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Everything ripped apart in a Cloudsdale minute... Fleetfoot is a pony with nothing to lose in peaceful, utopian Equestria. A hard-boiled detective considered insane, and now questioned by therapists and teammates. She is a mare taken out of her context, fighting a battle she cannot hope to win. Prepare for a story with shameless metaphors and extravagant descriptions. Prepare for canon...
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Not meaning to offend the average FIMFiction user, but you used too many big words.
It read smooth as butter to me, but most people I meet would be stopping seven, eight times a paragraph to puzzle out what a word might mean. Maybe look into simplifying the verbiage for a larger audience. 
Noted two errors in my average reading analysis, not looking for any. Either your editor is freaking awesome, or you are. Great job.
Loving the premise so far. You do a good job of capturing confusion. I eagerly await the next mental trip you put us through.
4965737
What words? There was nothing overly large or complicated that I saw. Can you give examples?
This is an intriguing story... I look forward to more.
Impression: 2279/2563
4965775
I'm on my phone and supposed to be asleep at the moment. 
Yeah, I can tomorrow if I remember to.
4965737 Thank you for the advice and the feedback! I will keep that in mind.
Then again, would a truly pulsant district actually call itself the Pulsant District? I mean, it's more likely than a brothel called [redacted] R Us, but not much more.
Of course, if this is just the name (some previous version of) Fleetfoot gave it -- well, then, you've played it well, and I'll disavow any knowledge of this comment.
Finally managed to take a few minutes out of my day to read this chapter. I have to keep myself busy in order to stay awake, and I have to feel prepared to read something in order to not nod off while I'm at work (which doesn't always work).
You deserve the 100% upvote ratio that you have thus far. This is beautifully written. Very intriguing. The mask is now fractured on what she remembers versus what is. The shitstorm is about to hit.
Where's chapter 4?
5030506 Juggling both real life things and other writing-related agendas.
5030641
I eagerly await the next chapter. Meanwhile, I am slowly working my way through INTIMUS... when I don't feel so tired that I'm going to fall asleep mid-chapter.
Ah, I see.
It was here that I got my first punch of what kind of trip this fic is really going to take us through.
I doubt the Cloudsdale Police will appreciate Fleetfoot's "use of excessive force" against enemies armed with confetti guns.
This story is confusing, but in the best possible way. It's a mystery that's waiting to be solved, and it's leaving me wanting in all the right ways. Give me more please.
5156022 I look forward, more and more, to your honest thoughts each update. Thanks for sharing!
5156059
I look forward, more and more, to each update.
A message from your honest, fanfiction contributor!
We apologize for the delay of this addition to the story! As we have your best interests at heart, we are doing everything within our power to provide entertainment within a tolerable time frame.
That is one refreshingly original and fitting name for a pony.
Did I say this yet? I don't think I said this yet. You're freaking awesome at exposition.
Your metaphors and symbolism and focuses for Fleetfoot give this weird, out-of-place, should-be-dystopian-but-I-can't-tell-what-it-is kind of feel.
Where you draw her attention, where her pondering thoughts bring her... they all just seem to fit together so well.
I only have one thing to say about this chapter.
5244791 Admittedly, creating a style that emulates Sam Lake's unique writing for Max Payne was a challenge in writing this chapter, mainly because it was the cooldown after an action chapter.
However, at some point in writing, the metaphors and the symbolism just come naturally.
That, and it also helps that the soundtrack for the second game recreates the atmosphere so well!
And to think I had just been looking at this today and thinking to myself, "I should really read the chapter that's out right now so I can read his next one as soon as it's up."
I'm so lazy.
5428363 Talk about coincidence!
5008914 I looked to google translate for the name. The names of the districts presented in the story are all latin translations of words I typed in.
Honestly, I cannot even remember what I typed in to get "pulsant." You do have a point though.
That is an amazing story. And really underrated. Please don't abandon the story, I HAVE to know what is really going on and if she ever finds her daughter again.
And something tells me that she ended up in an alternative universe while being drunk. Would explain the different place, the strange acting characters and her short lack of memory. This story reminds me a bit of Bioshock Infinite...
5749109 Thank you for the kind words! I have been really behind on updates thanks to the turbulent nature of life. However, it should not take much to get back to pumping out these chapters.
Interesting theory, by the way. Alcohol can do some really weird things to us, sometimes.
Oh Fleetfoot, your Max Payne backstory has left you powerless in this world. ( But then again you could just kill them all, you've done it before to other innocents, what's stopping you this time? ) Ignoring the really dark way things could turn out, bad mistake is bad, but this can only end well! ( The laws of happy endings demand that this is the only answer. ) Or she could spill her guts, I hope it ends well preferably but let's hope it's good!
6087236 Good point, couldn't Fleetfoot just go into bullet time and kill everyone?
"Not with an 'Everyone' rating you're not!"
Glad to know you are interested in the story! How happy this ending will be depends on whether or not Fleetfoot is willing to work with us...
6087268 I'm leaning towards yes, Fleetfoot has started to realize that the jig is up and she can't go it alone and there's no risk to working WITH ponies after all. ( Besides her situation can hardly get any worse. )
Finally, a new chapter! And a really good one as well.
I have to say, Featherweight is acting quite strange. All this planning, talking about his rights, his 'connections', which led him to Fleetfoot's coat... He's not the cute little foal he pretends to be.
Or I'm going insane. I dunno.
6091896 Thank you for your patience!
As for Featherweight, he has been acting strangely, but we will sort him out in due time...
I hope you don't do something like make Fleetfoot's world the real one
6259486 Speaking for Fleetfoot, what is "real" to her is the version of the world she chooses to accept. She can be quite stubborn about her perception, however.
Speaking for us, what the real world is will become a central topic for the rest of the story.
I suppose we could just explain and ease your worries (and thank you for your investment in the story), but...
Where is the satisfaction in that?
I put the story into my tracking bookshelf but for some reason I was not informed, that there's a new chapter. Only my feed told me about it. Instead, my bookshelves inform me about a bunch of unread chapters, that simply don't exist. Strange.
Well, that was a very... intriguing chapter. Who can be still trusted? What can be believed? Is there actually a "real" world? I personally hope, that it won't end with "Fleetfoot is just insane and imagined everything." That would ruin the amazing atmosphere of the story.
Also:
How can anyone take this guy serious? I mean, that name...
6260067 We at the Amateur thank you for your input.
If there is one thing I can spoil, it is this fact: there will be no silly plot twist, in which the story turned out to be a dream of a lunatic.
A shock like that is frankly a cop-out. No, no. I planned out this story with the intent of providing the definitive experience for losing your mind and re-imagining reality.
Also, Toffee Bunny was never well-liked among his peers.
Fleetfoot is getting better. Just not with her delusions, only with her self-control.
Nice update bro, also, nice take on what an M-rated character in an everyone setting can do. (Act or otherwise expect.)