After eating too many sweets Pinkie Pie slips into a coma and becomes trapped inside her subconsciousness. Now she must travel through her mind to discover a way back into the real world.
Travel her mind?
That is more dangerus then an Ursa Major!
But it is true.
>>460697460697 That's how i plan to write it. One half of her brain is bright and cheer full and then it becomes more darker and more disturbing to the point where it would make anypony go insane
Her darker side. Her second self from 'Party of one'. (Sorry if I got it wrong)
And I have some high hopes for the insanity level. And I have read many insane things and I realy hope this will get that. You will have a hard time beating 'Interstelar tradesman' fictionen for maximum insanity.
>>460710460710 I'm just going to do what comes to mind and do my best to keep to pinkie pie's darker and insane side when it comes time for it. I'm happy u have high hopes for my story though
She is alredy a bit insane. That mares darker side is out of my mind. And don't forget that insane Pinkie is a bit creepy.
>>460727460727 i know, when it comes down to her going insane I'm going to watch that scene in Party of One over and over again to capture her in her mental breakdown state. But im not yet sure how i'm going to play it out as of yet.
Well I know this will not be 'Cupcake' but in that fic I can only see her as semi insane. Not 'Party of one' insane.
>>460737460737 yeah, no gore and slaughter here. Just mental madness
Well 'Cupcake' I think was a bit low on the gore side. When I hear gore I suspect the worst and that was far from worst. Not even 'Sweet Apple Masacer' culd give me something in what I can call gore. And don't even talk about 'Rainbow Factory'.
>>460750460750 I personally enjoyed Rainbow Factory and Cupcakes. I enjoyed Rainbow Factory because it had a good story behind it and i enjoyed cupcakes because it was actually scary. SAM was just awful not scary just sick
I never said Cupcakes was not scary, only not gory. Rainbow Factory was realy good but yet again not so gory and it had a good story behind it as you said. But I read Rainbow Factory two times before I saw it also was a self insert. I never saw that it was the auters name. And I am whit you, SAM was a bit sick but you can find things even more sick.
>>460769460769 Im going to go work on chapter two, do you have a ponysquare account
Ponysquare? What is that?
>>460782460782 it's like facebook for bronies. But much better
How better? I don't have a facebook to compare whit.
>>460789460789 you can just do more on it and it's for bronies so theirs no feeling like you're the only brony on there
I am sure I will not be the only Pokémon trainer or RuneScape player there.
>>460805460805 1st generation is my favorite
Earthworm Jim 3D, anypony?
Seems decent enough, Faving.
Well. I loved first seson. I missed second, third, forth and fift. I saw the sixth missed seven and eigth. Saw nine, ten, eleven, twelwe and thirteen. Are seeing forthteen. I love the Pokémons in G2 and G5. I like them from G4 and G3 too. But nothing can replace the classic.
Pokémon is as a second nature for me. I have followed the series and games since I was... was I 4 or 5 five years old when I saw it first time? (Sweden country the in live I) Sorry for the Yoda speak.
>>460976460976 quite alright. By the way I'm just about done with chapter two.
I think you forgot a big P here.
"Bye Mr. and Mrs. Cake. Bye pound, bye Pumpkin." Pinkie Pie called out.
I know it was not so big of a problem but I culd not hold my mouth shut there.
>>461018461018 no no no thanks, I want it to be neat. With no grammar errors. I plan to edit it before calling it done. btw chapter two is done and pretty funny and sad at the same time>>461041461041
Wait. Lonly? Have you forgot Gummy or is he whit Fluttershy for something? I think Pinkie wuld have tryed to get help from Gummy. Or atleast when she said aligator he culd have poked up from a pot or something only to get a comical image in our heads. >>461043461043
As always screw pysics, it is Pinkie Pie.
And I thouth you culd trust Pinkie Pie whit anything, but it looks like it is only after the Pinkie Swear.
>>461095461095 i was just thinking about that, time edit to add gummy to the scene
If he is in the kitchen then he will be in the sink. And then be standing beside the uncosius pony.
>>461095461095 ok done, check it out. just look for the word gummy
Wow. If I'm right, you got him in caracter on top level. I can see him before me
>>461164461164 ty he's not a difficult character just make him pop up out of no where and have him do something random and weird. He's like the calm version of pinkie pie
And quiet on top of that.
Wow. I wonder why not Gummy got his picture up by the caracter thing. He looks to be an importent part now. It feals we will see more of him and even so in numbers.
wait im confused about what you said
Everfree Forest. The fronter between her two minds..
>>465315465315 so did you like the chapter? or are you telling me something was wrong with it
Good chapter. Some caracters gives a fiction and the plot potential that can stretch far and wide. And this Pinkie mind fiction is no exception.
I am sorry to say this but I think you missed something here.
"Excited?" The angry Pinkie Pie said in anger and frustration. "Excited? Why would I be excited to attend my own farewell party?
>>468893468893 No I thank you for these corrections, i agree I forget somethings
Wow am I only the third person to comment? This story is good, but it seems a little rushed here and there. If you want bliss during the happy moments, fear during the creepy moments, and emptiness in the melancholy moments, you need to use as much detail as possible without making the reader uncomfortable. Too little detail, and the reader does not get enveloped into the plot. Too much detail and it makes the reader feel like it takes an hour to get a little bit farther into the story. I make these mistakes sometimes too, since I am relatively new to writing. Just know you are doing pretty good and I like the story .
Also, this helps set the mood in the coma.
>>472290472290 Thanks for your positive feed back, I was never the person to go into so much detail for my brain seems to want to talk about the actions of the characters and not to much on the setting
I did do my best to describe the settings and everything. Plus it aint over yet. Insane Pinkie might be back in the mirror but doesn't mean Pinkie Pie is out of the woods yet.
My plans for the ending is hilarious and so Pinkie Pie
Mm. It will be longer then the first chapter 5 that ended the fiction.
Uhm, I noticed a few wording errors. Some are the right word, but spelled wrong i.e. 'site' instead of 'sight'
The other errors are that it seems that you could have used better words like instead of 'contribution' you use 'consolation'.
Sorry if I'm just being an asshole.
>>613414613414 no no, I'm aware of these of these errors and will be corrected after the entire story is complete. I understand that my grammar is awful, but anyway, how did u like the story.
It's not your fault, it's actually a little embarrassing that I can recall any scene from any episode from either season at a moments' notice. I took the ultimate brony challenge, but I found it easy. (yes, I got the maximum amount of bonus points)
Anyway, good fic.
Well, this is certainly turning out interesting, and I hope to see soon where this whole thing is going.
>>896974896974 thank you, I'm very busy and will be for a while so you might have to wait a while, but don't worry it will be finished. So in the mean time, go a head and check out my other fan fictions