- Member Since 3rd Jul, 2012
- offline last seen 7 hours ago
Biker_Dash
The Goal... 200+ mph in the Standing Mile. To Tartarus with academy records, I want to hold a Land Speed Record.
Biker_Dash
Joined 3rd Jul, 2012 ·
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Missing a word there, you think?
5192854
Right in the description, too... Thank you. Will correct that now
[youtube=AuJqJ7j7HVY]
5192939 Flashback 80's
quickmeme.com/img/3a/3ac67e34497632c44e9ecccb8a8912b9b551a9cd134a9a9f24975e414c36161d.jpg
I like this so far. But, ah why is chapter two "Chapter 2" while one is "Chapter One"?
You can get that in Los Pegasus for around 100 bits
Sounds interesting. I'll have to give it a try.
5193017 LMAO!!! Sounds expensive... I AM SO THERE!
5193018 Wow... you live up to your name
. That was FAST.
I really need to read this one. Top of priority list.
5193297 I do hope that you'll enjoy it
5193305
I'll be sure to let you know.
Hmmmmmmm.
Do continue....I am interested in this....
A few thoughts:
Zero pity for spitfire at this point.
Mr. Ironbeak is a genius. Piss off the nation whose leader can raise and lower the celestial bodies. BRILLIANT!
5195499 Yeah, but messing with the Sun and Moon like that would also effect her ponies...
Also, if she fears that Twilight will be harmed, or even killed, she will be VERY reluctant to go in and save her.
They do forget that not only has Celestia shown the resolve to do what is needed, no matter how much it kills her on the inside, she has been around thousands of years and has dealt with a good number of foes that were much craftier than he is.
He does have smarts, but not enough to realize that he has greatly underestimated his opponent.
Heavy.
I'll read the rest
Okay, razor beak is an idiot. There is still the matter of other nations that recognize CE as an independent state, these countries may not give a damn about purplesmart. There is also the obvious issue of vengeance, twily has political power now and may not be so happy when she gets back; I imagine a war much like ww2, where liberation turns into a takeover and dismantling of the invading nation.
5197367 Razorbeak is crafty... just that he underestimates his opponents.
Very interesting.
Good characterization.
clever griffins and their crafty ways. please continue.
Looking good.
There were a few places I noticed the text briefly slip into present tense (unfortunately I was text-to-speech listening to it and failed to note where), but other than that I'm definitely enjoying this.
5241324 That is one of my big weaknesses, staying consistent with tense usage. Common among dyslexic people, I understand.
Taken years to get to where I can keep it under wraps usually, but it still slips past now and then. Pisses me off when it does happen, too.
An interesting story so far, and I like that we've got both some interpersonal drama as well as the set up for a more epic external problem. Looking forward to the next chapters!
Nice start. Looks like this story is going to do fine. It has a great set up. But I won't choose to like or dislike it just yet.
5294833 Hit a brick wall working on the next chapter... chisiling away at that said wall though
This is a very nice piece right here. Keep up the good work.
This is looking interesting and while I am used to longer chapters and each individual characters' scenes are somewhat too short, there's the minimum amount I need to establish emotions and character and plot development.
Enjoyed this story so far. I like the personality you've put together for Soarin'. He's a little more mature here. I dislike how many authors stay so close to the canon goofy demeanor from the show or just make Soarin' a door mat. Always good to see another SoarinFire story as well. And though we haven't gotten to it yet, the description of the plot sounds very interesting. Putting Soarin' and Spitfire on a rescue team and forcing them to work together in light of the history between them should make for some tense moments. I look forward to following the two of them in future chapters.
6634847 Yes. I am currently up to Chapter 8 in my Gdocs. I want to get the 50k words in first and foremost, then I will start editing chapters for posting.
So...
webtrax.hu/myfacewhen/faces/my-little-pony-friendship-is-magic/soon-sweetie-belle.jpg
6635226 lol for NaNo? Yeah, it is
First off, I want to say I'm pretty excited to see more of this story and where you plan on going with it. I'm always a fan of strong SoarinFire fics.
That being said though, some seems just a tad off with what's been written so far. I'm not sure if it's a slight shift in tenses or POV or something like that... If you've got editors, maybe they can comb through it and double-check.
This just may be my own opinion as well, but the language didn't sit very well either. Now, I'm completely fine with salty dialogue if the story warrants it (if you've ever seen Black Lagoon...whoo boy), but I got the impression that the swearing here was only put in to give a more serious or "edgy" feel to it. I figure it could be scaled back, and you still can give the tone you want to portray. As a bonus, if you limit the cussing, it makes in much more effective and powerful when you do have it in dialogue. But the impact seems to lessen if it's commonplace throughout the story.
Like I said though, that's just my impressions. I'm quite curious and excited with the premise you have and where the plot is going to go. I'll be watching!
6669337
Eventually, I shall have a full editing team going over the whole fic, and it will be re-written to correct any deficiencies, such as tense usage, grammar, ect. There is one huge reason I want this gone over by a good team of proofreaders/editors. This is the fic that I wish to use to follow in the footsteps of Pen Stroke, Kkat, Silentbelle, and very soon, Changar Cordath. I wish to have this fic printed as a book.
I am glad that you approve of the story, and I do hope that once the story is completed, you will be most pleased with what I have written.
Examples, please, so I can know exactly what you are talking about. I do have a purpose for things, and any chance to improve the story, the better the end product can be.
Thank you.
6669337 Also, here is a sneak peek at what will come up near the end...
6688345 Yes, it is alive. Currently editing the next chapter, and shall have my fellow editors going over it as well tonight.
6688354 I'm glad
Sometimes I review my unnecessarily long "to read" list, and seeing abandoned stories always brings me a little bit of sadness. Good luck with your writing!
e:spelling
6688399 Thank you. I have several fics I need to bring back from the dead...
Brilliant chapter! Loved it all!
6698316 Chapter 4 will be out very soon
Hey.
Hey guys!
I have an idea!
Lets wage war against the being who moves celestial bodies!
and her sister too!
.......BRILLIANT.
----
erm. isn't kidnapping a diplomat basically an act of war in and of itself.....?
(and I hope that mature rating doesn't deal with torture of a certain type....you probably know what I mean here.)
6699703 Actually, I don't know what form you specifically mean, so if you wish to message me in private, or be more specific here, I can answer your question.
Actually, you may want to do so in private, so no spoilers are revealed.
Wow. This chapter in particular is sloppily written, with jumping between past and present tense, bad capitalization, and plenty of other grammatical mistakes. As for the "action", it flows jerkily and occurs so rapidly that there really is no sense of scale. The sudden change from fairly in keeping with canon to outright bloodshed and swearing feels jarring, as does the strange integration of backrounders into different roles than we know they hold, especially the Octavia being Spitfire's mother for some reason. That would be a strange choice in the best of times, and this fic doesn't have the level of writing necessary to push through such choices with grace.
6700162 this could have been a better review if you have given examples, or offered suggestions on how to improve. That would be referred to as constructive criticism.
when they get twilight back celestia is going on a murder spree
...Jeezus.
6701657 the griffins know not what they have wrought
6701748
They do not.
BTW, you mixed present/past verb tenses in some of your scenes. You might want to work on that.
6701757 can you point out where? That would be helpful
6701783
(You should probably have quotes here.)
(You missed the opening quote on Twilight's statement.)
6702413 Thank you. THAT is the constructive comment I appreciate. (also an example of why I wish to have a full editing team)
btw, the last few paragraphs of this chapter is full bold. Not sure if you meant to do that or not.