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Ponyville has been devastated by a supernatural plague, possessing everypony in the village, turning them into blood-thirsty totally-not-zombies. It has degenerated into a desolate ghost town, devoid of almost all life that has not become a sunken-eyed shell of what it used to be.
All because Twilight Sparkle didn't listen.
But there is still hope. There just has to be.
[Pre-read by EvenMotion and Topsy Kretts. Cover image by AlGreat. (C) nobody 2012.]
This was a...GREAT story; a lot better than mine.
Your attention to detail is great, your spelling, grammar, and word choices are impeccable, and your humor is...well...humorous.
Like and fav'ing.
Besides, it fits, as spike DID...'die' first
First of all, a word of thanks to all who have expressed their enjoyment of this so far.
Second, the primary pre-reader of this story, EvenMotion, writes stories of his own on here. Both of his multi-chpatered stories are on Equestria Daily (hopefully this thing gets there too). You guys really should check him out, he deserves more attention.
Third, my main issues I have with the story are the characters being out-of-character, and a bad case of telling instead of showing. If you guys could pin-point specific issues this thing has in those regards, that would be good. Just don't swamp me. 
I like the idea, and parts of the story are good. I just don't like how it's written. I must say that it's a first, usual I'm fine with any writing style, yours just... idk bugs me. I think the biggest thing is that it's like you're telling a story, rather than trying to get the readers to picture one.
I'm going to read all of this that you end up posting. And i do like it. Just ease up a bit, you seem a little, for lack of a better term, tense
"It's like you're telling a story, rather than trying to get the readers to picture one."
That, my friend, is probably somewhat related to telling-over-showing syndrome, which I have a severe case of. I try to remedy this, but in the end, I'm not Richard Adams, and I personally view telling-versus-showing as a difference in style rather than quality anyway. Maybe later chapters will be a bit more refined or cater to an audience more to the "showing" side of the scale. 
In any case, I'm glad it isn't such a glaring blight upon your eyes that it ruins the story for you.
>>480273 reading your reply makes me feel like I sounded mean.
I did enjoy the story. It's not the first 'zombies in equestria' story that I've seen, but it is the first that sort of goes with the show. I'm looking forward to more of it, it's just that your style (or what seems like your style, I can't be sure with this being the only piece of your work that I've read) makes me think of listening to somepony tell a story rather than the usual stories where you read it and you're like, oh yeah, I can see them doing this (though certain individual scenes did show themselves in my head as i was reading)
EDIT: just saw your comment above about specific scenes. Twilight finding Rarity (after disposing of Lyra) and when Twilight was attacking Cerberus were the two best scenes for showing themselves... in my opinion. There were like two more, these were jut the most notable
Really, my only problem with the story is the writing and that's a matter of personal preference.Can't wait to see where this goes.
Oh, don't worry, you didn't come across as mean to me.
It's funny, I like to visualize the narrator as somebody personally telling a story to the reader as I write it. That's how literature began, is it not? People telling stories of the biggest wooly mammoths you ever did see as they waited for the pterosaur to cook over the open fire?
But of course, visualization is a major factor in telling an immersive story. I want the reader to see the scenes in their head as they read them, but when I'm in the process of writing the story, I always like imagining the narrator is some guy sitting in a love seat, the reader listening intently on a sofa, as he tells the story of when Ponyville fell victim to a zombie apocalypse or what have you. So I guess you could say I like to imagine my stories as one of those movies with people narrating over them that occasionally cuts back to reality, with Cliff Robertson describing everything to the reader (played by Cillian Murphy) from that love seat. That's a pretty good way of putting it.
I do very much appreciate those examples you gave me, too. You didn't show me things I needed to fix, you just showed me things that I need to do more of. I like that.
>>480496 ahhh, i see what you're saying (the whole movie thing) I can almost see the story like that. I see where you're coming from with the whole narrator thing. Mybe I'll be used to it when the next chapter is published and it won't be so distracting.
Personally I like when people show me the things to fix. If they tell me what's good, then I'm happy and like, okay this is goin great... then I really just rewrite the same scene over and over again for the rest of the story. When they point out the flaws I can focus on beating the flaws. Though I can see why a writer like yourself would prefer the opposite. You don't seem to have the usual problems of being out of character or grammar mistakes or such 'fixable' things.
>>480542 well, so far they are. As well as they can anyways, I mean you started with almost direct quotes from an episode and then went to an apocalypse scene. First they can't do anyhting outside of character, then nothing they do CAN be in character so technically everything they do is within character
Now that I think about it, I guess you're right. I think I got ahead of myself as a person who has seen the whole story from beginning to end. 
But seeing as the character tags for this story include Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash, you can count on further installments treading onto ground potentially out-of-character beyond the point of rescue. 
Okay, hold up a sec. First of all, who decided to let Pinkie have guns? Then, who actually gave Pinkie guns? One more thing, WHO GAVE PINKIE PIE MULRIPLE GUNS?!?!?!?!?! Even I know better than to do that and I'm writing a cupcakes sequel... wait, nm I gave Pinkamena a shotgun 
Dumbest thing I ever did.
Ummmm... Rainbow's eyes aren't green, they're rose... or pink if you wanna be general, but her eyes aren't green.
Otherwise great chapter 
*squee* me want MOAR!!!!!
Omg this story is getting amazing. As I recall I had lots of probelms with the first couple of chapters but at this point I have -50 complaints. I'm going to continue clicking the thumbs up button and see if anything changes.
KEEP WRITING AND KEEP PINKIE AWESOME
Twilight thinks she has sense? OOOH HO HO HO DAT SLAPS ME ON DA KNEE! The girl's smart, but lacks anything even resembling common sense. And I think she has a bit of an ego.
The whole past, present and future thing confused me. So the present's happening now, the past has already happened... but what if they get there and decide "It was future Twilight's intervention that caused present Twi to go gung-ho and cause this mess in the first place. To hell with the time spell." Would the past change? Would the survivors retain their memories or consider it merely a dream?
Even if the chapter's what you called it, it's still a good chapter. Curious who the other three are though...
This chapter was like a rollercoaster, loved some parts, hated others. Finish it and you don't know how you feel about it unless you do it again and again and again. I'm not reading this that many times.
Kinda dissapointing actually. I liked parts of it, but ti did seem a lot like filler. Hopefully when they get to Canterlot it'll be back up to par with the other chapters. The whole thing with the present being the past and the future is the present was kinda out there, so it wasn't entirely ooc for Pinkie. It wasn't confsing to me cuz I pull stuff like that all the time to confuse people, but I can see that melting a few brains. Also, where did they get the hazmat suits?
"The purple unicorn shouted to the both of them, "Shut up, both of you! This chapter is almost over and you're wasting page space!""
Eh hem, Twi is NOT the fourth wall breaker, Pinkie might get angry if you have Twi step in on her territory.
What was up with the attempted air of mystery in the last part. I thought maybe you had a few of the ponies in charge of containment in Ponyville, then it turned out just to be the three mares again. Once more, where did the hazmat suits come from? 
I really like this story, but this chapter was something of a let down after the excitement of the last few. 
Sorry, I really don't like leaving bad reviews, but this chapter is something of a bad review to me.
PS, bathroom is one word, so is cupcake
I might me misreading your comment, but the three protagonists don't have hazmat suits.
I think this confusion might stem from the final scene? That scene was sorta supposed to be from the point of view of the three hazmats, to kinda give the audience a sense of what it was like to be one of the ponies Rainbow Dash talked about before, trying to clean up the mess. Hazmat suits have actually been featured in the canon show, and I figured it was perfectly possible that the government could acquire some if it so desired. I'm really sorry if that confused you and other people, I thought I was being clear when I wrote it myself.
M'yeah, this isn't my favorite chapter. Probably my least favorite, but I remember thinking of it as a "the-protagonists-walk-really-slowly-through-the-empty-streets-as-ambient-music-plays-in-the-background-and-news-papers-blow-across-the-foreground-of-countless-wide-angle-shots" kind of chapter as I was writing it. There's still a fair amount of story to be released, if you guys are willing to endure it.
>>598666 okay, okay. I'm too lazy to load the chapter back up to see, but I'll take your word for it. It did seem like you were talking about Twi, RD and Pinkie when you were talking about the ponies at the start of the last scene. That one was a lil bit confusing. I can see the Equestrian gov having them though, I just wans't sure where Twi, RD and Pinkie picked em up. (Although in retrospect, Pinkie and Twi both have perfectly valid reasons for having hazmat suits). But in any case, you say it was just a miscommunication and they didn't actually have em, it was the ponies in charge of containment, so issue resolved.
It also would've been pretty short. 
So yeah, "Filler and Monologue: The Chapter", wherein I attempt to implement the over-blown descriptions and smarty-pants "everything-goes-way-over-the-reader's-head-but-they-assume-it's-their-fault-and-the-author-is-just-too-brilliant-and-handsome-and-modest-for-them" lecturing that people seem to love. 
I just hope all you wonderful six or so dedicated readers will continue to give me solace in the fact that at least a few people are reading my drek. 
Ugh, the initial thing was kinda interesting at first, it was a very Pinkie thing to do, but then it started getting a lil irritating. It is easy to get used to, but idk, it almost seems like you're forcing things. Make sure you don't force anyhting if you slow down or anything, let it flow naturally, it's much better for everypony involved.
Yes, this does take a few steps towards fixing the last chapter (though i still thik the first few chapters were better)
The same question could be asked of "Fallout: Equestria". I like to think that an Equestrian fire-arm has some sort of altered handle built for an equine mouth. Maybe some sort of stock going over the shoulder.
But at the end of the day, it's kinda cumbersome a concept.
"Rainbow?"
"Yes?" she asked with half-open eyes and a coy smirk.
"You know my barn door doesn't swing that way."
"What? I mean, what--" she suddenly got the reference and scooted away from her unicorn friend, blushing. "Sorry."
douchey cock-block there buddy. That would've been so great... well, if it was written well anyways.
Heheh. Didn't see that one coming. But seriously, to me, the spec-ops members came across as pricks who wouldn't let something that could potentially save Equestria happen. And again, they should've known the trio were survivors just by looking at 'em! Not that it does anything to degrade the story, it's still great and I'd gladly give it another thumb up, but I personally hate those three. And that's good, it's much more fun when someone introduces a flawed character than a mary sue.
Nice open ending too. I like to think she used the memory spell like she did with Discorded Dashie. So in case she ever does something stupid like that again her friends can reel her back.
I salute you sir 
.
Pinkie multi-tasked as she tried to help her friend up while still attempting to lessen the number of enemies preying on her in a feral, inhumane survival impulse. Ponification required.
Why doesn't she just go into the past again... i'll never understand someponies.
Pal, I have no words besides these: You earned this
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