40w, 1dHuman in Equestria
Chapter 8: A Muffin and Soup
Pat Pat Pat
Pat Pat Pat Pat…
“OW!” Matt rubbed his head softly, grumbling a bit as his groggy mind decided to try and catch up with him. He had had the most HORRIBLE dream… Me, Jack, and X… all in a world of ponies… and we were ponies… Heh… Wow… I really gotta quite drinking…
“Hey. Matt. Wake up.”
Jack? God what the fuck… it’s too early… “Jack? God what the fuck… it’s too early…” Matt mumbled, rolling around onto his stomach. His head was throbbing like a sonofabitch, but he couldn’t complain much… Well, I can. I always can. Just ain’t feeling up for it right now… too tired…
“Dude, c’mon! Xavier bolted dude!”
Matt waved his arm nonchalantly, eventually just letting it hang beside him. “Whatever. I have a splitting headache and I don’t give two shits about him right now!” He rolled over onto his side and curled up into a tight ball, trying anything to get the headache out of his-
“RAWRGH! WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU-“
My poor friend had to blink a few times after he nearly attacked me from Fluttershy’s couch, as if all of existence was a complete lie to him. There I stood, as a pony, before him with Fluttershy on my left, Angel on my right, and Johnathan in the background munching on… something. I had no clue what it was, but I wasn’t about to find out.
“I… this… her… bunny…………WHAT?!” My bandaged up friend had his mouth hung open slightly in shock at the sight before him. “This… this is real… isn’t it?”
I shook my head sadly and plopped my rump on the floor. Staring out of a window, I sighed. “Yes… I suppose this is real…” I looked down on the floor and traced a small circle on the wood. “But Xavier… Xavier doesn’t think we are at all anymore…”
There was a soft silence in the room for a moment as the words settled in. Matt just stared confusedly at each of us, eventually shrugging and getting up from his bed. “Well, this has been fun but I- OUCH!” Abruptly, his head started to throb again and he winced in pain, sending him immediately back onto the couch.
Fluttershy, noticing his ailment, rushed on over to Matt and immediately cooed over him. “Oh dear oh dear oh my… You sir are in no condition to go anywhere right now! Uhm… that is… if you would be so kind to stay…”
The red-brown pegasus cocked an eyebrow up at the mare and looked at me funny, exclaiming out loud, “Hey, Jack… who is this broad?”
A little agitated now with my other friend, I exhaled violently and glared slightly at him. “Matt, this is Fluttershy. She was so KIND enough to treat the head injury that Applejack gave you a bit ago…” I huffed slightly as he looked back at the pink-maned pegasus, who blushed very slightly. “Without her, you would more than likely be in a coma…”
Behind Fluttershy’s back, I snapped my head a couple times in her direction, trying to indicate that Matt should say a few words to her. Sighing, my pegasus friend grumbled out a reply. “Er… Thank you… Fluttershy… For saving me… and keeping me out of the hospital…”
The yellow pony smiled sweetly and nodded at Matt. “Oh, you are most certainly welcome Matt! I will always try to help a pony, or animal, in need after all!” She put on a serious face immediately afterwards though and stared stiffly at Matt. “However, mister, you are in no condition to go out right now! You must stay here for at least a little while… Just enough to recover your strength… That is, if you don’t mind staying here…”
Matt’s face immediately took on the “Are you fucking kidding me meme” style and he was about to answer her in his usually colorful vocabulary when my vicious glare connected with him, making him wilt slightly from its intensity. “Uh… uh… sure…”
Fluttershy squeed slightly and immediately went into the kitchen, leaving me and Angel together with Matt. I looked down at the white bunny, who was shaking his head slowly at Matt, arms crossed. Matt opened his mouth and shrugged at the rabbit, whose only response was the typical “I’m watching you” gesture. Bounding away, Matt and I had no clue what to make of the white rabbit.
From the kitchen came a tray stuck between Fluttershy’s teeth which held a pair of muffins and a small bowl of soup with a spoon next to it. All of a sudden, my mind clicked in two ways. One was about the muffin, the other was about the spoon. There was one crucial detail I had never thought of until just now, mostly because it wasn't required until this moment…
How the hell do we grab things with our hooves?!
My mind blanked out for a second as the pegasus came closer and closer to us, her deathly tray of total revealment inching towards us. Luckily, after Xavier had left, she had barely any recollection of his crazy speech and about us being not ponies, which lifted some relief from my shoulders. However, it came all crashing down upon us once more as I was suddenly handed over a nice, tasty, warm muffin on a small dish.
“Uhm… I hope you like blueberry…”
I stared at the muffing blankly, Matt looking at it in a similar fashion. He was looking at Fluttershy’s hoof, trying to figure out how in god’s name the dish was being held by it. Shakingly, I reached a hoof out to the food, my mind reeling a bit.
What if I drop it? What if she gets curious? What if Matt starts doing something stupid again? What if-
“Uhm… Silver Jack? You… you can take your muffin back now…” Snapping back to reality, I noticed that I somehow, miraculously, was holding the dish in my hoof without a single problem. I stared at it for a moment, contemplating how in Celestia's name I had been able to do it, when I simply shrugged and used my other hoof to grab and start munching on the delicious confection.
Meh, i will figure it out later...
“Celestia almighty, I love blueberry muffins…” I muffled through my semi-full mouth of blueberry goodness. Fluttershy smiled sweetly and now focused her attention onto Matt.
Matt however, was slightly confused at my statement and was about to say something when his mouth suddenly was filled with steamy tomato soup. “There's the train! Oh look! Another load is coming in!” Fluttershy chirped merrily.
My friend, totally taken by surprise, quickly swallowed the soup and started to shake a hoof in protest. “Gah! Uh, no no… its fine Fluttershy, I think I will- GLURP!” Without hesitation, Fluttershy immediately shoved another spoonful of soup into his mouth, causing me to snicker uncontrollably. Matt shot me a look and would have said something if not Fluttershy taking every opportunity to shove more and more soup down his throat.
“A sick pony is a soup-needing pony!” She declared rather proudly, letting Matt take a second to finish his soup.
Smirking a bit, I finished up my delectable muffin and stood up, placing my dish back on the tray. “Thank you Fluttershy for the delicious muffin!” I sighed softly, lowering my head a bit. “Honestly, I needed that reprieve…”
Fluttershy smiled sadly and nodded. “Oh, you’re very welcome Jack! But I do hope that Xavier will come back soon…” Her face screwed up a bit in thought. “I think he might have a mental problem…”
Chuckling softly, I shook my head at Fluttershy's antics and started to head for the door. “Yeah… I know… I’m gonna go try and find him however though, so if you could, please try to keep Matt… well…” Matt looked at me despairingly, mouth hung low in disbelief that i was leaving. I smiled wickedly and chuckled again. “Out of trouble, to say the least.” I started to head out the door.
Matt however, nearly got up after I turned around, and looked at me incredulously. “Whoa whoa Jack! You are gonna leave me with this psychotic bi-GLURP!” As I shut the door, I could hear Matt’s face being stuffed with more delicious soup via Fluttershy hoof, which sent a mischevous smile across my face.
Fuck, I love Karma sometimes!
With that thought in mind, I speedily trotted by Johnathan, giving him a wide berth as he sunbathed on a blanket of grass, and began my search for my missing psychotic unicorn friend. I mean, he only has unlimited and untapped magical powers with the experience of someone who has played numerous FPS games and a usually sick mindset…
I bowed my head in annoyance and sighed.
Of course everything is going to go to the shitter…
“HOLY SWEET HALIBUT!”
AJ ducked just in time to dodge another oak flying towards her and just barely shoved Lyra’s head to the ground in time. They both watched the tree rolling around on its side, still bouncing a bit as it kept trucking along the ground. Lyra’s mouth was in awe at the spectacle, still staring at the tree, while AJ was looking around, trying to find some reason as to all this tree uprooting.
I mean, it would take a LOT of strength to uproot a tree like that, and even more to send it flyin! It would have to take some really big muscle, a good amount of magic or- AJ smirked slightly as she slowly got up. “Or just a really thick skull…”
A blur of color swept by, eventually stopping at a nearby tree. The blue pegasus has a thick helmet on and assorted sports gear covering her body as her wings flapped tirelessly to keep herself hovered in the air. Rubbing her hooves together, she grinned under her helmet, her rainbow tail flickering back and forth. “Ok, so… this will be number three! Gotta get to five today, Rainbow, gotta get to five…”
With a strong but nimble grace, she did a 180 in the air and swiftly began to rise up, lifting her body higher and higher into the sky. Finally, when she was only a speck up in the distance, she stopped, adjusted her helmet for a split-second, and shot down to earth. She let her body dive down similarly to when she does a sonic-rainboom, but this time she had her helmet out first instead of her hooves, making her look more like a speeding bullet than a pony. Closer and closer she got, picking up more and more speed, her target coming closer and closer as she-
“Hey-ya Rainbow Dash!”
-started to veer off course and twist and turn wildly in the air, losing all her speed as she thudded right into the branches of the tree she was initially going to bombard. Assailed by branches and leaves, she couldn’t control herself in the mangled growth. Eventually, after about a solid minute of hitting branches on her way down, the tree deposited her promptly on the ground with a solid thud.
AJ and Lyra both winced at the crash and immediately went over to help the fallen cyan pony. The cowmare started to check for any serious injuries as Lyra began to remove some of the clothes on the fallen pony. AJ shook her head, chuckling a bit after making sure that she was all right and dandy. “Well, ain’t ya one lucky son-of-a-gun! No injuries, thank Celestia!”
Rainbow’s head popped out when Lyra extracted her helmet and glared at AJ. “Well, if somepony didn’t interrupt me, I wouldn’t have crashed now, would I?” The orange pony smiled sheepishly and Rainbow simply rolled her eyes. Getting up from the ground, she shook herself a bit, finally noticing the other pony with them. “Uh… Who’s this?”
Lyra was taken aback by her question but immediately cleared her throat and smiled sweetly. “I’m Lyra, Lyra Heartstrings. I was just helping AJ here with some devilishly awesome adventure in search of three mysterious stallions that may or may not actually be creatures called ‘humans’. So far, we haven't caught any sight of them, but I am hoping we will soon! With this hoof and these eyes however, I swear I will not stop until I have confronted these souls and picked out every ounce of information about humans from their miniscule brain cells, put it in a jar, and keep it locked in my vault of knowledge, all for the benefit of Ponykind for generation after generation to come!”
The mint-green unicorn was poised upright on two hooves, saluting at nothing in particular as the other two ponies stared awkwardly at her. Noticing the uncomfortable shift in atmosphere, Lyra slowly got back down onto four legs, rubbing one behind her head as she smiled sheepishly. “Eh he he… sorry… about that… Got carried away a bit...”
“Uh, riiiiight then...” Rainbow started, but her eyes flashed brilliantly when Lyra's speech fully kicked into her brain. “Wait, you said creatures? Adventure? AWESOME?!”
“Uh, sugarcube, it’s not exactly like that-“ AJ began, but was swiftly cut off by Rainbow’s face, barely an inch from hers, eagerly smiling.
“How can I help? HOW?!”
The orange mare chuckled nervously and wracked her brain for an idea, until finally one hit. “Why don’t ya go over to Fluttershy’s cottage? See if ya can find them over there… If not, ask Fluttershy fer some help…” AJ glanced sideways at nothing in particular, her face more serious. “I have a weird feelin bout them stallions…” And anypony willing to help would be a good idea...
“Allllllright! Be over there in a jiff!” Without so much as a goodbye, the colorful Pony launched herself into the sky, saluted once, and buzzed off over to the Everfree forest.
An exasperated sigh escaped from AJ’s lips as the pegasus sped away at her usual death-defying speeds. Lyra, coming up next to her, chuckled as they both watched her go. “Geez… she is something else, huh?”
AJ smiled and nodded. “Always has, always will be…”
Getting up now from her sitting position, AJ started to begin walking again when she noticed a dark blue unicorn looking at them from behind one of the trees, grinning widely and… madly. She shuddered a bit, remembering him with his black mane and headphones around his neck, but not nearly half as creepy as before.
“Oh Applejack! I seem to have found you!” He laughed shortly, taking a step forward. As his smile grew twice in size, his pupils shrunk to about half their own.
“Now, let’s have some fun… shall we?”
“…I’m not sure if we should be away from them this long…”
“…I’m just saying that at least one of them is going to cause a mess…”
“…Sorry, but I must get some of this done…”
“Sigh… If you insist… but I would hope you hurry up. My patience is getting really thin with this situation…”
A sigh emitted from the other being.
“I know, I know…”
So yeah. Ponies. And Muffins. And Mad psychopathic unicorns. Awesome, right? I know :3
And yes, its 1:15 here, i have work at 8, and i didn't sleep well last night... BUT as per request from Super Big Mac (i had to respell Mac 5 times there... T_T), I made this chapter a bit longer~ They should ALL start becoming longer now as time goes on, mostly because of how the characters are interacting and blah blah you are getting longer chapters. Deal with it. XD