In the Barrier Lands there are things one simply does not do, for those who ignore the status quo there is usually two options, death or imprisonment. A marked few are allowed to choose a third option, servitude to the population is the preferred legal term, many call it the graveyard shift. These ponies are tools to an end, expendable; but like any tool it can become an indispensable asset. With a first deployment survival rate of 17% and a merit based system that offers privilege with rank, we follow a small squad as they deal with their day to day lives on the edge of Equestria.
Make sure you go read the upheaval series, this is based in that universe and they are wonderful, wonderful stories.
Cover art is done by me, it can be found on my DeviantArt page.
It's an interesting start so far, but the chapter ends a bit too abruptly for me. As your hook, you need to make it a bit more compelling to get the reader to wait for your next. There's not much to attach to with regards to your protagonist. His personality doesn't quite pop from the page and most of the chapter is spent of descriptions of things around him instead of about him. There needs to be a stronger reason to care for his fate.
5579130 The reason for that is half in chapter 2 and half me being unable to think of a way to really flesh him out yet, since not much happened I really couldn't have him react to much and I'm still working on what I want him to be. Thanks for the comment.
5579130 Would you care to read the updated version of my first chapter?