- Member Since 14th Apr, 2012
- offline last seen March 28th
JujubeLand
Behold! I bring you the written word! ...That is all.
JujubeLand
Joined 14th Apr, 2012 ·
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I love the contradicting pictures.
All happy on top and looking pissed in the tags.
On to the actual story. I admit I didn't have high expectations for a clopfic between the Cakes, but it was REALLY good. I loved this
Your characterizations were very realistic and the back-story was entirely believable. I look forward to see more from you
460402
lol I agree that's amazing!
A Clopfic involving both the Cakes, with Mrs.Cake not being abusive to her husabnd, Mr.Cake not having Sex with Pinkie or Mrs.Cake having sex with a random colt? I am impressed. this wins just for that.
460485
Exactly.
Thumbs up
not many Cake clops out there
and this one is one of the best i have read
good on you sir
take my thumb as a trophy for this excellent success
I agree with the above, though only in this limited scope.
Finally, the Cakes as we have always wanted to see them: functional, loving, tender.
Holy cow, this was approved on the same day I posted my clopfic with the cakes. I'll have to read it though I won't be surprised if it's better than mine.
464704
I saw that yours was posted on the same day as mine...perhaps 4-16 should be known as "Cake Day." I read your story, and I enjoyed it; it was a different approach than I took, but it still retained the atmosphere that I was going for in mine. I hope you like my story as well.
464715 Cake day, haha indeed it should. Thanks for the feedback, I'll definitely enjoy reading yours!
What's this? A clopfic where Mrs. Cake isn't a cheating slut who ignores her husband.
Jujube, I could freakin kiss you, man.
My first Mr. and Mrs. Cake fic, excellent, just excellent. According to this fic, I'm actually a lot like Mr. Cake, haha. As someone said above, the exposition of their past is believable, I like it.
Very nice job, I look forward to more of your work, mate.
700928 Lol, thanks. It just didn't make any sense to me to portray the couple as anything but that: a couple, still just as much in love with each other as the day they met.
701006 Thank you very much. I'm curious, though; how are you "a lot like Mr. Cake" as portrayed in this story? Anyway, thanks again.
By the exposition, I feel like our personalities are really similar. Even appearance wise a bit; I am lanky.
704198 Ah, gotcha. I had the thought that maybe you were both bakers lol, but that makes more sense.
Now this was amazing. Much better than that other CupXCarrot fic I read. It just has so much more passion in it. The only thing I can find to pick apart is run-on sentences; try to avoid using more than three commas in a sentence. That's all. I love how it's not an alternating point of view. I love that there's some build-up in the beginning, so we can slowly get the sense of how much he loves his wife. I'm adding this to my favorites. This is how a sweet clopfic should be written.
750526 Thank you for the positive comments! I didn't think I actually had any run-on sentences (I'm a huge stickler when it comes to issues like that), but I can double-check it to make sure. Anyway, I truly appreciate your feedback, and thanks again for the read and the favorite.
This right here? This is quality clop.
809626 This right here? This is an awesome comment for which I am very grateful.
810619 You totally deserve it. Oh and the watch I gave you. :)
811634 This is the part where I make a joke along the lines of: "A watch? I hope it's a Rolex!"
...I have no shame.
812379 Well you're talented. That makes up for having no shame
Very sweet, well written, and affectionate. Great work!
Call me old fashioned, but truly I don't think that I like anything better than to read about two people bonded to each other-desiring no other being-through real love. I'm as much a fan of mindless clop as the next male, but there is just something indescribably special about marriage.
Largely my same thoughts as on your other Cake fiction, so I wont bore you with a repeat. But I don't think I can adequately express just how much I've enjoyed these.
1130342 Okay, you're old fashioned...but whoever said that's a bad thing? Two characters joined in a union that means they'll be together for the rest of their lives is the most frightening, exhilarating, daunting, and wonderful commitment that anyone can make, and I choose to celebrate that in most of my fics, not cast it off or insult it by making the characters out to be dissatisfied. Is marriage perfect? Far from it. Does that mean we should only focus on the negative? Again, far from it. It's those moments of tenderness and togetherness that inspire me to write fics such as the ones involving the Cakes. Many, many thanks for your reads, comments, and faves, and I hope you enjoy more of my works in the future.
I think this is the first clop about a married couple I have read. Good show sir. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Cloudchaser_dealwithit.png
1140060 There are far too few of those. Feel free to check out my other Cakes clop, A Night of Knead, if you like, and thank you for the comment and fave!
i love you man. Best. cakeclop. EVER!
1285215 And I respect you as a person lol. Thanks for the read and the feedback!
So. Reread this story because I never gave feedback the first time. Here's my thoughts on it:
It gets a lot better as it goes on. It starts off with thick, turgid prose that I basically skim, but by the time he's eating her out and she's sucking his dick, it improves.
Still, the fic has prose issues. It's like a beautiful flowerbed choked with weeds. Passive voice, unnecessary adverbs and adjectives, false verbal limbs, large words where short ones will do, that sort of thing. These weeds won't kill a sentence, or even a single paragraph, but they bog down the work and make for a slow read. It's bad enough at the start to make my brain switch off in parts.
The dynamics between the Cakes are lovely. I love the bit where Carrot first stares at Cup's delicious bottom. The dialogue itself is good, though the tags around it suffer from tagging problems: said bookisms, adverbial dialogue tags, fear of unadorned 'said,' and the like.
You refer to Cup Cake's vagina as 'eager' four separate times.
Didn't like the bits where Carrot refers to Cup as 'homely.' She's fat. She's also beautiful. I don't like this concept that they went after each other because they both had to settle, rather than because they both found each other very attractive. Also, I don't like the idea that pretty people, as a narrative necessity, have to be dickheads.
This could be one of the most fappable fics on the site, but prose issues make it unwieldy and at times a difficult read. I'd love to see a new Cakefic from you, after 23 more fics worth of writing experience.
1804713 I agree with everything you said here, as I've reread this one a few times myself. Consider that this was my first erotic piece of any kind, ever, and as a comparison, take a look at A Night of Knead, which I believe is much better. Don't get me wrong, I still love this piece to death, and as my initial foray into smexy fiction, it's not the worst thing in the world, but I've certainly improved as time has gone on. Perhaps a new piece involving everyone's favorite canon couple will come along in the future. Only time will tell.
Looks like I favorited this already. But now I need to download it for... Future reference >.> <.< >.> If you know what I mean.
I love a good married couple fic. And while I'm not one for any of your other pairs, this is great.
2334960 Heh, excellent. I'm quite glad you enjoy the fic. I am curious about one thing, though; what do you mean that you're "not one for any of [my] other pairs?" Is it just that you don't care for non-canon ships?
2335754
Hehe. "Non-canon ships." considering I ship Gilda/Trixie that's not my issue. I've seen AJ and Soarin in your list (I do Appledash and Soarfire), and I saw Twi and Time Turner (I do Twinkie and don't have a preferred ship for Turner). Caramel and Cherries Jubilee is cool though, ever since I started shipping Macinpants. I forget any others but those stuck out.
2336194 "Non-canon ships"...yeah, that would certainly put a rather strict limit on the number of available ships!
I see what you meant now though, and that's fine; everyone has their own preferences when it comes to manufactured relationships between fictional characters. You say you ship Gilda and Trixie, but have you checked out A Most Unexpected Foursome?
2336920
I heard about that one. I'm guessing it's not gay incest and lesbian makeouts. I ship them in a really romantic context. Culture, poverty, privelege, and even questions of how the marriage will be depending on whichfamily is considered most worthy of respect and consideration. Gilda's even doing the equivalent of conversion to Judaism, except Trixie is more like a gypsy (Though if someone calls her that Gilda will punch their face in.)
As a female, I really enjoy your stories (even though I've only read two so far).
I just love the way it's planned out, not just mindless sex. And especially with married couples like The Cakes. They both love each other no matter what. 
I can't stand reading fanfics with rape and things of the like, so you really stick out to me. Especially with that Fluttershy icon. 
3140081 Thank you again, and also thanks for the watch! I hope you find the time to peruse some of my other works, and I also hope you enjoy them as much as you have these two.
Also, Awesome Fluttershy is Awesome.
Yum
Consensual, heterosexual, married intercourse!?
i.imgur.com/RspJyHy.gif
It's interesting, I love a lot of harsh stuff (just check my Favorites and/or my Pleasure folder if you want proof) but on the other side, I adore sweet moments and genuinely heartfelt intimacy
Good work!
This site needs more stories like this. Married rutting... yummy!