Chapter 2: The Mare With the Gun

Tellis was rudely woken up by being jabbed in the head with a broom handle by a magic-wielding Twilight sparkle, “Wake up, genius.”

“Ah, man- it isn’t morning yet…”Tellis said with one eye open. Twilight jabbed Tellis in the neck this time with the broom. ”Ouch! Are ya tryin to kill me?”

“Get up! I don’t want somepony to see a random stranger leaving my house in the middle of the day. Now, let me untie you, so you can finally get out of here!” Twilight said, irritated with the childish behavior of her “guest”.

“Well, ”Tellis said as he twisted his back and neck, his joints cracking like so many firecrackers, “I’ve had worse nights, can you actually believe I fell asleep during a forest fire once? Almost killed me, it did! Thank Celestia for random holes in the middle of the woods!”

“ Ughh, just get out of here, Tellis.” Twilight groaned.

“Alright, well I guess I’ll be off, then,” Tellis happily strode out the door. “You know, I have the feeling that this is gonna be the beginning of a beautiful-“The door slams behind him.

Now all Tellis wanted to do was to go to the nearest bar and have several shots of Buck Daniels to just forget the past 24 hours, but he had very little money on him since yesterday. Besides, all the bars are closed until 12 o’ clock. Tellis just started walking onward through the muddy streets, like he always did. He really thought he would be able to settle down for once in his wretched, chaotic life. Take it slow for a while, you know? He just wandered around town for a couple of hours until Celestia raised the sun for another day. “Hey, what day is it?” Tellis asked himself.

“Why, it’s Saturday, silly!” answered a pink pony that seemingly came out of nowhere, making Tellis’s heart skip a beat and a half.

“Wha! What the- Where’d you come from?” Tellis said, surprised. He looked around, he was in the middle of the road with no one else around but this pink pony and he, and wondered how she could have snuck up on him.

The strange pony shook her rear right leg and said, “My leg was itchy, and that meant somepony new was in town!” “Hi! My name’s Pinkie Pie,what’s your name?

“Uhh, Tellis,” Tellis slowly answered.

Why hello, Tellis, It’s just so great to meet you!” Said the pony as she pulled out a small cannon from nowhere. “I believe that all new ponies in Ponyville should have a party!” She said as she activated the cannon, shooting confetti and streamers all around Tellis, “By the way, my names Pinkie Pie! Oh, I’m always so excited to meet new ponies! Meet me at Sugarcube corner at 1 o’ clock, okay?” She called out as she ran off towards Celestia knows where with her cannon. After the initial shock of the whole situation wore off, Tellis realized he liked this Pinkie Pie as he swept the confetti out of his hair.

After wandering around Ponyville some more, Tellis saw in the distance, down a road just outside of Ponyville, a low to the ground tree-house looking building, and he could see something in the window of the tree-house from where he was something familiar. He squinted his eyes; it was his saddlebag full of bits!  He happily trotted over to the tree house, where he heard several voices, young fillies, by the sound of it. Tellis put his ear near the wall of the tree house.

“Well, crusading didn’t go as well as we thought yesterday,” One voice said.

“Yeah, I really thought we would get our cutie marks that time,” Said another.

“I guess treasure huntin’ ain’t our special talent, after all,” Said a third voice. “But hey, we did find that ol’ saddlebag fulla money at that rickety shack out in the woods! Ah mean, think of all the candy we can buy now!”

“Why those little…” Tellis muttered under his breath.

“Yeah!” The first voice called out. They all started laughing together. Tellis rubbed his hooves together, “Ohh-kay… I’m gonna need a plan,” Tellis thought out loud, but quietly,” I can just bust in there and scare the hay out of those little ones, grab my money, and get the buck out of here, but that seems like a bad plan. I’ll need a more subtle appro-“Tellis’s planning was interrupted by the distinct sound of a shotgun cocking.

“Mister, ah suggest that you turn around, an’ put your hooves above your head, real slow-like,” Commanded a voice behind Tellis. He did as he was told, and he saw that the wielder of the shotgun was an orange mare wearing an old cowboy hat and an angry look on her face. “Now, what in tarnation do you think you’re doin’ on this here apple orchard?”

“I…Uh…I,” Tellis could barely get out the words out as he watched the mare point the barrel of the gun at his chest.

“Well? Spit it out!” The mare shouted.

“Shh! Do you guys hear that? That sounds like Applejack!” Scootaloo told her friends.

“Do you really think so?” asked Sweetie Bell.

“Yeah, I do. Let’s go see what’s up, c’mon Applebloom,” Scootaloo said as she poked her friend in the back to snap her out of her staring match she was having with the pile of bits that lay on the table.

“Oh! Okay, let’s go, then…”Applebloom answered as she walked over to the door.

“Applejack? Is that you out there?” asked Applebloom as she opened the door to the tree house, her two friends following behind. “What’s goin’ o-“she stopped her question when she saw a stranger being held at gunpoint by her sister.

“Well, ah caught this here varmint sneakin’ around your clubhouse, girls, and he’s ‘bout to get a face fulla lead If he don’t start talkin’, fast.” Applejack answered the fillies as she raised the gun to point at a terrified Tellis’s face. “Well, mister?”

Actually, its nonlethal salt shot instead of ball shot [it wouldn’t be called buckshot over there, now would it?], there’s fillies around, for Celestia’s sake! Plus, even though AJ is the element of honesty, I believe that she can bluff to a total stranger trespassing on her family’s land if she had to.

The stranger replied fearfully, “Well, you see here, miss, this whole situation is just a great big misunderstanding, and-“

“That’s bull spit, and you know it, just tell me why you’re here!” Applejack yelled at her hostage.

“Okay, okay!” Tellis quickly responded, “I’m here to get my money back from these three little thieves.”  

Applejack didn’t lower her gun,” What d’ ya mean, thieves?”

Applebloom answered her sister with a glum look on her face, “um, AJ, ah think ah know what he means…”

Applejack lowered her gun slightly with a puzzled expression on her face,” Applebloom…what did ya do? Did you steal from this guy?” she lowered the gun more and standing on three legs now, still pointing it in the general area of Tellis. This is extremely dangerous, because Equestrian guns don’t have finger guards! Luckily, the shotgun didn’t go off!

“We didn’t steal the money!” Sweetie Bell protested, “We found it fair and square in the Everfre-“

“Shh! Sweetie Bell!” Scootaloo shushed her friend while staring lasers at her.

“Y’all went into the Everfree forest without anypony tah watch you? Just what in the Sam Hill were you three thinkin?!” Applejack scolded the three fillies while she rested her gun on her shoulder.

“Well, we thought could get our cutie marks if we went treasure huntin’, just like in them Daring Do books Scootaloo told us about. We found the treasure, but we didn’t find any cutie marks…” Applebloom sullenly explained to her sister.

“Well, ahm just glad y’all three are okay. Sorry for the fright, uhh, what’s your name, stranger? ” Applejack looked back at Tellis as she said this.

“Argonis, Tellis Argonis. Can I put my hooves down now?” Tellis said in his best James Bronco impersonation. His hind legs began to shake slightly from standing up on them for so long.

“Yeah, again, sorry for scarin’ you like that, it’s just that there’s always a pony or two tryin’ to steal our Zap-Apples right about this time of year, and when ah saw ya’ sneakin’ around this here clubhouse…” Applejack admitted.

“Zap…apples?” Tellis asked with a curious smile.

Applebloom spoke up, “You don’t know about Zap-Apples? They’re real special apples that only grow a few days a year! An’ Granny Smith makes the best Zap-Apple Jam in all of Equestria with ‘em!”

“Now, that I gotta try.” Tellis said whilst nodding his head.

“Applebloom, stop gabbing an’ give this pony his hard-earned bits back, now.” Applejack sternly told her sister.

The three fillies collectively sighed in disappointment as they went inside to retrieve Tellis’s money. Applejack turned back to Tellis and asked, “So, Tellis, what brings ya’ here to Ponyville?”

“Well, I was planning on moving here, to slow down, you know? Just get away from all the BS in the cities…I heard Ponyville was just the place to do that.” Tellis answered Applejack.

“Yeah, I hear ya’, Tellis, say, what city did you come from?” Applejack replied to Tellis.

“Uhh…Fillydelphia.” Tellis lied to Applejack.

The three fillies returned with Tellis’s saddlebag, an old, patchy thing made of grayed denim and other random scraps of material. “We’re really sorry for taking your money, Mr. Argonis.” Sweetie Bell apologized as Applebloom gave Tellis his bag with her teeth. Tellis took it with his.

“Pleash, cah me Telish,” Tellis said as he swung the saddlebag out of his mouth and onto him with style.

“Shoot. No wonder y’all thought that old thing was lost treasure!” Applejack jested. All five ponies bust out laughing for about thirteen-point-seventy-six seconds.