In additon FiM I enjoy RPGs, Manga, Graphic Novels, Anime, Scifi, and Fantasy
Silver Fall is a rare sort of dragon, a hybrid of Western and Eastern dragon. She always had been a bit too different, driven home by her choice of partner and fact she had offspring with him. Add abilities that most dragons don’t have typically have. Now, she’s trying to have some semblance of an ordinary life, with ponies. Enjoy, and please no auto-hates; seriously I don't want to see a mass of thumbs down with no explanation, if you dislike the story explain why.
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Go for it.
sounds like a awsome plan
so a ice dragon born into a fire dragon family?
4896794 a bit more complicated than that, her father is an Asiatic dragon and those have a bunch of distinctive properties that European type dragons don't have. She was born with a natural cool disposition that in its own essence has frozen her emotional regulation into a set personality. There will be an event in a future chapter that begins to "thaw" her emotional state. Her breath is actually *SPOILER*, almost gave away an aspect of her future development. But a reasonable question. So to answer your question, sort of.
Sounds like a good story, but if I have one thing to tell you, it's this: grammar. For the love of all things great and small the Faust has created, grammar. It makes the world go 'round.
Also, try and avoid anymore huge blocks of text; it's daunting to look at. The "Enter" key is your friend.
4931977 I try to avoid grammatical errors as best I can, but without a third party to check it before it goes up what you see is what you get. I do try looking through my posted chapters once or twice a week to see if I can spot any typos, but once again without someone dedicated to that sort of thing it's really a game of hit or miss. Thanks for pointing it out, chapter 1 is now broken up into something more manageable.
Make a new paragraph after, “and to add to the dejection she was never told why.”
There's no need to restate that her scales are silvery, though you can just say that they were the inspiration for her name.
Less is more. You could reduce his quote to about half what it is now, and it would have the same ideas, and stick in the mind more easily.
Aren't we going to see what the article said?
What kind of difficulties does she have with form shifting? Apparently she's good enough to fool others into thinking that she's a pony.
I like the idea and the backstory, but I'd advise changing the format. Basically, start with the family arriving in Ponyville, and throw in some clues that something is strange about them. For example, the mother is mostly covered in clothing, even though it's a fairly warm day, and the children were hidden among the luggage, and warned not to make any noise or let anyone know of their presence. Then they get to the house, and Silver turns back into a dragon. Next, the kids come into view, and it's obvious that they're dragon/pony hybrids. Finally, Pinkie shows up and announces that she's throwing a party for all four of them, even though no one else knows about the twins. Granted, that's just my opinion, but it provides some mystery about how these two got together, and encourages the reader to keep going so they can find out, as well as wanting to know what's going to happen at the party.
Whew, I hope that at least some of that will be useful to you. I'll get to the next chapter when I can.
5017534 I was actually considering some of the suggestions you gave.
4932393 im willing to volonteer on the grammer department just pm methe unedited version or gdocs link.
5069802 Thanks for the offer. Also I find your avatar image a little disturbing, but that could just be me.
OK, before you look at this list and freak out. no I do not want your head on a platter. I really like the story however it seems to me that you are writing in a rush. I am no editor these are the ones I spotted in this chapter they just put blocks in the continuity of the story. check in the FAC for the writers available as pre readers you will find a lot of help on this site. lots of luck up voted
“if it makes ( ) feel better the same holds true with your sister.” [you]
“but I've never felt like this before it's like were...” [we're ]
her life she felt a panicked in fear [remove ] ?
tell when anther individual is acting [ another]
it must [ ] given in the name of the greater good,” [ be]
Other dragons my age turned seeing who could make[ me ] cry the longest and hardest [ into a game ] so I could make those ?????
the sound of on of the pearls shattering [ one]
“I think a silver coat is lovely, it lets us know its you before more effectively.” [???]
getting up to ( ) quality that my father had it, pleas enjoy [the] [ please ]
5565306 I'm not panicking, thanks for pointing out the error, I'm working on fixing themas we we speak.
Suggested edits to your description. I assume you're aware of the site rule that a story's description should describe what [the] story is actually about; not sure it does that currently.
9313114
I’ll see what I can do.
9313450
Clearer now.
And yet, here you are with 6 thumbs down and not a single commenter admitting responsibility. Why are anonymous Internet strangers so disobedient?
9313656
Because common courtesy goes out the window the moment you can be anonymous, it’s why trolling became a popular activity on the internet