65w, 2dSummer Wrap Up 1 comments · 87 views
74w, 5dWhat people type into Google before stumbling onto Of Robots And Ponies? 2 comments · 59 views
75w, 5dWhy you won't see a new chapter of Of Robots And Ponies before July and why it is a good thing. 3 comments · 32 views
77w, 3dToo many ideas, too little time 0 comments · 69 views
Author's note to readers unfamiliar with Frienship is Witchcraft: Molest Fest is FiW's version of Nightmare Night, a.k.a. Halloween, and Molestia is Luna's real name.
“Fluttershy, what are we going to do tonight?”
“The same thing we do every night, Rarity: try to start an apocalypse! Uhm, if it's okay with you...”
Fluttershy was visiting the Carousel Boutique again, again under the pretense of buying socks. Sweetie Belle was sitting in the corner, doing her homework.
“I'm not sure, dear leader. Last time we failed. I missed the eclipse and I didn't bring a raccoon corpse.” answered Rarity.
The pegasus smiled: “Don't worry, I've acquired very powerful magic. We can now use the same kind of space-time portal as Pinkie Pie.”
“That's splendid! But today is the Molest Fest, won't kids interrupt us?”
“They won't, all kids in town know that I don't give candy or even open door to anypony on the Molest Fest. We should be fine.”
“Okay, Bon-Bon, I'm going to the Molest Fest to follow our Sweetie Belle. You stay here and keep an eye on the real one.”
Lyra wrapped her entire body in old bandages. This year, her Molest Fest costume was a mummy. She delibaterily chose it, because it allowed her to conceal her identity.
The real Sweetie Belle sat down in a cage in the corner in the basement. The cage was sparkling clean, there was a plate with dandelion sandwiches and a pile of comic books. The filly was holding one volume in her hooves.
“I want to go to the Molest Fest, too,” she remarked, without even averting her gaze from the fourth volume of Rupony Kenshin she was reading.
“I asked Lyra about that, she said no,” said Bon-Bon, and then she added excitedly: “But don't worry, I'm gonna keep a company to you, we're gonna have a super-duper fun time together!”
Sweetie Belle stopped reading.
“Ms. Heartstrings, please kill me.”
“No, I can't,” replied Lyra. “I explained it to you already.”
“Then kill her!” the filly pointed at the white earth mare.
“I can't either. Listen, kid, it's only one night. I know she's annoying, but if you're lucky, she'll fall asleep in few hours.”
“Oh no!” Sweetie Belle cowered in fear.
“Why not?” asked Lyra.
“I do?” asked Bon-Bon, surprised.
“I'm glad that I disable my audio input at night,” the green unicorn smiled.
“So, Sweetie Belle, how do you like your costume for the Molest Fest?”
Rarity was hovering in the air a black cape with red lining.
Sweetie Belle was confused. “What is that?”
“Oh, for Smooze's sake, it's a vampire cape! You're gonna be a vampire!”
“I don't like vampires,” the filly protested. “Every night I have nightmares about them drinking my blood.”
“But you'll look fabulous. Put it on, I'm going to find the fake teeth that I bought.”
Sweetie Belle put on the costume. Her sister trotted towards a cabinet, opened a drawer, and took out a set of fake teeth. She gave it to the filly, took a brush and started to brush her hair. Finally, Rarity took a step back to take a look at her work.
“Weird, why does this costume remind me of Twilight Sparkle? Twilight is all about crappy pornographic books. Vampires? Sparkle? Does not compute!”
“Robot speech pattern detected,” suddenly said Sweetie Belle. “Rarity, are you sure you're not a robot?”
Rarity frowned: “I'm not a robot and stop insinuating that I am!”
“Error...” the filly hung her head.
The unicorn mare chuckled, trotted towards a wardrobe, opened it, and searched for a scarf.
“So, we're ready for tonight! I think your friends are already there, waiting for you.”
Rarity put on the invisibility scarf and after it activated, she sneaked outside. Sweetie Belle looked into a mirror, pondering if her costume is any good, and left the boutique too.
A large group of schoolfoals formed in the town square. Towering over them, there was Pinkie Pie, dressed up as a chicken. They were discussing which route they should take to gather as much sweets as quick as possible.
Sweetie Belle arrived, arousing interest of other foals. Pinkie Pie cackled: “A vampire! Run away!”, but to her dismay nopony else even pretended to be scared.
“Cool costume!” remarked Apple Bloom, dressed up as Frankenpony's bride.
“No way, you call it cool? Vampires are gay!” retorted Scootaloo, pretending to gag. “Werewolves for the win!” In fact, Scootaloo was dressed up as a werewolf.
Among ponies Sweetie Belle noticed somepony she didn't know.
“Unrecognized pony found,” she said to him.
“Oh, hello. My name is Newt Pippington Britishooves,” the little colt responded to her. “I moved to this jolly good town few weeks ago. I'm dressed as a pirate, so I can wear an eye patch, because I lost my eye recently.”
“How did you lose your eye, Newt?” asked Scootaloo.
“Oh, I can tell you!” Pinkie Pie interrupted. “One day I found unconscious Newt on the street, took him home, and when he woke up, I gave him a cupcake and let him out– I mean, said goodbye to him as he left my basement.”
Newt corrected her: “Miss Pie, I remember that I had eaten the cupcake before I lost my consciousness.”
“It's just like with me!” Sweetie Belle exclaimed in joy. “One day, I was found unconscious by Lyra, and she took me into her basement. When I woke up, I simply walked home. I didn't get any cupcakes though.”
“Bloody hay! It's quite like my story!” Newt gasped in awe.
Sweetie Belle smiled and nodded. “It's good to know that somepony else not only shares with you pony flesh and pony blood, but also has had similar experiences in their life.”
Apple Bloom was still unconvinced: “Yeah, but what does it have to do with the eye?”
“I spy, with my little pony eye, something beginning with ‘K’!” said Bon-Bon, smiling widely.
“Is it cage?” monotonous voice of biological Sweetie Belle answered her.
“Yes, how did you know?” the mare was surprised.
The filly rolled her eyes. She couldn't focus on reading, because Bon-Bon kept coming up with ideas for stupid, boring games and couldn't give her a rest until she joined them. They had already played one round of Monopony, but given Bon-Bon's inability to count, the game came to an abrupt end when she was presented with a challenge of calculating rent.
“So what do you say about watching My Little Human?” the mare tried another approach. “Who is your favorite princess? Mine is Princess Putin! After Bella Sprinkle and her friends defeated Nightmare Soviet, Nightmare Soviet turned into Putin, so adorable! Or when Princess Obama came and forgave Putin everything and they hugged! Or when Bella saw Putin fighting a bear, she was so shocked, she turned into a bat and flew away!”
Bon-Bon continued rambling about minutiae of the show, while Sweetie Belle was trying her best to ignore her.
A moment after Lyra arrived to the town square, a huge chariot flew down from the sky, carrying a dark blue alicorn. The alicorn stepped outside and removed her hood, revealing her face. Everypony in the square trembled in fear when they saw that Princess Molestia herself came to Ponyville to celebrate the Molest Fest.
Lyra hid behind a corner and peeked from time to time to see what was happening. Apparently, one pony wasn't feeling uncomfortable with the princess and tried to talk to her.
Suddenly, in the robot's electronic brain a thought appeared. Even if robots managed to achieve control over Smooze, causing more chaos in Equestrian government wouldn't hurt. It seemed like they were taunting her: sending an important government figure alone in the middle of the night to the crowd of people. This simply smelled like an opportunity for an assassination.
Lyra smiled. She only had to wait for a good situation. For example, the current one, when the princess was walking, followed by some purple unicorn in a weird outfit, and all other ponies prostrated themselves to the ground, was not favorable. If she attacked now, she'd be spotted right away, and even if she succeeded, her whole conspiracy would be busted and she would have no chance to control Smooze. The only way she could do it, was in some secluded place, when the alertness of other ponies would subdue.
The group of foals led by Pinkie Pie was walking past the road leading to Fluttershy's hut.
“Miss Pie, won't we go to that house?” asked Newt Pippington.
“Oh, there lives Fluttershy,” answered Pinkie Pie. “She won't give us any candy, so there's no reason to go there.”
The group continued their march, except for one filly. Sweetie Belle froze in place, her gaze fixated on the hut.
“Why do I feel this strong urge to go and take a peek inside?” she asked herself.
She slowly trotted to the hut's doorstep. She noticed the door was locked, so she started to circle the building in order to find an open window. She found one on the back of the hut. It was pretty high for a little filly like her, the wall was very thin and there was no windowsill to support her hooves. Regardless of that, she attempted to climb it, because there was no other way inside.
“Hey, kid, are you silly?” she heard a voice behind her. She lost her focus, her hoof slipped and she fell down. When she was lying on the ground, she saw Zecora the Rhyming Zebra.
“Don't enter here, you little... silly!
This entrance is not windowsill...y,
so entering here would be silly.”
Sweetie Belle wanted to respond to those bad rhymes, but she heard some movement inside the building. Automatically, she run away and hid in bushes.
The window swung open, revealing Rarity.
“Zecora! I knew it! What are you doing here?”
Zecora stuttered: “There was this little foal, trying to achieve burglary goal...”
The unicorn cringed.
“Stop rhyming! Your rhymes are a crime against equinity! We're trying to start an apocalypse here, we've got some complications, so we'd appreciate if nopony interrupted us!”
“Okay, I'm leaving, I wish you a nice end of the world.” the zebra burst out and took the road back to the town.
Rarity looked around to check if there was anypony else, and then closed the window.
A minute later, Sweetie Belle left her hiding place and said to herself: “Entering process interrupted.”
Lyra quietly observed Molestia from distance. The Princess was finally enjoying herself and taking part in traditional Molest Fest games, such as Toss A Spider, Toss A Pumpkin, and Toss A Spider And A Pumpkin Shortly Afterwards. There were no guards or policeponies in sight, and apart from the lavender unicorn wearing a bad cosplay costume, nopony paid much attention to what the princess was doing.
This was a good moment for a robot unicorn attack. It would disrupt power structures of Equestria and ponies would no longer live in harmony, harmony of princesses.
The green unicorn trotted slowly to the princess and whispered into her ear:
“Princess Molestia, may I talk with you in private?”
“Sure thou may, my bandaged friend,” answered the alicorn, “but please, call me by my spirit name: Luna!”
Lyra exchanged few angry looks with the badly dressed purple unicorn and led the princess into a back alley.
“I am so glad that I could make so many friends today, and I hope we are going to be good friends, too,” said Luna, when they arrived to their destination.
Lyra looked around to check if anypony could see them. It appeared that their currect location was safe.
“Actually, I wanted to talk with you, because you're a princess,” said the unicorn, secretly and slowly charging her combat magic.
“But not for long! I promised my dearest friend, Twilight Sparkle, that I give my princesshood to her.”
In shock, Lyra managed to utter only one word: “What.”
Luna added: “I am grateful to her for making me look sexy again.”
The unicorn felt sudden urge to protest, but she didn't know if she should object against the usage of the word ‘sexy’ or ‘again’.
Seeing that her conversational partner was not responding, the alicorn continued.
“Thou shouldest join us in our friendly activities. Miss Sparkle invited me to a yaoi anime marathon at her library. I would be glad to have more friends at this event.”
Lyra finally regained her focus and responded:
“I have no time–”
Lyra and Luna looked in the direction of source of the voice. It was Twilight Sparkle, happily trotting towards them.
“So here were you hiding,” the unicorn in goofy outfit remarked. “I've just talked to Berry Punch, she's gonna hang out with us on Sunday. Oh, hello, masked pony! Who are you?”
Lyra responded nervously: “Uhm, it's me, Rarity. Don't you recognize me?”
“Well, I supposed you would wear something more elegant for the Molest Fest. But a mummy? You sure surprised everypony. And what do you think about my costume?”
Lyra ogled Twilight from her hooves to the top of her hat.
“Nice, I think. Who are you dressed up as?”
“Rarity, recognizest thou not?” asked Luna. “It's from Rupony Kenshin.”
Lyra chuckled. “Oh, right, how could I miss that? Sorry, gotta go.”
Without saying anything else, the robot unicorn ran away.
After failed break-in attempt, Sweetie Belle joined the group of foals again. It looked like most of the chaos that Princess Molestia has caused, has been cleaned up. The princess scared the foals for a last time and followed Twilight Sparkle afterwards. Pinkie Pie and the foals returned to the town square in order to enjoy the remaining part of the night.
After the party ended, all foals returned home. Sweetie Belle went to the Carousel Boutique and met there her sister Rarity, who was lying on a couch and drinking cider straight from a bottle.
“Hi, sister. It was very good night. I've got a lot of candies and met a new friend. His name is Newt.”
“And I didn't met the friend I wanted to meet,” Rarity responded angrily. “We were summoning Smooze, but then somepony knocked to the door and pulled Fluttershy outside. She returned terrified, mumbling something about being molested by Molestia. But what's worse, when the Dear Leader was outside, that zebra started rhyming outside the window. You should've heard those rhymes! A horror! I had to chase her away. With nopony in the summoning circle, no wonder that the spell failed. And guess what excuse that striped abomination had!”
“She saw a little foal, trying to achieve burglary goal?” guessed Sweetie Belle.
“Exactly, she– wait, how did you know that?”
Lyra returned home in a very bad mood. All her plans for tonight failed. Her main plot, sneaking into summoning ceremony, failed because of some zebra. Fortunately, the summoning was also unsuccessful. She could tell that because no ooze was pouring down the street. Because of that, if the cultists tried again, she would have another chance. Plan B, involving killing off the princess, also failed, due to appearance of that lavender freak. Lyra could handle one opponent if she had an element of surprise, but her combat capabilities were not enough to fight against two magic users.
When she was stepping inside her house, she heard some weird loud sound. It sounded like a mating roar of a wounded manticore, but it had slower rhythm. She unwrapped bandages, turned the light on, and slowly proceeded, searching for the source of the noise. It seemed as if the roars were coming out from the basement. The robot slowly descended and followed the sound. On her way towards the source, she grabbed a machete and levitated it in front of her in case of ambush. The sound intensified, coming from the room where the cage stood. Lyra peeked inside. She saw terrified Sweetie Belle, covering her ears with her hooves. The filly noticed the unicorn and pointed her right hoof forward. Lyra took a step inside and looked in the direction the filly was pointing at.
She saw Bon-Bon, sleeping and snoring.