It was a calm, and peaceful spring night in Cloudsdale, my mother had went into during dinner. After six hours of labor and braking my dad’s hoof my mom gave birth to me at exactly 12 O’clock on the night of a new moon. This was strange because nopony had ever been born on such a night. After the doctors ran the usual tests, they brought me back to my mom and placed me in her forelegs. The doctors then sent a nurse to Canterlot Castle to tell the Princesses of my birth. When the Princesses heard of this they flew as fast as they could to the Cloudsdale Hospital where my parents and I were. At least that is what my parents had told me.
It was my third birthday, and I was on the school playground during recess. I was playing tag with some of my new friends I had made during the first few weeks of school. We were running, laughing, and just simply enjoying our youth. When all of a sudden I turned too sharply, and lost my traction on the clouds, and I slid through a weak point in the magic fence that when along the perimeter of the schoolyard. I fell off the edge of the cloud and began to plummet towards the ground below. As I fell through the air I could only hear the wind rushing past my face, I began screaming bloody murder, as I saw the ground rushing towards me. I prayed to Celestia that somepony would catch me before I hit the ground. Suddenly everything stopped, I no longer felt the air rushing against my body, and I no longer felt the sensation of falling. I thought that I had hit the ground. Oh no am I dead? I ask myself. I decided to try and open my eyes, but when I opened my eyes I was shocked at what I saw. I was not only no longer falling but I was just hovering there in the air, so I looked behind me to see who had caught me. But to my surprise nopony was there, and I saw my wings flapping. When the realization hit me I yelled out in pure joy "I...am...flying...YEAH!!!" I then decided to fly back up to the cloud from where I had fallen off, and surely my teacher and classmates were.
When I got in viewing range of the clouds edge, I saw my teacher and fellow classmates standing at the edge and looking down at me. When I landed on the cloud my teacher Mrs. Sky Bloom, along with my fellow classmates were all standing there with their eyes dilated and their lower jaws hanging low from shock. I looked at them curiously with my head tilted to the side and my ears perked up. Until finally after about 10 minutes the silence was broken by a young baby blue filly with a midnight blue and scarlet mane. I same filly that I could not stop looking at during class, the same filly that I had a huge crush on.
"My name is Starry Night and that was totally epic!!" she said with an ear to ear grin.
"Thanks" I said sheepishly blushing slightly from the compliment from my secret crush.
"Hey do you want to hang out some time?" She ask me with the faint hint of pint on her baby blue cheeks.
"Sure, how about I meet you next to the bell tower after school today?" I suggest to the beautiful filly in front of me.
"Ok it's a date." She replies cheeks taking on a darker shade of pink now graced her checks.
"See you later." I say as she ran back into the school house.
I began to walk into the classroom but was cut short by Mrs. Sky Bloom.
"I need to talk to you and your parents after class today Cloud Flare, ok?" She asked with a smile
"Ok, am I in trouble Mrs. Sky Bloom?" I ask my teacher, disappointed about not being able to meet up with Starry Night after school.
"No, no, no you are not in trouble." She answered and then allowed me to enter the classroom.
As if Celestia had heard my pleas for the day to end, the school bell rang signaling the end of the day. I was about to bolt out the door and meet up with Rainbow Dash. But before I could leave the door my teacher Mrs. Sky Bloom stopped me.
“Are you forgetting something little colt?” Mrs. Sky Bloom said with a smile.
“Oh yeah you wanted to see my parents.” I replied sheepishly. “I almost forgot.”
Mrs. Sky Bloom then placed a letter in my saddle bags, then said. “Now take this to your parents, and I will be waiting here for you and your parents to arrive.”
I left the school headed for home to get my parents a huge smile plastered on my face. It only took me 19 minutes to get home and give my parents Mrs. Sky Bloom’s letter. My father answered the door, and was surprised to find me waiting on the porch.
“Cloud Flare? W…w…what are you doing here, did somepony bring you home?” my father ask quizzically.
“No dad, I flew here all on my own.” I answered, only to see my father’s eyes go wide.
“Who is it dear?” asked my mother, holding a dish with her right wing and with her left wing she held a towel using it to dry the dish. She had heard her husband answer the door and then go silent so she decided to pause her dishwashing and see what was going on.
“Hey mom, how was your day?” I asked her when I saw her come around the corner from the kitchen. Only to hear the sound of the plate shattering on the floor.
After my parents got over the initial shock of the situation, they both gave a hug so tight that my face almost turned purple from the lack of oxygen. I then told them what had happen today at school, and gave them Mrs. Sky Bloom’s note. We then headed straight over to the school for what my parents called a “PTO meeting” I had no clue what that was.
“Hello Mr. Solar Flare and Mrs. Moon Beam. Please have a seat.” She said with a smile.
After arriving my parents and I sat down in the front row of desks. “Is Cloud Flare in trouble?” My mother asked in a worried tone.
“No, he is not in trouble.” She answered. “I just wanted to tell you about what happened today.”
My father looked at my teacher with a curious look on his face. “What has he done?”
“Well as you know, Pegasus foals usually cannot fly until they are around three years old.” Mrs. Sky Bloom began.
“Yes we are aware of this. What are you saying Mrs. Sky Bloom?” My mother asked.
“What I am trying to tell you is that Cloud Flare flew today.” She replied plainly and then she gave them the whole story
When Mrs. Sky Bloom was finished with the story she sat there waiting for my parents to react. My parents just sat there with the same expression on their faces that my teacher and fellow students had earlier. My parents were in shock over what they had heard.
That night my parents and I eat dinner at my favorite restaurant to celebrate both my birthday and my learning to fly on my own. When we got home I went up-stairs and into the bathroom to brush my teeth and take my shower. After I was done with my shower, I dried myself off and left the bathroom. I walked over to the door to my room and started to push it open. I walked over to my bed and climbed under the covers.
“Oh ponyfeathers” I whispered to myself as I realized that I had forgotten about Starry Night. “I hope she will understand when I tell her what happen tomorrow.” I thought to myself as I fell into a deep sleep.
I opened my eyes but saw nothing but pure endless darkness. “Is anypony there…Hello?” I yelled into the darkness, but no answer. I was all alone, and it was cold, and damp. I sat there and began to cry. When all of a sudden there was a blinding white light. After my eyes finally adjusted to the light I found myself standing in front of a certain baby blue mare with a scarlet and midnight blue mane, and I was no longer a colt, but a fully grown stallion. We were standing in a lush, green meadow. As I stood there I found myself looking into the goldden eyes that could only belong to the beautiful Starry Night.
I slowly opened my eyes, and I saw that the sun had just started to rise and was slowly moving across my room. Then I shot up in my bed I was now wide awake and I realized something, I was late for school. I got out of bed brushed my mane and grabbed my saddle bags, and left for school.
I decided to fly to school, so I flew as fast as I could hoping to catch Starry Night so I could explain what had happened. When I arrived at my destination I saw her waiting, and she appeared to be mad. I landed and trotted over to her.
“Hey Stsrry Night, I am sorry about yesterday let me explain.” I said as I approached the filly.
We were standing face to face, and I noticed that she was either very mad or she was blushing.
“What’s wrong” I started but was cut off when she kissed my cheek with her soft lips.
I stood there in shock, her lips were soft almost like little clouds. I could see a heavy blush on her cheeks as she ran into the school. After a while I snapped back to reality and started to trot into the classroom. As I entered the classroom I noticed that a certain filly was sitting in the desk next to mine, and I blushed. I walked over to my desk and toke a seat. I quickly looked over at Starry Night and found that she was looking at me as well and my face turned a deep crimson as I got lost in her beautiful goldden pools. I zoned out looking at beauty incarnate.
The bell rang which snapped me back to reality and I relized school was out. I began to pack my saddle bags. I left the classroom and started to fly home. As I flew I thought about what had happened and tried to understand why Starry acted the way she did. I landed on the front porch and walked up to the door and opened it and walk upstairs to my room.
After a while I heard a knock on my door. I walked over and opened it to find my parent standing there.
“Oh, hey mom, hey dad come on in.” I said as I gestured towards the small lounge area of my room.
My parents and I sat down. “So, is there something we need to talk about?” I asked curiously.
“Yes there is son, and it is important.” My father said a bead of sweat rolling down his brow.
“Ok, what is it? Is something wrong?” I asked
“No nothing is wrong. We just thought that you are old enough to know the true story of your birth.” Answered my mother.
“Am…am I…adopted?” I asked scared about what I might hear.
“Oh heavens no, you are not adopted.” She answered “It’s just…” She paused looking for the right words to use.
“It’s just about the day you were born.” My father finished.
“What do you mean?” I asked my ears perked up, my eyebrows raised, and I tilted my head wondering what they were trying to tell me.
“We did not tell you the whole truth.” My father answered.
“Ok, then please continue.” I said as I shifted my body and prepared for the truth.
My father took a deep breath and began “You see…”
It was a stormy night, a storm had come out of nowhere and none of the weather ponies could explain where it had come from. Not even the Princesses had any ideas on where a storm of this strength could have come from. Nopony could stop it as it traveled across Equestria leaving pain and misery in its wake. But the storm had stopped just as suddenly as it had begun. And this was when my mother had gone into labor, just as they began to eat dinner.
My father tried his best to keep calm as he prepared my mother to leave for the hospital. Once he had all of the necessities pack into the special saddle bags, he flew out the door to get a carriage. A few minutes later he returned and slowly helped my mother out the door and into the carriage. He asked the carriage driver to fly to the hospital as fast as possible, and the driver did as he was asked.
When my parents arrived at the hospital, my father jumped out at walked my mother into the hospital. When the nurses saw my parents walking in, they rushed over with a wheelchair, and placed her in it and quickly but gently pushed to the maternity ward. My mother’s contractions were getting closer and closer, causing her to cry out in pain.
“Doctor, she is fully dilated.” Called the nurse.
“Ok Mrs. Moon Beam it is time. I need you to push as hard as you can.” Said the Doctor.
My mother started to push as hard as she could while she squeezed my father’s hoof with her own. Causing him to cry in pain as she broke his hoof.
“Ok, One more push, I need you to give it all that you have. Now!” Said the Doctor.
With one final push and a deafening scream from my mother. I was finally born, and the Doctor took me over to a table where he and the nurses cleaned me. The nurse brought me over and placed me in the forelegs of my parents. They looked down at me with pride as my father’s hoof was put into a cast.
The Doctor then sent a massager to retrieve the Princesses. The nurse did as she was told and ran off to do her duty. An hour later she returned with the royal sisters shortly behind her. The Princesses entered the recovery room that my parents were occupying.
My father jumped to his hooves. “Your Highnesses.” My father said with a bow.
“Please arise Solar Flare.” Said Princess Celestia.
“We have come to see your foal.” Said Princess Luna.
“Our foal, What about him? Is something wrong, your Highnesses?” my father asked with worry in his eyes.
“No nothing is wrong my friends, and please stop with the formalities we are friends after all.” Replied Celestia.
“We are here because of an ancient prophecy.” Answered Luna.
“A prophecy, what prophecy?” Asked my mother.
“It says 'A stallion with coat as black as night. who will always try to do what's right. With pools of sapphire gloss. Will know love as well as great loss. With violet hair and a violent tale. Be a true friend without fail. Face a foe oh so great. But will lose at first due to fate. And after all is said and done. The evil be slain and a new friend gained.' " Answered Celestia
“And we have come to test the foal to see if he is the one that the prophecy speaks of.” Continues Luna.
“Test, what kind of test?” Asked my mother, hugging me closer to her chest.
“Do not worry Mrs. Moon Beam, no harm will come to the child, I promise.” Answered Luna. After hesitating a few moments my parents passed me to Luna. And she slowly and carefully lifted me into the air with her magic. As she did her eyes began to glow white with power, as she performed the ritual. The room began to shake, and everypony could feel the energy coming from the ball of blinding white magic that had formed around Luna and me. Then a bright light blinded all those in the room, when the light receded Luna stood there with me hovering next to her, and she used her magic to return me to my parents.
“The ritual is complete.” Luna announced.
“And?” asked Celestia.
“He is the one we have been looking for.” answered Luna.
My parents looked at each other and my mother nodded. “Well since you are already here, Luna we have a question.” Said my father with a smile.
“Yes what is it my friends?” She asked with a curious look.
“We were wondering if you would do us the honor of being Cloud Flare god-mother.” My mother asked with a hopeful grin.
“Well…” Luna said putting her hoof to her chin “I would love to be the god-mother to your foal.”
“And that son is what really happened.” My father finished.
I sat there with my jaw dropped, if it were any lower it would be touching to floor. “You mean I have a god-mother? And that god-mother is Princess Luna, as in the “Princess of the Night” Luna?” I asked out of pure shock.
“Yes.” My parents answered at the same time.
“THIS IS SO AWESOME!!!!!” I yelled as I flew up in excitement, and hit my head on the ceiling, and fell onto my reading pillow.
“Are you ok?” Asked my father with a chuckle.
“Yeah I’m fine just got a little too excited I guess.” I answered laughing.
“Well I think it’s about time for a certain little colt to go to bed, don’t you darling?” asked my mother looking at my father with smile.
“Ahh, ponyfeathers.” I said as I climbed into bed and pulled the covers over myself. “Goodnight mom, goodnight dad.”
“Goodnight, Cloud Flare we love you very much.” My parents said as they kissed my forehead.
“I love you too.” I replied as they walked out the door, and closed it behind them. I leaned over, blew out the lantern on my night stand, and laid my head down and fell asleep.
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Warning Signs (based on the story description):
- OC's name matches the writer's user name.
- OC has a color scheme unlike any pony in the series (except maybe Nightmare Moon).
- OC has a mysterious past.
- OC is or becomes non-canon royalty.
- OC either somehow replaces an active Element of Harmony or becomes yet another Seventh Element of Harmony.
Additional Warning Signs (based on the cover art):
- OC gets romantically involved with a canon character.
- Said canon character is a member of the Mane Six.
- Said member of the Mane Six is Rainbow Dash, Ponyville's town bicycle. (Everybody gets a ride.)
This doesn't look good.
Edit after reading: Sometimes I hate being right.
Hey, writer! You need an Alternate Universe tag! If this character and Rainbow Dash are the same age, there's no way Princess Luna was there at his birth. She was still under the influence of Nightmare Moon and imprisoned in the moon during RD's childhood.
OH
CKING
MOTHERF
GREAT.
dont mind me
"was" does not indicate good things to come.
That's what I expected. You know what would make your OC really unique? If your OC wasn't unique and special. Tons of new writers write about how their OC is special, and saves and/or destroys the world. Very very few writers make stories about how their OC is normal.
Congratulations, you completed the cliche checklist!
No it isn't. It's actually somewhat on the low end. 1000 words is the minimum, but 2600 is fairly short. 4000 is about standard length and 10000 and more is a long chapter.
5306860 Like I said in the autor's note Nightmare moon never happen. And I might alter it later on if it is not liked.
5307477
That means you need an AU tag.
5307477 If Nightmare Moon didn't happen, you should be looking at what Equestria would be like if it knew the rule of both sisters throughout all its history. What becomes of the holiday of Nightmare Night? How does the absence of the event affect the lives of the ponies we know, assuming they'd even still have been conceived and born? How has it affected the student-mentor dynamic Celestia shares with some of her subjects, and what happens with Twilight in terms of moving away from Canterlot? If the girls never received the Elements of Harmony, shouldn't they still be associated with the princesses, and if not, why? What is Luna's role in Equestria, and most pressingly, what the actual hell did she do to stave off her bitterness and jealousy and decline the temptation of the Nightmare?
Don't just say "NOOP" and toss canon out.
5309118 Well Fallen Primeyour questions will be answered later in the story so relax and wait for those chapters, please.
5309472 ...
Later chapters.
You're going to explain that stuff in later chapters.
Even though that stuff is integral world-building that should be exposited from the very start.
You're just making shit up as you go along, aren't you? That's only in your plan because I said something, isn't it?
5309492 No I planed this all out ahead of time.
5309566 Clearly you've got some revisions to make with your plan.
5309573 Yes this is NOT the final product.
Here we go...
5574221 Read the new intro and tell me which of the two sounds better. Be 100% honest and please do not be afraid to give criticisms.
5886974 You want 100% honest? You got it.
reactiongifs.com/r/pcpt.gif
5574221
Indeed, brace yourselves. Winter is com- no wait. Wrong line.
I got a bad feeling about this... no thats not right either. I'll come back with the right line. Just give me a few days.
Well you all gotta give the writer one thing, despite all this hate thrown his way he still hasnt abandoned his account...
...Well he has been gone a week which is kind of a while so for all I know he's abandoned his account but only recently so it doesnt seem like it. I dont know, maybe he's still around. Hey author! If your still active reply to this comment!
6555329 to answer your question sir no I have not abandoned my account and I have not abandoned the story and I will not abandon the story until am complete the reason I have not been on is because I am working my butt off getting chapters of the story written I've decided to not start posting them until I get the first part of the story complete that way I can updated regularly while I'm working on the next part that's alright I am getting a lot of negative comments but I'm not letting that affect me but I am NOT ignoring them either I'm taking them to heart for future stories I am going to write I already have it planned out and I'm not changing it gardless of what others think I'm sticking with my guns and I am not giving up because that is just the kind of person I am.
6568174 in the prologue and chapter 1 are just rough drafts the final products are complete but I am NOT uploading them until I am complete with the first part
6568174
Well here is a tip, it was hard for me to read that comment because of the way it was written. You not only need to work on story telling and the like but clearly need to work on your general writing/typing.
Break up your paragraphs with spaces in-between them and put in more punctuation, as otherwise it makes it seem like your supposed to be reading paragraphs worth of words without pause.
I only saw one period in that entire comment and it was at the end, you fit an entire paragraph into one sentence. The way I was taught it was that paragraphs should consist of around six or five sentences at-least, and paragraphs shouldn't run on too long or else you'll have massive blocks of text occasionally separated by a space. In this comment just about every one of my sentences was separated by a paragraph space however I would never do that in a story, I'm just putting emphasis on certain sentences and separating my points.
I would also recommend you don't ship your own character with an OC, ESPECIALLY Rainbow Dash. Mostly just because seemingly every single one of the most immature bronies in the fandom want to get with RD for some reason, she's practically an icon of 'clopping' as unfortunate as it is, Especially because your character is a pony creator model with a dark backstory about becoming orphaned and moving in with their stepmother and yada yada batman.
I have seen maybe two or three stories ever that have gotten away with shipping an OC with a main character, more specifically a Main Six member. I'v seen plenty of more stories that have gotten away with shipping more minor characters like Luna or any other character other than the main six, however that's unrelated and additionally still difficult if not experienced.
6568682 Yes, I realize that. I sorry I wrote the comment while I was really tired. And like I said the chapters showen are only rough drafts. I have changed a few of the characters.
Now he is shiped with an OC mare named Stary Night. Because I noticed that RD shippings were both overused and overated. But the other events are the same as before, but with Stary Night instead of RD. Thanks for the suggestion by the way I always like constructive criticism.