Why would a sun goddess need sunscreen?
The warm air brushes against your bare skin as the train doors open. With your carrying bag and beach umbrella in hand, you step out the train door and onto Las Pegasus train station. The sun was brighter on this side of Equestria, so you were quite glad you had brought along your shades. You checked the map that Pinkie Pie gave you with directions to her “beach party fun party”. It reminded you of a looking at a child’s treasure map drawing, complete with the broken red lines, and notable landmarks to indicate you were heading in the right direction.
Some of the ponies around the station were staring at you. This was something you got used to being the only human in Equestria, at least as far as you knew. You ignored the stares and began following the directions on the map to locate the party. It had been a long time since you’ve been to any beaches, and after being cooped up in Ponyville for so long you were looking forward to a new location. A day of relaxing on the beach sounds just what you needed.
You were able to make it to the location of Pinkie’s party with little trouble. You knew it was a Pinkie party the moment it came into view, the balloons were a dead giveaway. A large group of Pinkie’s friends from Ponyville had made it to the party before you, and already were playing at the beach. A net for beach volleyball was set up, as well as a table for refreshments. A few ponies, such as Rarity, were already lying on towels and trying to get a tan themselves. The entire apple family were in the water, splashing each other, but you were certain that soon they would not be alone out there. As you looked around for a spot to place your own towel packed away in your bag, you hear the delighted cheer of Pinkie Pie.
“Ted! Ted! Over here!” Pinkie Pie waved her hooves in the air furiously to catch your attention. The little pink pony races across the beach and leaps at you, hooves wide open for a hug. Something else you’ve gotten use to in Equestria. You drop your bag and umbrella and catch the bouncing pink pony. “I’m so glad you made it! This is going to be even more super, duper, fun now that you’re here! We got tons of fun stuff to do!”
“Pinkie,” said Rarity as she gets from her tanning. “Ted just got here. Give the man a moment to setup and take in the gorgeous scenery.”
You place the excited Pinkie down and watch as more of your friends from Ponyville gather around to greet you. Friends like Twilight Sparkle and Fluttershy. Looking at them all, you had begun to notice the swimsuits all the ponies were wearing. Pinkie Pie was wearing a one-piece blue, and most of the other ponies were wearing similar styles of swimsuits. This was something you found odd as ponies normally didn’t wear clothing, so why would they need it for the beach? But none raise a larger question in your mind than the swimsuit that Rarity was wearing. Rarity had herself a two piece swimsuit bikini! A sight that made you stare a bit longer just to make sure what you were seeing was true. When you realized you had begun to stare too long at Rarity, you quickly turned you head away.
“Whoa, maybe you should sit down in the shade and relax. The sun has already made your cheeks go red! Oh, there’s a good spot over there!”
You let Pinkie Pie lead you to an open spot as her friends gathered up your dropped bag and umbrella. Meanwhile you thought about what had just happened. You weren’t sure if it was the heat of the sun or embarrassment over staring at Rarity in a bikini swimsuit. Why would a pony wear a two piece swim suit in the first place? It’s not like they had anything they needed to hide up there…
Pinkie and the others help lay the towel you brought on the sand and setup the beach umbrella for shade. Twilight levitates a glass filled with a cold beverage and ice to you with her magic. You take it and thank her for it before drinking it. “Feeling any better?” Twilight asks. You nod.
You take a look around the beach. Mares in different kinds of swimming suits were at play all around. And for some reason watching them was stirring some confusing emotions inside you. You’ve spent a long time around these mares, and found many of them to be quite adorable. But now seeing the normally naked mares in swimsuits started to make you feel like some kind of dirty pervert. You shake your head to clear your thoughts. You rationalize that the swimsuits were making you think of home, and of pretty girls in swimsuits at the beach. Pretty human girls that is, not ponies. You weren’t becoming attracted to ponies at all! What kind of sicko would be? Not you, it’s just the swimsuits that made you think that way. Yeah...
The voice of Pinkie interrupted your train of thought. “Well you just relax there Ted, and you can join us in a game when you feel better, m’kay?”
“Thanks Pinkie,” you answered. “And thank you for inviting to your beach party. I think it’s just the thing I needed to relax.”
“Oh, I am so happy to hear that! A party just isn’t quite as fun without all your friends there to join you!”
Rarity tapped on the bouncing pinkie pony’s shoulder to grab her attention. “Pinkie, if you’ve got a moment, could you help me re-apply the sunscreen to my back? I’m not sure it got properly spread, and I’d hate to have the sun burn and ruin my hard worked alluring body.”
You blinked at the request of Rarity and felt the need to ask some questions. “Why would you need sunscreen for? Doesn’t your fur protect you from the sun?”
Rarity blinked at you. “I’m not sure where you got such information, but I can assure you us ponies can indeed get burned if we aren’t careful. Especially here in Las Pegasus.”
“Okay… But can’t you just use your magic to put the sunscreen on your back yourself? Why would you need Pinkie’s help?”
“I’m afraid it doesn’t quite work well, darling.” Rarity replies as she magically levitated a bottle of sunscreen and holds out her hoof to demonstrate. The magic squeezes the bottle, forcing the lotion onto her hoof. Rarity magic then attempts to spread the lotion onto her fur, but the lotion simply rolls around on her hoof. “I can put the stuff on my back, but my magic doesn’t have the right pressure to make the stuff work. I require physical hooves to rub it in for the tasks. As such, I require aid in reaching those spots I cannot reach myself.” Rarity then began to rub the lotion with her free hoof till you couldn’t tell it apart from her hoof. “Plus, I don’t like how it feels when it hasn’t been rubbed it. And I don’t want to look dreadful with the stuff simply sloppily slapped on me. Perfection needs effort, darling.”
You rub the neck as you began to feel a bit foolish for constantly asking Rarity all these questions. “Sorry-“
“Don’t be embarrassed darling,” Rarity said as she levitated the bottle back into her bag. “It’s perfectly natural for a boy to be curious about a mare.”
Wait, what did she mean by that?
With that the group slowly began to go their separate ways, leaving you alone in the shade to relax. Pinkie said she would come back to check on you, so you just sat back and scanned the beach. You watch the ponies play their own style of beach volleyball. You watch ponies build sand castles. You watched ponies’ splash and run along the ocean shallower ends. You watched a mare slowly rub some sunscreen lotion on the exposed back of another mare-
“Hello.”
You jumped in embarrassment when you heard the voice. You were not sure why you were embarrassed. After all, they were just a pony helping out another pony and not human. It wasn’t like that at all! Really! You attempt to regain your composure, but lose it completely when you notice the pony who was talking to you.
Princess Celestia.
You’ve seen the princess before. Sometimes she would visit Ponyville to see her faithful student Twilight Sparkle. You’ve even been to the castle to see her once. But all the times you’ve seen the sun princess, she had been wearing her crown and various jewellery. Not here, though. Today Celestia was wearing a necklace of various small seashells and beads, had a flower in her mane, wore sunglasses, and had a swimsuit on that looked to half of a bikini set. Two thin laces on each side were all that held the bikini bottom. Some of her mane was braided and left to hang along the side of her neck, while the rest was left flowing openly like her usual magic look.
“What? Can’t a princess enjoy a day at the beach?” She asks you.
It was then that you noticed that your jaw had been hanging open the entire time. You close it up and attempt to answer her back. “I just-um-that is-I never thought I’d ever see you wearing anything, um, un-princess-like.”
‘Un-princess-like’. Smooth.
Celestia giggles at your attempt to answer her. You didn’t need to be told that your face was red at that moment. You felt as if your face was hotter than the sun itself. You knew it wasn’t, but it still felt that way.
“This looks like a nice spot you’ve setup here. Do you mind if I join you Ted?”
“Go ahead.” You weren’t about to tell a princess to go elsewhere. She might get mad and throw you in jail. Yeah, that’s right. You didn’t want to make her mad. That was the reason for agreeing to it. It had nothing to do with the swimsuit, or anything else…
Celestia magically opened her own traveling bag and brought out a towel to lie down on the sand nearby. Once it was placed, she sat down on top of it and began to scan the beach with smile on her face.
“I do love seeing my ponies playing and having a good time under my sun. The beaches of Las Pegasus are always a delight.”
You nod in agreement. “This is certainly one of the nicest beaches I’ve ever seen. And everyone is certainly having fun splashing in the water, or playing games on the sand, or getting a tan in the sun-“
“Oh my! I nearly forgot.” With another glow from her horn, Celestia brought out a bottle of sunscreen from her bag.
“Wait, sunscreen? But aren’t you, like, the goddess of the sun?”
“I am the princess of the sun, yes.” Celestia poured some of the lotion onto her hooves and began to rub it in. “I have the job of raising and lowering it each and every day. But that does not mean I cannot be burned by it. I am still a mare just like every pony else. I am not immune to being burned.”
You shrugged at her answer. It didn’t seem right to you, but what did you know about how the world of magical talking horse-like creatures work?
After finishing up with her hooves and a bit on the edge of her wings, Celestia squirted some of the sunscreen on her back and attempted to reach her hooves behind her. “Well drat. That won’t do.” She turned her attention back to you. “Do you mind? I don’t want my back to be sunburned.”
You felt your hand twitch a bit after hearing the request, though you weren’t sure why. Staring at Celestia’s sunscreen covered back caused your face to begin to heat up. “Uuuhh…” You fumbled with your words.
“Oh, if you have an issue with it, I guess I could ask somepony else to-“
“No!” Your quick answer surprised you more than it did Celestia. “No, it’s ok. I can totally help you out with this.”
“Great! Make sure you get it in deep. I’ve been told it works best that way.” Celestia then lay down across the towel for you to get a better reach at her back.
Why were you so eager to do this? And why was your heart starting to race? This wasn’t something out of fear. Something else was driving you to do this. It couldn’t be because you were started to become attracted to these mares, could it? Have you been stuck here so long that the sight of these mares in a swimsuit has made your mind to think of them as human women?
You place your hand on Celestia’s back and began to rub the lotion against her back. “That’s it, Ted.” Celestia encourages you on.
Sweat had begun to flow down your face. From the heat, you rationalized to yourself, not because of anything else. It certainly wasn’t because you enjoyed feeling the back of the princess between your fingers, as soft and warm as it was. You continued your work all the while repeating to yourself ‘I am attracted to women, not to a horse’ over and over again in your head.
“Are you ok back there Ted?” Celestia asked. “Your breathing sounds a bit odd.”
“J-j-just fine, princess.” You reply weakly. You told yourself to be gentle around her wings as your hands traveled down that area. You also continued to tell yourself you did not enjoy the feeling of rubbing the sunscreen across her well-toned back. ‘Just a bit more Ted, you could do it. Then you’ll be done,’ you told yourself.
“Just Celestia please, Ted.”
“Okay Celestia. I’ve finished up.”
Celestia lifted her sunglasses with her magic and pushed herself up a bit to look behind her. “Wonderful work, Ted. Guess all that’s left to finish is my flank.” Celestia’s words surprised you enough to feel like a physical punch to the chest. You coughed, catching her attention. “Did I say something wrong?”
“Y-you want me to rub sunscreen on your flank?”
“Huh? Oh, I’m so sorry for the confusion Ted!” Celestia began to laugh a bit. “I meant that I need to finish putting sunscreen on my flank. I wasn’t asking you to do it for me.”
You let out a nervous laugh at the confusion that just happened. “Yeah, that would be-“
“Unless you are willing to, that is.”
You gulped.
“I mean, I wouldn’t turn down the help from a friend who has offered. My royal flank certainly in need of protection, for if it were to get burned I would be unable to fulfill my duties properly in the throne room. It’s hard to concentrate with an aching rump, you understand. I trust you not to do anything… lewd like peek under my swimwear. And you do seem to have the skills to do the job more properly than I could alone.”
You nodded nervously. She was convincing you, and deep down that scared you a lot.
“But I wouldn’t want to be of any more trouble to you, though! You’ve already-“
‘Say it’s a big trouble for you!’ you tell yourself. ‘You’re not attracted to horses! You are attracted to humans! Make up some reason not to do it. Say you need to catch up with Pinkie Pie. Say anything you dolt!’
“It’s no trouble at all, Celestia!” You spoke out loud.
‘Anything but that!’ The voice in your head yelled.
Celestia gave her behind a little shake. “Well then, I shall leave the job to your clearly capable hands then.”
And with those words, your attention was completely on Celestia’s behind. The world around you seemed to fade away, leaving you alone with the lovely princess rump. It almost seemed to glow with divine radiance. The voice in your head trying to convince you not to do it fades along with the world. You didn’t care anymore if that booty belonged to a human or a pony, it was universally beautiful.
You felt the bottle of sunscreen get dropped into your open hands, bringing you back to reality. You squirt the lotion on your hand, and place it on the top of her flank. Celestia’s entire body shivers at the touch of your hand and the cold sunscreen. You began rubbing your hands against her cutie mark, making sure to cover every inch of her side. You wanted to do a good job after all. A flank this fine deserved nothing less! And you would enjoy every single part of this wonderful moment-
“Ahem.”
You are brought out of the moment when you heard the voice of the princess of the night. You remove your hand from Celestia’s flank as a reaction to the voice. Celestia raised her head to look up at her sister.
“Sorry to interrupt your relaxation sister, but some urgent matters have come up back at Canterlot that require the both of us.”
Celestia took a deep sigh. “All that work for nothing it seems.” Celestia then stood up walked by her sister. She gathered up the towel using her magic and placed it in the bag. “Thank you for all your help Ted. The brief time I spent on the beach was enjoyable.”
“Oh, um, no problem.” You say sheepishly as the two royal sisters trotted off the beach. Your eyes were focused on the swaying behind of the sun goddess, and marvelling at the job you had done. As soon as she was out of sight, you let out a happy sigh. So it would appear that you were indeed attracted to ponies after all. It’s a good thing there weren’t any other humans around to call you out on it, many would not understand. Still there was a bit of sadness in your heart. Of all the ponies to fall for, you had fallen for royalty. There was no way some strange creature like you could win the heart of somepony like her. The only reason you got this close to her was that she saw you as a friend and nothing more. You turned your gaze around to watch the ponies play on the beach some more, only to find Pinkie Pie right close to your own face staring back at you with a smile. You jumped back at the surprise.
“Hi Ted! Feeling better? Whatcha looking at? Is it something neat?”
“Hi Pinkie. I was just watching Celestia leave the beach.”
Pinkie gasps. “Princess Celestia was here? Really?”
“Yeah,” you said. “She had asked me to help her put on some sunscreen.”
Pinkie Pie blinked. “Princess Celestia asked you to put some sunscreen on her?” she asked. When you nodded, the pink pony began to laugh and roll around in the sand. “Good joke, Ted.”
You felt a bit insulted. “What? It’s true!”
Pinkie Pie attempted to calm her laughter down and looked back up at you in confusing. “It is? But why would Princess Celestia need sunscreen for?”
You were going to reply with the answer Celestia had given you, when you noticed that you still held the bottle of sunscreen in your hands. You turned the bottle over and read its label.
Copperpone.
0spf.
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And then Ted says "I'll be in my bunk."
That punchline.
Please tell me there will be a continuation oh that little weasel, on the other hand this could be the perfect opportunity for him…yeah a little 'payback' she trick him so now by the 'human code' she only had 2 option
1) Agreeing on a date with him or
2) 5 minutes of spanking
Of course there are not such things as that…but Celestia doesn't need to know that right?
I am most certaintly NOT a Ted.... I'm a Stark.
Is Ted like Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother?
Kids I'm going to tell you an incredible story... the story of How I Massaged A Pony Princess!
How did I (Ted) get to Equestria? I (Sky) gotta know... How did I (Ted) get there again? (Oh oh oh oh!)
Please tell me there's going to be a sequel.
Not sure if Trollestia
Copperpone?
Dang.
Don't mean to sound stupid but i don't get the joke at the end. Can someone explain please?
A. No its molestia not trollestia due too some *ahem* sexual themes B. The joke (dumbass) is 0spf meaning no sun protection making just a fuckin lube
4907138
A come dude is right there just use it
…oh what hell I want to play too
…and that kids is how I meet your aunt Luna
4907183
……or a sober and more subtle and intelligent Molestia, that only want some touch
I like to think she is a nice little mare that had a crush and its taking a book of seduction from Cadence
Yeah that its how Cadence and Armor meet
I wonder how long a man would have to be there before going native.
4907173
At the moment, there is no plan for a sequel. Mainly because I haven't thought of any idea of where the story could go after this that I like, and still keep a teen rating.
Whelp Ted, you got trolled.
4907953 Well lets see, factoring out all Brony in Equestria stories, HiE's give time an natural time range from a few weeks to a few years, of course you have to factor out any stories where the ponies develop an attraction to the human soon after he shows up, anything involving the term 'Heat' and anything involving humans who've been in the company of other sapient races. That gives us an average time range of about two-three months on the extremely low end and (ignoring the ones who never 'go native') upwards of ten years on the extreme high, more often two-three years.
So after rounding, averaging and being conservative on both ends. 3 months - 2.5 years.
4907953 Probably after a couple of months or until the sex drive demands attention.
efchan.net/site/src/dfx7uk0w8jy8.png
ih1.redbubble.net/image.22623754.5077/sticker,375x360.u1.png
What the hell is Copperpone?
sequel?
4909307
4907219
It's the pony version of Coppertone sunscreen.
And 0 spf, so it does jack-squat to protect you from getting sunburned.
And now I'm wondering whether Celestia has the hots for Equestria's lone human or if she's just messing with him.
Princess Celestia is so damn hot! No pun intended.
4907219
http://aleximusprime.deviantart.com/gallery/38577929/Copperponies
4908094
I tell you Ted could get even, Celestia trick him I think he can 'trick' her in return
4909659
A mixture of both with a bit of misplace 'good intention' of helping him get over his growing fear of feeling sexually attracted to something not human.
4909796
Yes, but she tricked Ted into giving her a rather enjoyable massage and opening up his attraction to the equestrian populous under the false idea of helping her reach the unreachable spots and protecting her from the sun, which turns out she never needed. A return prank is required, but it's got to be one worthy of the prank she pulled on him.
And that is currently the problem. I have some ideas for it, but I don't think they can stay in the 'teen' rating. If I think of something, you'll have a sequel.
Or you may get a mature sequel. We'll see.
I'd keep this going.
Wow, for once human has a name!! *hooray! hooray!*
I am not into this stuff, but I will give you like for not making another anonforimmersion story!
4909947
And what will be the problem of a 'mature' sequel?
Also if you want a 'teen' prank back you can pull 'the human code' that or something of the lack, something so he can get back at her.
Hmmm you are right, it not very easy…oh maybe he use a mirror that reflect RIGHT on celestia face the moment she rise the sun and she go down to investigated he could surprise her with the cutie mark crusaders saying she will give them 'the talk' it will be innocent AND uncomfortable for Celestia check and mate
4909307 Ponification of Coppertone brand sunscreen?
4909947 Pony bareback riding.
I don't get the ending.
Itsh pwobably becaush I'm a kid.
4910310
The two main 'problems' with making a sequel to this being mature is:
A) I'm not quite comfortable linking a mature story to bypass the filters just to inform people there's a sequel.
B) Those who do not like mature story but enjoyed the playfulness of teen rating would be left out.
I'm not 100% against making a mature sequel, but if I came up with just the right 'teen' rating payback for Celestia it would make the story/revenge that much more better.
Though I do have an idea for how the mature sequel prank could get turned around on poor Ted....
derpicdn.net/img/view/2014/5/10/622625__solo_animated_meme_reaction+image_seizure+warning_vibrating_artist-colon-king-dash-kakapo_top+gun_x+intensifies_unf.gif
4910961
Well you can always make 2 version one mature and the other teen
You keep telling yourself that Ted...
t'was funny!!! hahaha!!!
one question though... what is copperpone??? i didn't get that refference.
...and oh!!! sequel please!!!
4910743
The sun screen had no spf, indicating that it had no protection against the sun from sunburn...you can see where I'm going with this...unless you need more help.
4911582
This is true. But if I do that, I want to make the Teen version first before the mature version.
Which brings us back to finding the right prank/story to follow this, while keeping it under mature.
4911954
Hmmm…well you can always go with the old classics, like perhaps put some condoms around Celestia and cover her in whip cream before taking a picture without her not notices, until he give her a copy via Spike with a sigh that says 'thanks you for your time'
you know frank party level of pranks, or that is still to matured?
4911755
Most likely a parody (pony pun?) of Coppertone sunscreen.
Lol m8, u are so gettin' blewed.
4912079 i'm not familiar with that brand of sunscreen but what you said makes sense.
Think you meant "composure" there, broski.
Also, great fic. Can't wait to see what you do for a sequel (should you decide to make one).
Yeah, but what about the people who said Celestia isn't a Goddess? You know, the ones who steadfastly insist that she's just an upjumped weather-pony?
It seems that I was lied to. Somebody's gonna pay for this.
What's copperpone?
4906764
The blessing's of Jayne be upon thee.