I was thinking about a story where Adam Jensen is sent to Equestria due to the collapse of the station in the artic.

But nobody's made a story where he goes into equestria :C

I asked for this. :D I mean, I just literally started replaying Human Revolution again.

Ah, I have been waiting for this to get on here! Good show mate!

To all those wondering whether they should read this or not. Don't worry about the size, just read it.

I like it! Just the intro is heavy with conspiracy. Very close ties to the Deus Ex lore, great so far. I can't wait till more is written.

Dang.  

Spit just got real.

i really want to play human revolution right now.

Obvious sex jokes are... not quite that obvious.  They sort of just slipped themselves in between lines.  I think I like that better than the "in-your-face" approach other stories take.

I'm trying to imagine Bon Bon with a female voice equivalent to Elias Toufexis,

but I'm drawing a blank.

RavensDagger speaks the truth; this story was more fun to edit than most stories even are to read! I'll be surprised if it doesn't get featured at some point.

Can't wait for more...

The setup on this puts the story at quite the estimated length. I'll be following it in the hopes that you see it through to completion. So many adventure stories just peter off midway through--it'd be a shame to see this one go down that path, given the high quality of the writing involved.

Although... semi-colons. Dear god, the semi-colons.

>>461495461495 Yes, the pre-readers had the same opinion. I apologise for my crimes against punctuation. As for the length, I have a good idea of where I'm going, so I shouldn't run out of steam any time soon. Thanks for the comment and favourite!

>>464537464537

Haha, well... we all have things that stand out to us.

Now, the major concern I have is one that has no substance just yet: how closely you decide to adhere to the source material. Obviously, I don't expect you to lay out any spoilers here, nor would I want you to, but I do hope that you don't simply replace the major and semi-major events with ponies. The first few chapters were the major bottleneck in getting the story and game worlds mated smoothly, and now that we're stepping outside of that... well, I'm very interested in seeing where it goes : )

Alright... While I've only just gotten past the bold print, I'm too tired and I feel the need to leave a comment regardless.

I tend to prefer a more dialogue-driven narrative, but I commend you on your descriptions of everything, from physical things to intangible ideas. I eagerly await a time where I'm not so darn tired, so that I can procrastinate to such a wonderfully written story.

This is fantastic. Pulled up the game's soundtrack from YouTube and had it playing while I read - you've gotten the tone of the universe down perfectly, to the point where I was seeing Canterlot in a black-and-yellow color scheme.

I do hope that the prologue will eventually be explained to some degree. With HR proper, it's fairly obvious who's speaking with prior knowledge of the Dues Ex series. This, however, can very much be considered a brand-new universe. You dropped some...interesting hints/red herrings with names and the way the anonymous gathered spoke and reacted, I hope you'll reveal some of them eventually.

This is just wow. It's like reading the Icarus Effect all over again

I really don't get what just happened... Extremely confusing and dark starts are something that really gets me thinking I guess. It was good, but Could you at least explain the scenery a little more? Maybe what the office looks like or something? Please?

I most certainly asked for this, and so far you have yet to disappoint. So good. SO GOOD. You're melding both Pony and Deus together in such a way that it is an entirely new universe. There hasn't been a crossover like this since... Fallout: Equestria. Well, ok, there's also the Bioshock crossover that recently cropped up. But, yeah.

I'm holding you to that standard, which should speak enough of how highly I think of this fic thus far. Eagerly awaiting the next chapter, this is just fucking amazing.

fun to read so far

"I never asked for this... If you want to make enemies, try to change something. The year is 2027. It's a time of great innovation, and technological advancement. It's also a time of chaos, and conspiracy. I don't even know whose side I'm on."

"Breaking news - the riots continue in the streets of Canterlot. Protestors rallying outside of Sparkle Industries, one of the world's leaders in the controversial science of pony augmentation."

"These ponies, Bon bon - they're like ghosts. Always in the shadows, always hiding behind lies, and proxy soldiers. I need you to find them. They cannot stop us. They cannot stop the future."

"I never had a choice in what happened to me."

"How do you feel, Bon-bon? The body may heal... but the mind is not always so resilient."

"Corporations have more power than the government. Everypony's fighting for power, for control."

"I'll take you to HELL!"

"Police have opened fire on the crowd!"

"You'll never find 'em!"

"... I'll never stop looking."

brb reinstalling Deus Ex Human Revolution

That was an awesome take on the Deus Ex universe, good sir! Very nice and original choice in picking Bon bon to be the main protagonist, there's a choice that you don't see very often. You did a very realistic and believable spin on making the intro to the Human Revolution storyline, though I have to admit at the first chapter I was a little misled by the text and had the mistaken belief that Princess Luna was the mare who was conversing with the other members of the Illuminati (I got that misconception cleared up pretty quickly heheh). It's stories like this that I wish I was able to write - I had an idea for a Human Revolution crossover a few months ago, but never got to work on it because I just couldn't get the premise right. Kudos to you for succeeding where I had failed!

Forty Six And 2 - Tool

>>456807456807

Is that a request for someone to write it? because i saw your comment, and gears started clicking in my head. writing gears.

>>477775477775

Maybe

>>477775477775

Okay yes it is

Ha, Spock quote. Kudos.

>>456807456807 oh my god 0-0

Epic idea!

I have asked for - *looks at above comments* - nevermind...

The story is awesome. Write more pls.

Fantastic story! Please continue to write as I'll be looking forward to each chapter.

Your characters are well designed and easy to understand. Even with auxiliary characters that only have brief speaking parts it comes out that you've put a good deal of thought into them. Looking back, I think the rich context comes from the emotion heavy narrative you use for Bon Bon. She is stressed, excited, angry, depressed and insightful. Because you can articulate these emotions well, it helps paint the immediate hair trigger assessments people have when they size up new people. The approximation of meeting people is close enough that it kindles off the reader's natural habits. I'm beginning to think this habit runs deeper, which is why you are able to write such an engaging story.

A narrative that can grab attention by the throat is one I'll read through to the end. Already I can see that your story is good about not pulling punches and letting the emotional points unapologetically drop like anvils. The most devastating weapon of destruction is poverty. Using augmentations to financially enslave people is a point that hits close to home. Gross abuse of power and coercing people to relinquish control of their bodies...it just makes my skin crawl with seething disgust for the powers that be. I hope Celestia can't sleep at night for knowingly allowing such suffering to not only happen but continue within the confines of her realm. Gross negligence of this scale from a so called goddess disgusts me.

Your story is well written enough to invoke such strong emotions. Well done.

You hit the nail on the head with it comes to feeling inhuman, or inequine in this case. Bon Bon, being a product of her culture, had certain criteria for judging herself as equine. It all boils down to a feeling, a persistent state of being. She had the love of her life taken away, her magnum opus of work subverted murder Dawn Chorus, and the majority of her body augmented. Any one of those would require a person to redefine their very identity and likely take years of intense readjustment for her emotions to fire in any manner that felt healthy. Looking in the mirror....is the hardest part. There is something about having to see this image, what the mind is wired to respond to, and be unable to stop or slow the deluge of self hatred that comes with a conflict of identity.

The pieces of the story are arranged in such a way that the various sets of conflict are arranged organically. In particular, Bon Bon taking the job from Twilight because it gives her a sense of purpose. People need purpose as much as they need air, food and companionship. The combat training, I suspect, is one of the few times Bon Bon's adrenaline is pumping fast enough that she feels alive for a few brief moments. I don't know how much of that training was set up make Bon Bon crave the the seductive lure of combat as a temporary reprieve from her depressive lethargy. If there is person pulling her psychology strings I would suspect it would be Rarity, as her careful phrasing "You don't want to know how bad off you were." seems to purposefully exploit Bon Bon's avoidance of memories of the attack. Maybe this is all a setup to slowly shift Bon Bon's sense of identity to one who is willing to use her combat mods to lethal force. Perhaps not. Only time will tell.

A big thank you goes out to Melon hunter. Please continue to write in the manner you deem fit. Continue to pull no punches and write an outstanding story.

Congrats on chapter three!

Nice.

You've even got game-like descriptions of the augments.

I like your ability to "show" exactly what's going on in your details.

You're a natural at this.

Very well adapted. Good job.

pretty fucking good chapter

>>This has to be me. Somepony else might have gotten this wrong.

I see what you did there. I approve wholeheartedly.

Also, MOAR.

Awww fuck yeah. Synthetic unicorn time!

Not enough attention to this fic. Not even close.

...

I'm gonna start a tvtropes page, who's with me?

>>532567532567 I'm sorry I haven't replied sooner to this comment, but... wow. Thank you for taking the time to write that. It's really great to see constructive feedback.

>>611203611203 Well, I'd be flattered! Kudos for seeing the reference, by the way!

Just started to read this chapter...

      

“No. This is classified research; I can’t just entrust this to anypony. Besides, after the incident, I took personal command of the horn aug project. This has to be me. Somepony else might have gotten this wrong,” Twilight said. “All the enchantments are held in the soul gem. I only have to apply them.”

Thank you for mental image of Mordin!Twilight

I can't believe I finally got myself to read this fic and all it took was for me to stay up till 1:30 in the morning woohoo. Awesome chapter melon, let's see if the guys from that russian forum are right about this fic

Great chapter melon. I love the way it's narrated and I must congratulate your pre-reader SALT, he did a great job since I couldn't find any mistakes.

I had tons of comments while reading the fic but then I started reading the comments and forgot about it all

Guess I'll have to read again Awesome chapter by the way.

Awesome chapter, I love the narration and how sometimes Bon Bon's thoughts go into it. Also that final part with the Aug Activated: Awesome. Can't wait to see what Augs Bon Bon chooses.

I'll be waiting for chapter 4. Until then have some moustaches

It's so awesome to see my favorite game ponified! Cannot wait for more!

While I was making lunch about a year ago, I listened to cinematic trailer of HR for hundredth time again. It inspires me a lot. Whenever I imagine a pony version of all this, I shudder inside.

I'll just paste a snippet I wrote back then because I have nowhere else to put this:

———————————————

"I wasn't born with this."

*an earth pony in a white room is successfully levitating a glass of wine, using an artificial horn*

"It is a time of great innovation, and technological advancement"

*same earth pony jumps off a roof of huge skyscraper at night in slow motion, unfolding mechanical wings that were hidden inside her body and activating stealth invisibility cloak, and falling to the dark street, levitating a pistol ready*

"It is also a time of chaos and conspiracy"

*royal guards cordon off mass protests on streets in front of Sparkle Corporation headquarters*

"Corporations are more powerful than the Princesses"

*a view of Royal Canterlot Castle zooms in but crossfades into image of golden bits, each having a line "In Princesses We Trust", image of royal princess but there is a digital chip in the middle over the image, looking just like current bank cards look like IRL*

*the same earth pony, different scene, she crushes a wall with her hind legs and the huge debris knock off government military pony behind the wall, the perfectly calculated impact from the debris instantly kills him*

*news reporter* "Royal Guards have opened fire on the crowd"

*rows of very similar royal guard unicorns in dark blue uniform shoot at the protesters, almost in unison*

arent you continuing this?

>>736281736281 Yes, don't worry. Chapter 4 is nearly done. However, I had a heap of exams last week, so work on this kinda stalled due to revision after I released Chapter 3. The next chapter will be out soon, however.

>>736303736303 oh, OH! well first of all, hope you did well! second, nice, i was just wondering where it went since it hast been updated in awhile. thirdly, i love deus ex! and fourthly: nice avatar!

I didn't ask for this....

Oh, this is a direct translation of the start of the Deus Ex Human Revolution game. I played through this. Good job dude. Very nice.

This is a wonderful story, I can't wait to read more!

Read it with Adam Jensen's voice.

Tiara and Spoon Medical?

Chose Bon-bon cuz of the voice? I can hear the resemblance.

OH dear Celestia.... it's not just Ponyville anymore, every mare in Canterlot is gay too!

I seriously had thought there was only one DX/MLP crossover fan fiction.  I'm glad to see I was wrong.

>>456807456807 probably cause the world would implode from too much badass in a specific amount of time.

Ah, congrats on being in the top 5 featured, Melon!

Chapter 5 must be really something.

THIS FIC IS BETTER THAN SEX

Well, not really GOOD sex, but better than sex in general.

10,291 words..... tis 5 am..... SLEEP IS FOR THE WEAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

>>848232848232 Yes, all four of them! Plum Pudding had a husband and a child!

>>884944884944 Heh, thanks. That was a nice surprise, I can tell you

>>885283885283 Awesome. I shall endeavour to make it better than any sex, ever. Until then

Damn, this fic is VERY good! Keep it going, I love it!

Definitely enjoying this!

Really loving this. If I may ask, did you get the Just Cause name from the Equestrian Spring?

>>934635934635 Glad to hear it! I have heard the name Just Cause bandied about by a couple of stories before, although I didn't take it from anywhere in particular. Equestrian Spring was a story about an earth pony uprising, wasn't it?

>>937094937094 Kinda, it was more just ponies wanting to overthrow the princesses, get rid of their tyranny, and set up more of a democracy. Good story. Almost as good as yours...

I can only say that I love this fic. Bon-Bon as an Aug-Unicorn? Makes sense. Colgate spending countless hours watching really bad tv sitcoms on the Equestrinet? I can totally see that. Bon-Bon being an absolute bad-ass? That is just top shit.

I really really love this fic, and those things up above are just a couple of my favourite bits, but...

You know what this fic really needs?

No, not more - actually, yes. More action would be even more excellent than it already is.

But aside from that, this fic could really do with some more chapters ASAP.

>>10915291091529 Heh, thanks a lot for this. Real-life stuff has been getting in the way of writing a little too often for my liking in the past month. Rest assured, I'm working on the next chapter, and there should be more action coming up!

Oh, looky, a new chapter after only four months.

I am so sorry for my tardiness. I let things slip over the summer, and this is the result. Gonna try and get this updating regularly so this story can actually move along.

I can't guarantee that Adam, no one can.

Eh, there's always something holding us back as authors. I'm not too worried.

You can introduce the parts at your own pace.

>>456807456807

I believe something like that already happened, though I can't remember the name.

This story is swagbananas.

>>821760821760 Oh man...no wonder they're in the spotlight. They're always in the spotlight.

I can't wait to see what you do with this. Deus Ex: Human Revolution holds a special place in my heart, and I love it as much as I love ponies.

Good job displaying the emotional turmoil without making Bon Bon seem whiny.  

I loved the description of Pinkie's augs. I've never thought about this possibility before, yet replacing organic body parts to enhance her party-making abilities is definitely something she would do. Either that or in a typical Deus Ex style her augmentation has a tragic backstory, that Pinkie would never ever mention to anyone.

>>16340271634027 I figured out of all of the Mane 6, Pinkie was far and away the most likely to leap in and willingly upgrade herself with augs. After all, I imagined there would be at least one pony who got augmented because they actually wanted to, not due to some horrific injury But yeah, it was very fun thinking up all the ways Pinkie could have upgraded herself for maximum partying potential.

>>16073121607312

She did not ask for this.

Really good read you have there. I am hoping the story will continue eventually - Human Revolution was a great piece of story, seeing it augmented with ponies makes it even better.

Yay new chapter!

Twilight don't take no sh*t from nopony Glad to see a new chapter!

Ah, Bon Bon's first "canonical" voice.  Heh heh.

I always get a kick from the unlocked augmentation descriptions.

And in before distorted voice is

Equine Revolution updated? Today is a good day.

Both DE:ER and Aurora updated within a single day after a long(er than readers would have preferred) delay! Time to celebrate!

My semi-random thoughts are below.

Even though Zantos was nothing but a helpful friend to Bon Bon, I have a strong feeling their meeting was far from coincidence.

Once again it was underlined that MANE clinic has its own agenda and how feared their director Alpha Wave is. Interesting contrast with Human Revolution, where LIMB was a convenient puppet for other corporations, with director only briefly mentioned in one of the documents. I wonder how will this affect overall balance of power...

Why did Bon Bon choose to perform levitation in cafe if Twilight insisted on tight security around operability of horn aug? Did she get so used to it, she was doing it unconsciously? And shouldn't Slipstream be surprised to see Bon Bon with a working horn aug and make some kind of remark about it?

Thank you for updating, I really enjoyed this chapter!

New chapter?

Yay! New chapter!

“I could ask how a sweet maker became a heavily augmented special operative, or how a shy librarian mage became a princess, then renounced it to become the head of one of the most powerful augmentation companies in the world,” Trixie said. “Twenty years does a lot to a pony.”

Huh. That's one way to sweep canon under the rug.

Trixie bacame

Should be "became".

Just what is this a crossover of?

>>25333532533353

Mlp:fim and Deus Ex: Human Revolution (a cyberpunk stealth fps game, in case you're unaware).

Fluttershy was Hope.

Huh... what a coincidence.  Though, I'm sure it really was a coincidence.

Bon Bon raised an eyebrow. “It doesn’t explain why a pony who only ever thought of herself would suddenly become so philanthropic. Nor why a mare who dubbed herself ‘Great and Apologetic’ still holds enough of a grudge against her old enemy to taunt her.”

See this, Trixie?  This is you getting owned.

...

I'm glad the unlocked augments are realistic enough as far as their correlation to in-game scenarios goes.  Contrary to the title, it's best to avoid Deus Ex Machina situations.

So... Is Twilight an alicorn, or a unicorn?

>>25324682532468 More on that later. I've tweaked the story to become canonical to Season 3, and Twilight abdicating her position to focus on augmentations fit surprisingly well.

>>25341502534150 Yeah, coincidence. I literally have never heard of that story you linked before

>>25342532534253 She's a unicorn by now, but was once an alicorn.

Great chapter. Dat atmosphere. Feels very much like the game (I, too, preferred the non-lethal way of doing things back when I was playing through HR). Keep it up

My my, Twilight is quite the greedy one, isn't she?  Seems she could have learned a bit from her Lesson Zero.

BonBon's crazy voice has to make her one of my favourite background characters ever.

Yay, a new chapter!

It was easy enough to guess that Hope was Fluttershy, but Trixie as Faith caught me by surprise. I may be biased (hint - my avatar), but your Trixie was absolutely amazing! It may sound cynical (although, it's probably impossible to be too cynical in Deus Ex universe), but I'd rather trust someone who's helping everyone for selfish reasons over an idealist, who tries to change the world for the sake of his beliefs.

Good to see that you have addressed issue with Bon Bon openly using telekinesis in previous chapter.

Trixie openly admitting to stealing soul gems was a bit odd, but I guess it fits her dramatic personality.

I'm starting to take a dislike to this version of Twilight. If at first she employed Bon Bon to rescue hostages and retrieve stolen property, now she risks BB's life (and an established arrangement) for the sake of her own guilt over what happened between her and Fluttershy and jealousy that Trixie was able to become her friend.

'Elusive' as code name was really, really subtle. Someone could really learn more about security, what with working at high-tech company. When Bon Bon is going to visit her office, I fully expect to see stacks of secret documents lying everywhere in the open, computer with 1-2-3 as a password (or no password at all) and tons of non-work-related materials.

Suddenly, this story has become S3-canon compliant. As a result, this chapter was a bit heavy on references side, but nothing overly bad.

Great chapter AS ALWAYS. Also making me want to play Deus Ex again.

Curse you