Meant to not interfere with the actual show, this story is told through chapters based either around, or opposite events seen in the show. Marked AU just to be safe.
Scootaloo, an orphaned pegasus living her life out in Ponyville.
Fluttershy, a sweet animal loving pegasus who once she finds out Scootaloo is an orphan is determined to give her a home
Sorry, I am horrible at descriptions.
Cover art used with permission from ShrapnelLeader
Profreed/edited/and ideas bounced off of: TheGreatEater
As always none of my stories could exist without the help of my loving wife.
Chapters (10)
31.media.tumblr.com/0d99655965c27c8ecd18ae474719cd68/tumblr_nap0fi5E3m1tek4guo1_400.png
Oh, good.
Another Scootadopt story.
Nice to see people still have originality.
Oh... That was a bit mean, wasn't it?
4928061
Ouch, that kind of hurt.
Just kidding, at least you’re honest with your opinion.
4928085 sorry, bad mood today.
4928094
I understand. I knew I'd get some flack for writing Scootadoption, but I did it anyway.
OMG OMG yaaaa
I made one of these! This really good!!!!!!!
lol, good start to a story
well i must say i like the story so far
Gist not jest
4930905
Fixed and thank you
4930704
I am glad to hear that
I NEED MORE
4932454
More coming soon I promise
4932464 cool oh and in the previous chapter when miles gose to shugar cube corner and he looks in his bag was the metal thing he had his gun?
4932497
I think you have the wrong story there brat, I didn’t even mention Sugarcube Corner
wow angel.... just wow, thats a new low for you.
4937868
Everypony resists change why not Angel Bunny? He gave in in the end though
You seem to have a recurring problem with you're/your their/there.
Your characterization is okay, but I doubt Scootaloo would be able to pronounce "hemorrhaging" correctly on the first try.
also things like but of course I’d have to get myself
off the ground. (flutters her wings just about uselessly and
sighs), of course there’s part of me….”
are wrong. it should be something like
but of course I’d have to get myself
off the ground." She sighed and watched her wings flutter uselessly, "...of course there’s part of me….”
In general, don't tell us something is happening, show us that it's happening in the description. Work on a little better pacing, the chapters are over before I'm emotionally invested, so draw them out a little more. And then once that's done run it by someone else or fuck off for a bit, a day or so, and reread so you'll catch more errors.
Unless Sweetie's mother is secretly an Angel trying to initiate Third Impact, I think you might have a letter too many there. And "Be careful" is two words.
I'm not surprised. Angel is something like a child to Fluttershy (when he's not taking care of /emotional backup squad) so this is like an only child being asked how they feel about a new baby brother or sister.
Also, you described more of a foster home than an orphanage. The difference is mostly in scale and largely duration.
-repelled
Also, random basic bitch guards wouldn't know what a Changeling is.
4943081
Fixed and thank you very much for pointing that out
4943111
I figured Ponyville wasn’t all that large the fact it even has an orphanage is a surprise. In all honestly given the pre-industrial revolution Equestria a orphanage would probably be in Canterlot so it was centeraly located and government officials could check in on it. Obviously that would ruin a story in which Scootaloo was an orphan so I decided if it did have an orphanage it would be small probably no more than 2 or 3 orphans at a time in average.
4943078
Thank you, seriously I have been hoping for some real advice for some time. In truth I have 2 people who read over my story before it gets posted. First is my wife, and second is thegreateye [I'd link him but I'm replying on my smartphone and am not sure how to do that. I will definitely go back over my story and think about what you said. With Scootaloo my thoughts are she’s had to tell her story to perspective parents looking to adopt. As for pacing, I am sorry I really don't know how to fix that I believe that is a problem I have with all my stories.
4943145
Probably not, but you never know she could have paid attention in evil creatures 101
4944050
Twilight, the "Myths and legends 101" pony didn't know what changelings were. Presumably Cadance knew because deus ex machina or conversations with Chrysalis.
Equestria isn't pre industrial revolution xD
Large orphanages aren't really a new concept either, and Ponyville is a pretty big town anyway.
As for pacing, I think adding length would help. Really each of those chapters could be kicked comfortably up to ~4K.
4944146
4k each? I wish! I think the truth is I'm probably not all that good of an author. In all honesty I write as it comes to me then if my wife and my proofreader are happy with it I go with it.
4944172
Really between 1-4k is a good place to shoot for. Just make sure to fully develop any idea you bring up before the chapter's end unless it's directly pertinent to subsequent events.
Descriptions and dialogue attribution help, as well as show not tell.
A good way to help you understand without being overcomplicated is to set a children's picture book next to a chapter book.
4944209
I will definitely keep that in mind for future stories, I don’t see myself coming back and rehashing this story. Some of the subjects brought up hit me hard.
4944271
No worries. I like mentoring authors. You have clear ability to form an interesting story concept and expand it into a storyline, but need help with learning how to execute your ideas and concepts.
Does that mean this will be being canceled?
4944324
Oh no, this is done I am just waiting for people to get back to me. I have it as a gdoc and they both have access so hopefully I will have the rest up soon. It is only a couple more chapters. Unfortunately they're written about like the rest so you will probably continue to be disappointed with chapter length as I don't think they are all that long
Good to see that this has mostly good reviews.
not bad, as much as I dislike the orphan headcanon....I can't stay away from these kinda stories, oh well, I hope it gets to Shy finding out about Scootaloo being an orphan soon
4949630
Reread "I stand alone" Fluttershy finds out then
4949716 thanks don't know how I missed that
4950277
Nopony's perfect
This just got interesting.
i love it and can you make a sequel for this story
4952932
What would you suggest for a sequel?
Title drop. Made me tear up a bit.
I wait with baited breath for our next scheduled loop of broadcast and response.
4953456
I'm glad you liked it.
so true and it explanes the name, good ending I hope for a sequel
4953475
4953463
If Zurvan is okay with it, I'll write a spiritual successor.
4953453 I have a suggest it is Fluttershy and her adopted Daughter Scootaloo doing family/fun stuff
together with they friends with Slice of Life tag in it
4953509
Go for it, I'd love to read it
4953453 do you like my suggest yes or no
4953902
Sounds cute, but at this time I have no plans for a sequel. Hence me having no problem with anyone who wants to write one, I just ask you drop me a pm so I can be sure to read it.
I'm in middle of writing an adventure story set in the world this story creates but it is not a sequel. The story is mostly about Sweetie Belle.
It will probably show up in Shards of Utopia, which explores the stories of everypony that's not the main character of Memoirs of Utopia.
4953942
Sounds good to me, let me know so I can read it
4953931 ok
MAKE MORE CHAPTERRRRRRRRRRRSSS PLEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!! FOR THE LOVE OF FLUTTERSHY PLEASE MAKE MORE CHAPTERS.
5307917
Sorry that's the end of the story.
Wait WHAT THE FUCK HE COMMITTED SUICIDE EVEN THOUGH HE HAS A DAUGHTER TO TAKE CARE OF!?!?!?!?!