A nightmare has Luna worring that her past might be catching up to her. A secret that could possibly destroy the fragile mind of a certian purple unicorn and destroy the trust of her sister might have to be brought to light. But is she ready to do that?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Ok guys, here it is, my first mlp fic. Please don't be afraid to give constructive criticism, I can only get better with your help.
Don't forget to rate and review!
looks good its kinda long dose not need to be tho and i dont see any spelling errors (i dont even look or spell good anyway) seems good to me
Wow, this looks incredible, I am following this story.
Also, you may wan to check this site tomorrow, Just a tip.
http://equestrianbookclub.blogspot.com/
Biggest problem I can see:
It is a hard and fast rule that you MUST start a new paragraph whenever a different character starts to speak.
not bad ill track to see where this goes
459505
Haha I can't believe I forgot to do that
I fixed it now and hopefully thats the only thing wrong here
459491
Omgosh! That is awesome! Thank you for doing that. I was worried no one would like it, but i checked back this morning and what do I find? Awesome people pointing out mistakes (thank you) so I can fix them and it gets featured in a blog. You guys are
awesome
Its good. Very good.
But a to sudden end
Its my opinion.
461037
You will see why it ends as it does in chapter 1. There's a good reason, i promise.
Not bad man, not bad at all. Started off quickly and jumped straight to action. Hope to see the next installment of this story. I noticed a few flaws in grammar though. Maybe 5-7 words.
Awesome build up! Cant' wait for more!
532467
Thank you
I'm trying to do a little world building, trying to strengthen the story, hope its working!
can't wait for more! excellent story
sweet!!!
keep on going
The pegacorn looked at the moon goddess with an icy glare- wait did that say... PEGACORN!
Its Alicorn 
645693
No, an alicorn is completely different. A pegacorn is a pony who has been twisted by dark magic and transformed, an alicorn is a pony who has ascended to god like power through hard work and magical prowess. Alistair stole other unicorns magic through evil means and was twisted into what he is now.
So yeah, completely different