You had my curiosity, but now you have my attention

so how often is this going to be updated? often, or is it a back burner story?

4885909 well I'm already working on the next chap

4886056 it's going along the line of the railgun anime

4885882 thanks this is one of my first crossovers

4886344 lol I take it you like this type of crossover

Let's start with the story summary:

After a long day of listening to nobles and a bit of a problem with some of them along with Blueblood and the ambassador of the dragon kingdom. Twilight is to be given to the dragon lord to keep a war from breaking out. But Twilight isn't going to just lay down and take it, she needs to get away but there's no where she can go that they wouldn't find her eventually.
So she turns to her idol Star Swirl to help her out.

The syntax errors made me wary about going in to read the fic itself, but I gave it a chance as the blobs of words below can attest. As the first example of what to expect from the fic proper, what you've written for the summary is a mess; no different than wearing a uniform or work clothes in a sloppy manner. I really hope that I don't have to explain by-the-numbers what the problems are, aside from the run-on weirdness that happens in the first sentence and the hanging branch that is the second sentence. A comma between (1) and (2) will establish a connection between those two clauses. Please re-word (1) into something more sensible...

As for the fic itself:
It's quite lucky that the "Alternate Universe" tag was used, because I can honestly say this was tough to get through. The lack of details and inexplicably hostile characterizations all around left me scratching my head and barely recognizing any of the characters. Yes, there are the throwaway lines here and there that this "takes place four years after Terik[sic]" but nothing has been satisfactorily written through the narrative or dialogue that lets me suspend my belief and accept the headcanon/version of Equestria you've set up.

The way it's written is very "this happens" then "this happens" then "this happens" without really building things up or creating enough tension to understand why the dragons are a group to be feared, besides the fact, well, that they're dragons. As a reader I want to know about the world you're crafting and see the image that you see in your mind through the descriptions you write. Don't just say "Kirigaoka Girls' Academy" but describe the area it's in and the activity going on when the explosion rocks District 18. Don't just use a parenthetical "You Are Here Now" but tell me interesting things about Twilight's room or the dungeon or the hospital room that Twilight finds herself in later on.

The written word requires you as the writer to tell the reader what to see like a camera showing the scenes for a movie audience. Except you can and should go beyond the visual and into the emotional, contemplative, and psychological.

I'm not at all inspired to wait for the next chapter, or expect Misaka or any other FiM/Railgun characters that will appear to feel believable. Good luck with writing and I hope you can take this honest critique to heart.

i want to see what level esper twilight ismaybe a level 6?

What is this a crossover of?

4887207 Do you hate it when somebody never responds to your comment too?

You had my interest. I'm not familiar with the series you are crossing over with, but I was willing to give it a try. I'm even willing to blow over the 'Twilight flees for contrivance' opening. But you then tell us nothing about the series in question. I can understand not explaining MLP details as this is an MLP fansite, but when you do a crossover you have to assume that your target audiance will not be familiar with what you are crossing over with and write from there. A person might find their way to a crossover fom either fandom with no knowledge of the other, so you have to account for that. Since you are on FiMfiction instead of fanfiction you eliminate the need to explain one of the fandoms, but not the other.

A crossover with A Certain Scientific Railgun / A Certain Magical Index!? AND it's made by Slice!?

Instant like and fav!

4887508 no since that is academy city's goal in creating one I'll explain later

4887733 ok this is my first real crossover I forgot I'll be sure to explain things more in the next chap

4887207 this is post Tirek arc and four years after I'll explain more in the next chap.

I know that Tia would never really toss twi away like that and and even though twi is devoted to her I doubt she would become a slave to please the nobles and a ambassador that has it out for her. (Will explain later.)

As for star swirl I'll fix that never ment to confuse people. As for her being a kid that is one of the side affects yes

As fir the explanation of espers that is in the beginning of chap2

I'll try to explain more on things. And make sure to cover up any more holes in the future

4887696 a certain scientific railgun

4888506 of course

4888509 This story will have that guy who controls vectors in it right?

I really need to watch the anime...

4888831 yes it will, this story will mostly be focusing on the science side while there are a few showing of Touma and Index from the magic side of the story.

4888861 Ok, what was that guys name? Really need to watch it...

Given how Celestia and Luna are acting in this I cannot suspend my disbelief anymore.

They are far too OOC.

This leads me to think they are either changlings, being mind controlled, or just plain high on drugs.

I think a cross between railgun and MLP with Twilight in the human world is a great idea, however there was absolutely no need to create the wildly implausible scenario you did in this chapter to get her there. It's so out there as far as Celestia and Luna goes that it is instantly going to turn away many of your readers, including me unfortunately, before they get to the meat of your story. Magical accidents, mirrors, scientific equipment malfunction, a nefarious plot with an ancient artifact to remove Twilight from existence - all would be much more palatable as a means of getting Twilight to the human world.

Shouldn't that be "my heart can't take it?"

"I can't believe four years after the defeat of Terik..." Tirek?

I love this story and have read it multiple times!

I am curious though if there will be a rewrite or edit with the first few chapters because they are really the only things keeping this story from truly being an epic tale.

the beginning plot is not fleshed out at all...and Celestia and Luna are unbelievably out of character... honestly it would make more sense just to start the story in the dungeon at this point and do a flash back later.

Twilight has almost no emotions regarding the loss of her friends and the loss of her entire family..?

We should have seen Twilight have a mental breakdown or something of that nature.

I know rewriting can be annoying and frustrating sometimes, but just remember that there's no shame in making an awesome story even better!