HeavyMetalKnight
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Short chapters that give the reader an idea of what this world is like which is good as some writers have problems getting that right so good job also your grammar and sentences are done well to with that also I hope you'll make the chapters longer as the story continues also I can see this expanding into a good story to so I'll stick around to see where this goes. I like the story and will say good luck to you.
ATTENTION!
I'm doing my best with these chapters. It isn't easy for me; I haven't had much experience writing fanfiction. From now on, if anyone has any criticisms about the fan fic, let me know. I'd like to hear fair opinions. If anyone just says one of my stories sucks, without a good reason, I'll will delete the comment. Aside from that, just express your opinions in the comments please. Thank you.
5572123 I promise you, it's not. That is only the briefing. I only did it to give it a bit of backstory.
So Twilight's not the least bit traumatized about blowing that guys arm off?
5572353 She might have been. But I suppose that could be up to the reader's interpretation
Celestia-bucking-dammit! I can´t say no to a review request, may it be directly or indirect. I may need until tuesday though if I can´t finish it tonight.
NightmareShredder
5656452 I meant to say thank you a few days ago. Thank you so much!
Alright, I've decided to go through some editing on ALL of the previous chapters. I've been getting rid of footnotes, and am starting to get rid of a few other things. Let me know what you guys think.
Good first start but what is a "sabrathanian"?
A bit of info on what is a sabrathanian and a little description
of the location would help readers see/feel this place.
---
His light armor underneath his cloak, chaffed his skin the more he walked.
chafed
---
Pick a tense, Past or Present and stick with it.
It gets confusing to read past and then its present tense.
---
There she is. he thought. Sunset Simmer.
Sunset Simmer or Shimmer?
----
If you are doing thoughts, use italics or she thought or another way.
Do not mix.
Since its in italics its a thought, adding she thought is overkill.
I like this
or
She thought she liked that
or
I like that, she thought
You can google up how to show thoughts.
There is a lot of depth to the subject.
----
I don't really care about length as long as the story works.
Your story does work.
I wish you well on your project.
5973638 Many thanks! I try to improve the story as much as possible.
Your review is ready over at the PCaRG.