flawlessvictory20
Joined 10th Mar, 2012 ·
Offline
Sequels1
-
flawlessvictory20 · 7k words · 293 25 · 13k views
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- flawlessvictory20 · 7k words · 293 25 · 13k views
- Holy · 3.2k words · 579 58 · 20k views
- Gypsy Writefag · 9.3k words · 658 22 · 19k views
- Twifan · 5.2k words · 405 30 · 15k views
- Hand-Made · 6.7k words · 527 37 · 17k views
- Hand-Made · 3.3k words · 393 24 · 18k views
- BaronVonStallion · 6.5k words · 756 21 · 31k views
- ScatMan2001 · 12k words · 648 22 · 12k views
Featured In32
Clopfics11,535 stories ·15,806 members
Human in Equestria16,966 stories ·16,805 members
- Second Person Stories1,560 stories ·1,825 members
One-Shots18,888 stories ·2,368 members
- 'Zonie Bronies (Arizona Bronies)176 stories ·64 members
Humans falling in love with ponies.2,410 stories ·6,057 members
- OCxCanon7 stories ·13 members
NSFW3,900 stories ·1,370 members
Stats
Page generated in 0.322 seconds
Total duration
972 users online
74,500 hits today, 2,314,256 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Not at all a bad story, you should keep writing. And if you need constructive criticism you can count on me
Would it be possible that it could be a sequel if he really had on such a bad shape Celestia must REALLY felt terrible for the treatment her subject give to him even AFTER her intervention, and maybe she wish to make it up to him in some way
hint, hint wink wink
4932905 lol thank you
4933026 thanks
4933083 l wasn't really planning a sequel, but that may give me an idea for a Tia story
Great job I'd say.
Definitely keep writing more.
4933191 thank you for that
4933185
Oh a Tia story?…proceed? Is that possible this story will involve a human and her?
4933219 Maaaaybe
4933258
Interesting, interesting…can't wait to read it if it came to life
but all they did
slid off your flotie
i think you mean "From her moans" (but i'm confused with that one)
pretty sexy story, but really it has some awful typos ...
please give it a read again... anyway upvoted!
4934297 Oops
Thanks for the catch
Is it possible you could do a Twilight Sparkle x 2nd Person Human clopfic?
Sorry if it looks like I'm trying to force work on you. You're just such a great writer!
4934819 Hmm...Twily huh?
Hmm, that might be doable
4935193 Thank you thank you thank you!
I should probably calm down.
I don't mean to sound mean, but I just do not like 2nd Person fanfiction. If it's well written, then it's fine, but when the character starts doing things the reader would never do/say, immersion broken...because if I'm right, this is imagining you doing it with rarity.
What of I'm not human?
So, this was a public pool? I assume so, at first I was worried that there were other ponies there, but then I remembered they don't the human so he probably cleared the place out just by showing up. I imagine a lot of ponies nearby heard Rarity though, boy is she going to be embarrassed.
This was pretty good, as far as clopfics go.
4936316 Everyone is entitled to their own opinion I guess
I won't lie the idea for the fic did come from a dream I had
4936374 Who says I am
4936435 It was a public pool. And yes the ponies still fear 'you'. And yes I would image that Rarity would be quite embarrassed if the others heard her.
4936512 Thanks. I glad you liked it
Brother/Sister! (You never know
)
4936740 Damn having a dream about doing Rarity. I think everybody had at least one of those.
4936751 It's brother
i.minus.com/i5MJTKPpo8itM.gif
or Sis
4936774 Exactly
4936740 I don't think there is any if about it, I'm sure some ponies would have heard her. Even if 'you' cleared out the pool cause nopony wants to be near you, there would have been ponies nearby, close enough to hear I reckon. The worst part is they'd know she was having sex with 'the human' (*gasp* the horror). I can't imagine that doing anything good for her reputation, poor thing.
I have to say this story just feels so carbon copy to all the others I have read... random dude get's teleported to Equestria for unknown reason. Random dude scares away all the ponies and gets tossed in jail by Celestia then gets released to live in Ponyville, and then falls in love with the one of the mane 6. Random dude has a raunchy sex scene with said mare, and somehow is able to cum twice in rapid succession (because we all know the mare has to always jack random dude off or give him a blowjob first
) For being your first attempt into the clop genre it just feels bland and uninteresting.
Not that its terrible... It's just doesn't really stand out.
4937178 Thank you?
4936849 okay I'm a dude.
4938239 I knew that. I mean, I've never seen a clopfic writer that was female.
4938255 too true. Btw love the name and avatar
Well.....there is one writer. But she's not that good.
Thanks bra.
4938230 Just an honestly opinion. Hope it help you in future endeavors.
4938349 thanks for that. I'll try to keep that in mind.
One thing that irritates me about the beginning to pretty much all of these stories is that they make the initial reaction to the main character completely and utterly ridiculous. I mean, just look at this nonsense:
What?
What!?
Why? Why are the ponies suddenly complete freaking monsters? There's no reason for them to react that way, there's no explanation given as to why they'd react that way, and it's completely tossed aside in the same paragraph. I know the OOC (or meta) reason is to make the readers feel sorry for the main character and just as a way to show that things got better, but considering none of it should have happened in the first place it just makes it feel incredibly out of place. You could have just as easily said they were nervous at first, but then opened up to him after learning that he wasn't a monster of some kind. This crap about tossing him in a dungeon and wanting to kill him is just insane.
Sorry for the rant, but it seriously annoys me how all of these "Main character shows up in Equestria, gets tossed in a dungeon by ponies who suddenly want to murder him, but then he's freed by Celestia and lives with them and things get better" stories have that middle part where the ponies suddenly have a 180 flip in personality for no reason at all.
Pretty nice story, but there are some things you may want to edit.
I think that I word is missing, possibly "a".
This part kinda bugged me, it feels like a fragment, that there should be more dialogue to make it something like, "As you walked through the town (to your surprise, filled with talking pastel ponies) Insert additional text here. But that could just be me.
That should be "your".
That should be "trunks".
That should be "placed" and "your".
This is another 'might just be me' thing, but I think that should be "to".
And that should be "to'. I hope to see more good stories from you in the future.
4938983
I think this is in relation to how people think our world would react to a sapient species suddenly popping up. It does feel like a lack of foresight in the case of Equestria since there are a lot of sapient species instead of just one (regardless of whether they've seen it or not). Personally, I see the worst case scenario as you scare the crap out of them and they avoid you like they did Zecora or they send guards to question you rather pointedly.
4940604 Found and correct
Thanks for the heads up
4940621
First of all, I think it's debatable that the first thing we'd do to a nonhuman sapient causing no trouble and asking (in a language we understand) for help, but I digress. Second of all, why would these stories have the ponies act like we would when the context is so massively different (they have multiple sapient races there, we don't)? Like you said, it feels like an enormous lack of foresight. I know it was just an excuse to get him with Rarity as quickly as possible, but when you have such a massive SoD breaking moment at the very start it kind of makes the rest harder to read. Like I said in my comment, the worst part is that none of it was needed. The author could have just as easily said that they were nervous of him, and while they didn't outright hate him or anything it took Rarity to get them comfortable with him.
Still, I guess in the end it doesn't really matter. That was just the setup which, for most of these stories, is pretty vague.
4942597 someone's been doing their homework
Darn, I was hoping they would be caught in the act.
Still, very romantic, it has my like.
4946376 I was planning on doing that, but I decided against it
Good, but you might want to change the description just a tad. Never use the phrase, "one thing led to another". Needs a bit more description.
Fluttershysone. with this story. you have gained a follower. ME
4948789 Awesome!
4949235 Ur story too is awesome
=3
This is your first clop fic? You had me fooled.
Great job.. enough said.
Damn! This is HOT!!!
Good Luna, I don't normally use this kind of terminology, but that image tag is one of the hottest things I've ever seen.
Welp, that`s 4 minutes of my life wasted on reading comments.
DAYUM DAT WAS HOT
4954932 Here you go