Fourth Wall Breakdown

by SmokeShadow95

Scootaloo's Story

The day started off in a truly amazing way. Rainbow Dash did her usual thing and cleared the skies of any clouds. That way it would the normal clear and sunny day that Ponyville was used to. However, also doing her usual thing Rainbow Dash cleared the skies her own way. She landed on the ground in front of her three most loyal fans ever. She handed the one she liked the best- a young, but already really awesome little filly named Scootaloo- a stopwatch.

“That is so not what happened,” Sweetie Belle exclaimed.

“Will you just let me tell the story,” Scootaloo asked, annoyed.

“As long as you tell it the right way,” Sweetie Belle replied.

“I'm gonna tell the story my way. You can go next. Okay,” Scootaloo suggested.

“Fine,” Sweetie Belle agreed.

“Good heavens,” Apple Bloom proclaimed, “Can we just get back to the story already?”

“As I was saying,” Scootaloo continued.

Rainbow Dash had spent most of the morning already in the sky. She was positioning the clouds into just the right places. Each cloud had to be exactly where she wanted or else this would not work. So she tucked the last little bit of cloud into place, or at least she was trying to. This particular little cloud was being stubborn.

She pushed it back into the huge wall of clouds she had put together. As soon as she let go of the clouds it popped back out again. Alright. This happened sometimes with a lot of clouds that are put really close together. Normal, right? Wrong! She pushed the little cloud back in, and it popped back out again. Over and over and over, she tried to put the cloud in place, but it did not want to go in. Rainbow Dash was getting frustrated.

“Go in you little piece of. . . fluff,” She said through her teeth.

The little cloud did nothing. It was like it was mocking her. If it had a mouth it would have spit in her face. Rainbow Dash would not stand for that. She grabbed the little piece of fluff and threw it into the clouds as hard as she could.

“Now stay there or I will have Discord turn you into a cotton candy cloud that rains chocolate milk and then I will hand you over to Pinkie Pie,” She yelled at the cloud.

She didn't stay behind to see if the cloud actually listened to her or not. She was just sure that it did. She was super awesome like that. She did not even need to look back, but she was pretty sure the cloud was quivering.

As Rainbow Dash was getting ready to pull off one of her most awesomest tricks ever she noticed that she had attracted a crowd. If you can count three fillies who run the Ponyville Rainbow Dash fan club a crowd that is. It was enough. Rainbow Dash flew down and landed just a few paces away. She trotted up to them with her usual coolness and smiled. It was as obvious as it always was. She was the coolest pony ever!

“Hey. You guys are waiting for me to do something awesome, aren't you,” She said.

The three fillies nodded their heads simultane- simul- at the same time. As soon as they had seen Rainbow Dash in the sky moving clouds instead clearing them they knew she was going to do something cool.

“Well then, you are just in time,” Rainbow Dash said right before taking off.

She left the ground faster than a speeding train. Her hooves were in the air in less than a second. She flew up to the big mass of clouds in the sky, pausing for just a moment to psych herself up. With an 'Aw yeah!' she flew around the big cloud mass. She circled it at least a dozen times. And then she made her move.

At the speed she was going, it was only her who could have pulled this off. Any other pony who tried it would have spiraled out of control and crashed, but not Rainbow Dash. She was the best flier ever. In a blue bur of movement she darted into the giant cloud. She stayed inside the giant cloud for a little while. Only a few flashes of rainbow colors let anypony know she was alright. And then she came back out. She was moving so fast that it seemed like a sonic rainboom was about to happen. But it didn't. Instead, Rainbow Dash had collected the water from the clouds and was drawing with it in the sky. She flew a straight line and then took a sharp turn, and then another line and another turn. She did this over and over again until a shape took form. You could only really tell from below. Rainbow Dash had just drawn her cutie mark in the sky. Made from clouds and rainbows, her cutie mark now shined brightly in the sunny skies of Ponyville. Little did anypony know, that was the last time it would shine so brightly in Ponyville.

“That ain't right, Scootaloo,” Apple Bloom said, “Ponyville is shining right now.”

“Well, yeah, of course,” Scootaloo said, “It was all fixed and stuff. Remember?”

“I get the feeling that what I 'member ain't what you 'member,” Apple Bloom responded.

“Well, too bad! This is my story, and I am going to tell it how I want,” Scootaloo said, “And it will be awesome and you will like it.”

“Just leave it alone, Apple Bloom,” Sweetie Belle said, “You will get a chance to tell the actual story the way it really happened later.”

“I hope so,” Apple Bloom said, “This here don't make a plum bit of sense.”

“As I was saying,” Scootaloo said, a bit annoyed.

Rainbow Dash would soon find out that there were some clouds who would not listen. No, wait she already knew that. Hold up. Let me check the dang script. . . tick tock. . . tick tock. . . AHA! There it is. Rainbow Dash-

“You have a script,” Sweetie Belle asked, puzzled beyond belief.

“You don't,” Was all Scootaloo said in response.

Rainbow Dash would soon find out that some clouds were almost as fearless as her. For starters they were not afraid of her. Secondly, this cloud was not afraid of Pinkie Pie. And there is only one thing to do with a stubborn cloud.

Rainbow Dash saw as she flew her cutie mark pattern for the hundredth time that a small piece of the giant cloud had broken off and was leisurely drifting away. Not on her watch! She reached the giant cloud and once again, but did not follow the pattern again. One hundred times was enough. Instead she broke through the cloud wall like a raging Pegasus. She flew up and over the cloud in an amazing circular move. She was coming up on the cloud now. It was only then that she realized she recognized that little cloud.

“You,” She said aggressively, “You had your chance. Time to take out the fluffy trash.”

Rainbow Dash had the target in her sights. She locked on to it. With one burst of speed she launched herself at the cloud. Hoof met fluff. Pony met cloud. Cloud went poof. And then the cloud was no more. Rainbow Dash celebrated her victory over the stubborn cloud.

“Hey, isn't this supposed to a story about Ponyville,” Sweetie Belle asked.

“I'm getting there,” Scootaloo said, “But I can't leave out any of Rainbow Dash's awesomeness. Not a single bit of it.”

“I don't know about any of you, but I am liking the story just fine as it is.”

The voice did not come from any of the cutie mark crusaders. In fact, they were as startled as I was to hear it. At first, they could not figure out where it was coming from. They checked all the low places they could find when they jumped down from the chairs. All they found was dust, a few dozen pencils and pens, several plushy dolls that resembled the citizens of Equestria, dented pop cans, several more random feathers of varying sizes and colors, and last but not least they found nothing at all. The voice did not come from anywhere down there. They looked low. So I guess there was only one other direction to look. They three fillies all looked at one another before raising their heads toward the ceiling. They all saw a strange white, fluff like object hanging around near the ceiling.

“Hey, what's up?”

Rainbow Dash's head darted out from on top of the cloud. Apparently, she had been there for quite some time. How had they not noticed? That is an unfair question. I didn't even notice until she spoke. It startled me too. I nearly jumped out from my hiding spot, and ran for the hills then and there.

“Rainbow Dash,” Scootaloo said with excitement, “What are you doing here?”

“I was just laying on this here cloud taking my daily third nap of the day and drifting along. At some point I drifted in here. I heard you telling that awesome story about how awesome I am. Keep going. I want to hear the rest.”

The three young fillies all jumped back up into the seats. Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom settled in while Scootaloo got right back into her story. She was more excited now than she was before. Rainbow Dash always had that effect on her. Oh well.

Rainbow Dash was so caught up in celebrating her victory over the stubborn little cloud that would not listen to her that she never noticed the impending disaster that was about to unfold. It was coming closer, and closer, and closer, and closer, and closer. It was closing in fast. Or rather, Rainbow Dash was. She so busy congratulating herself that she failed to notice the ground that was not very far beneath her. By the time she did notice there was nothing she could do. Try as she might she was going to crash.

“I'm not liking this story much anymore,” Rainbow Dash said.

The ground was coming up fast and it was clear that Rainbow Dash was going to hit. Like a rainbow colored comet she fell from the sky. However, unlike a rainbow colored comet, she did not cause much destruction as she crashed into Ponyville. Well, it's more like she crashed through Ponyville. You see, Rainbow Dash actually hit the ground near the cottage where Fluttershy lived.

Near the top most point of a steep hill is where Rainbow Dash hit. Her front hooves just barely grazed the hill, but that was enough. She tumbled forward in downward spiral from which she could not recover. Hoof over wing. Tail over head. Mane over flank. Rainbow Dash tumbled and rolled all the way down that steep hill. She was on such a roll that she ended rolling all the way into Ponyville.

“I am really not liking this story anymore,” Rainbow Dash moaned.

Rainbow Dash finally stopped near the central park in Ponyville. Unfortunately, she was not aware that another Pegasus there was causing trouble. A certain yellow maned, gray coated pony with unfocused eyes that were staring in two separate directions was there. What was she doing there to cause so much trouble? A fair question, with a hilarious answer. She was chasing her own tail. At some point during her day, she got something caught in her tail and it was dragging behind her. Of course, she had to try and get it somehow. And of course, the only logical thing to do was to chase her tail until she got it. So she did. She ended up flying in so many circles that a small tornado had formed and was tearing down the park in Ponyville. Luckily, Rainbow Dash was there to save the day.

As soon as she stopped in the park she shook off her tumble with a few dozen rounds of pacing and swaying side to side. It seemed to work, because the next thing she did was dive headlong into the abyss that was the Derpnado- even though she actually went in flank first and screaming.

“I was not screaming,” Rainbow Dash protested.

It was unclear to the ponies that watched as the courageous Rainbow Dash entered the Derpnado. All they could see was flashes of her fabulous blue coat, and small glimpses of the other colors that made up her mane.

After many intense minutes of silence the Derpnado was finally defeated. Derpy came flying out of her own creation and it was clear it was not her choice. She slammed headlong into the closest tree and fell to the ground. She landed with her tail between her legs and with something still stuck to it. She reached out and place both front hooves on her tail.

“Gotcha,” She said happily.

Yes. Even she could have a victory when Rainbow Dash was around. But she would not be around for long. For Rainbow Dash still had one thing to do to protect Ponyville. From inside the Derpnado itself she was able to steer it away from town and towards the Everfree Forest. How amazing is that?! Along the way she leaped out and away from the raging Derpnado. She landed in none other than Sweet Apple Acres.

Applejack was busy trying to retrieve the hat she always wore. A strong gust of wind had come from out of nowhere and blown her hat clean off her head. She chased it down all the way to a tree. Not just any tree, but the tallest pine on the farm. It was at the very top. She pulled her lasso out and got it around the tip of the tree with no problem at all. She had one end of the lasso at the tree and gave the other end to Big Macintosh. He took it in his mouth and used his natural strength to bend the tree down to their level.

“Now don't let go of that there rope Big Mac,” Applejack said.

Yeah right. Like he was going to let go. He was the strongest pony in all of Ponyville. That strength was tested. Rainbow Dash came down and landed right on the tree. Big Mac had to use all his strength the keep the rope from slipping out of his mouth.

“Well, howdy there Rainbow Dash,” Applejack said.

“Hey there, Applejack,” Rainbow Dash said weakly, “I found your hat in this tree.”

“Thank ya much. I been looking for that,” Applejack said, “Oh, and I saw your trick in town earlier today. Gotta admit, that was pretty cool.”

“Eeyup,” Big Mac agreed right before his eyes went wide, “Oh no.”

He looked back at Rainbow Dash just in time to see her disappear. One moment she was there, and the next she was gone. Also, much to Big Mac's surprise the tree had two victims. When he pulled the treetop down a stray branch got underneath Big Mac. Right between his four legs. When he released the tree and it snapped back. Well, I will just say that his screams were as high as Rainbow Dash's.

“Ouch,” Sweetie Belle said, “That sounds like it would hurt.”

“It sure did, little filly.”

“Applejack,” Apple Bloom shouted, “What you doing here?”

“Why I saw y'all over in this here hole in the dimensional rift that separates the walls of reality and I just had to see what you all were up to. Then I heard that story and I just had to stay and listen,” Applejack stated.

“Hey, sis, did that really happen to Big Mac,” Apple Bloom asked with clear worry in her voice.

“Sure did, lil sis. He has been sitting on a bed of ice for three days, and he still sounds like you Apple Bloom,” Applejack said, “But I wouldn't worry. He'll be back to his old self faster than Pinkie Pie chasing a cotton candy cloud that rains chocolate milk.”

“Can I get back to my story now,” Scootaloo asked.

Because of Big Mac and his big mouth Rainbow Dash was sent flying in a whole new way. She landed on a tree, and when that snapped back she was sent through the air like a cannonball. But this was not as bad as it seemed. Fortunately, she was sent right home. An open window let her fly right in, and she seemed to do a lot of celebrating after that. It was noisy for the next few minutes and then it got all quiet. She must have been really tired after her long day of awesomeness and helping out other ponies. I'm not really sure what happened, but I'm guessing that Rainbow Dash crawled into bed and got some rest.

“That story had nothing to do with Ponyville,” Apple Bloom stated flatly.

“Wait a minute. We were supposed to be telling a story about Ponyville,” Scootaloo asked.

“Were you listening at all earlier,” Sweetie Belle said accusingly.

“No. I was telling a story about Rainbow Dash,” Scootaloo replied.

“Well, she is an awesome pony that lives in Ponyville,” Rainbow Dash said, “That counts, right?”

“I guess so,” Sweetie Belle said with a smile, “But now it is my turn to tell a story.”

Comments

[Braininthejar]

Ok then... continuing from before.

1 You do need a proofreader. Everybody does. It is because your brain tends to read what you know is supposed to be in the text - so it is that much harder to find your own mistakes (in this chapter, there are some minor typos and odd tense uses, but more importantly, one sentence mistakes the characters - when they talk about Mac's injury, Applebloom talks to Applebloom. I'm sure it was supposed to be Applejack)

Try finding another author who needs a proofreader and make some arrangement with him so you two proofread each other's work.

2 I see you've noticed the problem of too developed vocabulary and tried to remedy it by having Scootaloo stumble upon one word. You're going in the right direction, but need to do a bit more: the girls sound ok when they're talking among themselves, but still a bit too eloquent when narrating.

3 Try to use more contractions when writing speech. We use them all the time when we speak.

4 Finally, while not all the jokes worked (they never do) this chapter finally made me laugh. This is a great relief, as I feared it might not and then it would have been an awful review.