- Member Since 5th Aug, 2013
- offline last seen Jul 25th, 2023
Rinnaul
I do nothing of merit. On occasion, I give the impression of being creative, but this is a deception. I am merely derivative in clever ways.
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Yay, awkward teen moments.
It was great, can't wait to read your other story's, there were a few errors, just saying him instead of his, or he when you ment her, but I got what it what supported to say and that counts for me.
Loved it, keep it up.
I liked this a lot, as with most "young love" stories. The story was pretty well written, though the clop was relatively lacking in detail but still sufficient, and the theory behind Scoots not being able to fly well became my new headcanon.
Overall, I give this an 8/10, a thumbs up, a fave, and Spike with a moustache
. The awkward grammar/grammar errors and somewhat lack of detail kinda hurt it for me, but even still it's a good story, and captures their first quite well (and accurately). Needless to say, I intend to reread this.
nice one
Cute stuff. Worth a like.
My advice for you for the future, as a big advocate of porn with plot: Don't beat yourself up over story length. This would have been pretty lousy if you'd stuck to your original 1500 word goal, barely worth skimming. Letting it play out to three times that length improved the idea significantly, and if you ask me it was still far too short even then. You did a lot of quick summarizing of your setting to justify the sexytimes when you could have built a stronger story with those details, let us see more of Rumble and Scootaloo's friendship developing rather than just telling us it's there. Remember, making us care about the characters and their connection to each other before they get down and dirty always makes the sex way sexier. Almost all of my absolute favorite smutfics, even just the oneshots, break the 10k words mark. So don't be afraid of writing a long story, embrace it.
(Also you could stand to be a little more descriptive with orgasms than one or two sentences of 'he came inside her.' It's called a climax for a reason.)
Keep writing!
--CG
Yeah you ship that scootaloo and rumble! You ship it hard!
That was so CUTE!!! Hope you make more
That was so CUTE!!! Hope you make more
Eh-hey!
It's ll I've got to say.
Brings back memories of high school. That being said...
SHIP IT! SHIP IT LIKE FEDEX!
That was cute
In his age, it'd be wrong if it didn't rise...
Wrong hole?
Sweet and cute, also very sexy! I love Vanilla Rumble/Scootaloo shipping.
5030100
That's what I'm guessing but how would she focus if she had never had anything under her tail in that hole before cause I think that would hurt wouldn't it?
5030320
I guess that he didn't manage to insert it there – you need lube for that after all – and Scootaloo only felt that he was going the wrong way...
Also, who knows, maybe she played with her hooves a lot
She's apparently the last of her friends to have sex, and hormones do their job, after all.
5030100
5030320
Wrong hole yes, but he just gave her a hard poke and startled her.
Actually penetrating there, lubeless and unexpected, on someone who'd never done it before, with a single hard thrust? Very hard to do, particularly considering how equines are shaped.
She'd have been crying, at least, and probably kicked him right off of her.
5029750
The issue is less going beyond the scope of my original intent, which almost always happens and I'm perfectly fine with, and more I'm trying to write 31 stories in 31 days, and that gets difficult if they all run long.
5030440
Just thinking about it hurts...
*shakes head and tries to hold back laughter, grinning*
*can't do it*
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! That was just awkward! I love it!
This never happens to me.
I always thought that the CMC would get their cutie marks in helping people find their talents. (The CMC logo)
Amazing story doh 10/10
God have mercy on your soul.
this was a great story you should write the other ships you mentioned in this story. If they were already written do me a favor and send me a link to the other ships you mentioned in your author's note
5030454
Ah, I see. I've never been a huge fan of challenges like that, it feels like it promotes quantity over quality and I don't really care for that. It's not so bad with nanowrimo type challenges since the idea with those is at least to work at great length on one coherent story, but it's hard to imagine getting much worth reading, trying to write that many stories in that short a time period. But Good luck with the effort regardless.
If you make this into an actual story, like make a sequel or something to broaden the relationship, I would totally read that. After you do Oneshotober of course since I see that you're doing that. But yeah, if you make another story about their relationship I will definitely go and read it. Doesn't even have to be clop, I'll give it a read.
I love how at the end the author said based (roughly) o personal experience.....
Ah, teenage first times. Not as awkward as adults losing their virginity, but delightfully less professional about it.
Wonderfully written. I really enjoyed reading :)
I actually like how much thought you put into this - I prefer actual stories and such rather than the clop really. The build-up gets me all the time ;)
Great fic though!
Let's face it, almost everyone's first time is awkward as Hell. Nice to see someone actually realize it while writing
I love all that background thought. All that background information the writer's mind cooks up and then no one ever sees because it's completely unimportant.
I was like actually cheering for rumble for some odd reason.
Hay good one... Romantic clop seems to carry far more meaning then the rest... Hmm never really stopped to wonder why? Anyway great story got my attention.
Darker Shadows is always watching
Well its definatly awkward, but its also believable so I commend you for that. And if this is based of personal experiance, I'd say you're lucky to have someone.
Personally, I love Clop (and human fanfics, really) that is based around two teens' awkward first time. It's passionate and caring, but not a fuck-and-leave one-shot (even if the story is a one-shot fic). Makes me think about how my first might go.
make actual story with what you had in your author notes... that'd be great!
So cute and yet so hot. Well played!
I can't believe I just favorited a scootaloo/rumble.......
What has the world come too.
Well played. Ahh the akward memories this brings.
This clop was fantastic
everything about this clopfic was great and well thought of. You went in to good detail with the sex scenes and expressed there love in such a way it put me in a stage of 'Aww '. I really loved it man good work and keep it up
I've never been much of a fan of clop due to how bland and overdone and terribly written it often is. But there are exceptions, and you, my friend, have written a beautiful short. And having based this on personal experience made it all the more believable.
Keep at it!
+1 fav, follow
I hate to admit it but this was a good clop
I usually hate clop...but this makes me think twice :3
Rumbaloo is my second favourite pairing and this story really made my day ^+^
where they sersly having sex In a real locker room if than that's werid lol but good story
get off of my fanfiction site you fucking normie
8165440
Why do you feel you have the right to call this place YOUR fanfiction site? To me that's utter BS.
8433140
I think he was joking.