A thousand years ago Sombra was defeated. In his defeat came triumph. That is until an Action is made. This Action, a touching of the throne, corrupted two. The two became evil and turned upon all making a tyranny unlike any before.
One arrives in Equestria in the ruins of Canterlot. He knows of Equestria but is stunned by the destruction and he has been Changed. Upon his Changing he finds a certain two things and these two things lead to an Adventure through the oppressed land of Equestria, the glum city of the Crystal Empire, to the mountains of the West, where the Night hides.
Greetings! I am Fallen. This idea came to me because I rather enjoy stories like this. Hope you all enjoy because this is going to be a long one.
Cancelled due to minuscule amount of views.
(If these increase ever I might start it up again)
Huh... It's interesting, I'll give you that.
You have a solid storyline but you're not doing a very good job of executing it. You're making the dialogue too quick, and all the events happening at random. That's to be expected with someone's first story, but not the storyline.
You have several grammatical errors in the story I noticed, but very few. It can be very hard to tell where the story is going exactly, but you've made it pretty clear to what's going to be happening.
In the first paragraph alone, you had way too many commas that are completely unnecessary for a single sentence. You could try breaking it up into smaller sentences that still make sense and not make it too random.
I could go on and on about the many mistakes this story has(no offence), but I won't do that. I kinda like where the storyline is going, but you need to do a better job at executing it. I also suggest spreading the paragraphs another space apart so that the story is easier to read.
I'll keep an eye on this story, but my upvote or downvote will still remain undecided. To me, this story can either sink or swim from this point. The only one who can decide that now is the author.
Isn't Thanatos a Greek god of Death? I've been finding so many stories lately that use myths that I've been learning of from my Mythology class.
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Yes he is.
But Thanatos(story) is different from Thanatos.(myth)
i was browsing through my library *looking for a story to read again (suggest a story if you want) and come to find out The Seven, Book 1: A Chosen Few was cancelled just like another story i liked Knightmares by NerfedFalco so I'm just a little depressed today
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Sorry, since publishing its only gotten 115 in almost 2 months.
I believe I said once it gets more views I may continue it.
5362338 So your inability to market stops you from writing? That's a self defeating problem if I ever heard one.