Twilight Sparkle has done it. After ten long years of fighting, she has taken over Equestria as its new princess. While there is much to heal, much to change, and much to do in order to bring about the new Equestria she has envisioned for so long, she must deal with the hardest thing she has ever done. Judging the friends and loved ones she had to fight. Will they submit to her, help her crate the new world for all beings? Or will they take the hangman’s noose?
Many thanks to Rated Ponystar for letting me adopt the idea of this fic and helping me to improve each chapter of it, and to mikemeiers for being a wonderful proofreader and correcting the grammar of the story.
Chapters (3)
not another one of these stupid tiwlight kills her friend sstories............ uuuuugh!
if the rebels demand death, dispose fo them. plain and simple. they are clearly garbage if after all they fought for they want to have ponies killed because of pettiness twilight is smarter than this.......... also there is no logical way for her to have defeated the regal sisters and cadance. they would be far too powerful, and she would not have access to her true strength without her friends.
sotries like this really do not work out. tiwlight is too smart for that and if she would be willing to kill old friends, then she would simply dispose of the blood thirsty bastards who would likely taint her new world if she is that insane............
and no it being a fanfic is no excuse. there is no way she could defeat the regal sisters. they are individually more powerful than her. and there is no army that can match them, and they already have theri OWN army......... their pwoers make them kinda immune to rebels.
heck it would have taken barely a wekk for them to overpower tiwlight. and they would NOT execute her.
4927399
My brain hurts from reading your comment.
downvoting my comments is not going to reverse the facts here. this sotry makes no sense. not only in tiwlight actually considering killing ponies, but in her even winning a fight against a vsatly superior force. chrysalis would be no advantage for her at all. chrysalis is also no match for any of the alicorns, and even cadance would be a challenge for her.
4927467 its simple logic. twilight, a very young alicorn, vs three older alicorns and a draconequs with barely any powerful allies. chrysalis is far weaker than either regal sister. and the likelyhood of the regal sisters letting this progress is impossible.
also the idea she would even consider killing her friends and family is complete bullshit and is enormously forced.
or if this not alicorn twilight, there is no indication.......... welllll it makes this story even further down into the bullshit territory.
4927507
I'm not saying your logic, I'm saying your typing.
4927518 typing does not matter in the comments. period.
4927523
It does if you want people to take you seriously and not think you're ten.
4927530
It usually takes a lot more likes to get in the popular.
4927531 I know... Which is why I am so confused as to how the featured box works. This didn't get a whole lot of up votes in a short amount of time, and it got featured?
4927538
I saw it in the popular but not in the featured. It really only got three solid likes, having the dislikes take out the likes.
4927542 Pluas, the author probably up voted their own story... A lot of people do that.
4927549
That does get annoying. Though half of the upvotes on other stories could be an editor or proofreader. I've seen authors even favorite their own stories. Which doesn't make much sense.
4927527 so basically bad grammar negates facts such as draconequus and twilight defeating a vastly more powerful force just for the plot, and even more so her personality being altered to the point she would even conceive murdering her loved ones?
that is what people who know their stories are garbage yet want to ignore all criticisms use as an excuse.
4927555 a lot of the people I edit for do that, along with any other editors they have working with me. Also, I figured out how to view unpublished stories, and about half of them have an up vote. I'm also fairly positive Pen Stroke up votes his own stories too.
4927621 this story really does not deserve either feature nor topbox.
4927621
I haven't seen anyone I edit for do that, but I have seen them favorite thier own.
4927635 it was only featured for like, 2 minutes through. Maybe less.
4927641
I only up vote my own stories when I accidentally dislike them, because you can't un-downvote your own story... CAN you?
4927644 shrugs. has to be some kind of glitch. the story is quite flawed either way.
4927611
Grammar has nothing to do with the plot. I'm talking about yours. You've been on here for over a year, don't even have an avatar pic, have no stories and have not even a lick of sense for grammar. Knowing how to type is a essential trait on this site and you should know that after being here for so long, with your apparently amazing advice, that it's something that's mandatory.
4927654
I wouldn't think so, you can't do that with comments, stories and other things. But I know someone that down votes his stories on purpose. Reason being that he says that people will get curious as to why it's disliked, making them read it.
4927659 so you are a trolling me? greaaaat.
4927712
Do tell how I'm trolling you.
4927718 you suddenly jump on me because i made a criticism of a flawed story and say i have no right to make comments because i have yet to post a story.
4927719
That's not trolling, that's saying you have no experience whatsoever.
4927726 now that is you saying i have no experience because i do not bother with grammar in a comment section. unless there is a rule on fimfiction that states you need to have had made at least one story and have to write with perfect grammar in all the comments to have an opinion, then you are simply trolling, intentional or not.
4927749
Alright, a few things. One, PS4 or Xbox? Two, having the correct grammar in comments is one of those invisible, not written ones that you should already know. Lastly, I'm not basing your experience off a few comments. I'm basing your experience off your whole profile.
4927761 cause i have no interest in making an emoticon and have yet to post a story, which you have no idea if i am working on one or not, means my opinions do not matter?
4927774
Are you? It should be pretty good with you being on here over a year. And what does your first sentence have to do with anything?
4927785 yeahp making assumptions still. perhaps i have not been working on it for a year, maybe only a few months. why does it matter either way?
is the story flawed and the things i pointed out wrong? if i am wrong and this is the next fallout equestria, then so be it, but i gave my opinion.
4927817
I'm making assumptions based off facts. You've also given me nothing to be able to tell how well you can really write, I then am able to judge how I see you. And since this is gong nowhere and you don't seem to get what I'm telling you, avoiding the actual point if all my comments, I will say good day to you.
Till the next one
-R
4927507 Dude, what he's saying is that you should stop typing your comments like you would a bad story. Nobody wants to read a comment that looks like it was written by a three year old, no matter how much it is criticizing the story. Plus, it's a wonder most people would even take the time to sit down to puzzle out what it actually says. Shadow wasn't trolling, but trying to be nicer. I'm not trolling, but you're WAY past the point where someone needs to be blunt with you. Your comments look like they need an editor, and that's saying something bad. Spend a little more time on them to fix the grammar and spelling and you won't have issues like this.
As for your review, it's a fanfic. People are going to do whatever the hell they want. Authors may take creative liberties, or they may just use that premise of if it DID happen to set up what COULD happen. Take a chill pill, don't point out why a story couldn't happen in a canon world when it's a fanfic, and either take it or leave it. Don't start a small flame war in the comments because someone called you out on your comment being hard to read, just se what mistakes you made and try not to make them in the future. It makes you no better then the 'troll' that you're accusing Shadow of being.
TL;DR: You're being the troll, fix your grammar and spelling, creative liberties/AU for your legitimacy arguments, it's a fanfic. Deal with it.
4927835 I didn't start a flame war in the comments. I simply made my opinion known. That other guy jumps out of nowhere and has a problem. Also just because someone can do whatever they want does not mean they should normally. Ever heard of Ren and Stimpy Adult Party Cartoon? The truest sign of what censorship exists to prevent if there ever was one.
As you can see i am fully able to write properly if i wanted... I just don't want to.
4927860 You stated your opinion as outright fact, throwing any AU or creative liberties in the author's face. The other guy jumped only because your original comments were pretty hard to read and most people would have given up on them. The author can do what they want, it's up to you whether to read it or dismiss it - hell you can just downvote and leave and nobody would care. Constructive criticism is good, insulting their work isn't. You didn't outright throw a tantrum, which gives me hope, but the original comments structure argument could have been averted.
And yes, that was a small flame war. Let's get the comments section back on track, since it's more about this argument then the story, shall we?
4927901 I have gained a lower tolerance to these ideas. I have well often found if someone does not think of how a goes to be, the story is quite off. Here the a to b of how Twilight won against four demigods is not even thought on. I could, could, tolerate that if it weren't for Twilight even daring to think about having anyone executed. I could tolerate if she is trying to deal with rebuilding what she destroyed, not her killing off the ponies that mean most to her. That goes against everything that makes Twilight Twilight.
Its hard to give constructive criticism to a story whose very premise relies on great contrivance of the plot. Cause me saying she would not even conceive killing her friends and family kinda destroys the premise of the very story being told.
It's a working premise, but it definitely could use more polish. Has Twilight given a thought to what's going to happen now, like who is going to raise the sun and the moon? Will she get Celestia's side of the story, why she hid this? Will this story ever get an editor, because there are a lot of grammatical errors? Not going to watch this one, the writing is bland and isn't drawing me in, but it's got some potential.
4927945 Hello! So, things like what will happen now, the sun and moon, etc, I plan to go putting this information in the next chapters. A little each time.
Celestia will have her chance to tell Twilight her side of the story. She, Luna, Cadance and Shining will tell their motives for the war and for hidding everything.
I'm looking for a editor right now. English isn't my main language and I never really had English classes, so I still learning this kind of things.
Thank you for your opinion!
4927391 Hello! So, you can't know for what Twilight's allies fought. Twilight fought for a better Equestria, it doesn't means that every allie battled for it too. And Twilight knows it, and she knows even better how she can easy lost her position as a princess (and everything she fought for) if she doesn't make some concessions to them.
The sisters, Cadance and Shining Armor were using their powers for a long time uninterruptedly, so they could protect Canterlot. They were tired and their army was a lot more small now. Twilight was with a large army, changelings and the alicorn amulet. For me, it doesn't look really difficult to deafeat them, especially if the sisters were concerned with their subjects. And Twilight wasn't using the elements of harmony to need her friends. As much as she might be less motivated without her friends, she still can fight.
You may not have noticed, but Twilight is betting that her friends will surrender. Twilight herself admits, in the first chapter, she doesn't know if she could kill her friends and family.
Thank you for your opinion. If you have anymore question, feel free to ask
4927635 I agree with the stuff you said about the story itself, but dude that was a low bow.
4928014 Changelings are weak and rely largely on surprise; six untrained mares defeated hundreds of them. The alicorn amulet does not, in fact, make someone as powerful as an alicorn. Even Trixie is probably not even as strong as alicorn twilight with that amulet. Even then Celestia and Luna are far more powerful.
Als it is implying twilight would sacrifice people to obviously evil ponies who helped her. She could easily dispose of them without resistance and if she could have motivated this rebellion, she could motivate enough ponies and make them believe that these fools wish to make their world no better than it was before, and thus kill them instead.
There is no logical way she could have won this war. I could forgive that by itself, but it is clear that if she is willingly killing ponies to satisfy ponies she can easily dispose of, as she is somehow so powerful she defeated a draconequus and the regal sisters there is no way they could oppose her, just makes it that much more flawed.
This is not Twilight. She would figure out how to get rid of those who want blood cause clearly they are not going to help her create a 'better' world.
4927719 I'm starting to think this guy might just be the author on a different account.
4928062 ....I am criticizing this story..... How could I be the author?
>>....... Will admit that it was....
4928054 What makes the changelings that good in a war are not their strength, but the fact that they can masquerade as one of Celestia's guards. You can't say if they are one of your companions in battle or one of the changelings. They can attack you without you noticing they are there and they cause distrust among the guards, you can't say if this guy is really a guard or a changeling. And distrut can destroy an army.
About the alicorn amulet, we have seen little about it on the show, we can't be sure if it is really poweful or not. So it is just an assumption (both on my part as of your). And Celestia and Luna were tired too, concerned in causing more damage to their subjects and Twilight put a spell that could cancel their magic in certain parts of the castle.
Twilight's allies aren't just ponies, there are griffins, dragons, minotaurs and far more species. And if Twilight tried to fight them, she would lose the support of those species. I don't think she could win her allies + her allies species + the ponies who fought for Celestia and had surrender. And I can't think that the others rebels would buy the discourse of don't kill the ones who made them fight for ten years, but kill their own allies.
She never defeat Discord, and I already explained about how she defeat the alicorns
Her allies maybe will not help to make a better Equestria in the way you think, but they will leave her make the decisions to change Equestria. So she can make a better Equestria if she stay with her allies.
And I would like you to take into consideration that she is a Twilight which went through ten years of war. A Twilight who saw her friends leave her, who saw people dying in both sides of the war. If it will make her stay in power and make her save the lives of other people, she will kill some ponies like Trixie (who wasn't her friend. Trixie wasn't her friend in the show, let alone after ten years of war). Maybe she won't kill her friends and family, but that's another story.
4928062 I'm sorry, but we aren't the same person. And I couldn't imagine why someone would do this?
4928164 'Canceled there magic in certain parts of the csatle' that is simply laziness. Pure simple laziness. It is clear that their is more harm to befall equestria if they let it happen.
Not to mention the contrivance of her getting all those allies. They already know about changelings so they could negate that advantage. In the end of the day a is no equal to b in this situation.
Negate magic, i can't even believe that. That is simply lazy. Heck even in the show themselves magic is not negated, they create a barrier that prevents magic from being used around the horn.
4928102 not you the other guy you're arguing with.
4928205 .......... That makes even less sense.