On a seemingly mundane train ride from Chicago, Illinois to Flint, Michigan, a nameless passerby stands as witness to an immortal prisoner's transfer from one world to another.
edited by bathroomstahl
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 25th Mar, 2012
- offline last seen Jun 22nd, 2020
Dancewithknives
"If I had asked people what they wanted, They would have said faster horses." -Henry Ford The easiest way to tell a man's character is how well he treats the people he doesen't have to.
Dancewithknives
Joined 25th Mar, 2012 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Lusewing · 26k words · 379 12 · 7.1k views
- Tinyweasels · 69k words · 228 9 · 4.4k views
- sunnypack · 136k words · 1,212 86 · 18k views
- Sketchy Changeling · 23k words · 258 17 · 5.7k views
- Blade Star · 97k words · 114 10 · 2.6k views
- Orthoros · 84k words · 1,413 21 · 12k views
- TheEighthDayofNight · 3.5k words · 850 22 · 13k views
Featured In24
- Celestia & Luna4,435 stories ·2,702 members
Dark8,311 stories ·3,762 members
- Comedy Sketches831 stories ·186 members
- Doubled Fun722 stories ·413 members
- Ponies in the Real World1,111 stories ·1,683 members
- Ponies On Earth!286 stories ·661 members
Protect Celestia1,762 stories ·1,945 members
I Just Want a Comment15,702 stories ·3,671 members
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Stats
Page generated in 0.112 seconds
Total duration
986 users online
394,048 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
This is a... bizzare concept, but it seems very well done. I find it hard to believe that the main character instantly knew who they were, and just happened to be a brony, but I suppose it had to happen.
I'm not sure what to make of this, but I'll fave it.
4911162 well, I couldn't really ask for anything else. Remember though, This was just something I wrote in 5 hours and 12 minutes...
by the way, Don't eat cheese before falling asleep on a train. Fucked up things happen in your dreams...
No just no this this consperisy will never be cannon.
4911179 care to elaborate?
4911210 never will this happen 2 god is nether real or fake
4911220 okay... you disagree because of secular beliefs.
Mind explaining what just happened at the end there?
4911507 literally:
Discord tried to pull a fast one on Celestia by not shaking on the deal so he could renig. Celestia, not to be fooled, prevented him from doing it by pulling a Bruce Almighty and making Discord have 2 right hands.
Meta: i wanted to end the story on a highnote and pull a cliffhanger on the reader.
4911293 no I believe that " god " was a person in history long ago and Jesus but science has proven lots of things thought to be mystical like magic. I'm not atheist tho I'm saying that this story dose confuse many of use people
I believe God's are existing, but they are typical beings ascended to power. E.g. man dies. Man is believed to be a god. Man ascends by belief. Man becomes god. There is a complete system, but it would take hours to write.
4912251
4911645
I'm not sure where all this talk over the existence of god is coming from. If anything, this story would be more of the multiverse than that. Otherwise, this was an idea i've toyed with before and wanted to write about now that I had some spare time, so there's no need to make a mountain out of this.
Yeah, God's work together on our multiverse. But enough God's, I will read the story now
4915294 Be sure to tell me what you thought of it.
Wow, this was really clever. I enjoyed it. Celestia was fantastic and Discord was very nicely done. I will grant you an upward facing thumb and my gratitude for you writing this little gem.
4911162
latimesblogs.latimes.com/.a/6a00d8341c630a53ef0128759fd303970c-600wi
thinkingrightblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/obama-bows.jpg
4933425
latimesblogs.latimes.com/.a/6a00d8341c630a53ef0128759fd303970c-600wi
thinkingrightblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/obama-bows.jpg
Long awaited reply: Thanks for reading, I'm glad you liked it. I just had an Idea some time ago so I decided to throw it into this story and see what happened, so I'm glad you feel that way.
4940156 You are quite welcome, and I will never stop laughing at Obama bowing to the Burger King. So thanks for that too.
4940244
4911162
4911179
4911507
4912251
If you had any questions....
I always enjoyed the scenery from a train, and I have certainly been on lesser forms of trsnsportation (Detroit city bus, for example). Also, statistically Amtrak is safer thsn a csr. But it probably won't arrive on time.
Liked the story. Certainly a different take on the PoE.
4953103 my train ride was actually quite nice. I had to dirty it up to make it fit.
Okay, so this is the review of Amtrak.
I’m not sure what to think about this… Um… Okay, so here are my initial thoughts.
I think I liked it. This was just weird. Not the bad kind of weird, the kind that, I really didn’t know what to make of it. It was definitely a unique story, I’ll give it that.
So, we start with the description of Chicago and the trains. I liked the description of the trains; I thought it was very well done. I thought that there was a clear image of what the trains looked like.
I kind of wished it went somewhere, or played a bigger role in the story. Like I felt for all of the things that were described to us in the first part of the story, it didn’t really amount to anything. It was written well, for the most part, but I felt that it should have lead up to something or connected I think a little better to the rest of the story.
Maybe something like he thinks he sees the Discord character in another part of the train or swears he hears Celestia’s voice, but it wasn’t. Or comparing the city to Discord or something to Celestia.
I don’t know, maybe I’m being nitpicky. Because it really all was written well. I thought it was very well done, but I don’t know if I liked it or not, completely, I mean. Because I felt that it could have connected better to the Celestia and Discord scene. Again, could be nitpicking here, but there was just something off about it and I really don’t know why. I feel like maybe if it had lead up to the whole Discord/Celestia thing better, I think it wouldn’t have bothered me as much, or worked it in better.
The Discord and Celestia thing, that was interesting. That was definitely an interesting concept. I like how this would set up for the episode where Fluttershy turns Discord. Just so we are clear, I have not seen the episode with Terik, so I don’t know how this goes. I’m hoping this story doesn’t have anything to do with that, but just to clear the air.
But, I never got that vibe, so I think we are okay.
The last bit of dialogue between them. I don’t know if it’s just because it was dirty and Celestia laughed, but I cringed. I know this is a personal thing, but I cringed when Celestia laughed at that comment.
Maybe I just don’t get the joke. Maybe I’m old, but I really didn’t see what was funny about it. Again, personal thing.
However, I really did like the level of intelligence that Celestia did show in the last part of the story. Outwitting Discord, that was pretty smart and it felt good to have her beat him at his own game.
Overall, it was okay. I felt that the opening needed to connect more. There were a lot of personal touches that I felt made the story less, at least for me. This was an interesting concept. I really liked the idea here.
I think it’s definitely unique and something that I don’t see every day and I think that is what made it so difficult for me to figure out how I felt about it. A few grammar and spelling things here and there, I’ll point them out at the end of the review. It’s kind of a hit and miss story. There were many things that I thought “Yeah, that was good.” And then there was “Wow, I really didn’t like that.” I know it was probably only one or two little things and I’m probably over analyzing it, but this was just a hard one to judge.
So, I liked it. Despite the one or two issues I had, I think I did like it. Celestia and Discord were done well, with the exception of that one moment for me. And I think that the discussion between them was good. Again, I would have liked to see more of the opening scene make a connection with the Discord/Celestia thing, but other than that, enjoyable.
Grammar errors I caught.
Your
‘And’ should be caped
Unless it’s a name, ‘Dick’ should be lower cased.
5200086 Thanks for the review. I feel that you may be able to answer a few of your questions by reading the blogpost associated with the story.
The beginning section was just me describing the train I was on and also trying to establish the narrator as a bit of an asshat, there really was nothing to it, but I felt it needed to be there to set up the next section as well as give a bit of a mythological side to how the Narrator was at the meeting as well as show that he was a brony without going out and just saying it or sounding like a fanboy.
As for the joke, what I wanted to infer was a bit of humanity between Discord and Celestia without turning it into a Dislestia ship, Although they have been fighting each other for centuries Celestia did not hate Discord, and although this could have been expressed by the whole effort of giving him another chance, I thought I could do it with that stupid joke.
Also, in case you didn't get the punchline, the whole joke behind it was that You expect Discord to mock Celestia and say something really stupid and random, but in reality he imitates how she writes perfectly to the point that she actually uses that as her letter... then of course discord has to throw in the sex joke for good measure and to get a chuckle out of the teenyboppers. And, I have to admit that another reason I put that there was because I was looking for a reason for Discord to say the Classic Jessica Rabbit line, "I'm not bad, I was just <Verb> this way."
Anyway, thanks for the review, just don't think about it to much.
5200086 also, Tricky Dick was the nicname of Presidents Bill Clinton and Richard Nixon, nixon earned the name because of his problems with his Watergate while Clinton had problems with his Waterbed.
5200870 Good to know.
Thank you for allowing me to read your story.
Also, if you want to do me a favor, if you would click on one of my story links and give me a review. Just pick the one that sounds interesting to you, I would really appreciate it.
The Longest Night. - The Cutie Mark Crusaders have been invited to a mansion for the weekend with the promise of it being the best weekend ever. ... So why does it feel like it might be their last? (Rated M for gore)
Royal Day Off - Princess Celestia and Princess Luna just want to have a day off. And they make it the best day ever. (Rated E for everyone)
The Daredevil Cutie Mark - The Cutie Mark Crusaders meet with two colts who promise to help them find their Cutie Marks. But are they as trustworthy as they appear? (Rated E for everyone)
Forgive me for being technical, but I don't recall any Amtrak equipment having just passenger seats on one side of the car and tables and chairs on the other - at least on the Horizon and Amfleet cars used on the line featured in this story. During my first read-through, I thought the narrator had transitioned from sitting in one of the coaches to sitting in the café car and never actually mentioned it.
That's my only issue with this story. Other than that, I thought you did a pretty decent job. I especially liked when Discord read the P.S. section of the letter he made up. I was laughing right along with Celestia.
6943168 I find it really funny that you mention that.
I wrote the setting of the train car as a downgraded combination of my seating as well as the dining car. I made it sound a bit shittier to make my character sound like a bit of a pessimist. Otherwise, I wanted to have the two sit across from each other throughout the story rather than next to each other in a seat.
My final thoughts after combining the two cars together was, "Nobody who actually knows anything about the Amtrak would actually point it out..."
6944719 Oh, okay. I see (sort of...). Your character did seem a little flustered, after all.
True, there's probably a miniscule amount of people on this site who would actually care about the authenticity of train car descriptions. I just pointed it out because it threw me off track (pun intended
) with regards to the setting.