I'm a warrior of Flagclan, and I do not believe in killing (Part of my softness for people). Feel free to talk to me whenever. Thanks! :) {And I'm a girl. Peeps usually think I'm a boy}
Fluttershy hated that she was shy. She was always bullied when she was a filly for being so. Rainbowdash usually had her back but that didn't help all the time. Fluttershy knew something was wrong in her mind, that something dark and horrifying was waiting for her to snap. She tries to live a normal life, but how much longer can she keep it up?
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[Story added to Read Later list]
I can really relate to this. I have some physical things I cannot help (crossed eye, mild cerebral palsey, no depth perception) so I have been bullied a lot so I have some emotional/mental issues (social anxiety disorder, depression, and obsessive compulsive disorder) so far I love this story and can't wait for more. Been trying to write my own but I got stuck after two sentences. It is called "A stormy past" maybe you could help me out
4889468 same here with the bullying. I'm bullied cause in very different and I'm a ginger. I would love to help you if you want me too. But I wont be able to until Monday.
Hey, good story so far. I'll put some edits up eventually, but first, The four fillies surrounded her. Aren't Hoops and the others colts? Also his name is Thunderlane, not Thunderland.
Good story so far, and I'll get around to editing your other chapter sometime tomorrow.
4892441 okay. Thanks. Take your time though. I can't edit til Monday. But thanks so much. Your a really big help.
No problem, I really like your stories and hope they do well. Also, the first sentence in the description sounds kind of awkward. Fluttershy hated that she was shy. I'm not quite sure what you could change it to because shy is the best word for that.
I'd probably say, "Fluttershy hated being shy. As a filly, she was bullied for being so timid. Rainbow Dash usually had her back, but she wasn't always around to help. There was something dark in Fluttershy and she knew it. It's just a matter of time until it comes out."
Sorry, if I think something should be changed, I say it. It doesn't have to be changed, but I just need to say it. It's kind of because I'm not good at writing stories from scratch (I don't watch the show, so I can't capture each characters' personality very well), so I just pick on other peoples' stories. Tell me if you think I'm going too far and I'll stop.
Peace.
4892573 don't worry. I've been thinking its a bad description. I just haven't gotten around to changing it. I will probably rewrite the whole thing on Monday. Night! :)
"Sorry I'm late Light Breeze." The filly said quietly. "Sorry I'm late, Light Breeze," the little filly said quietly.
She got down on her stomach and started to do push ups with her wings. Those could also be called 'wingups' or 'wing ups', I'm not sure which is the right spelling.
Again she prepared to fly. "I shouldn't have to do only three laps! It's not my fault they never care about how I fly!" She thought angrily. You should have a comma between fly and I. I'd also change never to don't.
"Sorry you have to be with such a slow pony. She whispered. You need the comma and quotation mark between pony and she. She should be lowercase.
The filly just looked at the ground, to scared to meet her gaze. To should be too.
"Come on Fluttershy, it's time for the flying quiz." Rainbow Dash said, shaking her out of her thoughts. Comma instead of period after quiz
"Shut is class!" I'm not sure what you meant by that.
Thunderland- Thunderlane
The four fillies surrounded her. I think you meant bullies, considering that they are colts.
I'm never going to love another colt again." She said sadly. Comma instead of period when you have regular text after the quotes.
"Stop it!" She screamed, but it was useless. She should be lowercase.
Again another scream came.. You need a comma between again and another.
Concluded Fluttershy. Concluded should be lowercase.
"That was horrible!" Exclaimed Rarity. Exclaimed should be lowercase.
"I think it's time we hit the hay ya'll," Comma between hay and Y'all. The apostrophe should be between the y and the a.
Good story. Was this supposed to be a one shot or do you plan on adding on to this? I think it could go either way. If you ended it here, it would be a cool end, but I still want to see what happens.
4897768 thanks for the corrections on everything. I will try to get them find on Monday, Tuesday night at the latest. I am working on another chapter, I'm just having writers block so its gonna take a while.
4901946 No problem. You said that you'll find the corrections. You can just use the search function on your browser (Control+F in Chrome). Also, do you want me to be your editor and just keep the same routine that we've done?
4910732 Sure that'll be fine. Thanks so much!
When are you going to make chapter 2.
4960546 Idk yet. I'm kinda looking to pass it on to anyone else. After a while I may write a chapter, though I've been having some writers block. i may work on it tonight though.