Drunken Hoof Style
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Chapter 4: All Aboard
It was the middle of the afternoon, about 4o’ clock, when Tellis woke from his slumber. He sat up, yawned, and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes.
“Man, I really need an alarm clock, what the? Where in the hay did these come from? Yo, Rainbow! Wake up! Rise and shine! I gotta ask you something!” Tellis called out to rainbow as a hung over Pinkie Pie came down the stairs with a bag of ice on her head.
“Tellis, ow, could you not yell so loud?” Pinkie must have been really hung over for her to say such a thing. Rainbow and Lyra began to wake up at the same time, well, rainbow slightly faster than Lyra and then pulled away in embarrassment.
“Aww, my head, it feels like sompony was hitting my head with a hammer all night…” Lyra groaned as she got up and rubbed her head with her hoof.
Rainbow, who only had a slight hangover, played it as cool as she could, acting like she was stretching when she was pressing at a headache,” What a buncha babies, I bet I had more than any of you combined!”
Lyra tried to throw a pillow at Rainbow, which just fell to the floor, “Oh, will you stop yelling?”
Tellis walked over to Lyra and shouted in his radio announcer voice,” HOW”S THEM BEERS TREATIN’ YA, LYRA!?” Pinkie and Lyra groaned in anguish, while Rainbow only grimaced a bit.
Tellis grinned like a madpony as he said, “Well, girls, I don’t know about you, but I’m gonna head out, I have a feeling that today is gonna be crazy!” Oh, how right Tellis was…
“Glad you decided to tag along, Rainbow,” Tellis told his new friend.
“Well, it beats lying around with those two dopes all day, that’s for sure,” Rainbow said to Tellis as they walked down the damp Ponyville streets.
“Say, I heard from sompony during the party say that you want to be a Wonderbolt, am I right?” Tellis asked Dash.
Dash answered Tellis, “You bet I do! And I’m gonna be one, just you see!”
“You know, it seems stupid but…” Tellis trailed off.
Rainbow Dash looked at Tellis and asked, “What?”
“Well, I kinda want to be a Wonderbolt,” A red-faced Tellis answered.
“You? A Wonderbolt? Ahhhhahahahahahahaa! That’s the funniest thing I’ve ever heard! You don’t even have any wings!” Dash continued to laugh and roll around in mid-air at her friend’s dreams.
“And there ya go….just like everypony in Clou- Fillydelphia”
Rainbow Dash stopped laughing,” Wait, what was that?”
“Uhh, well I-“Tellis was interrupted by a massive explosion! The town hall was just blown up! Another explosion rocked the town, further off, a large sign with a quill and a couch on it flew in the air.
“Not again…” Tellis whispered to himself as he ran back towards Sugarcube corner to get his incapacitated friends, “Rainbow! You go get the others, tell them to get somewhere we can evacuate!”
“Tellis, that’s the train station! Go there!” Rainbow shouted as she flew off towards Sweet Apple Acres.
Several more explosions and Tellis heard screaming and automatic gunfire in the distance, and a lot of buildings were being set on fire, but that didn’t stop him from reaching Sugarcube corner, where he bucked down the door and saw Pinkie trying to lug Lyra out of the place.
“I’ll take Lyra! Head over to the train station! That’s our ticket out of here!” Tellis shouted at Pinkie.
Rainbow flew to Sweet Apple Acres as fast as she possibly could. When she reached there, it seemed all was lost, a lot of the dryer trees were on fire, and the farmhouse seemed to be next. Rainbow set down next to Applejack and Big Macintosh.
“You guys! We have to get to the train station!” Rainbow shouted at the Apples,” Where’s Granny Smith?”
“She…She didn’t…” Applejack answered Rainbow, teary-eyed, holding an unconscious Applebloom.
“Rainbow Dash, we’ll be fine, take Applebloom to the station, she breathed in a lotta smoke!” Big Macintosh ordered Rainbow.
“Big Macintosh, she needs a hospital!” Rainbow shouted over the roar of the flames as she took Applebloom.
“I have a feelin that there ain’t gonna be one soon! Just go!” Big Macintosh shouted to Rainbow again as he started to run with Applejack. Rainbow flew over to Scootaloo’s home to rescue her.
Tellis was in the conductor’s seat flipping switches and pulling levers, preparing the train to evacuate. Twilight was there with Tellis and she called out, “I didn’t know you could drive a train!”
Tellis, who was wearing his flight goggles, answered with a serious tone,” Well, Twilight, there’s a lot of things you don’t know about me. Tell the others that were leaving in five minutes, whether or not everypony is on, our survival depends on it!”
“But what about Rainbow Dash, she hasn’t gotten here yet!” Twilight called out to Tellis over the train’s engine warming up.
“Don’t worry, I’m sure she’ll get here soon, Twilight! Just go!” Tellis flipped some more switches and mumbled under his breath,” Every damn time…”
Rainbow Dash flew towards the train station, with Applebloom in her forelegs, and a terrified Scootaloo on her back, “Don’t you worry, you guys! Tellis has a plan to get us out of here!”
“Bu-but, w-what about the others?!” Scootaloo called out to Rainbow.
“I’m sure they’re fine! Just hang on! There’s the train! It’s already leaving!” Rainbow shouted as she flew down towards the train, avoiding smoke from the burning buildings down below. Rainbow landed on the caboose of the train, Scootaloo falling off her back, and falling down to the floor against the wall next to the train door, Applebloom in her forelegs, and she witnessed the train station explode in the distance and bullets whiz past the train. Rainbow quickly grabbed Scootaloo with her teeth. Scootaloo was screaming in pain, she was hit in the leg! Rainbow crashed through the door of the caboose, with Applebloom on her back now, and she carried the two fillies through several cars until she found a group of ponies in the dining car.
“I need a doctor! I’ve got two hurt fillies here, sompony! Get help!” Rainbow shouted out after she used her wing to sweep the plates away from a table and set Scootaloo on it and then Applebloom on the nearby seat.
“Im a doctor, move aside, miss,” Said a brown earth pony wearing a blue suit (hmm…) to a teary-eyed Rainbow dash.
“It’s my fault… I just… wasn’t fast enough… I’m so sorry!” Rainbow dash cried out.
“Miss! I need you to calm down and help me!” Said the doctor as she stabilized a screaming Scootaloo’s leg,” I need alcohol! Strong stuff! To sterilize the wound, get to it!
Rainbow rushed over to the cabin’s bar. She grabbed a couple bottles of Buck Daniels and hooved them to the doctor, she saw that Scootaloo has passed out from pain and more tears welled up in her eyes.
“Oh, smoke inhalation!” said the doctor as he waved a small device around over Applebloom and poured some whiskey on Scootaloo’s wound.
“Listen, what’s your name?” the doctor said to Rainbow dash.
“R-Rainbow Dash,” Rainbow answered.
“Rainbow Dash, I need you to find a bottle of oxygen, there is usually one in a first aid kit at the end of every car, can you do this for me?”
“Yes!” shouted rainbow as she hurried to the end of the car. Where there was a small closet with a red and white box in it which she grabbed with her teeth.
“Got it!” she said through gritted teeth.
“Here! Use the oxygen on that one!” The doctor ordered Rainbow while he grabbed some tweezers and gauze from the kit. As rainbow put the oxygen mask on Applebloom, the doctor started to perform surgery on Scootaloo’s leg. Carefully pulling out bits of lead with the tweezers, the doctor dropped each piece on a plate that was on the table. After he did that, he wrapped Scootaloo’s leg with gauze from the kit.
“There, I did all I could for this filly,” said the doctor as he sat down next to Rainbow’s seat and wiped the sweat from his brow.
“Thank you so much so much! What’s your name?” Rainbow asked the doctor as she adjusted Applebloom’s mask.
“Oh, just the Doctor,” the Doctor replied.
“Wait, what?” a confused Rainbow said.
Suddenly, the nearby door burst open, Twilight and the others, except for Pinkie Pie came in. “We came as soon as we heard, Rainbow, are they okay?” Twilight asked as she came in.
“They’re going to be just fine, Miss Sparkle!” the Doctor called out to Twilight.
“Doctor! You’re back! I’ve missed you so much!” Twilight met her friend in the middle of the car.
“Oh, yes, I remember making a suit for you; it seems almost brand new, though!” Rarity said to the Doctor with a scared-looking Sweetie Bell behind her.
“Ah have too many questions tah count,” Applejack said, shaking her head, she saw Applebloom and rushed over to her, pushing Rainbow Dash out of the way, “ Applebloom! Can ya hear me? It’s me, your sister, Applejack!
“Applejack, she’s going to be fine. The best thing you can do for her is let her rest,” Twilight put a hoof on her friend’s shoulder.
“You’re right, Twilight, it just pains me tah see her like this. First Granny Smith and now…I just can’t lose her, not like this!” Replied a teary-eyed Applejack.
“Wait a second, where’s Tellis? It was his idea to go to the train in the first place! Is he okay?” Rainbow Dash asked her friends.
“Oh, he’s fine, darling, in fact; he’s driving the train right now.” Rarity answered Rainbow’s question with a flip of her hair.
“Wait a second, Tellis can drive a train? Well I guess he saved all our lives, then.” Rainbow Dash said trailing off towards the end.
“I suppose we should thank this Tellis, then!” The Doctor beamed.
The perspective shifts out the window and follows the doctor and Twilight up the train, passing the windows and showing scared survivors until it reaches the front end of the train. As the Doctor and Twilight reach the door of the Conductor’s car the Doctor said,” Now, Twilight, I want you to understand, as a time traveler, I’ve met many types of ponies and other beings. So don’t be surprised as to what happens next.”
“Wait, Doctor, what are you talking about?” Twilight asked the Doctor, but he was already in the car. As Twilight followed the Doctor inside, she felt the heat of the magical shard reactor on her face and the Doctor was fawning over the engine, spouting science mumbo-jumbo about it.
“Doctor! We were going to see Tellis, remember?” Twilight said, slightly irritated.
“Oh, yes, my dear Twilight Sparkle, let’s go,” the Doctor said as he entered the Control room.
Tellis craned his neck when the doctor entered,” Doctor! Glad you could finally show up, where have you been, man?” Tellis removed his goggles and let them hang around his neck as he said ,” I haven’t seen you since Cloudsda- what’s she doing here?”
“Wait, Tellis, how do you know the Doctor?” Twilight said as she walked past the Doctor up to Tellis.
“Twilight, it’s a long story (for that long story, click here), and we just don’t have the time to tell it, because we’re here!” Tellis called out as he jumped down from the captain’s chair.
“What? Where’s here? We’re nowhere near Canterlot!” Twilight flustered.
“Twilight, that’s where they would expect us to go!” Tellis explained to Twilight as he engaged the brakes on the train.
“Who’s they, and why are we here?” Twilight demanded.
“Twilight, I think I can explain, you see, a group of genocidal maniacs called the Tazrian Mercenary Corp. have been hunting me and anypony connected to me in any way. That includes everypony on this train,” The Doctor calmly explained to Twilight.
“And Tellis brought them to Ponyville?!” Twilight screamed and began magically choking Tellis,” Thanks. To. You. Hundreds. Of. Ponies. Are .Deeead!!” Twilight slammed Tellis against the wall with every word.
“Twilight, Twilight! Please stop!” The Doctor pulled Twilight away from the control room and said, “If Tellis decided to just sit in some hole and die somewhere, you would have been next, and you and all of your friends would be dead!”
“Besides, (Cough, wheeze) I really thought I gave them the slip last time for good! I found Ponyville and thought it was a great place to lay low for a while, hay, maybe a few years or the rest of my life, even.” Tellis said as he entered the engine room.
“We need to let the others know what happened!” Twilight said to the Doctor.
“We will, Twilight, but we are going to do it my way,” the Doctor told Twilight in a hushed tone.
“Well, whatever you do, you need to do it fast, because I’ve set the train to leave in another five minutes.”
Tellis activated the Intercom and said in a pirate voice, “Yeargh, me mateys! This be yer Capitan speakin! You louts need to be getting your flanks up and out of here in five minutes, cause the train’s leavin us behind, whether you’re on it or not! Gather as much supplies and help any injured off the train as you can, everypony! Yeargh! arharharhar arr…”
“You are such a child! This situation is very serious, and you are treating it like it was a game!” an infuriated Twilight said to Tellis.
“That’s because it is a game, Twilight! A game of life and death, and I’m planning on winning!” Tellis shouted as he exited the train.
“Doctor, how do you know him, again?” Twilight asked a serious-looking Doctor.







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