I became a chibi thingy

This is the life of a teen name Brian Morales,who was teleported to Equestria as a very tiny person, in other words a chibi.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 11 )

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Lionheart

Lionheart #1 · Apr 20th, 2012 · · ·

idk i kinda like it

Zyggy

Zyggy #2 · Apr 20th, 2012 · · ·

Oh god...
I can't read this.
I'll maybe try and fix it.... no. I can't bear the thought of trying to.

PhoKingAzn

PhoKingAzn #3 · Apr 20th, 2012 · · ·

the plot seem kind of outer worldly to me,
i read it, it was okay

SpeedyAstro

SpeedyAstro #4 · Apr 20th, 2012 · · ·

I read the story in 10 seconds. Because I skipped through ALL OF EQUESTRIA.
Also, this is the second story I have read in 5 minutes with very harsh language and these two are rated TEEN.... But anyway I'm not complaining much; You need to improve your spelling and grammar.

BlackWing

BlackWing #5 · Apr 20th, 2012 · · ·

Grammar Nazi and Spelling Soviet disapprove.

Distrance

Distrance #6 · Apr 20th, 2012 · · ·

I'm not even going to go into the lack of proper grammar or punctuation (swearing doesn't improve it) because frankly, It'll take me way too long.

Your story is ALL telling, rather than showing. Devoid of any descriptions of when and what, it's hard to tell just what is happening. You need to convey his emotions and thoughts rather then a brief "he thought it was scary." and moving on.

I'm going to pass on this. Keep trying bud.

Hightmaster

Hightmaster #7 · Apr 21st, 2012 · · ·

ok thanks for telling me about my grammar so i'm gonna fix it later on and make it better and make my story have more showing then telling
since this is my first story i ever made.

p.s Hater's gonna hate, hater gonna hate