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Melon Hunter

Joined October 2011
222 followers

Stories (11)

  • Deus Ex: Equine Revolution
    Twenty years after Luna's return, Equestria advances with augmentation technology and burns with civil unrest. And in the shadows, a hidden conspiracy carefully pulls the world to their own whims...

    103,487 words · 3,757 views · 240 likes · 3 dislikes
  • Special Relativity
    Pinkie gets a bit too carried away with finding long-lost members of the Apple family.
    6,753 words · 612 views · 90 likes · 0 dislikes
  • Vee for Vendetta
    The unstoppable force of Canterlot bureaucracy meets the immovable object of small-town stubbornness. Hapless civil servant Veggie Vee is about to find that ideas never die... and neither does Ponyville's sweet tooth.
    54,557 words · 2,916 views · 294 likes · 8 dislikes
  • A Word to the Wise
    Daring Do feels like she couldn't have picked a worse expedition partner than Maud Pie if she tried. But all she needs is a change of perspective.
    4,162 words · 485 views · 58 likes · 0 dislikes
  • Self Hindrance
    6,074 words · 499 views · 55 likes · 0 dislikes
  • Melting Away
    10,335 words · 6,613 views · 214 likes · 11 dislikes
  • More Than She Could Dream Of
    44,869 words · 3,774 views · 233 likes · 13 dislikes
  • Tough Love
    4,547 words · 2,476 views · 74 likes · 2 dislikes
  • Elected To Bat
    1,322 words · 1,455 views · 91 likes · 4 dislikes
  • A Hero's Cocktail
    6,988 words · 591 views · 9 likes · 0 dislikes

Blog Posts (10)


Truth is the first casualty of war.

The world is in flux; new ideals, groups and technologies permeate every level of society in this age of discovery. The field of augmentation has allowed ponies to improve themselves in ways that were unthinkable a generation ago. Yet, for every benefit, there is an inverse. A griffon civil war rages on the borders, feeding the profits of mercenary companies. Rising populations have forced the rich and poor ever further apart. Harmony is dying.

Mortally wounded after a fatal attack on her laboratory, an earth pony researcher is augmented against her will and sent out into a chaotic world in search of answers. But as her quest unravels this chain of events, she discovers an ancient conspiracy that will shake Equestria to its very core.

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TVTropes Page

First Published
15th Apr 2012
Last Modified
2nd Jun 2014

Comments ( 152 )

#1 · Chapter 3 · 123w, 6d ago · · ·

I was thinking about a story where Adam Jensen is sent to Equestria due to the collapse of the station in the artic.

But nobody's made a story where he goes into equestria :C

#2 · Chapter 3 · 123w, 6d ago · 2 · ·

I asked for this. :D I mean, I just literally started replaying Human Revolution again.

#3 · Chapter 3 · 123w, 6d ago · · ·

Ah, I have been waiting for this to get on here! Good show mate!

To all those wondering whether they should read this or not. Don't worry about the size, just read it.

#4 · Chapter 3 · 123w, 6d ago · · ·

I like it! Just the intro is heavy with conspiracy. Very close ties to the Deus Ex lore, great so far. I can't wait till more is written.

#5 · Chapter 1 · 123w, 6d ago · · ·

Dang.  :rainbowderp:

Spit just got real.

#6 · Chapter 3 · 123w, 6d ago · · ·

i really want to play human revolution right now.

#7 · Chapter 2 · 123w, 6d ago · · ·

Obvious sex jokes are... not quite that obvious.  They sort of just slipped themselves in between lines.  I think I like that better than the "in-your-face" approach other stories take.

#8 · Chapter 3 · 123w, 6d ago · · ·

I'm trying to imagine Bon Bon with a female voice equivalent to Elias Toufexis,

but I'm drawing a blank.

#9 · Chapter 3 · 123w, 5d ago · · ·

RavensDagger speaks the truth; this story was more fun to edit than most stories even are to read! I'll be surprised if it doesn't get featured at some point.

Can't wait for more...

#10 · Chapter 3 · 123w, 5d ago · · ·

The setup on this puts the story at quite the estimated length. I'll be following it in the hopes that you see it through to completion. So many adventure stories just peter off midway through--it'd be a shame to see this one go down that path, given the high quality of the writing involved.

Although... semi-colons. Dear god, the semi-colons.

#11 · Chapter 3 · 123w, 4d ago · · ·

>>461495 Yes, the pre-readers had the same opinion. I apologise for my crimes against punctuation. :rainbowwild: As for the length, I have a good idea of where I'm going, so I shouldn't run out of steam any time soon. Thanks for the comment and favourite!

#12 · Chapter 3 · 123w, 4d ago · · ·

>>464537

Haha, well... we all have things that stand out to us.

Now, the major concern I have is one that has no substance just yet: how closely you decide to adhere to the source material. Obviously, I don't expect you to lay out any spoilers here, nor would I want you to, but I do hope that you don't simply replace the major and semi-major events with ponies. The first few chapters were the major bottleneck in getting the story and game worlds mated smoothly, and now that we're stepping outside of that... well, I'm very interested in seeing where it goes : )

#13 · Chapter 1 · 123w, 1d ago · · ·

Alright... While I've only just gotten past the bold print, I'm too tired and I feel the need to leave a comment regardless.

I tend to prefer a more dialogue-driven narrative, but I commend you on your descriptions of everything, from physical things to intangible ideas. I eagerly await a time where I'm not so darn tired, so that I can procrastinate to such a wonderfully written story.

#14 · Chapter 3 · 123w, 1d ago · · ·

This is fantastic. Pulled up the game's soundtrack from YouTube and had it playing while I read - you've gotten the tone of the universe down perfectly, to the point where I was seeing Canterlot in a black-and-yellow color scheme. :twilightsheepish:

I do hope that the prologue will eventually be explained to some degree. With HR proper, it's fairly obvious who's speaking with prior knowledge of the Dues Ex series. This, however, can very much be considered a brand-new universe. You dropped some...interesting hints/red herrings with names and the way the anonymous gathered spoke and reacted, I hope you'll reveal some of them eventually.

#15 · Chapter 1 · 123w, 1d ago · · ·

This is just wow. It's like reading the Icarus Effect all over again

#16 · Chapter 1 · 123w, 1d ago · · ·

I really don't get what just happened... Extremely confusing and dark starts are something that really gets me thinking I guess. It was good, but Could you at least explain the scenery a little more? Maybe what the office looks like or something? Please?

#17 · Chapter 3 · 123w, 1d ago · · ·

I most certainly asked for this, and so far you have yet to disappoint. So good. SO GOOD. You're melding both Pony and Deus together in such a way that it is an entirely new universe. There hasn't been a crossover like this since... Fallout: Equestria. Well, ok, there's also the Bioshock crossover that recently cropped up. But, yeah.

I'm holding you to that standard, which should speak enough of how highly I think of this fic thus far. Eagerly awaiting the next chapter, this is just fucking amazing.

#18 · Chapter 2 · 123w, 1d ago · · ·

fun to read so far

#19 · Chapter 3 · 123w, 1d ago · 2 · ·

"I never asked for this... If you want to make enemies, try to change something. The year is 2027. It's a time of great innovation, and technological advancement. It's also a time of chaos, and conspiracy. I don't even know whose side I'm on."

"Breaking news - the riots continue in the streets of Canterlot. Protestors rallying outside of Sparkle Industries, one of the world's leaders in the controversial science of pony augmentation."

"These ponies, Bon bon - they're like ghosts. Always in the shadows, always hiding behind lies, and proxy soldiers. I need you to find them. They cannot stop us. They cannot stop the future."

"I never had a choice in what happened to me."

"How do you feel, Bon-bon? The body may heal... but the mind is not always so resilient."

"Corporations have more power than the government. Everypony's fighting for power, for control."

"I'll take you to HELL!"

"Police have opened fire on the crowd!"

"You'll never find 'em!"

"... I'll never stop looking."

brb reinstalling Deus Ex Human Revolution

That was an awesome take on the Deus Ex universe, good sir! Very nice and original choice in picking Bon bon to be the main protagonist, there's a choice that you don't see very often. You did a very realistic and believable spin on making the intro to the Human Revolution storyline, though I have to admit at the first chapter I was a little misled by the text and had the mistaken belief that Princess Luna was the mare who was conversing with the other members of the Illuminati (I got that misconception cleared up pretty quickly heheh). It's stories like this that I wish I was able to write - I had an idea for a Human Revolution crossover a few months ago, but never got to work on it because I just couldn't get the premise right. Kudos to you for succeeding where I had failed!

#21 · Chapter 3 · 123w, 23h ago · · ·

>>456807

Is that a request for someone to write it? because i saw your comment, and gears started clicking in my head. writing gears.

#22 · Chapter 3 · 123w, 17h ago · · ·
#23 · Chapter 3 · 123w, 13h ago · · ·

>>477775

Okay yes it is

#24 · Chapter 1 · 122w, 6d ago · · ·

Ha, Spock quote. Kudos.

#25 · Chapter 3 · 122w, 6d ago · · ·

>>456807 oh my god 0-0

Epic idea!

#26 · Chapter 3 · 122w, 5d ago · · ·

I have asked for - *looks at above comments* - nevermind...

The story is awesome. Write more pls.

#27 · Chapter 3 · 121w, 3d ago · · ·

Fantastic story! Please continue to write as I'll be looking forward to each chapter.

Your characters are well designed and easy to understand. Even with auxiliary characters that only have brief speaking parts it comes out that you've put a good deal of thought into them. Looking back, I think the rich context comes from the emotion heavy narrative you use for Bon Bon. She is stressed, excited, angry, depressed and insightful. Because you can articulate these emotions well, it helps paint the immediate hair trigger assessments people have when they size up new people. The approximation of meeting people is close enough that it kindles off the reader's natural habits. I'm beginning to think this habit runs deeper, which is why you are able to write such an engaging story.

A narrative that can grab attention by the throat is one I'll read through to the end. Already I can see that your story is good about not pulling punches and letting the emotional points unapologetically drop like anvils. The most devastating weapon of destruction is poverty. Using augmentations to financially enslave people is a point that hits close to home. Gross abuse of power and coercing people to relinquish control of their bodies...it just makes my skin crawl with seething disgust for the powers that be. I hope Celestia can't sleep at night for knowingly allowing such suffering to not only happen but continue within the confines of her realm. Gross negligence of this scale from a so called goddess disgusts me.

Your story is well written enough to invoke such strong emotions. Well done.

You hit the nail on the head with it comes to feeling inhuman, or inequine in this case. Bon Bon, being a product of her culture, had certain criteria for judging herself as equine. It all boils down to a feeling, a persistent state of being. She had the love of her life taken away, her magnum opus of work subverted murder Dawn Chorus, and the majority of her body augmented. Any one of those would require a person to redefine their very identity and likely take years of intense readjustment for her emotions to fire in any manner that felt healthy. Looking in the mirror....is the hardest part. There is something about having to see this image, what the mind is wired to respond to, and be unable to stop or slow the deluge of self hatred that comes with a conflict of identity.

The pieces of the story are arranged in such a way that the various sets of conflict are arranged organically. In particular, Bon Bon taking the job from Twilight because it gives her a sense of purpose. People need purpose as much as they need air, food and companionship. The combat training, I suspect, is one of the few times Bon Bon's adrenaline is pumping fast enough that she feels alive for a few brief moments. I don't know how much of that training was set up make Bon Bon crave the the seductive lure of combat as a temporary reprieve from her depressive lethargy. If there is person pulling her psychology strings I would suspect it would be Rarity, as her careful phrasing "You don't want to know how bad off you were." seems to purposefully exploit Bon Bon's avoidance of memories of the attack. Maybe this is all a setup to slowly shift Bon Bon's sense of identity to one who is willing to use her combat mods to lethal force. Perhaps not. Only time will tell.

A big thank you goes out to Melon hunter. Please continue to write in the manner you deem fit. Continue to pull no punches and write an outstanding story.

#28 · Chapter 4 · 119w, 3d ago · · ·

Congrats on chapter three!:pinkiehappy:

#29 · Chapter 4 · 119w, 3d ago · · ·

Nice.

You've even got game-like descriptions of the augments.

I like your ability to "show" exactly what's going on in your details.

You're a natural at this.

#30 · Chapter 4 · 119w, 3d ago · · ·

Very well adapted. Good job.

#31 · Chapter 4 · 119w, 3d ago · · ·

pretty fucking good chapter :derpytongue2:

#32 · Chapter 4 · 119w, 2d ago · · ·

>>This has to be me. Somepony else might have gotten this wrong.

I see what you did there. I approve wholeheartedly.

Also, MOAR.

#33 · Chapter 4 · 119w, 2d ago · · ·

Awww fuck yeah. Synthetic unicorn time!

#34 · Chapter 4 · 119w, 1d ago · · ·

Not enough attention to this fic. Not even close.

...

I'm gonna start a tvtropes page, who's with me?

#35 · Chapter 4 · 119w, 1d ago · · ·

>>532567 I'm sorry I haven't replied sooner to this comment, but... wow. Thank you for taking the time to write that. It's really great to see constructive feedback.

>>611203 Well, I'd be flattered! Kudos for seeing the reference, by the way! :twilightsmile:

#36 · Chapter 4 · 118w, 6d ago · · ·

Just started to read this chapter...

      

“No. This is classified research; I can’t just entrust this to anypony. Besides, after the incident, I took personal command of the horn aug project. This has to be me. Somepony else might have gotten this wrong,” Twilight said. “All the enchantments are held in the soul gem. I only have to apply them.”

Thank you for mental image of Mordin!Twilight

#37 · Chapter 1 · 118w, 26m ago · · ·

I can't believe I finally got myself to read this fic and all it took was for me to stay up till 1:30 in the morning woohoo. Awesome chapter melon, let's see if the guys from that russian forum are right about this fic

#38 · Chapter 2 · 117w, 6d ago · · ·

Great chapter melon. I love the way it's narrated and I must congratulate your pre-reader SALT, he did a great job since I couldn't find any mistakes.

#39 · Chapter 3 · 117w, 6d ago · · ·

I had tons of comments while reading the fic but then I started reading the comments and forgot about it all :derpytongue2:

Guess I'll have to read again :twilightsmile: Awesome chapter by the way.

#40 · Chapter 4 · 117w, 5d ago · · ·

Awesome chapter, I love the narration and how sometimes Bon Bon's thoughts go into it. Also that final part with the Aug Activated: Awesome. Can't wait to see what Augs Bon Bon chooses.

I'll be waiting for chapter 4. Until then have some moustaches :moustache: :moustache: :moustache:

#41 · Chapter 4 · 117w, 2d ago · · ·

It's so awesome to see my favorite game ponified! Cannot wait for more!

#42 · Chapter 4 · 117w, 18h ago · · ·

While I was making lunch about a year ago, I listened to cinematic trailer of HR for hundredth time again. It inspires me a lot. Whenever I imagine a pony version of all this, I shudder inside.

I'll just paste a snippet I wrote back then because I have nowhere else to put this:

———————————————

"I wasn't born with this."

*an earth pony in a white room is successfully levitating a glass of wine, using an artificial horn*

"It is a time of great innovation, and technological advancement"

*same earth pony jumps off a roof of huge skyscraper at night in slow motion, unfolding mechanical wings that were hidden inside her body and activating stealth invisibility cloak, and falling to the dark street, levitating a pistol ready*

"It is also a time of chaos and conspiracy"

*royal guards cordon off mass protests on streets in front of Sparkle Corporation headquarters*

"Corporations are more powerful than the Princesses"

*a view of Royal Canterlot Castle zooms in but crossfades into image of golden bits, each having a line "In Princesses We Trust", image of royal princess but there is a digital chip in the middle over the image, looking just like current bank cards look like IRL*


*the same earth pony, different scene, she crushes a wall with her hind legs and the huge debris knock off government military pony behind the wall, the perfectly calculated impact from the debris instantly kills him*

*news reporter* "Royal Guards have opened fire on the crowd"

*rows of very similar royal guard unicorns in dark blue uniform shoot at the protesters, almost in unison*

#43 · Chapter 4 · 115w, 4d ago · · ·

arent you continuing this? :fluttercry:

#44 · Chapter 4 · 115w, 4d ago · · ·

>>736281 Yes, don't worry. Chapter 4 is nearly done. However, I had a heap of exams last week, so work on this kinda stalled due to revision after I released Chapter 3. The next chapter will be out soon, however.

#45 · Chapter 4 · 115w, 4d ago · · ·

>>736303 oh, OH! well first of all, hope you did well! second, nice, i was just wondering where it went since it hast been updated in awhile. thirdly, i love deus ex! and fourthly: nice avatar! :pinkiehappy:

#46 · Chapter 4 · 115w, 1d ago · · ·

I didn't ask for this....

#47 · Chapter 1 · 114w, 1d ago · · ·

Oh, this is a direct translation of the start of the Deus Ex Human Revolution game. I played through this. Good job dude. Very nice.:pinkiehappy:

#48 · Chapter 4 · 114w, 1d ago · · ·

This is a wonderful story, I can't wait to read more!

#49 · Chapter 1 · 113w, 3d ago · · ·

Read it with Adam Jensen's voice.

Tiara and Spoon Medical?

#50 · Chapter 2 · 112w, 5d ago · · ·

Chose Bon-bon cuz of the voice? I can hear the resemblance.

OH dear Celestia.... it's not just Ponyville anymore, every mare in Canterlot is gay too!

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