Alicorns taking a vacation with Anon!

by Molesterino

Prologue (edited and rewritten)

Canterlot

In the great white halls of Canterlot castle a certain white alicorn tiredly made her way back to her chambers. These days were getting harder and harder, every time she tried to take a break from her day court, a white guard always came by and said that there was something that she had to deal with and it was urgent, only to find out that a noble wanted to complain about how he did not get pushed in front of all the “peasants” in yesterday’s day court line.

As irritating as it was she only smiled, while on the inside she imagined the noble burning while she laughed evilly. Snapping out of her daydream she continued to listen to the stuck up noble. For an hour and a half he continued talking about how he was stuck in a long line and when it was finally his turn, the day court was over.

After a lengthy session of day court, she went to her room and locked the door and stared longingly at her bed. Unfortunately for her, she still had to lower the sun, so that her sister could raise the moon. Thinking about her sister, she could only imagine how she is holding up in her night court. Thinking back, she remembered how her sister tried to get those greedy, stuck up nobles executed or banished. She chuckled silently at a recent memory. It was how her sister was running after prince Blueblood with her old sword and also screaming at him with her Royal Canterlot Voice.

Her thoughts were quickly interrupted as somepony knocked on her door. "I swear to Faust, if I have to deal with more nobles-" she was cut off by the sound of her sister.

"Sister please let us in!"

"...Come in," she sighed as the door opened to her room and a blue alicorn head poked its way through the opening of her door. She scanned the room just in case her sister had company. As she noticed her sister standing in the middle of the room, she made her way inside and gave her sister a hug.

"How are thee dear sister?" Luna asked as she noticed how tired her sister looked, only for said sister to lower her head and tiredly sigh before answering.

"I can honestly say that I’ve had better days," she sighed, looking back at her bed longingly again. However her sister noticed this and looked up at her sister.

"Sister dost thou wish for an earlier night tonight?" Luna asked as she noticed a grateful expression on her sisters face. With a nod Celestia and Luna made their way to the balcony. Just as they were to perform their spell, a loud knock was heard from the door of Celestia's room. As she made her way to the door with a completely exhausted expression she opened the door to see not a guard, but her sweet little niece; Cadence. Her exhausted expression quickly turned into a happy one as she allowed her niece into her room. The two of them gave each other a little hug and a nuzzle and made their way to the balcony where Luna was standing.

"Ah, dear niece it's nice to see thee, but what are thou doing here so late?" Luna asked with a puzzled expression.

"It's nice to see you too Aunty Luna, as to why I'm here is because I just wanted to talk to you both."

Luna and Celestia turned to Cadence, giving her a nod to continue. Cadence sat down on her rump, and sighed before talking.
"I came here to talk to you about a tiny, little thing that has been troubling me." Cadence sighed again. "...I think I'm going to leave Shiny," she all but whispered.

Celestia's and Luna's eyes widened at this bit of information, but quickly regained their composure and nodded for her to continue.
"Why do you wish to leave Captain Shining Armor?" asked Celestia with curiosity. Cadence lowered her head, looking down, tears slowly forming in the corner of her eyes. Sniffling quietly she looked back up to see the concern on the faces of her aunts. With a little smile she wiped her nose with the back of her hooves.

”We have drifted apart, because of our jobs.” “He has to oversee the military training and I have to hold court, sit in meetings and find candidates for my personal guard.” Cadence sighed.

“We never see each other, and when we do, it`s work related.”

“What about your nightly activities?” Celestia asked.

“There are none” Replied Cadence bluntly. “We`re too tired to do anything and we also have nothing to talk about. “ I’ve known him for years and I have recently discovered that we are too different, and we are both unhappy.”

Cadence started crying. Celestia and Luna quickly wrapped her into a warm embrace, nuzzling her. "It’s ok dear. Calm down, everything will be fine," Said Celestia even though she did not believe it herself. She looked over to Cadence who had stopped crying.

After some time Cadence finally calmed down and stopped crying, at this point the three of them were on the balcony. Luna raised the moon and the stars while Celestia lowered the sun. As the three mares sat there, they all looked up at the stars. Everything was quiet for some time before Cadence interrupted with a chuckle. Luna and Celestia both turned their heads towards her with a raised brow. "What is it that you were thinking about, Cadence?" Celestia asked with a curious expression.

Cadence chuckled again, but now a bit darker. "Heh... just think about it. What would you do if you could wish for anything and it would become true?" she asked her aunts, who had a far off look in their eyes.

Celestia immediately thought about a big cake, but with more thinking, she would wish for a vacation or find her special somepony who would comfort her in her times of need, just like on a day like this one. Somepony who understood her. Who would listen to her 'issues' and ‘problems’

Luna on the other hand (or in this case other hoof) had pretty similar thoughts just as her sister. But instead of a cake, she thought about the acceptance from her subjects that she never got.

Cadence had thoughts pretty similar to both her aunties. Even thought she had thoughts about both sweets and acceptance, she still wanted somepony to open herself to and a little vacation.

In union they all sighed, looking up they saw a little shooting star moving on the sky ever so slowly. Luna looked at it intensely and curiously. She did not make that one, but she cast the thought to the side not really caring.

Cadence spoke up with a little excitement in her voice. "Make a wish!" she said happily. Luna and Celestia both chuckled at her enthusiasm.

"This is silly..." Celestia muttered quietly. Looking up she made her wish, the same one she was thinking about before. (The one with the cake and a vacation and stuff).

Luna and Cadence made their wish too. Just as they were done, the shooting star blew up. A small but beautiful light in its wake. Celestia looked over to her sister with a proud smile. "That one was beautiful Lulu." Said the white alicorn.

"..."

"Sister?" Celestia carefully asked as her sister who was still looking over to where the shooting star blew up.

"...Twas not us, dear sister." Luna slowly said. looking away from the star filled sky and down to where her sister was sitting. "Well... we should go inside, it’s getting cold out here."

Celestia and Cadence nodded and followed Luna inside Celestia's Bedchamber. Celestia just remembered how tired she was and said her goodnight to her sister and niece. After she had been left alone she quickly, and in a very unprincessly manner all but jumped into her bed and had gotten KO'd instantly as her head hit her soft pillow.

Outside where the shooting star once were, there was now a flashing light, which disappeared ... along with three princesses.

Back on good old Earth. (Specifically Northern-Norway

Anon looked up at the sky from inside his RV, after making a wish. 'One second it was there but now it isn't.' Just as he finished his thoughts, his eyes caught a bright flash coming from a big mountain in the far distance. 'Hmm it must have been some thunder' he thought as he looked up. No clouds, he could see all the stars. 'Well why not check it out! Maybe there is some meteor there! Even though I got nothing to do so let's go! ADVENTURE!' and with that his RV continued on the snowy road that led him toward the mountain that was far, far in the distance.

Author's Note:

Finally Edited!!! 1000 thanks to danielhe1

Like and favorite!

Stay awesome!

Comments

[Akuma Kazama]

Interesting story, hope to see more

[Molesterino]

4885534 Thanks bro. New story coming up soon give me few days

[Scarheart]

These day are getting harder and harder, every time she tries to take a break from her day court,

tried

As irritating as it was she only smiled, while on the inside she imagined the noble burning while she laughed evilly.

comma at the end of 'was'

Thinking about her sister, she could only imagine how she is holding up in her night court.

was

"He has been talking bad to me, saying mean tings. Whenever he looks at me all i can see is cold and hatred in his eyes, A-and he has been rude to me, hurting me both physically and emotionally. I-i don't know how much longer i can take this." a now silently crying alicorn said, still looking down

.
things.
Capitalize the bolded letters after the typo.

You keep switching between past and present tense. Choose one and stick with it. Past tense is usually considered easier to write. Get an editor. It will help you out hugely.

Overall, not a bad story. It's got a promising start. Just continue to improve and take your time with it.

[Akuma Kazama]

4885547 really? cool can't wait and good luck

[Molesterino]

4885557 Thanks dude! I'm gonna fix up the story now!

[Lord Commissar Alexer]

Another AlicornXHuman?

[Cutrose1985]

Interesting story concept though you may as well go through your story and capitalize all the 'i' that are just hanging out. Quite a few mistakes grammar wise , but nothing that would classify as a deal breaker.

Outside where the shooting star once was,is now a flashing light before it vanished... along with tree princesses.

three

Though if anything I did get a laugh at this mistake due to Equestria now having Tree Princesses. Otherwise just simple fixing

[Wacuire]

i such with grammar

I think you mean: I suck with grammar

[TheShadowOfZama]

I will look forward to the next chapter.

[Artyom the Brony]

HEY HEY! NORWEGIAN PRIDE! You got my attention with it, and then, y'know, When I actually read the story that was good too! EVERYTHING IS WONDERFUL IN LIFE RIGHT NOW!

[Giovani424]

4885573 oh god... Oh god...
Do you know what you've done?!?!
Were all gonna die...
There coming...There coming!

[Key Ring]

This story certainly has some promise. Three Princesses taking a vacation with a human in which they can confide in their stress and griefs. It is a perfect chance to explore how each views their position, how their viewed by others (including each other), what they really want, and even what they hope for.

You just need a good editor to keep you on track and, honestly more so than the grammar and spelling, absolutely ensure that you keep the characters in character. I have serious grievances about Shining Armor being depicted as an abusive husband merely for, as I'm getting out of it, giving Cadence the excuse to come visit her aunts and be included in this story.

[Valhuir]

4887075 I gotta agree on the OOC-ness of Shining Armor for this. Why not go for the tragedy angle instead, where Shiny dies during the Sombra or Tirek businesses? Or maybe general stress, but Cadence and Shiny have an open marriage?

[SunnySidePony]

Yeah, I'm in agreement with the others. Shining being very out of character, enough so that it would be considered an alternate universe.

[demanji]

4885573 almost all of your I's aren't capitalized not saying as an insult just letting you know because you said you're editing

[Requiem17]

Interesting. I'll be keeping an eye on this. If no one offers editing help within five chapters contact me alright? Good luck.

[Anyne]

Very good so far, except for Luna

[DustTraveller]

Honestly? I've seen far worse. It still needs an awful lot of work, but it's readable. To be honest, the only part that bothered me was Cadence's troubles. It came across as a trifle contrived and didn't feel particularly right, but this could have simply been an artifact of the somewhat stiff dialogue.

Tell you what? If you don't have an editor, would you want one? This story isn't that long, and I could give it a quick once over. I wouldn't be fixing anything plot-wise, just grammar. Maybe making the dialogue run a bit smoother.

If you want an idea of my own work, grammar and spelling wise, just check out my user name.

[Vindicar]

The story is passable so far, though it needs a lot of stylistic polish to be good.
One thing that irked me, though...

hurting me both physically and emotionally

Shining Armor hitting Cadence? That's waaaay out of character. They might have their disagreements, but one would expect more self-control from a captain of the Royal Guard - and a husband, whose love is effectively a weapon of mass banishment.
Unless it gets an explanation later on, you might want to find another excuse for Cadence to be in Canterlot (set the story before Sombra's return, maybe?).

[Bones_]

All your I's are missing capitalization. Also I saw an 'us' that Luna said which should have been capitalized ya the same grammarlaw as the I's

[Molesterino]

4895262 allright, its rewritten and edited now!

[Anyne]

Luna, do you even Modern English?

[DontFearTheSuperman]

ADVENTURE!

[JennaShinx]

LET'S GO ON AN ADVENTURE!!! Why? FOR SCIENCE!!! AND WHY THE HELL NOT???

[StarSide445]

5153994 I like your picture.

[Deadpool1]

ADVENTURE TIME!!!!

[Radiant Dawn]

This version of the prologue still needs work, but is leaps and bounds better than the first time I saw it. I'll keep reading for now.