Let's Get Boyfriends!

by MythrilMoth

Prologue: "Let's Get Boyfriends!"

"Let's get boyfriends!"

Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Fluttershy, and Applejack stared, eyes half-lidded, at Pinkie Pie.

"Sugarcube, any time you start a conversation with 'Let's something blank', it turns out t' be a great big mess o' crazy."

"Yeah, that whole 'let's be evil' thing got WAY outta hoof," Rainbow Dash said.

"Oh come on, that was over a year ago!" Pinkie cried, throwing her hooves into the air. "Nopony even remembers that anymore! Twilight's a princess now! We've saved Equestria twice since then! We've got a freakin' castle!"

"I've got a freakin' castle," Twilight said. "You've got a freakin' throne and a suite of rooms that keep getting gunked up with cake frosting."

"But what none of us have," Pinkie said, "are boyfriends." She looked around at her friends. "We're the six most eligible mares in Ponyville! Stallions should be falling all over us! But look at us! Nothing! When was the last time any of us even went on a date?"

The others looked around at one another.

"Well, now I'm depressed," Rainbow Dash said. "I mean, I don't even care about boys and I'm depressed."

Applejack scratched her ear. "Ah don't really care about that stuff, but...Ah guess maybe Ah really should be lookin'. Seein' as me an' mah brother an' sister are th' last generation of Apples at Sweet Apple Acres."

"I've simply had the most dreadful luck with stallions," Rarity said, poking at the ground with a hoof and pouting.

"Well...we all know why I don't have a boyfriend," Fluttershy said softly.

"Because your house smells like critter poo?" Pinkie suggested.

"No, because—well, alright, I'll give you that one," Fluttershy said with a sigh.

Twilight frowned. "Do we really need boyfriends to complete our lives?"

The others stared at her.

"Says th' one who went to another world an' had a boyfriend over there," Applejack said.

Twilight's cheeks burned, and a small smile crossed her face. "Yeah...Flash Sentry..."

"So why haven't you hooked up with the Flash Sentry over here yet?" Rainbow asked.

"He's a wiener."

"So anyway," Pinkie said, pulling out a cloth bag, "in this bag, I've got wooden tiles with the names of all the eligible stallions I could think of." She tilted her head. "Sooooome of them live outside of Ponyville or might be hard to track down."

"Wait, wait. I don't like where this is going," Twilight said. "You're not suggesting randomly pairing each of us up with a stallion we might not be compatible with, are you?"

"Of course I am!" Pinkie said happily. "It wouldn't be a fun game otherwise!"

"A 'fun game'?" Applejack asked, raising an eyebrow. "You mean like the whole 'let's be evil' thing?"

"Yeah! It was totally fun!" Pinkie said, beaming.

"Uh...huh," Rainbow said flatly.

Pinkie sighed. "Look...sure it'd be easy for each of us to just pick a stallion we're vaguely to strongly interested in and make an actual effort to start a relationship. I mean, if I wanted to take the easy road to having a special somepony, I'd just track down Cheese Sandwich and...I dunno, rut him into submission or whatever." She rolled her eyes. "But it's more FUN to try to score a boyfriend chosen by blind random selection!"

"Yeah I'm out," Rainbow said. "Your crazy schemes always end in weirdness."

"I'm with Rainbow on this one," Twilight said. "The evil thing at least had potential, but this...this is just stupid."

Pinkie grinned evilly at them. "I thought you might say that. So here's the deal. Either (a) you go along with my crazy scheme to get random boyfriends, or (b) I make sure you all suffer the horror of eternal farting."

The others stared at her.

Pinkie gave them a half-lidded smug, superior stare. "Eteeeeernaaaaaal faaaaaaaartiiiiiing," she drawled.

"We don't have a choice in the matter, do we?" Rarity asked.

Twilight sighed. "If anypony can make good on a threat that ridiculous, it's Pinkie."

"Then we're all in?" Pinkie asked brightly.

"Yeeees," the others chorused in defeat.

"Yay!" Pinkie cheered, clapping her hooves. "Alright, so here's how it goes. Each of us is going to draw the name of a stallion from this bag. Then, the game begins. You each have a month to make the stallion you've drawn your special somepony. Now, here are the rules." She held up a hoof. "Rule number one: You can't tell anypony about the game." She held up another hoof. "Rule number two: No love potions, love spells, or love magic of any kind." She held up a third hoof. "Rule number three: no blackmail, kidnapping, or torture." She held up a fourth hoof. "Rule number four: anything else goes! Seduction, romance, being coy, chatting them up, outright asking them out, or just plain throwing them down and rutting them." She held up a fifth hoof. "Rule number five: in one month, we all meet up for a big group date with our boyfriends." She held up a sixth hoof. "Rule number six..."

"How are you even DOING that?!" Rainbow cried, a horrified, nauseated expression on her face.

Pinkie glared at her, then continued, "Rule number six: no faking the meet-up date. If you and the stallion you picked don't show up as a happy couple, you lose."

"Alright, so what are the terms for winning and losing here?" Twilight asked.

"If you win, you have a boyfriend," Pinkie said. "If you lose, you have to try again. We play until all six of us have boyfriends."

"So...that's it?" Rainbow asked. "No prize for winning? No penalty for losing?"

"The prize is love!" Pinkie said in a chipper tone. "And if you lose, well...your penalty is the soul-crushing depression of knowing you're totally undateable and no stallion will ever want you, ever."

"Eep!" Fluttershy squeaked.

"Wow. Way to darken the mood, Pinkie," Rainbow said.

Pinkie shook up the bag, the wooden tiles inside clattering noisily against each other. "Oh yeah, one last rule: no complaining about whose name you draw."

"Hold up there, sugarcube," Applejack said, raising a hoof. "What happens if Ah reach in there an' pull out Big Mac's name?"

"If that happens, you get a do-over," Pinkie said. "Incest is icky."

"Fair enough."

Pinkie stopped shaking the bag, laid it on the table, and spread it open. "Okay everypony," she said. "Draw."

Author's Note:

And so another comment-driven story begins!

Once this has a sufficient number of comments, I'll tally up the first round of matches.

In order to vote, you need to submit matches for ALL SIX mares, NOT JUST your favorite mare. If your comment doesn't contain matches for all six mares, it will be disregarded.

Here's a suggested list of available stallions:

Big Macintosh
Braeburn
Bulk Biceps
Cheese Sandwich
Fancy Pants
Flash Sentry
Gizmo Poindexter
Hoity Toity
Joe
Silver Shill
Soarin
Spike
Thunderlane
Time Turner

Note that this is not even remotely a complete list of all available male characters (that aren't colts), so if there's a character you'd like to vote for that isn't on this list, go ahead and vote for them. I'll validate against the master list of ponies when tallying the votes. Keep in mind that they have to be eligible. Also, no votes for reprehensible ponies that none of the Mane Six would touch (Blueblood, Flim and Flam, Hugh Jelly) and also I'd really prefer there be no votes for Trenderhoof. NO R63s!!

Comments

[Shilic]

TwiTurner OTP

[Skyeheart]

Why not Hugh Jelly?

[Evilhumour]

NO R63s!!

Awwwww

[scoots2]

Rut him into submission? Pinkie, hon, you had Cheese Sandwich at hello. Sooo. . .
Pinkie Pie= Cheese Sandwich. Serious OTP here. If that's not cracky enough, leave Cheese out and put Pinkie with Davenport or something.
Twilight Sparkle=Stellar Eclipse
Rarity=Silver Shill
Fluttershy=Fancy Pants
Rainbow Dash=Flash Sentry
Applejack= Donut Joe

Were you looking for cracky? I wasn't sure.

Also--Poor Trend! I wish you hadn't said no Trend, but I'm trying to follow the rules! Hope I did this correctly.

[MythrilMoth]

4933803
4933822 You need to list matches for all six mares or I won't count your votes.

4933865 Thanks for the votes!

[Mystical Rainboom]

AND Joe
AND Fancy Pants
AND
AND Bulk Biceps
AND Soarin
AND

Tried to keep it a little random for the mares to pull out a few laughs
That's my vote.

[MythrilMoth]

4933935 Thanks for voting!

[pendrake72]

@MythrilMoth...

1. Yay, sequel! Though I really wish you would continue Scootaloo's Sunrise Surprise (reminded about it, seeing in it the Stories list to the side ). Still, good to see a sequel story for this too.

2. This time, in opposite of Let's Be Evil!, I think it would be good to start with Princess Twilight Sparkle this time around. And for that subject, I suggest Princess Twilight and Lord Fancy Pants, giving a good angle for her to flex her royal muscles some. Or, for an easy comedic angle to open with, Princess Twilight and Spike; both how she protests over the random selection, and in her efforts to follow-through, and his reactions too.

3. For the latter half of your fan-fiction, I would suggest Pinkie Pie and Doctor Hooves (Time Turner). I can already see the initial scenes...

[Doctor Hooves]: She's just an earth pony mare... How can she be?

(TARDIS scanner *beeps*, showing Pinkie Pie's various Fourth Wall Breaks)

[Doctor Hooves]: *beeps* She can't be! *beeps* She is! *beeps* She can't be! She's not possible!

(cue iconic intro theme)

[MythrilMoth]

4933982 Could you perhaps submit a complete voting list for all six mares? And only one vote per mare? I'd appreciate it.

Also, there's no "you go first, then you, then you" this time around.

[gamexpert1990]

Why not? Here's my vote(s):

and Donut Joe
and Bulk Biceps
and Time Turner
and Fancy Pants
and Soarin
and

[MythrilMoth]

4934053 Thanks!

[Hillbe]

Twi-Gizmo
Flutter-Mac
Pink-Joe
Apple-Burn
Rar-Spike
Dash-Lane
extra points?
Luna-Pants
Celest-Flash
Smith-Silver
Cheera-Soar
Maud-Cheese

[pendrake72]

4933987

Oh I missed that part (complete list). Okay, here is a full list... {Subject to later change if I think of better }

1. Princess Twilight and Spike - For an easy comedic start-up to the story, as mentioned previously.

2. Rainbow Dash and Bulk Biceps - The uphill build-up. The slow flyer and the fast flyer; similar to each other, yet different from one another.

3. Applejack and Lord Fancy Pants - The first real challenge for pairings.

4. Fluttershy and Soarin - Seemingly easy, yet sparks dramatic tension (envy, jealousy) between Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash.

5. Pinkie Pie and Doctor Hooves (Time Turner) - A bit of wackiness and CrossOver themes. Even if Time Turner is NOT The Doctor, you can still make use of CrossOver themes for good Comedy.

6. Rarity and Flash Sentry - Dramatic tension between Rarity & Princess Twilight, going the (long) distance for this wager, and compatibility.
.

Better?

[Hoobins]

First of all
Pinkie pie + Cheese Sandwich (SERIOUS OTP HERE O3O like, FOR REAL!)
Twilight + Spike >U< because that would be really sweet
Applejack + Prince Blueblood, just because imagine how would royalty react to farm ponies C:
Rarity + tunderline
Fluttershy + big mac (i would love to see AJ'a reaction cx)
Rainbow Dash + Soarin (BECAUSE THE FEELS)

[MythrilMoth]

4934102
4934106 Thanks for voting!

By the way, forgot to mention this, but voting for Time Turner is NOT voting for "the Doctor", because I'm not doing that bit.

[Crimson Dawn]

Applejack-Soarin

Rarity- Spike

Fluttershy- Bulk

Rainbow Dash-Fancy Pants

Twilight- Joe

Pinkie Pie- Big Macintosh

[MythrilMoth]

4934110
4934128 Thanks for voting!

[pendrake72]

4934125

Time Tuner does not have to be The Doctor. But neither does that restrict you from including such CrossOver themes with Pinkie Pie courting him either, thus it still works out well for comedic storytelling regardless.

[Riptid3]

iron will and randy savage

[Cloudy Days]

and Flash Sentry
and Soarin
and Time Turner
and Big Macintosh
and Gizmo
and Thunderlane

[Prak]

Well, let's see. I guess my choices (for comedic potential) would be:

—Twilight and Hayseed Turnip Truck
Obviously a terrible pairing for Twilight, and considering her high profile as a princess, the fear of being seen dating a schmuck like that would create some interesting situations.

—Fluttershy and Cheese Sandwich
This would throw Fluttershy way outside her comfort zone, which is always funny.

—Applejack and Hoity Toity
Hilariously incompatible.

—Rarity and Spike
Turning around their dynamic and putting Spike on the defensive could be hilarious, even if the joke won't get much mileage.

—Rainbow Dash and Gizmo Poindexter
I don't have any idea how to pursue this, but it can only be hilarious.

—Pinkie and Time Turner
Using the Doctor Whooves persona might allow a character to out-meta Pinkie.
Oh, you said you're not doing that. I'll edit something else in.

—Pinkie Pie and Bulk Biceps

[Brony_Fife]

: Prince Blueblood

: Thunderlane

: Pinprick

: Soarin

: Hayseed Turnip Truck

: Fancypants

I'll give my votes now, my critique later.

[MythrilMoth]

4934192
4934222
4934225 Got these, thanks!

[Ekim1347]

Rainbow Dash and Braeburn
Pinkie Pie and Joe
Fluttershy and Bulk
Rarity and Flash
Applejack and Hoity
Twilight and Thunderlane

[Sparkfire]

OK, Let's see here.

Rarity & Blueblood (Round 2! FIGHT!)

Twilight & BULK BICEPS

Fluttershy & Big Mac

Pinkie Pie & Cheese Sandwich

Rainbow Dash & Hoity Toity

Applejack & Time Turner

[keaton-furman-prower]

Okay, here goes:

I'm sorely tempted to say Flash... but let's mix it up and say Cheese Sandwich.

Flash Sentry, because I want to see them switch their usual waifus

Thunderlane. Bonus points if there are misunderstandings with Flitter and Cloudchaser.

Braeburn, because opposites attract.

Big Macintosh, because it would be hilarious to see how their personalities clash.

Soarin, because Pie.

And if you decide to do a CMC edition:

Button Mash

Rumble

[Azrael Sorath]

Rainbow Dash - Soarin

Twilight Sparkle - Comet Tail

Fluttershy - Stellar Eclispe [I think this would be a touching couple since they both have crippling flaws, fluttershy being social anxiety and Eclispe being paralyzed.]

Pinkie Pie - Cheese Sandwich

Rarity - Fancy Pants

AJ - Ancient Beast Dealer
Cratetoss [They both dealt with fearsome beasts and I think they reflect eachother fairly well]

[Mikemarksman]

Let's see here...

AND (Oh the drama if he found out it was a dare.)
AND Fancy Pants (Potentially interesting dynamic, and Fancy Pants isn't one of stereotypical Canterlot elitists, so it could work.)
AND Bulk Biceps (Was originally gonna say Big Mac, until I remembered the whole 'potentially family' thing )
AND Braeburn (I honestly don't have a reason, I just think it'd be cute.)
AND (More for the torment Dash will put AJ through more than anything else )
AND Flash Sentry (To quote, "He's a wiener.")

[MythrilMoth]

4934253
4934278
4934320
4934324 Got these, thanks!

[TurboBlaze]

My votes:
--Soarin
--Caramel (provided he's eligible. Seemed that way in "Hearts and Hooves Day".)
--Cheese Sandwich
--Time Turner
--Big McIntosh
-- (And he should wear the mustache, too!)
Now let the shitstorm commence.

[cringe]

4934110
Yes.

[MythrilMoth]

4934353
4934366
4934370 Got these, thanks! (I'm allowing some of the more...questionable votes on the conceit that there's no chance of them winning. )

[Azrael Sorath]

Never mind, please ignore this~

[zimmerwald1915]

Pair Twilight Sparkle with Bill Neigh.
Pair Applejack with Steamer.
Pair Fluttershy with Doctor Horse.
Pair Pinkie Pie with Toe Tapper.
Pair Rainbow Dash with Flash Sentry.
Pair Rarity with Filthy Rich.

[cringe]

Pinkie grinned evilly at them. "I thought you might say that. So here's the deal. Either (a) you go along with my crazy scheme to get random boyfriends, or (b) I make sure you all suffer the horror of eternal farting."
The others stared at her.
Pinkie gave them a half-lidded smug, superior stare. "Eteeeeernaaaaaal faaaaaaaartiiiiiing," she drawled.
"We don't have a choice in the matter, do we?" Rarity asked.
Twilight sighed. "If anypony can make good on a threat that ridiculous, it's Pinkie."
"Then we're all in?" Pinkie asked brightly.
"Yeeees," the others chorused in defeat.
"Yay!" Pinkie cheered, clapping her hooves.

---

- Soarin' Bolts

- Blueblood ()

- Dr. Whooves (aka Time Turner)

- Big Mac (Eeyup)

- Cheese Sandwich (duh )

- SHINING ARMOR (MUAHAHAHHHAAA )

[SolidBlackPanda]

Twilight and Big Mac
Pinkie and Spike
Fluttershy and Cheese Sandwich
Rarity and Soarin
Applejack and Joe
Rainbow Dash and Braeburn

[AkemiTheSunbro]

Time Turner

*The Doctor

[MythrilMoth]

4934433 Got 'em, thanks.
4934452 Shining Armor isn't "Eligible", he's married. Registered your other votes though.

[RanmaChaos]

Good Maybe you should literally choose stallions at random. Write all the names down on pieces of paper and throw them in a hat or something.

[MythrilMoth]

4934463 Got 'em, thanks!

[cringe]

4934483
xD Ik... it was in my head. I HAD to get it out...

[MythrilMoth]

4934503 That'd defeat the purpose of a comment-driven story. Let's Be Evil was comment-driven, so is this.

[trapcity]

SOARIN
THUNDERLANE
FLASH SENTRY
Breuburn
Bulk Bicep
Pokey Peirce

[Pink Chaos]

This looks like fun.
and Time Turner even if he isn't the doctor
and Cheese Sandwich
and Hoity Toity
and Flash Sentry
and Silver Shill
and Gizmo Poindexter

[MythrilMoth]

4934551 Got it, thanks.

[LuminousSpark]

Twilight - Spike, just because of the sheer hilarity of how awkward it would be for her to try and seduce him.
Rainbow Dash - Thunderlane, after the whole situation that happened during the tornado attempt, I can see there being a level of animosity between the two(even if it's a small one) that can lead to something interesting.
Applejack - Soarin, she'll lure him in with pies
Pinkie Pie - Dr. Whooves, Time Lord and Destroyer of Physics and the 4th Wall going out together, yes please.
Rarity - Big Mac
Fluttershy - Caramel

[AkemiTheSunbro]

...

These choices are no fun (except the Doctor of course)!

Let's go crazy or go home!

Rainbow Dash with Pokemon Trainer Red;

Fluttershy with Ira Gamagori;

Rarity with Ezio Auditore;

Applejack with SGT. MJR. Avery Junior Johnson;;

Pinkie Pie with the Master Chief;

And Twilight with LELOUCH VI BRITTANIA!! (Yes, you always have to say it with that much hamminess)

OH! And let's put Derpy with Code MENT's version of Suzaku Kururugi!

[SpikE-dog]

Fluttershy and Soarin (with jealousy from rainbow)
Rainbow dash and spike
Rarity and big macintosh (applejack freaks out)
Pinkie and donut joe
Twilight and doctor whooves
Applejack and cheese sandwich

[Gardian Angle]

Twilight- Soarin (totally wouldn't work so I ship it)

Rainbow Dash- Big Mac (AJ would get so mad so I ship it)

Pinkie Pie- Doctor Whooves/Time Turner (she would annoy him to death so I ship it)

Rarity- Thunderlane (OTP City)

Applejack- Spike (OTP City)

Fluttershy- Flash Sentry (she would be heart broken because he likes Twilight so I DON'T ship it but I would read it)

/OR/

Fluttershy- Cheese Sandwich (Pinkie Pie would be so mad and Cheese would be way to hyper active for Fluttershy so I DOUBLE ship it)

[Seether00]

Let's see what we got. Hmmm... let's see what fun I can come up with.

Thunderlane. Because why not?
Soarin. She can bake
Fancypants. I see this playing out like My Fair Lady with Fancy trying to polish Dash a little.
Bulk Biceps. I want to see him try to get Twilight in shape and for her to make him intellectual.
Big Mac. He would treat her right
Spike. She might go for the nonthreatening dragon