Spock And Rarity

“Captain, there appears to be a large surge of tachyons in this sector. Perhaps it would be best to delay the transportation,” Spock said logically. Captain Kirk waved him off.

“Spock, you can’t just... delay a... teleportation,” Kirk replied. “Let me... go down first. I’ll... give the all clear.” Kirk stepped onto the teleporter and gave a nod to Scotty.

“Hay we go, captain,” Scotty said, his accent thick. He began to power up the console, and plugged in the target coordinates.

“Captain, please reconsider,” Spock pleaded.

“No, Spock, this... must be done.”

“Ah’m all set, captain,” Scotty chimed in. Kirk gave him a nod. The teleporter glowed an iridescent white and Kirk shimmered away into nothingness. A few minutes passed.

“This is Kirk to Enterprise, I’ve.... landed on the planet. See, Spock... nothing to worry about.” Spock shrugged and took a position where Kirk has been standing previously. Scotty began his work at the console. Soon the same white glow came over the teleporters panels. Spock felt himself being torn apart.

The planet the Enterprise was orbiting was a small, red planet with a few Klingon outposts, at least, that’s what Spock remembered it was. The area he found himself in was a small town, reminiscent of Earth architecture. It was late at night, and getting colder.

“I require shelter for the night,” he reasoned. Spock looked around and spied a large building with ornate decorations. He trudged over to the building and peered inside. From the lack of light, he could see nothing. When he tried the doors he found them unlocked.

Spock pushed his way inside and drew his phaser, setting it to stun. He was a pacifist, and did not wish to see anyone hurt. Spock heard a noise upstairs. Quietly he began to creep up the stairway. Down the hallway on the left was a door left ajar, light poured from it. Peering inside, Spock saw a strange sight. There was a pure white unicorn sipping water that she held aloft in the air without even holding it. The unicorn looked at him and let out a small shriek.

“W-who are you?” Spock walked into the room, hands behind his back to hide the phaser.

“I am Spock of the U.S.S. Enterprise. I landed on this planet and required shelter from the cold night. I hope I am not intruding,” Spock quipped.

“I-- uh, oh...” she fainted with a heavy thud. Spock walked up to her and picked her up, noting her soft fur and mane. He then gently placed her on the bed.

“Spock to Enterprise, I’ve met a strange creature. Do you copy?” Only static responded his calls. Something walked into the room behind him. Spock turned quickly and pointed the phaser at the smaller white unicorn in front of him.

“Who are you?” asked the new pony.

“I am Spock of the U.S.S. Enterprise. Do you know this pony here?” Spock asked.

“Yeah I do! That’s my sister, Rarity. I’m Sweetie Belle. What are you doing?”

“I was talking to her and she fainted from surprise.” Sweetie Belle hopped on the bed and nuzzled Rarity’s cheek.

“She’s just a drama queen. Look,” Sweetie said. Rarity was stirring.

“Oh my, what happened?” Rarity asked as she sat up. She looked at Spock. “You... and your shirt... are real?” Spock nodded. “I simply love that shirt.”

“Do you mind if I stay the night? I am not able to contact my ship,” Spock explained. Rarity nodded excitedly.

“Of course you can,” she said to Spock. She turned to Sweetie, “Go to bed.” Sweetie sight and walked back to her room. Rarity’s horn glowed, shutting and locking the door quickly. “Heehee, you can stay in here... with that shirt.”

“That seems illogical, miss Rarity,” Spock said.

“Nonsense, take off your pants and get into bed,” Rarity said, the tension in her voice rising.

“Miss Rarity, I canno-” He began to explain until Rarity’s magic tore the pants off him and thrust him into the bed.

“Now, my dear Spock, let’s get into the shirt.” Rarity’s head lowered until it was at the neck of Spock’s shirt. She started to nibble at it. “Is this doing it for you?” This was not doing it for Spock at all, as he did not feel sexual emotions.

“Rarity, I must insist,” he pleaded. Rarity put a soft hoof to his mouth.

“Shh, honey bear. Let momma take care of this,” she moaned as she licked the stitching in his shirt. She started to knead his muscled under the uniform. Rarity’s soft fur muffled Spock’s attempts to complain. He reached for the phaser on the bed. It had been cast aside during the attack.

“Don’t try and struggle, my little spocky-wocky-pointy-eared-lovey-bunny,” Rarity cooed into Spock’s insignia. Spock’s hand gripped the phaser and pointed it at Rarity. The green laser knocked her off him. Spock leapt from the bed and ran down the hallway and out of the door.

Something stood in front of him, blocking the street.

“I know what you did,” it said, walking closer and closer.

“Who are you?” Spock asked logically. The thing stepped into the dim light. It was Spike the whole time.

“You made it with Rarity, now prepare to die!” The young dragon flew at Spock who had no time to react. Spike’s lethal flames burnt Spock to a crisp.Spike started to laugh and reached up to his head. Pulling off the mask he revealed... Q from the Q continuum.

“He never knew,” Q giggled. as he reached up to his head and pulled off the mask, revealing... DISCORD, GOD OF CHAOS.

“That I was really...,” Discord said as he reached to his head and pulled off the mask revealing...

A phone. Spike was phone the whole time.