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Writing for bronies by a brony

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More than a week has passed since the Summer Sun Celebration and Luna's return, and Princess Mi Amore Cadenza (a.k.a. Cadance) finally arrives in Canterlot after being recalled from a field tour. Princess Luna soon reacts badly to the existence of a third alicorn princess, threatening several relationships and giving an "enemy within" opportunity to attack. In the resulting tempest of alicorn passions and conspiratorial schemes, all Equestria is placed in peril. Now several of our heroes, lead primarily by Lieutenant Captain Shining Armor, must reconcile the alicorns and defeat the conspiracy in order to save Equestria!


The Canterlot Chronicles: Season 1
Prev: The Luna Shift | Episode 4: Cadance | Next: Games We Play
New to the series? Start here!

Chapters (7)
Comments ( 34 )

...Something is CLEARLY going to be fucked up. Hell, i am willing to bet somebody said something about an "ursurper" to Cadance beforehand.

5018113 Well, I can't tell you too much without giving away the rest of the story, but let's just say a lot of misunderstanding and miscommunication is going to happen. And that there are jerks and scumbags within the Royal Guard itself willing to fan the flames in order to advance their own agendas, regardless of the consequences.

5018199 ...I say we weed them out. With chainsaws. :ajbemused:

Comment posted by zero588 deleted Sep 18th, 2014

Things are lookin shady for the aqua teens!

Luna is a thousand years out of date and Cadance is relativly new. Of course there are going to be misunderstandings. Starting with just where did Cadance come from????

5018616 Honestly, I don't even think Cadance herself knows the answer to that question, if you believe her EU origin story. So how in Equestria would anypony be able to explain anything to Luna? That's why at least part of the reason I don't think the first meeting between the two didn't go well, even if you might disagree with how I set up the circumstances of said meeting.

Who's disagreeing? i just think that Luna is going to be confused as all hell and looking at Celestia for answers and even making assumptions! gonna be funny as all heck.

I am looking forward when Cadance and Luna finally meet for the first time :)

So who bets Luna will be crazy, yandere jealous of Cadence being the object of Shining's affection and his fiancée? I hope that'll be the case at least.

Poor thing must feel like she had been replaced, now she's going to throw a tantrum and poor Cadence will bear the brunt of it.

More of extremely confused I would think. There were only her and Celestia last time she checked and its not exactly like she or Celestia have any relatives to spawn new alicorns. So she acts defensivly and falls back on her upbringing.

Why did luna remind me of a Dalek?

5052810 It's closer to your explanation than that of Municipal Engine's. Shining Armor (and Celestia) have been very careful about what they say to Luna and when they say it. The real drama starts because other ponies won't be that careful and deliberately add fuel to the flames. You'll see exactly how that happens in the next chapter. :raritywink:

This seems like a lot more telling than showing.

Lieutenant Captain Aten is such a cunt.

Personally I don't like Aten being one of those bad guys who are evil for evil's sake.

I also don't like Luna not asking the obvious question: Why aren't you two affected by a spell that Shining armor, Celestia, and Twilight sparkle are all affected by? Can't she just check with her magic if somepony is under an illusion.

Why would Luna even think Cadance a fraud? Would seem weird if she's not aware that ponies can ascend, given that it happened twice in a short span of time with Cadance and Twilight and that Celestia at both times was responsible for it. Surely Luna has to be aware of this ability of her sister, one she might in fact even posses herself (nothing in canon saying otherwise, so far). Even if she wouldn't be, why doesn't Celestia simply explain what happened? It's not as if Cadance's ascension story is in any way harmful to Luna. Cadance beat a dark pony using love, she ascended, Celestia adopted her. Big whoop. Why would Luna have such a problem with that? It's not explained. Also seems very silly Luna would believe whatever anypony says so easily, even that Cadance's wings aren't real, when that can easily be disproven by so much as pulling a feather. I know this is shortly after Luna's return, but even so, Luna's a lot more clever and cunning than this.

All of this feels very forced, contrived and unconvincing. Luna hates Cadance because that's what you need her to do for your story, not because she actually has any reason to do so. Celestia is being stupid and not explaining Luna a simple situation because that's what you need her to do for your story, not because she actually has any (good) reason to that makes any logical kind of sense.

The story has some nice ideas, it's just not executed very well. It feels very rushed and incomplete, with a lot of telling istead of showing, too. I cannot upvote this, I'm sorry, but I won't downvote either. It just needs some work.

5082986 At least he doesn't have "because syndrome"

5083779

Why would Luna even think Cadance a fraud?... It's not as if Cadance's ascension story is in any way harmful to Luna... Why would Luna have such a problem with that?

Because Luna jumped to the wrong conclusion as soon as she first saw Cadance - that Cadance was some form of "replacement". And there is nothing in Cadance's ascension story that would convince Luna otherwise, particularly with the whole "orphan" thing going on. That's also why Luna is not asking questions as she should - she's already prejudiced toward what the lying stallions have to say, so she's willing to go along even if it doesn't quite make sense.

Even if she wouldn't be, why doesn't Celestia simply explain what happened?

Celestia is being stupid and not explaining Luna a simple situation because that's what you need her to do for your story, not because she actually has any (good) reason to that makes any logical kind of sense.

Ahh, now we've gotten into one of the biggest problems with the canon episode "Luna Eclipsed" - exactly this type of behavior. There is absolutely NO REASON why any of the drama in that episode had to happen at all if Celestia had bothered to sit her sister down and explain that the old style approach wouldn't work anymore. Instead, for whatever reason (and reasons have been suggested) the problem ended up with Twilight instead.

It can't be simple ignorance on Celestia's part because at that point Luna has been back for a long time (generally assumed more than a year), so those problems should have been anticipated by Celestia. If you want to say that "Celestia is being stupid/a douchebag here", then because the exact same behavior pattern is why "Luna Eclipsed" ever happened at all.

I have a bad feeling about this. :fluttershyouch:

The conspirators just took a HUGE risk, with their deception about the paper work exposed they have little time to insure their plan to set Luna and Cadance against each other works. If Luna realizes the truth soon enough, I've no doubt eventually she will, then her wrath will be freshly turned from Cadance to the conspirators who lied to and tried to turn her against both her sister and niece. Weather their punishment is just terrible or down right horrifying relies on how long it takes till she knows the truth.

i bet they still have the prisoner in the same closet where she was put first, a raid just might find her and blow this open. And I kind of hope there just not that stupid to leave her were she can be found, or honestly alive.

5144887 I'll give you a hint: Sprinkle Medley is a canon character. You tell me whether she makes it out alive or not. :raritywink:

"Aunt Luna might be in love with you. And that fact will be capitalized on, Shining."

This and

I would recommend Lieutenant Captain Shining Armor do this, and have Cadance accompany him."

This put together doesn't really sound like the best idea. :rainbowlaugh:

"Some ponies... just want to watch Equestria burn."

I see what you did there :coolphoto:

weknowgifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/i-understood-that-reference.gif

Princess Luna in a burlap sack, even weakened that would have been a fight I would think.

I still think the "Agents of Chaos" are in for a rude awakening once Luna's ire is truly raised, after all she has hew own fanatical loyalists too. The night has sharp teeth and whisper quiet leather wings....

The "Shining One" may not mean Shining Armor but someone else, I am thinking Celestia herself and with Luna, who's recovery they wish to control to take her place. My money though there long term goal is the freeing of Discord.

The agents of chaos are Discordian cultists that will greatly regret their actions when Discord escapes.
After all pre-reform Discord is no more loyal than Lord Tirek.

5054342

yes yes yes why is Luna a Dalek?

Aten? Where are you?

A weary and defeated Lieutenant Captain Shining Armor was standing in the office of Captain of the Guard Gibraltar. There was hardly a pretense of military manner about him, or in the old unicorn captain for that matter - both of them knew Luna's blowup at Cadance's presence was a serious setback in the recovery effort and could undo it altogether. Nopony, not even Celestia, could force Luna to accept Cadance, and what was worse....was that the...... lack of knowledge about her meant that rumor was just as easy to believe as the truth. The situation was on a knife's edge, one step away from total disaster...

5083591
No, being a guy, he's being a prick

Most things related specifically to pegasi life were there, the residents reluctant at best to interact with the unicorn and earth pony residents of the gleaming buildings of Canterlot. Also up there was The Weather Ministry, placed there out of practical necessity. The Weather Ministry was legally a part of the Equestrian governmental apparatus and responsible for all things weather related. In practice, most of the actual duty of creating and controlling the weather was "farmed out" to individual branches of the Ministry in each major settlement of Equestria, and The Weather Ministry itself stocked with the louts of pegasi society. The typical Weather Ministry worker was either an obstructive cog in the governmental machinery or a fat, lazy "weather supervisor" who only cared about who's lives they could make miserable and get away with doing so, as well as how many bits could be extracted in "weather exemption" bribes.

"whose" NOT "who's"

In addition to its use as a interrogative (question), you use "whose" to refer back to a noun (but not a pronoun). Note that the word "who's" is NOT a possessive form, but the contraction of the phrase "who is". Examples : Brittany Spears, whose alleged bad behavior has been widely reported, was again in the newspapers.

Wikipedia (that invaluable compendium of meaningless trivia and drivel)

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