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Blog Posts367

  • 40w, 4d
    I Cavd In

    So, I finally got a phone.

    Gah.

    Also, Gameloft pony game is best game ever. Add me? Name's RavenDagger sans the S

    10 comments · 281 views
  • 43w, 6d
    How to Make YOUR Blurb/Description Better


    So, I've been spending a fair bit of time here. It's a site for writers, similar to Fimfiction, but a tad more... general.

    While there, I found threads where people needed help with various things, from summaries to blurbs to whatever. And I love helping them. While showering today, the thought crossed me, why was I helping them instead of the people here? This is my home on the internet and these are my ponies. This is the place I should be helping.

    So, with a thin, thin layer of egotism wiped off, I decided to drag the thread here.

    Post your summary/description/blurb below and I'll tell you what I think.

    DO NOT post links, DO NOT post an entire chapter and DO NOT ask me to read your entire story. If I like what I see, I'll check it out on my own terms.

    I don't want anything in return. The responses will be quick, but if it gets busy, please give me a few hours to post back to you. I do have stories of our own, and, on occasion, enjoy a leisurely amount of sleep.

    Thank you and post away!

    37 comments · 264 views
  • 44w, 2d
    Infatuation

    So, My friend Malus did a thing.

    You're not obliged to, but if you feel like it, take a gander. It's a letter, of sorts.

    LINKY!

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  • 44w, 6d
    How You Go About It - The Editing Process

    I've been writing for a little over two years now, both as a terribly time-consuming hobby, and for work. When I started, I thought that rereading, editing and drafting were sins. They were wastes of my precious time. Now, after many a mistake, my views have changed.

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    22 comments · 201 views
  • 45w, 1d
    Hey Folks

    I have a story that I've written.

    Short, about 7K. And I've no idea how to end it.

    I was wondering if any of you felt suisidal enough to give it a read and your opinion on what sort of ending this fic would need? It's for a contest outseide the pony fandom, which means no pony. But plenty of Cyberpunk and the likes!

    Also:

    It's going around, and someone's going to link you to it eventually. Might as well be me, eh?

    7 comments · 158 views
  • ...
 209
 10,408
Source

While being bullied, Pipsqueak is pushed into a corner, unable to escape. In a desperate attempt to retaliate, he discovers his one true talent. What do you do when your greatest ability is to make others ponies cry?

First Published
20th Apr 2012
Last Modified
20th Apr 2012
#1 · 135w, 4d ago · 1 · 1 ·

FIRST

and will read later

#2 · 135w, 4d ago · · ·

Pipsqueak is harsh!

#3 · 135w, 4d ago · · ·

Some minor mechanical issues, but that's about it. I enjoyed reading it :ajsmug:, and I kind of wish I was there to edit it. :applecry:

#4 · 135w, 4d ago · · ·

>>476405

Awww, sorry mate, I didn't feel like bothering the folks over at SALT for a silly one-shot. We're already overloaded.

If you still feel like it though I could always link you the G-Docs, I'm sure you'll waste away a few minutes having fun on that.

#5 · 135w, 4d ago · · ·

Alt. Ending: Exactly how I imagined it to turn out in the end...

#6 · 135w, 4d ago · · ·

>>476415

Hey, I have nothing better to do!

Send me a PM on whatever new projects you have; I'm always available sometime during the week to edit and comment! Besides, it helps with my own writing, so I'm getting something out of this.

#7 · 135w, 4d ago · · ·

The little shit's got a tongue like a thermic lance. Jesus.

#8 · 135w, 4d ago · · ·

The alt ending = :rainbowlaugh:

The story is facinating, never go after a ruler's people...... never!

#9 · 135w, 4d ago · · ·

This made a lot more sense than it should have. Also, I think I dislike Pipsqueak now. But I'll love and tolerate him! LOVE AND TOLERANCE!

#10 · 135w, 4d ago · · ·

>>476438 Fall out referance? Or are you talking of the real tool?

>>476476

That's sorta what I was going for; althought, I'll admit, I may have taken it a little too far.

#11 · 135w, 4d ago · · ·

Soooo goooooddddd

#12 · 135w, 4d ago · · ·

My face when Celestia started yelling at Pipsqueak;

#14 · 135w, 4d ago · · ·

>>476556

What fallacies?

#15 · 135w, 4d ago · · ·

He seemed pretty out of control. I almost thought this would morph into a "trapped in his own mind, unable to help his insults" sort of thing. It played out like a dark episode might. Interesting. :trollestia:

#16 · 135w, 4d ago · · ·

>>476569

Example 1

“Now that was uncalled for!” she said, stomping the ground lightly. “Insulting Fluttershy like that is just plain mean, and yeah, ah am fond of Fluttershy, she’s one of mah best friends!”

Response

“Huh, should have figured as much. So you never got it on with her? Oh well, least you have something going on with your brother,” he said in a nonchalant fashion.

Example 2

“Humph, well, obviously you’re just a no good snot nosed brat of low birth. I wish I could just ignore you, but what you did to Fluttershy is inexcusable!”

Response

“You live here, in Ponyville, the most backwater dung hole on this side of the sun. And you think of yourself as some high class pony. Hah! More like a high class whore! You’ll never be worthy of Canterlot, heck, you don’t even fit in here!” Rarity stepped back, gasping with a hoof over her mouth before she flopped onto her back and promptly fainted.

Yeah, some of it was just verbal abuse and Pipsqueak going off topic but he did do teh Ad Hominens too.

Oh yeah, this was pretty awesome to read too. Nice job.

#17 · 135w, 4d ago · · ·

I'm off to read it now, but by the description, it sounds sad... Shouldn't there be a sad tag somewhere?

#18 · 135w, 4d ago · · ·

>>476609

It's not that sad... well, maybe  little, but not enough to warrant the tag.

#19 · 135w, 4d ago · · ·

God, I love the Reason You Suck Speeches. They're so cathartic. Pipsqueak's vocabulary is kinda weird, but I don't know, maybe kids do talk like that nowadays.  But you delivered on the meat of the fic. Ouch. Pip was harsh!

#20 · 135w, 4d ago · · ·

>>476488

The real tool. You know, the one that is used for melting heavy metals together and burns almost as hot as the sun. Although he also has a tongue like that repurposed weapon that blows people into ludicrous gibs.

#21 · 135w, 4d ago · · ·

>>476617

I tried to keep his rather disticnt accent, the childish insults a kid would know, and the mentality of a foal while writing him, fairly hard to balance

.>>476634

Worked with metal for a while, always prefered plasm, less scary. And the bits of red hot metal didn't hurt as much.

#22 · 135w, 4d ago · · ·

>>476614

Oh. Okay then. Off to read!

#23 · 135w, 4d ago · · ·

DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG! Pipsquak got SWAAAGGG! Cursing out the mane freakin six like that and then CLESTIA! That takes balls. And a cute little filly face! Godspeed and goodluck.

(P.s. Don't go alone! Take my thumb!)

#24 · 135w, 4d ago · · ·

It's funny because my friend challenged me to retort to everything pipsqueak said once things got messed up.

I won. So hard.

#25 · 135w, 4d ago · · ·

Alternate ending was awesome. Best Pipsqueak story I've ever read. :pinkiehappy:

#26 · 135w, 4d ago · · ·

Ugh... this was interesting... yet with a major issue.

In the beginning Pipsqueak states that he can't control what he is spewing out of his mouth; so why should he at the end?

"Because Celestia showed him another meaning to his cutie mark."

Iif that is so, he still should be able to control himself before.

(Not to mention that the ending sounded like a big Deus Ex to me)

#27 · 135w, 4d ago · · ·

>>476785

Think of it as a two sided coin, same talent, to make ponies cry, but used for two different objectives. As to how he regained control. I'd like to think that he was shocked into it.Having a mellenia old goddes beat you in a shouting match...

#29 · 135w, 4d ago · · ·

>>476800

Yeeaahhh, mind you, I wrote this in a day, I didn't really spend that much time thinking of it...

#30 · 135w, 4d ago · · ·

Dang! Little Pippy's got a pottymouth! Nice little ending though.

Sometimes, I do think Spike's a slave. Twilight's just too nice to admit it.

#31 · 135w, 4d ago · · ·

oh wow, that was interesting. Very different. And Celestia using the Royal Canterlot Voice is damn scary.

BR
#32 · 135w, 4d ago · · ·

The next day, a small brown-and-white cupcake was sold at Sugarcube Corner.

#33 · 135w, 4d ago · · ·

Inb4 congrats on the feature.

#34 · 135w, 4d ago · · ·

>>476823

It's true, but I think she is clueless to that sort of thing.

>>476942

Well, Luna has it... And yeah, that muct be damned creepy.

>>477000

hehe

>>477004

Not there yet mate (But I sure hope so, I've always wanted to get something featured, two of my stories almost made it, and they did make it to EqD, but never on here).

#35 · 135w, 4d ago · · ·

Damn it, get this one featured!

#36 · 135w, 4d ago · · ·

>>477167

I don't know if it deserves it, I only spent a few hours on this one. Heck, it was a writing exercise, not even a planed story. Nonetheless, I really appreciate the thought Jack, thanks!

#37 · 135w, 4d ago · · ·

Hah, this was more satisfying than watching Flutterbitch. And trust me, that's very satisfying.

Trollsqueak is best pony.

#38 · 135w, 4d ago · · ·

I'm late to the party yet again. Anyway, great job dude! I really like the modifications you made to the ending, it feels much more complete now. I still have a bit of a grudge against the little guy for picking on Fluttershy, but I'll get over it. :raritywink:

I like the way you continue to refine your style. I know I don't need to say this, but for Luna's sake keep writing! :yay:

#39 · 135w, 4d ago · · ·

Alt. Alt. Ending: Pipsqueak stands Celestia down, asserts dominance, and takes over rule of Equestria with an iron hoof after thoroughly shaming her and stealing her alicorn powers.

#40 · 135w, 4d ago · · ·

I honestly expected Celestia to respond with, "Yes, but you're British." I'm pretty sure that makes me a bad pony.

And congrats, looks like you just hit the feature box!

#41 · 135w, 4d ago · · ·

Alt ending=win

NOPONY MAKES FLUTTERSHY CRY!:pinkiecrazy:

#42 · 135w, 4d ago · · ·

Why's it tagged Romance, Raven? Did you rework some stuff?

#43 · 135w, 4d ago · · ·

Surprisingly deep ending! Good story there!

#44 · 135w, 4d ago · · ·

>>477536 Hmm, maybe Piplestia?

#45 · 135w, 4d ago · · ·

I dont know how to feel for pip,:applejackconfused:

good story though

#46 · 135w, 4d ago · · ·

I believe the correct term is "lolwut".

The insults-as-a-cutie-mark thing felt contrived, though it does raise an interesting suggestion - that cutie marks are a greater defining power than personality, because Pipsqueak's mentality/morality spiralled down as soon as he got it, way too fast for my (admittedly personal) liking. It was the sheer level of escalation that broke the story for me; a bit more reflection and pondering, internal struggle might have helped. Celestia's sudden change of mood felt sudden, too, seeing as she would have faced the problem of "ponies getting at other ponies" since the beginning of time, and hence would not outburst. I was half-expecting that she would magically re-write his cutie mark, or something, heh. That ending, though, how the talent to make ponies cry = making ponies happy... eh, well. =\

Mind, the greatest question I have still is: why Pipsqueak though? D= Now I'll have to go double-lengths to make him adorable again.

Now, for the good news: your style is nicely refined, you did a great job in finding insults that would hurt, and it made for an interesting, if not unusual, indirect character study. And apparently you got featured. =P

#47 · 135w, 4d ago · · ·

Needs moar subtlety, but you certainly know your audience.

#49 · 135w, 4d ago · · ·

We’ve farted lifeforms brighter than you.

LOL LOL LOL

Congrats you made me cry.

#50 · 135w, 4d ago · · ·

Luna: "Tia!? What hast thou done to our moon?!"

:trollestia:

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